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Friday, October 07, 2011

Brisbee: The New Miami Marlins Logo Is No Longer The Worst Thing Ever

If Carnival and Las Vegas had a baby, this would be the placenta. If Charlton Heston ever lands on Planet of the Fish, this will be their version of the “It’s a Small World” ride. This is what would happen if Vikings attacked a Gloria Estefan concert by catapulting flamingos and marlins into the pyrotechnics display.

JE (Jason Epstein) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 03:21 PM | 90 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: miami, reviews

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1. Random Transaction Generator Posted: October 07, 2011 at 05:44 PM (#3955224)

Get.
The.
####.
Outta here.

That can't be real.

2. Ebessan Posted: October 07, 2011 at 05:47 PM (#3955226)

I saw Neyer write about it in 2009.

It's real.

3. McCoy Wilfong for Money Posted: October 07, 2011 at 05:50 PM (#3955229)

Can't wait to see that in video games. My only regret is that computer sports games aren't what they used to be. I can only imagine what crazy mods they would have for that thing.

4. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 05:51 PM (#3955232)

Words fail me.

5. Rants Mulliniks (formerly Cold Prosimian) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 05:54 PM (#3955237)

What's their first giveaway night going to feature, Blu-ray copies of the Little Mermaid? Who the #### do they think their target audience is?

6. Shooty is in the Trust Tree

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 05:55 PM (#3955240)

How much are the tax paying citizens of Miami on the hook for for that thing?

7. Ebessan Posted: October 07, 2011 at 05:57 PM (#3955241)

Who the #### do they think their target audience is?

Jeff Loria and Jeff Loria?

8. Lassus Posted: October 07, 2011 at 05:58 PM (#3955242)

Well, I'm sorry, but that is just plain awewsome.

9. Dale Sams Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:01 PM (#3955245)

It's the Broadway musical version of Return of the King...as directed by Charles Nelson Reilly.

10. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:02 PM (#3955247)

Elton John called and he thinks this is too gaudy.

11. JoeHova Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:02 PM (#3955249)

Isn't their owner an art dealer? Is that the kind of #### he's selling?

12. Shooty is in the Trust Tree

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:05 PM (#3955250)

Again, and I don't think this can be stressed or repeated enough, but that thing was paid for with public money. Just so we're clear: public money. Bud Selig is an evil ####### genius. I mean, it's like Robert Moses walking into Times Square with a megaphone and shouting "I'm ripping you off, you idiots! I AM RIPPING YOU THE HELL OFF!"

13. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:05 PM (#3955251)

Floridians have never been accused of being tasteful.

14. Shock Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:06 PM (#3955253)

Maybe I'm a jerk, but this comment made me laugh:

....I've been to Pride Parades in 3 cities, and that is the gayest thing I have ever seen.

15. Shock Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:08 PM (#3955256)

"I'm ripping you off, you idiots! I AM RIPPING YOU THE HELL OFF!"

He looks different from the last time I saw him.

16. Shooty is in the Trust Tree

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:09 PM (#3955259)

Doesn't work, Shock.

edit: Nevermind. You got it now.

17. TerpNats Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:11 PM (#3955262)

Behold. This is what will happen when the Marlins hit a home run. It's what Bernie Brewer thinks he's sliding down after a couple buttons of peyote.

I can hardly wait for Ozzie Guillen's comments, can't you?

18. Forsch 10 From Navarone (Dayn)

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:13 PM (#3955266)

What's wrong with you people? This thing doesn't even exist yet, and it's already a national treasure.

19. Swedish Chef Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:14 PM (#3955269)

I stared at it for two minutes and now I'm a Marlin's fan.

Must. Give. Loria. My. Money. Must. Give. Loria. My. Money. Brains. Brains. Braaaaaaains.

20. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:15 PM (#3955270)

So, it's like Bernie Brewer or the giant apple or the Enron Field home run train, but adapted to Miami's distinctive traits. What's the first movie you can think of set in Miami? Okay, they're not doing a "Scarface" celebration. Think of another one. That's right, "The Birdcage".

21. The District Attorney Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:15 PM (#3955271)

Also, there will be a fish tank behind home plate. It has a picture.

22. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:17 PM (#3955273)

I can hardly wait for Ozzie Guillen's comments, can't you?

I have a feeling Ozzie's first day with the Marlins is going to be like Robert California's first day at Dunder-Mifflin.

"The search committee finally selected Robert California to be office manager....who took one look around aaaaaand left."

23. The Yankee Clapper Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:18 PM (#3955274)

Needs some mermaids.

24. Borussia, Du bist so wunderschön! (Mark Edward) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:18 PM (#3955275)

This is great. This is not something I'd like to see in my favorite team's ballpark, but it definitely makes me want to see a game in Miami.

25. James Kannengieser

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:20 PM (#3955278)

Well, I'm sorry, but that is just plain awesome.

Agreed. I've never been to a Marlins game in Miami and this makes me want to change that.

26. JE (Jason Epstein)

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:25 PM (#3955284)

"The search committee finally selected Robert California to be office manager....who took one look around aaaaaand left."

Yeah, but he then drove down to the Florida Panhandle and convinced Jo to make him CEO!

27. Sam M. Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:26 PM (#3955287)

I've been to Pride Parades in 3 cities, and that is the gayest thing I have ever seen.

I've never seen a drag queen's outfit that gay.

Kathy Griffin has never played for an audience that gay.

Bravo's programming wishes it could be that gay.

You could take all the owners of all the poodles, and get them together with the owners of all the Boston terriers in Chelsea, and on the day after every single one of them got groomed -- owners and dogs alike -- they wouldn't be that gay.

The Continental Bathhouse where Bette Midler performed with Barry Manilow and got the nickname "Bathhouse Betty," and became a hero to gay men in the 1970s? Not close to that gay.

28. JE (Jason Epstein)

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:27 PM (#3955289)

And you thought the logo was giving you the munchies?

29. BDC

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:28 PM (#3955291)

Considering my home ball park features a gigantic Sam Houston, Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie (with knife) and Nolan Ryan who come out and chase each other around the track and then dance on the hill behind center field to the Cotton-Eyed Joe, I have no standing to make fun.

30. Gamingboy Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:29 PM (#3955293)

What. The. Hell.

31. The Mohole* of David Wells (* - Piehole)

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:33 PM (#3955297)

I don't know about you guys, but that thing makes me horny.

32. The Id of SugarBear Blanks

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:36 PM (#3955302)

That thing is not sexy, that thing is ani-MAHHHL.

33. RJ in TO Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:38 PM (#3955305)

34. Blubaldo Jimenez (OMJ) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:41 PM (#3955306)

Sent that to a female friend. She mentioned that it looked like a lisa frank folder design.

Sounds about right.

35. The Id of SugarBear Blanks

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:41 PM (#3955307)

Elton John called and he thinks this is too gaudy.

But I ask you here, under oath ... does it, or does it not, evoke the cover of Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy?

36. fra paolo Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:45 PM (#3955317)

It has a sort of Jeff Koons quality. I imagine Loria's gallery is looking a bit retro nowadays.

37. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:49 PM (#3955323)

so what song will accompany this?

38. Shooty is in the Trust Tree

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:53 PM (#3955327)

so what song will accompany this?

Anything by Erasure.

39. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:53 PM (#3955329)

"Macho Man", of course.

With the scoreboard showing an animated version of whoever hit the home run, dancing around in a Macho Man outfit.

Vlad, get to work on the photoshopping.

40. Dale Sams Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:56 PM (#3955332)

It's like Cthulu had a gay kid.

41. McCoy Wilfong for Money Posted: October 07, 2011 at 06:58 PM (#3955336)

so what song will accompany this?

I guessing this will be the song played after every homer.

42. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:00 PM (#3955338)

I don't know about you guys, but that thing makes me horny.

Hey, I remember you from such films as "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" and "Gladys, the Groovy Mule"!

43. Random Transaction Generator Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:02 PM (#3955340)

If it isn't accompanied by a remake of "It's Raining Men" (now called "It's Raining Home Runs"), it isn't worth doing it at all.

44. The Good Face Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:03 PM (#3955342)

I love it. Could use some sparklers maybe, but it's still awesome as is.

45. Kiko Sakata

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:03 PM (#3955343)

Considering my home ball park features a gigantic Sam Houston, Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie (with knife) and Nolan Ryan who come out and chase each other around the track and then dance on the hill behind center field to the Cotton-Eyed Joe, I have no standing to make fun.

Video, please?

As for the Marlins' thing, for me, it has crossed beyond tacky and into awesomely tacky. Every ballpark needs something this uniquely awesome.

46. FancyPantsHandle glistening with foreign substance Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:04 PM (#3955344)

so what song will accompany this?

In the Navy

47. Stretch Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:09 PM (#3955350)

so what song will accompany this?

or a song by Lesbian Afro-Norwegian Funk Duo Nefertiti's Fjord.

48. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:09 PM (#3955351)

Okay, they're not doing a "Scarface" celebration.

A shame. On the "Say hello to my little friend!" bit, they could show a picture of David Samson.

49. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:11 PM (#3955352)

I can't believe this is real. It looks like something that would appear in a baseball stadium on South Park.

50. Banta Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:11 PM (#3955353)

It's funny, I didn't think "gay" when I saw this object, as much as I thought "anime." Which, I grant, are probably somewhat related concepts. All it's missing is a couple giggling Sailor Moon-esque girls on both sides at the bottom.

I'm down with all of this. I'm excited to live in a world where #### like this gets made.

51. Roger Cedeno's Spleen Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:12 PM (#3955354)

...and the 3-2 pitch... is driven high and deep to center... Stanton got all of that one... Victorino will just turn and watch as it flies way out of... What's that? Oh my God... MY GOD MY EYES MY EYES BURNING GOD NO+++++CARRIER LOST+++++

52. Steve Sparks Flying Everywhere Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:13 PM (#3955356)

When did the Marlins become a minor league team?

53. nick swisher hygiene Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:14 PM (#3955358)

What do we nickname it?

"The Fame Monster"?--it's not in left field, though.

"The Big Gay Wall"?

54. 'Spos Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:14 PM (#3955359)

The goggles do nothing!

[edited, guess I don't remember it right]

55. The Id of SugarBear Blanks

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:16 PM (#3955361)

As for the Marlins' thing, for me, it has crossed beyond tacky and into awesomely tacky.

Yep. To make it perfect, they should set it on a backdrop of crushed black velvet.

56. Roger Cedeno's Spleen Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:16 PM (#3955363)

What do we nickname it?

"The Fame Monster"?--it's not in left field, though.

"The Big Gay Wall"?

"The Queen Monster?"

57. phredbird

Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:20 PM (#3955367)

i ... want to say something, but i'm speechless.

58. Sam M. Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:21 PM (#3955368)

To make it perfect, they should set it on a backdrop of crushed black velvet.

Exactly. If Elvis had lived just a little while longer, he would have commissioned this exact thing, and it would have been on display all these years at Graceland, for the lines of mourners to gape at in awe.

59. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:22 PM (#3955371)

Seriously, no plastic pink flamingoes? WTF?

60. DA Baracus is gritty and hits with RISP Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:23 PM (#3955372)

Also, there will be a fish tank behind home plate. It has a picture.

I kind of want to see an errant pitch or foul ball crack it open.

61. Nasty Nate Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:25 PM (#3955373)

jeff conine must be spinning in his grave

62. Obo Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:38 PM (#3955384)

Bollywood turned this down as too garish.

63. Fernigal McGunnigle has become a merry hat Posted: October 07, 2011 at 07:50 PM (#3955388)

This is fantastic. The spinning Marlin at the top is the best part. Between the new logo and this, it's clear that the Marlins have decided what they are and are going with it.

64. Sam M. Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:00 PM (#3955399)

Between the new logo and this, it's clear that the Marlins have decided what they are and are going with it.

Yup. The baseball equivalent of Rip Taylor.

65. Bitter Mouse is a genre addict Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:06 PM (#3955401)

Not my team, not my park, not my money - so yes it is fantastic! I do feel for those poor souls for whom it is their team, park and money.

66. vortex of dissipation Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:10 PM (#3955408)

so what song will accompany this?

Fish heads, Fish heads. Roly poly Fish heads. Fish heads, Fish heads. Eat them up, Yum...

67. The John Wetland Memorial Death (CoB) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:14 PM (#3955411)

This is fantastic. The spinning Marlin at the top is the best part. Between the new logo and this, it's clear that the Marlins have decided what they are and are going with it.

They're Sooooooooooooooooper, thanks for asking!

68. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:14 PM (#3955413)

This is your penance for 1997. Karma is a #####.

69. Guapo Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:15 PM (#3955414)

so what song will accompany this?

My nominee

70. bads85 Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:18 PM (#3955415)

When did the Marlins become a minor league team?

1998.

71. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:27 PM (#3955421)

"Macho Man", of course.

With the scoreboard showing an animated version of whoever hit the home run, dancing around in a Macho Man outfit

since we're talking about logos and the Macho Man, he did have the best logo.

.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

72. The NeverEnding Torii (oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:28 PM (#3955422)

As for the Marlins' thing, for me, it has crossed beyond tacky and into awesomely tacky. Every ballpark needs something this uniquely awesome.

Agreed. The Marlins might be my 3rd favorite team now. Hopefully, this inspirational song blasts during that Lisa Frank Sea World display:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3KXLO0yi0w

73. Bases of Anonymity (Zeyes) Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:32 PM (#3955426)

Who the #### do they think their target audience is?

All those retirees with rapidly failing eyesight and/or hearing?

74. Obo Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:37 PM (#3955433)

Setting aside concerns for how much the taxpayer forked over, add one more (me) to the count of people who think it is pretty great.

75. Fourth True Outcome Posted: October 07, 2011 at 08:39 PM (#3955436)

I for one welcome our new pinball machine overlords.

76. Swoboda is freedom Posted: October 07, 2011 at 09:10 PM (#3955461)

so what song will accompany this?

my choice

77. Bob Evans Posted: October 07, 2011 at 10:53 PM (#3955617)

This is not the artist's fault. When you hire Red Grooms, this is exactly the kind of thing you must expect.

78. SteveM. Posted: October 08, 2011 at 12:37 AM (#3956005)

Does Sigfried and Roy now have a fish show in Miami?

79. DA Baracus is gritty and hits with RISP Posted: October 08, 2011 at 01:08 AM (#3956154)

The more I look at it, the more I realize it's going to look even more tacky in real life.

80. Bhaakon Posted: October 08, 2011 at 01:27 AM (#3956189)

This is not the artist's fault. When you hire Red Grooms, this is exactly the kind of thing you must expect.

You pushed me to google Red Grooms, you rat bastard. I blame his parents for inflicting him upon us.

81. Liver of blaspheming 'zop Posted: October 08, 2011 at 02:02 AM (#3956255)

I think this is kind of awesome and it's cool that Loria is actually incorporating his art background into the stadium. Ps I don't think red grooms is gay though I wouldn't surprise me if the gayness is an intentional homage to the Miami gay scene which would itself be kind of awesome.

82. Juan V Posted: October 08, 2011 at 03:33 AM (#3956597)

So ugly it's beautiful.

83. bobm Posted: October 08, 2011 at 04:01 AM (#3956658)

Other Red Grooms baseball art: http://www.thecityreview.com/s01cpw2.html

Post-War (Day Sale)

Christie's

Thursday, 10AM, May 17, 2001

Sale 7646

Lot 182, "Joltin' Joe Takes a Swing," by Red Grooms, acrylic on wood sculpture, 61 inches high, 1985-8

By Carter B. Horsley

Of all the 20th Century artists who have worked in New York, perhaps no one better captures the energy and chaos, empathy and pathos, humor, high spirits and hell of the city than Red Grooms (b. 1937).

Lot 182, "Joltin' Joe Takes a Swing," is a good example of Grooms's wacky/delirious visions, an acrylic on wood sculpture that is 61 inches high. Executed in 1985-1988, that has a conservative estimate of $70,000 to $90,000. Grooms's figures are not anatomically correct, nor politically correct. They are, however, attitudinally correct. The umpire here is fearsome and decisive. The catcher is full of concentration behind his mask and big glove. Joltin' Joe looks not at all like Joe Dimaggio with his steroid biceps and enormous shoulders, but his visage is rather beatific, which is in keeping with the worship of Yankee fans and the begrudging respect of his opposition. Grooms has caught the moment even if the ball is not yet in the catcher's glove and the umpire has raised his hand and voice Striiiike! Many of Groom's urban reconstructions are huge with crowded subways, stuffed cabs and raucous traffic, a phantasmogoria of riotous cacophony. Here, he has monumentally paid respect to a famous, mythic New York figure and brings us to the edge of our seats to await the next pitch.

From http://www.christies.com/LotFinder/lot_details.aspx?intObjectID=2054460

RED GROOMS (b. 1937)

Joltin' Joe Takes a Swing ...

Price Realized
$70,500
Price includes buyer's premium

84. tshipman

Posted: October 08, 2011 at 05:09 AM (#3956719)

Ps I don't think red grooms is gay though I wouldn't surprise me if the gayness is an intentional homage to the Miami gay scene which would itself be kind of awesome.

This is my take as well.

85. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: October 08, 2011 at 05:13 AM (#3956720)

I'm assuming that the rotating marlins will be fully beautified with anal bleaching.

86. robinred

Posted: October 08, 2011 at 07:12 AM (#3956752)

If they sell mini-versions of this, I will have to buy one.

It reminds me of The Birdcage movie.

87. Athletic Supporter gangnam style Posted: October 08, 2011 at 08:43 AM (#3956760)

This is awesome.

88. Halofan Posted: October 08, 2011 at 09:00 AM (#3956763)

The rocks in the Anaheim Stadium CF are now officially minimalist earthwork sculpture, and without having to pay James Turrell any public art money.

89. ray james Posted: October 08, 2011 at 12:53 PM (#3956801)

If they had that logo embossed on a 12 foot diameter replica of this and et it outside the new ballpark, it would be perfect.

90. Dock Ellis on Acid

Posted: November 09, 2011 at 02:44 AM (#3988942)

After looking up Red Grooms, I am wondering if the joke is on Miami and if he knew what he was doing.

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Friday, October 07, 2011

Brisbee: The New Miami Marlins Logo Is No Longer The Worst Thing Ever

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