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Baseball Primer Newsblog— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand
Sunday, December 02, 2007
This might be the greatest thing I’ve come across…and quite possibly the last.
Items of historical significance can take many forms. We have always gone out of our way to stay away from items that we think are in poor taste or off-color. We also try our best to seize opportunities to document the history of the game and its relationship to American culture.
Which brings us to a recent dilemma encountered by our office this past week.
...Reading this document started out very drab for a sentence or two, but then quickly got our attention as the language used became very unexpected for an official Major League baseball document, let alone one devoted to demanding players not use “any indecent or obscene word, sentence, or expression.” It turned “blue,” and, well, got “bluer.” This piece is ironic as it provides many examples of exactly the kind of “brutal language” that was being outlawed. In fact, it is so over the top that at first we thought it was some type of a joke.
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Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.
He had a obsession for ass.
But he never succeeded;
As Big Six conceded,
"I never could handle the gas."
Nantucket men have eschewed the plate.
Five tools they might lack,
though a large one they pack.
Why play ball when you can auto-fellate?
Oh, and A-Rod I suppose.
His wife would self-pleasure with pickles.
On this practice he'd glower
He swapped dill with sour
Next night she screamed, "Jesus, that tickles!"
passed his evening by ####### a Jew.
"I'm an anti-semite
but her #### felt so right.
Perhaps next I'll misceginate too!"
In 1903 old man Barney
Hawked his World Series trip like a carney
"Come here Irish lass
With your nice rounded ass
I'll fill your mouth with more than blarney!"
Whose dame was but just a lass
His hands a bit rough
He reached for the muff
Her mother cried out "oh that is crass!'
And indulged in perversions profound.
He'd violently goose
Every lady's caboose,
Emerging with three fingers brown.
And yet no Tom Emansky!
Rushed the shortstop with nary a jock
But ol' Pebbley Jack
Hurled a load of rocks back
You must never cast stones at a Glasscock.
All the other poems are accurate.
cool.
I am curious to hear his answer.
The type written text just doesn't look right. The text is flat in the creases, when in fact it should be creased too. Also some of the ink would have worn off in the creases.
I don't think it is real, at least it doesn't look real, but hey, ya never know.
In documenting ancient fanny
And sex acts galore -
But what shocked me more,
The NL had a ####### nanny.
And it should be bought by, and displayed by, the Hall of Fame.
Right next to the Ecko ball.
There once was a woman named Brown
whose ##### was quite well renowned.
It seems it could snap
shut tight like a trap.
Her husband's called Three Fingers now.
There once was a lad named Wright
whose sex life never felt right
until one bright day
down Louisville way
Sam M showed him the light.
Ernie always knew what to do
meeting a girl and her sister too.
"Young ladies," he'd say
"it's a beautiful day
and I'm in the mood to play two."
From behind the plate he would sing
"Your stick is no bigger
nor slicker or thicker
Then a young puppies thing!"
Who fvcked the girls til plum haggard
At which time
He'd give her the slime
And exclaim, "Girl you've been peckered!"
Who has all whores cum gargle
Until one day
forgot to pay
With teeth they mangled his dangle
Kling
Chance
Evers
Tinker
Sheckard
Slagle
Brown
Leaving
Schulte
Steinfeldt
Lundgren
Reulbach
Pfiester
Pfiester? Hmm. . .
There once was a twirler name Pfiester
Who grabbed his mom to fist her
She put up a fight
But try as she might
She couldn't keep him out of her keester.
With a lack for a female knack
He said, "It's my dream
To show one lass my cream
To prove I've got two in the sack!"
Of women he had not a few
They'd say, "Sockalexis,
It's bigger than Texas!
Let's hurry to bed and go screw!"
Invited Piazza up to her room
They argued all night---
It was a terrible fight
About who would do what, and to whom.
There was a catcher named Yogi
scouting a young one called Cody.
"His defense is poor,
hitting one-eighty-four,
he sucks so bad he should blow me."
There once was a pitcher named Seaver
obsessed with a certain gal's beaver.
His eyes would gleam
at the sight of her seam
but Mister Met would never leave her.
and this one is really bad:
Harry has a girlfriend now
Phil says she's just a fat sow.
"But she's oh so much fun,
now she's no longer a nun ...
that's right she used to be a holy cow."
That last line did sound a bit familiar. It was good anyway.
Wait, you read that when you were seven? Your parents should have you taken away from them. Edit: retroactively.
And since it was a more innocent age (officially, at least), there were no references to "Pizzatadivingjeter." Only good old G-rated lesbians and pansies, nothing controversial.
A Giant named Fred was the owner
Of some porn he'd received from a donor
One day he grew aroused
In full view of the crowd
And now folks still recall Merkle's boner.
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