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Sunday, December 02, 2007

Can we even run this? 1898 Obscene Language Baseball Document – Not For Kids!

This might be the greatest thing I’ve come across…and quite possibly the last.

Items of historical significance can take many forms. We have always gone out of our way to stay away from items that we think are in poor taste or off-color. We also try our best to seize opportunities to document the history of the game and its relationship to American culture.

Which brings us to a recent dilemma encountered by our office this past week.

...Reading this document started out very drab for a sentence or two, but then quickly got our attention as the language used became very unexpected for an official Major League baseball document, let alone one devoted to demanding players not use “any indecent or obscene word, sentence, or expression.” It turned “blue,” and, well, got “bluer.” This piece is ironic as it provides many examples of exactly the kind of “brutal language” that was being outlawed. In fact, it is so over the top that at first we thought it was some type of a joke.

Repoz Posted: December 02, 2007 at 10:51 PM | 131 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: announcements, history

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Page 2 of 2 pages  < 1 2
   101. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: December 03, 2007 at 06:13 PM (#2632283)
Christy Mathewson's hungers were crass.
He had a obsession for ass.
But he never succeeded;
As Big Six conceded,
"I never could handle the gas."
   102. Sexy Lizard Posted: December 03, 2007 at 06:18 PM (#2632293)
Baseball Reference does state
Nantucket men have eschewed the plate.
Five tools they might lack,
though a large one they pack.
Why play ball when you can auto-fellate?
   103. Howie Menckel Posted: December 03, 2007 at 06:41 PM (#2632342)
What modern-era ballplayers would be most vulnerable to such doggerel? I'll start with Kirby Puckett and Andy Pettitte.

Oh, and A-Rod I suppose.
   104. 'zop sympathizes with the wrong ####### people Posted: December 03, 2007 at 06:43 PM (#2632353)
While a roadtrip absconded Kid Nichols
His wife would self-pleasure with pickles.
On this practice he'd glower
He swapped dill with sour
Next night she screamed, "Jesus, that tickles!"
   105. Sexy Lizard Posted: December 03, 2007 at 07:03 PM (#2632391)
Slugging Duffy, we speak now of Hugh,
passed his evening by ####### a Jew.
"I'm an anti-semite
but her #### felt so right.
Perhaps next I'll misceginate too!"
   106. vortex of dissipation Posted: December 03, 2007 at 07:13 PM (#2632407)
In honor of today's announcement:

In 1903 old man Barney
Hawked his World Series trip like a carney
"Come here Irish lass
With your nice rounded ass
I'll fill your mouth with more than blarney!"
   107. McCoy Posted: December 03, 2007 at 07:14 PM (#2632410)
There once was a player named Snodgrass
Whose dame was but just a lass
His hands a bit rough
He reached for the muff
Her mother cried out "oh that is crass!'
   108. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: December 03, 2007 at 07:50 PM (#2632491)
Mordecai was the king of Chi-Town,
And indulged in perversions profound.
He'd violently goose
Every lady's caboose,
Emerging with three fingers brown.
   109. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: December 03, 2007 at 07:54 PM (#2632495)
Looking through the auction site I see they auctioned off Barry Halper's baseball film collection for $117,500. Wow. 167 reels of film from 1929 to 1981.

....


And yet no Tom Emansky!
   110. WhoWantsTeixeiraDessert Posted: December 03, 2007 at 09:14 PM (#2632646)
A New York bug drunken with old bock -
Rushed the shortstop with nary a jock
But ol' Pebbley Jack
Hurled a load of rocks back
You must never cast stones at a Glasscock.
   111. Gerry Posted: December 04, 2007 at 02:21 AM (#2633024)
In re: #100 - I believe Brouthers is pronounced "Broothers", not "brothers".
   112. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: December 04, 2007 at 02:27 AM (#2633030)
It's worse than that. Limerick #100 is totally inaccurate. Despite the author's erroneous claim, no case of live birth has yet resulted from a human/dog sexual coupling.

All the other poems are accurate.
   113. Gambling Rent Czar Posted: December 04, 2007 at 02:31 AM (#2633033)
BTW I just wrote Robert Edwards auctions about the point that Gambling Rent raised. I'll be interested to see his reply. As I said earlier, his reputation is the best in the memorabilia business.


cool.
I am curious to hear his answer.

The type written text just doesn't look right. The text is flat in the creases, when in fact it should be creased too. Also some of the ink would have worn off in the creases.
I don't think it is real, at least it doesn't look real, but hey, ya never know.
   114. villageidiom Posted: December 04, 2007 at 02:56 AM (#2633069)
I find the linked language uncanny
In documenting ancient fanny
And sex acts galore -
But what shocked me more,
The NL had a ####### nanny.
   115. Srul Itza Posted: December 04, 2007 at 03:24 AM (#2633105)
And if it is, I doubt if it's of "little value," as Lifson seems to think it is. If that's real, it's an incredible find.

And it should be bought by, and displayed by, the Hall of Fame.

Right next to the Ecko ball.
   116. Gambling Rent Czar Posted: December 04, 2007 at 03:27 AM (#2633109)
they could display it next to that steroids memo that came out in 1992. They hold about the same weight.
   117. Walt Davis Posted: December 04, 2007 at 08:31 AM (#2633435)
aargh, first I get beaten to Tinkers to Evers to Chance but now 3 Finger!! I'll persist nonetheless:

There once was a woman named Brown
whose ##### was quite well renowned.
It seems it could snap
shut tight like a trap.
Her husband's called Three Fingers now.


There once was a lad named Wright
whose sex life never felt right
until one bright day
down Louisville way
Sam M showed him the light.


Ernie always knew what to do
meeting a girl and her sister too.
"Young ladies," he'd say
"it's a beautiful day
and I'm in the mood to play two."
   118. McCoy Posted: December 04, 2007 at 08:58 AM (#2633442)
There was a young reciever named Kling
From behind the plate he would sing
"Your stick is no bigger
nor slicker or thicker
Then a young puppies thing!"
   119. McCoy Posted: December 04, 2007 at 09:14 AM (#2633444)
There was a long named fellow named Sheckard
Who fvcked the girls til plum haggard
At which time
He'd give her the slime
And exclaim, "Girl you've been peckered!"
   120. McCoy Posted: December 04, 2007 at 09:26 AM (#2633449)
There once was a lad named Slagle
Who has all whores cum gargle
Until one day
forgot to pay
With teeth they mangled his dangle
   121. McCoy Posted: December 04, 2007 at 09:35 AM (#2633450)
So that is
Kling
Chance
Evers
Tinker
Sheckard
Slagle
Brown

Leaving
Schulte
Steinfeldt
Lundgren
Reulbach
Pfiester

Pfiester? Hmm. . .

There once was a twirler name Pfiester
Who grabbed his mom to fist her
She put up a fight
But try as she might
She couldn't keep him out of her keester.
   122. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: December 04, 2007 at 04:44 PM (#2633722)
There once was a catcher named Mack
With a lack for a female knack
He said, "It's my dream
To show one lass my cream
To prove I've got two in the sack!"
   123. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: December 04, 2007 at 04:50 PM (#2633748)
There was a young slugger named Lou
Of women he had not a few
They'd say, "Sockalexis,
It's bigger than Texas!
Let's hurry to bed and go screw!"
   124. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: December 04, 2007 at 04:54 PM (#2633760)
A lesbian from Khartoum
Invited Piazza up to her room
They argued all night---
It was a terrible fight
About who would do what, and to whom.
   125. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: December 04, 2007 at 05:40 PM (#2633843)
Excellent last line there, Andy.
   126. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: December 04, 2007 at 06:01 PM (#2633903)
Doc, I have to admit that that limerick was recalled from a book I read when I was about seven years old---which was a long time ago, when Khartoum was part of the British Empire and schoolchildren like me could find it on a map. It may be the only such poem I've ever memorized, and I hope that Piazza appreciates the honor.
   127. Walt Davis Posted: December 04, 2007 at 07:51 PM (#2634138)
Three more for the road:

There was a catcher named Yogi
scouting a young one called Cody.
"His defense is poor,
hitting one-eighty-four,
he sucks so bad he should blow me."


There once was a pitcher named Seaver
obsessed with a certain gal's beaver.
His eyes would gleam
at the sight of her seam
but Mister Met would never leave her.


and this one is really bad:

Harry has a girlfriend now
Phil says she's just a fat sow.
"But she's oh so much fun,
now she's no longer a nun ...
that's right she used to be a holy cow."
   128. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: December 04, 2007 at 08:04 PM (#2634164)
Doc, I have to admit that that limerick was recalled from a book I read when I was about seven years old---which was a long time ago, when Khartoum was part of the British Empire and schoolchildren like me could find it on a map. It may be the only such poem I've ever memorized, and I hope that Piazza appreciates the honor.

That last line did sound a bit familiar. It was good anyway.

Wait, you read that when you were seven? Your parents should have you taken away from them. Edit: retroactively.
   129. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: December 04, 2007 at 10:42 PM (#2634418)
Doc, what makes you think that any parent always knows what their children are reading? Not that they would have cared, anyway, since IIRC it was the only such limerick of that type in the entire collection.

And since it was a more innocent age (officially, at least), there were no references to "Pizzatadivingjeter." Only good old G-rated lesbians and pansies, nothing controversial.
   130. Flatbush Faithful Posted: December 05, 2007 at 01:48 AM (#2634700)
Wish I'd seen this thread before! Can I add one more?:

A Giant named Fred was the owner
Of some porn he'd received from a donor
One day he grew aroused
In full view of the crowd
And now folks still recall Merkle's boner.
Page 2 of 2 pages  < 1 2

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