Whore tag.

In a related story, the Jerk Store is still out of Jose Canseco. (And he's their best seller!)

In what capacity does baseball still employ Rafael Palmeiro?

Jose does have a point though, he didn't ruin anybody's life except his own. He probably still thinks he can play baseball, even though he's 44 and hasn't had any success at even the lowest levels of the games since who knows when, and his superior size and athleticism does nothing but get his a$$ kicked by midgets and giants alike.

Nice coincidence (or as Michael Kay might say, irony) that this thread is right next to the one where THT warns of the folly of wrestling with a pig.

So obviously, Carney Lansford is one of the most ignorant individuals I’ve ever met

I love Canseco's lexicon. Having devoured almost all of his online oeuvre, I've been able to identify his small but reliable stable of go-to words and phrases, all carefully designed to obfuscate his motives, re-direct a hostile line of questioning, or imbue a sense of his benign disinterestedness during the many interviews he "permits."

Some of his trusty steeds:

"Individual" - I've noticed that degenerate lawbreaker types tend to stumble across this term eventually. They'll throw this one around a lot, usually when they come out of prison. The term is meant to demonstrate their newfound maturity (its objective precision containing echoes of the legal system they just skirted). Used to manipulate and swindle those on whom they depend for drugs, resources, trust etc...It shows they have "risen above" all their old ways, and no longer hold grudges and blame others for their problems. Used as if they are under oath.

When Canseco really wants to turn it on, he'll substitute "gentleman" for "individual." That's a good question for Alex Rodriguez: simply ask him if he ever asked to be introduced to a gentleman [Max] who could provide him with steroids. See what he says.

"Ironically," or "Its interesting," - Jose will often launch into his next talking point or anecdote using this remote starter. And no, whatever follows is certainly not ironic and rarely - depending on your POV - interesting.

"It's an impossibility." - Uttered with cool and imperious finality and with a mischievous gleam in his eye, Canseco will generally use this rhetorical rapier to underline the hypocrisy of certain actors and institutions. Its Jose's attempt to gain credibility by seeming one step ahead of his interlocutor and audience by making them seem obtuse to the distasteful reality of the MLB and its prevaricating ambassadors. How can A Rod/Bud Selig/Magglio/Palmeiro/La Russa deny the truth? It's an impossibility. A personal favorite, both of mine and his.

"Absolutely" - Used to lend a spurious sense of pertinacity and ingenuousness to his testimony. A Sharpton-esque stratagem for titivating a dubious premise or set of facts with a legal cadence.

In what capacity does baseball still employ Rafael Palmeiro?

Paging Mrs. Sandberg.

And his eye twitches a lot when he says all this stuff.

So obviously, Carney Lansford is one of the most ignorant individuals I’ve ever met to say that I’ve ruined other people’s lives.

Like any great teacher, he provides his pupils with the relevant details of a problem and then let's them draw the correct conclusion on their own.

Like any great teacher, he provides his pupils with the relevant details of a problem and then let's them draw the correct conclusion on their own.

Has he ever used parables to get his point across?

Has he ever used parables to get his point across?

He does turn water into...whine!

Ha!