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Thursday, September 08, 2011

Caple: Why baseball is better than football

The NFL season begins this week amid so much unavoidable hype you’d think Will and Kate either were going to compete on “Dancing With the Stars” or had just signed as free agents with the Packers. With the NFL’s overwhelming publicity machine turning the propaganda dial up to 11, it’s time for my more-or-less annual column on why baseball still is at least a three-point favorite over football:

He forgot that football can’t be used as a metaphor for sex! And how every football field is essentially the same but baseball parks are all different! And..

Gamingboy Posted: September 08, 2011 at 01:09 PM | 63 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: general

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   1. Javy Joan Baez (chris h.) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 02:56 PM (#3919413)
I think you could make a fairly cogent argument along these lines, but instead Caple assembles some pretty dumbass reasons. (Caps? "The World's Game?" Bah.)

(And for the record, I enjoy both games for fairly different reasons.)
   2. JJ1986 Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:07 PM (#3919425)
you’d think Will and Kate either were going to compete on “Dancing With the Stars”


Seriously?
   3. Darren Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:11 PM (#3919435)
He forgot that football can’t be used as a metaphor for sex


You're not trying hard enough.
   4. ERROR---Jolly Old St. Nick Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:12 PM (#3919437)
Baseball and football are the two greatest spectator sports ever designed by man or beast, but both would be even greater if 90% of the extraneous "entertainment enhancement" BS could be removed from it.
   5. SoSH U at work Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:13 PM (#3919439)
I think you could make a fairly cogent argument along these lines, but instead Caple assembles some pretty dumbass reasons.


Well, if he makes writing this an annual event, it's probably inevitable.

I like Caple. Based on my impression of the network, I'm somewhat surprised ESPN allows him to suggest that baseball is superior to football.
   6. Javy Joan Baez (chris h.) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:32 PM (#3919458)
He forgot that football can’t be used as a metaphor for sex

You're not trying hard enough.

Seriously. Touchdown? End zone? Tight End? Offensive Tackle? Nose Guard? C'mon.
   7. Jose is Absurdly Unemployed Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:34 PM (#3919461)
I love Caple's stuff. I think he is pretty light-hearted without being juvenile which seems to be difficult to pull off. I also have to admit to absolutely loving the "CSI-Box Score" section of his column.
   8. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:37 PM (#3919465)
I'm struggling to think of who Will and Kate are. Is this a famous reality show couple?
   9. Joe Kehoskie Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:42 PM (#3919470)
I'm struggling to think of who Will and Kate are. Is this a famous reality show couple?

Especially funny from someone with "Royals" in his handle.
   10. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:45 PM (#3919474)
Ahhhhhh.
   11. Astro Logical Sign Stealer Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:51 PM (#3919480)
The Phil Niekro card is awesome.
   12. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: September 08, 2011 at 03:59 PM (#3919491)
[6]

Hitting the hole? Splitting the uprights? Lead blocker?
   13. Javy Joan Baez (chris h.) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 04:04 PM (#3919498)
Hitting the hole? Splitting the uprights? Lead blocker?

Holding? Unnecessary roughness? Cover 2? And the best of all...pump fake?
   14. The Most Interesting Man In The World Posted: September 08, 2011 at 04:05 PM (#3919500)
I liked the article for basically the same reason as [7].

BTW, the box score fragment is from Mike Scott's division-clinching no hitter vs the Giants in 1986.
   15. GEB4000 Posted: September 08, 2011 at 04:35 PM (#3919530)
I go with #6. It's nice to know that the typical participant is not going to be maimed from the sport they are playing.
   16. The Yankee Clapper Posted: September 08, 2011 at 04:56 PM (#3919549)
Seriously. Touchdown? End zone? Tight End? Offensive Tackle? Nose Guard? C'mon.

HE COULD GO ALL THE WAY!
   17. Randy Jones Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:05 PM (#3919556)
Hitting the hole? Splitting the uprights? Lead blocker?

Holding? Unnecessary roughness? Cover 2? And the best of all...pump fake?


illegal touching
   18. Dave Spiwak Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:15 PM (#3919567)
False start. Spearing. Touchback!
   19. Gotham Dave Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:16 PM (#3919568)
Tight End?

Vastly preferable to a Wide Receiver.
   20. . Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:17 PM (#3919570)
I go with #6. It's nice to know that the typical participant is not going to be maimed from the sport they are playing.

Tony C says hello. If you want to limit it to brain injuries, Justin Morneau and Jason Bay join him.

And at least football's violence is face-to-face and understood, as opposed to the chicken-hearted barbarism of the beanball.
   21. Jose is Absurdly Unemployed Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:22 PM (#3919576)
I think SugarBear missed the word "typical" in #15.

And there is more than the occasional bit of "chicken-hearted barbarism" in football.
   22. SoSH U at work Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:24 PM (#3919578)
Tony C says hello. If you want to limit it to brain injuries, Justin Morneau and Jason Bay join him.


That's probably why the "typical" was in there. Honestly SBB, even you wouldn't suggest that baseball is anywhere close to football when it comes to debilitating long-term health effects.

As for beanballs, they have plenty of counterparts in the game of football - blindside "blow-up blocks", Broncos-style cut blocks, seeking out the QB to flatten after the INT, etc..

Edit: Two cokes to Jose.
   23. Pat Rapper's Delight (as quoted on MLB Network) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:25 PM (#3919580)
As long as there are no red hankies on the field of play....
   24. Forsch 10 From Navarone (Dayn) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:31 PM (#3919585)
And at least football's violence is face-to-face and understood

You're familiar with "free safety meets crossing route"?
   25. . Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:46 PM (#3919598)
Honestly SBB, even you wouldn't suggest that baseball is anywhere close to football when it comes to debilitating long-term health effects.

No, I wouldn't.

But I also wish people wouldn't write such smug drivel as the "typical" participant in football winds up "maimed." That's beyond ridiculous.

The number of long-term head injuries is highly troubling, no question about it. It's reduced my enjoyment of pro football.
   26. Darren Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:47 PM (#3919600)
As for beanballs, they have plenty of counterparts in the game of football - blindside "blow-up blocks", Broncos-style cut blocks, seeking out the QB to flatten after the INT, etc..


These work for the other discussion that's going on too.
   27. Bob Tufts Posted: September 08, 2011 at 05:48 PM (#3919603)
Why do we need the Caple column when George Carlin's routine comparing football and baseball says it all?
   28. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: September 08, 2011 at 06:33 PM (#3919631)
football can’t be used as a metaphor for sex

The Purple People Eaters? Ask for the chains? Greasy Neale?
   29. GEB4000 Posted: September 08, 2011 at 06:35 PM (#3919633)
Head injuries are really only the tip of the NFL injury iceberg. Football is a brutal game that ages the players' bodies beyond their years. Retired professional football players have procedures, like hip and knee replacement, twenty or thirty years earlier than normal people. I read about former NFL players' early deaths every week and they are usually dying of illnesses we relate to old age. I like watching football, but I'm not going to look past the huge physical sacrifice those players are making.
   30. Dale Sams Posted: September 08, 2011 at 07:00 PM (#3919659)
Fan relations: It never ceases to amaze me how shabbily the NFL treats its fans. Can't afford a ticket? You'd better hope the rest of your city can, or the league will black out television coverage


Jim. I'm gonna give you one guess why Iowa is really football country.
   31. Javy Joan Baez (chris h.) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 07:08 PM (#3919669)
illegal touching

Illegal use of the hands. Blown coverage.
   32. Gamingboy Posted: September 08, 2011 at 07:39 PM (#3919690)
Okay, fine, but let me point out that "HE COULD GO ALL THE WAY" wouldn't work in "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights" nearly as much as Phil Rizzuto does.


And the bad injuries of baseball are exceptions, as opposed to football, where the healthy individual is an exception. There's book out there about deaths related to baseball on all levels. It's bigger then you'd think, but still relatively skinny. A book on football-related deaths could be used as a doorstop.
   33. Fancy Crazy Town Banana Pants Handle Posted: September 08, 2011 at 07:44 PM (#3919698)
Go deep. Double Team. End around. Encroachment.
   34. Wayne Newton's pet monkey (gef, talking mongoose) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 08:17 PM (#3919727)
A book on football-related deaths could be used as a doorstop the first volume of a set of encyclopedias on football-related deaths.
   35. Dan The Mediocre is one of "the rest" Posted: September 08, 2011 at 08:21 PM (#3919732)
A book on football-related deaths could be used as a doorstop.
   36. Walt Davis Posted: September 08, 2011 at 08:21 PM (#3919734)
Flanker? I don't even know her.

"Look at that little monkey go."
   37. Greg K Posted: September 08, 2011 at 08:46 PM (#3919757)
Flea-Flicker! Zone Blitz! Natrone Means!
   38. Gamingboy Posted: September 08, 2011 at 09:03 PM (#3919774)
A book on football-related deaths could be used as a door


Or maybe the house.
   39. Voros McCracken of Pinkus Posted: September 08, 2011 at 09:16 PM (#3919783)
Seriously. Touchdown? End zone? Tight End? Offensive Tackle? Nose Guard? C'mon.

Baby, I'm going to introduce you to my friend "Lovie Smith."
   40. Pat Rapper's Delight (as quoted on MLB Network) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 09:25 PM (#3919792)
Gang tackle. Breaking the plane of the end zone. Packing 8 men in the box. Triple option J.
   41. Voros McCracken of Pinkus Posted: September 08, 2011 at 09:37 PM (#3919800)
The jumbo package, Ben Roethlisberger.
   42. Tom Nawrocki Posted: September 08, 2011 at 09:38 PM (#3919802)
Fumblerooski. Unnecessary roughness. Hands to the face. Double move. Stop n' go. The ol' Statue of Liberty play.
   43. Fancy Crazy Town Banana Pants Handle Posted: September 08, 2011 at 09:38 PM (#3919803)
Tight End Waggle. He tried to squeeze one in there. Burst throught the hole. Stripped him!
   44. Forsch 10 From Navarone (Dayn) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 09:42 PM (#3919805)
No "naked bootleg" yet? I'm disappointed.
   45. Dale Sams Posted: September 08, 2011 at 09:55 PM (#3919816)
Did someone say "Backfield in motion"?
   46. Fred Lynn Nolan Ryan Sweeney Agonistes Posted: September 08, 2011 at 10:06 PM (#3919820)
Did someone say "Backfield in motion"?

That's uncanny: I was JUST listening to this Mel & Tim classic.

Also: "long snapper."
   47. Zac Schmitt Posted: September 08, 2011 at 10:27 PM (#3919838)
But I also wish people wouldn't write such smug drivel as the "typical" participant in football winds up "maimed." That's beyond ridiculous.


Aren't we seeing more and more studies suggesting that *many* former football players are in even worse condition than we've always thought? Or am I misremembering?
   48. SoSHially Unacceptable Posted: September 08, 2011 at 10:37 PM (#3919843)
Or am I misremembering?


I don't know. Did you play football?
   49. Perry Posted: September 08, 2011 at 10:37 PM (#3919844)
Tom Boswell covered this 25+ years ago in his classic "99 Reasons Why Baseball is Better Than Football."

1. Bands.
2. Halftime with bands.
3. Cheerleaders at halftime with bands.
4. Up With People singing "The Impossible Dream" during a Blue Angels flyover with cheerleaders at halftime with bands.
.....
   50. Stormy JE Posted: September 08, 2011 at 10:41 PM (#3919846)
Also: "long snapper."

And some of you think Snapper is insufferable now? Wait until he sees this.
   51. Hugh Jorgan Posted: September 08, 2011 at 10:47 PM (#3919847)
Don't know much about gridiron, but don't don't alot of them run the old...

down and in, or my favourite...alley oop.

Now if you somehow convince someone to do an alley oop with you, I'm not sure what that would be, but I'd sure like to try it once.
   52. Javy Joan Baez (chris h.) Posted: September 08, 2011 at 10:51 PM (#3919850)
Red zone. No-huddle offense. 2-minute drill.
   53. NTNgod Posted: September 08, 2011 at 11:10 PM (#3919856)
Why baseball is better than football

Our current president obviously disagrees.

Why he had no problem with getting a World Series start time moved back during the '08 campaign, he knows better than to preempt the NFL kickoff game!

Local NBC affil isn't even showing tonight's speech on their main channel, in favor of the pre-game festivities. Poor guy got shuffled off to a subchannel in favor of Kid Rock.
   54. Dan Evensen Posted: September 08, 2011 at 11:11 PM (#3919857)
Man, this article sucks.
   55. Banta Posted: September 08, 2011 at 11:12 PM (#3919858)
I'd like to see a real study on how long the average, oh let's say, five year NFL player lives compared to the average population and compared to others in other sports. Of course, a study that would be around currently wouldn't reflect the use of a lot of medicinal additives (cough) that are around now which are probably shorting athletes lives.

I don't doubt that football is shortening more lives than baseball, but I doubt we have any concrete data to back that up.
   56. Darren Posted: September 08, 2011 at 11:13 PM (#3919860)
sudden death overtime. breaking up the wedge. keeping both feet in bounds. The wildcat--meow!
   57. Ned Garvin: Male Prostitute Posted: September 09, 2011 at 12:16 AM (#3919909)
Marion Butts
   58. Fancy Crazy Town Banana Pants Handle Posted: September 09, 2011 at 12:25 AM (#3919918)
Out of bounds. Flag on the play. Second and long. Shotgun. Post play. Spread offense. Playbook. Offsides.
   59. Javy Joan Baez (chris h.) Posted: September 09, 2011 at 12:47 AM (#3919929)
Spike the ball. Intentional grounding. Everybody out. Hail Mary. Illegal contact. Facemask. Down the ball.
   60. Walt Davis Posted: September 09, 2011 at 01:37 AM (#3919947)
The Hail Mary (for those practicing the rhythm method)
The Immaculate Reception (the frequent outcome of the rhythm method)
offside
false start
illegal use of the hands
"giving him the business"
the down and in
the down and out
the out and up
the hook and ladder
the swing pass (very 70s)
pass interference (when your wingman* fails)
illegal forward pass
the free safety (which you pick up at the clinic)
the strong safety (ribbed for her pleasure)
the shoot and run ... errr run and shoot
the 46 defense ("I know she's 24 but we have lots in common")


*I assume nobody ever used the term "wingman" in real life
   61. Fancy Crazy Town Banana Pants Handle Posted: September 09, 2011 at 03:49 AM (#3920023)
The Rams
The 49ers
The Bears
The Packers
The Vikings (rape and pillage)
The Cowboys
The Raiders
The Browns
And of course the Cardinals /zing
   62. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: September 09, 2011 at 04:14 AM (#3920031)
The Power-I. Wishbone. Triple option. And who said running the football 72 times in one game for 768 yards wasn't sexy.?
   63. Slivers of Maranville descends into chaos (SdeB) Posted: September 09, 2011 at 04:19 AM (#3920036)
I think we just saw a visual refutation of the assertion made in the title of this post.

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