some guys LIKEY business travel, some guys like being home.

And I think the reason a lot of wives hate it is b/c of the guys who like it a little too much.

You have to think that frequent week long separations have to be bad for a marriage, if only for the added opportunity for infidelity. Not matter how faithful a person is, lonely, bored and drunk makes for some really bad decision making. Best to avoid the possible temptation completely.

You have to think that frequent week long separations have to be bad for a marriage, if only for the added opportunity for infidelity.

If someone wants to cheat on their spouse, they're going to find a way to cheat on their spouse, and if a marriage is in such a state where one partner has to be legitimately concerned about the likelihood of the other cheating, then that marriage is already in trouble.

Not matter how faithful a person is, lonely, bored and drunk makes for some really bad decision making. Best to avoid the possible temptation completely.

Business trips typically involve heading in to the office, heading back from the office, grabbing dinner, and then going back to the hotel to either do more work, or mindlessly flip through the channels on TV until you're confident that there's absolutely nothing on. It doesn't involve heading out to the local club to get smashed and then get laid.

And if someone is the sort of person for who business travel does involve getting drunk and getting laid, then they're also probably trying that same behaviour at home.

You have to think that frequent week long separations have to be bad for a marriage, if only for the added opportunity for infidelity.

Perhaps (though not in our case), but it was great for my golf game! I'd play four times a week during those two week intervals.

Travel used to take enormously long. Basically, anyone you look at in history who was married and travelled at all experienced long separations. Hell, most/many of us have parents, grandparents or great-grandparents who spent a long separation during immigration/wars/the depression, etc. Separations during marriage really isn't that odd.

Bjorn Borg was pretty young but burnt out.

Jim Brown is the classic example.

All-World Tight End Russ Francis retired after 1980 for a few years, til Bill Walsh talked him into returning in '84-ish (got a ring and everything vs Miami). New England went from 10-6 in '80 to 2-14 in '81 without him! In '81, the cheapskate dummy Patriot front office was busy tormenting all their stars and running them out of town or into retirement. Mike Haynes was another star that escaped. Francis' final straw with New England was when they tried to stop paying Darryl Stingley's medical.

If someone wants to cheat on their spouse, they're going to find a way to cheat on their spouse, and if a marriage is in such a state where one partner has to be legitimately concerned about the likelihood of the other cheating, then that marriage is already in trouble.

You say that, but I really don't think it's true.

It's really REALLY hard to make a marriage work. Human beings have a lot of trouble with being monogamous - something which is seriously compounded by a feeling of loneliness or abandonment. Some people are just wired that way. They can work to create conditions such that they don't get tempted, though.

We really like the idea that the will is the most powerful thing in the world and if you just feel something strong enough it's sufficient to overcome any conditions. And some people ARE wired that way. I'm one of them myself, I think - at least as far as long-distance relationships go. But lots of people aren't. That doesn't necessarily say anything about their capacity to be faithful in a different set of circumstances.

It's not a matter of 'wanting to cheat on their spouse' and looking for a way to get it done. It's about an emotional and physical sense of loss which drives people to behavior they would, in more secure moments, find abhorrent. People who are honest with themselves will be able to admit that they have no INTEREST in cheating, but that such cold rationality might not be enough to hold back the tide if conditions are different. And so they might want to arrange their family life to limit such situations.

Which is not to say that lots of baseball players are thinking this way, of course. Maybe they are. I don't know. But I would tend to agree that for the most part they're not the most impressive family men in this respect. Same goes with rock stars and politicians.

somebody brought him up earlier, but i have to think sandy koufax could have played much longer, especially if he were playing today, not just because nobody would have left him on the mound so much, but also there are better medical alternatives for his elbow problems. aren't there? i mean, how bad was it?
i bet even back then he could have done something about it, but just wasn't up for it.

Koufax said in his memoirs that the pain was so great he couldn't lift his arm to comb his hair, that sort of thing.

Of course, pitchers have been saying that since Hoss Radbourn. And how important is combing your damn hair, anyway.

We really like the idea that the will is the most powerful thing in the world and if you just feel something strong enough it's sufficient to overcome any conditions. And some people ARE wired that way. I'm one of them myself, I think - at least as far as long-distance relationships go. But lots of people aren't. That doesn't necessarily say anything about their capacity to be faithful in a different set of circumstances.

I don't mean this in a bad way, but if you don't trust yourself or your spouse enough to be apart for a few days, maybe it's time to re-consider your relationship, and whether it's worth it to keep it going.

And again, that's not a knock. Monogamy isn't for everyone, and not being happy in your relationship doesn't make you a bad person. But if you're considering cheating on your spouse, maybe you should just be honest with yourself and end your relationship with him or her.

baldrick

you are right, marriage really IS difficult, even when you have a good spouse. and you are right, you DO have to work at it

some guys (and females too, to be honest) are just dogs and won't never be monogamous. i don't know why they ever get married in the first place, but i digress

anyway, i think that a whole lot of people who cheat when they are separated from their partner are either feeling lonely or unappreciated and are really responding to someone who will listen to them and be sympathetic AND flatter them. flattery is a big deal, just like listening. i actually would bet that is more common than the instant mutual lust story.

i think it is kind of like falling off the wagon. you are fine as long as you don't go into places where there is alcohol when you are alone and if you are with someone where they serve alcohol, you need to be with someone who won't drink.

and then there are just some people who wouldn't cheat even if they were desperately unhappy with their partner.

And how important is combing your damn hair, anyway.

Gotta look good for the groupies at the bar.

Agreed on the alcoholism reference.

It's very easy to say "just don't drink" but someone who is honest with themselves might well recognize that they want to avoid drinking but will have a lot of trouble doing so if they frequent environments where there is alcohol.

And then there will be another person who doesn't need the buffer and is totally fine at the bar or whatever as long as they avoid actually having a drink.

I guess I just think that people who have trouble with loneliness and such things deserve to have the possibility of marriage in their lives - and should do what they need to do to make it happen. Some folks are just going to be like that no matter who their with, so the problem of cheating has very little to do with the particularities of the spouse and everything to do with the idiosyncrasies of the person.

I guess I just don't like that we as a culture tend to be extremely judgmental about whether people are truly in love if they are susceptible to this sort of thing. When really it has very little to do with the truth of their feelings and a lot more to do with their emotional chemistry in a fundamental sense.

Some folks are just going to be like that no matter who their with, so the problem of cheating has very little to do with the particularities of the spouse and everything to do with the idiosyncrasies of the person.

Then maybe that person shouldn't commit to a monogamous relationship. It's really that simple.

It's really that simple

Man, if this stuff were simple humans would not have produced Greek tragedy, Shakespeare, the Victorian novel, lyric poetry, country-and-western songs, or the movies :)

Edit: Nevermind

higamous hogamous
woman is monogamous
hogamous higamous
man is polygamous