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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Charlie Brown Has Never Knowingly Taken Steroids

BROWN: I did not knowingly take steroids, sir. Period. Snoopy gave me something to make me throw harder, but he said it was flaxseed oil and vitamin drops. I was tired of having the ball hit back up the middle and all my clothes torn off.

Van Lingle Mungo Jerry Posted: September 05, 2006 at 05:31 PM | 22 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: steroids

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   1. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: September 05, 2006 at 07:14 PM (#2168310)
I thought Shermy played 1B and Linus was Snoopy's keystone partner.

Very funny stuff regardless.

Best Regards

John
   2. rr Posted: September 05, 2006 at 07:21 PM (#2168316)
BROWN: I did not knowingly take steroids, sir.

Bullshit. Look at the size of the guy's head.
   3. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: September 05, 2006 at 07:41 PM (#2168329)
Yes. The head comment was the funniest line of the whole thing, I thought. :-P
   4. flournoy Posted: September 05, 2006 at 08:00 PM (#2168342)
I thought Shermy played 1B and Linus was Snoopy's keystone partner.


My impression is that the lineup went as follows:

P Charlie Brown
C Schroeder
1B Shermy
2B Linus
3B Pig Pen
SS Snoopy
LF Violet
CF Frieda
RF Lucy

I think there were occasionally some substitutions though. For example, I think Five played for a little while, not sure where.
   5. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: September 05, 2006 at 08:10 PM (#2168351)
Oh my god, that was awesome.
   6. Delino DeShields & Yarnell Posted: September 05, 2006 at 08:13 PM (#2168355)
   7. manchestermets Posted: September 05, 2006 at 08:14 PM (#2168356)
Linus definitely played 2B. I remember a strip showing him turning the double play.
   8. vortex of dissipation Posted: September 05, 2006 at 08:16 PM (#2168359)
The Wiki Gonzalez entry on who played where on the Peanuts team:

Peanuts
   9. GGC don't think it can get longer than a novella Posted: September 05, 2006 at 08:24 PM (#2168366)
Charlie Brown may not have taken steroids, but he was busted for smoking something in the auditorium.
   10. cercopithecus aethiops Posted: September 05, 2006 at 08:57 PM (#2168387)
I'm much more concerned with Brown's failures as a GM. His team's fate was sealed for a generation when he failed to break the color line by signing Franklin and Jose. It's no coincidence that the shrewd Peppermint Patty was able to field perrenial contenders with minority stars like these, while Brown's all-white squad was relegated to cellar-dweller status year after year. Even Brown's lone spotted star eventually bolted via free agency and signed with Patty.
   11. Delino DeShields & Yarnell Posted: September 05, 2006 at 09:09 PM (#2168393)
Not to mention his bouts with depression and use of psychotherapy.
Yet another example of the press skewering ARod but looking the other way for a crowd favorite.
   12. Urban Faber Posted: September 05, 2006 at 09:12 PM (#2168394)
He should have just learned to field his position.
   13. Random Transaction Generator Posted: September 05, 2006 at 09:22 PM (#2168400)
I wonder how the 3 Win Shares were divided among the team...
   14. Loren F. Posted: September 05, 2006 at 09:23 PM (#2168402)
Oh no, not ANOTHER Jeter thread...
   15. AndrewJ Posted: September 05, 2006 at 09:27 PM (#2168405)
BROWN: My head's always been this big. Ask Sally. And I'm not going bald; I've never had more than three hairs, sir.

Years ago Charles Schulz was interviewed on NPR's Fresh Air. Terry Gross said it was ironic that Charlie Brown's dad was a barber when Charlie Brown was bald. Schulz got a little feisty and insisted that C.B. was simply "towheaded" -- his hair was so blonde it blended in with the rest of his scalp. Schulz drew the three hairs on his head merely to represent all C.B.'s hair, for the same reason he'd draw three bricks on a building to indicate it was a brick building.

As for the quality of Charlie Brown's team... In the early days (pre-1970) they were usually playing in a championship game when Charlie would strike out or get caught stealing home. They must have won some games to get there.
   16. The Balls of Summer Posted: September 05, 2006 at 10:16 PM (#2168443)
I was sick of all the attention going to Peppermint Patty. Peppermint Patty's so great. She's so wonderful. She's been on the juice for years! Why do you think Marcie always calls her "sir"? Her testosterone levels are through the roof. But no one says anything because she's a girl.

Nice.
   17. guelphdad Posted: September 06, 2006 at 12:57 AM (#2168617)
So Linus was sitting in the Pumpkin Patch awaiting a dealer named the Great Pumpkin?
   18. Urban Faber Posted: September 06, 2006 at 01:14 AM (#2168631)
In the early days (pre-1970) they were usually playing in a championship game when Charlie would strike out or get caught stealing home.

He couldn't handle the pressure of playing in ... uh, whatever town it was.
   19. DCW3 Posted: September 06, 2006 at 05:15 AM (#2168910)
He couldn't handle the pressure of playing in ... uh, whatever town it was.

There's an early strip where Lucy displays her award for "Hennepin County Fuss-Budget of the Year," or something to that effect. Hennepin County is the home of Minneapolis, and not too coincidentally, Charles Schulz grew up in St. Paul.
   20. Dan The Mediocre Posted: September 06, 2006 at 05:19 AM (#2168911)
Pretty good, but I liked the diary of a COBRA operative better.
   21. rr Posted: September 06, 2006 at 06:56 PM (#2169418)
I emailed a veteran scout who used to work in Brown's league and now works in MLB. I asked him to tell me who in MLB was most similar to the players on Brown's team. He said I could quote him if I kept it anonymous:



Similar to P Charlie Brown=David Wells
"People always count him out, but he keeps coming back. Bald, round-headed, a nice guy deep down but misunderstood and prone to temper tantrums."

Similar to C Schroeder=Mike Piazza
"Good bat, medicore defensively due to overwork and distraction from outside interests--some rumors about him since he seems to turn away women who are into him."

Similar to 1B Shermy=Lyle Overbay
"Good glove, quiet, but not a difference maker."

Similar to 2B Linus=Mark Ellis
"Good on the pivot, but weak at bat and fragile. Take away the blanket and he's Chuck Knoblauch without the OBP."

Similar to 3B Pig Pen=Scott Spiezio
"Good clubhouse guy, but no outstanding attributes on the field and seems a little grungy."

Similar to SS Snoopy=Nomar Garciaparra
"Great player at his peak, big nose, often disruptive to clubhouse chemistry even though he doesn't talk much, knows a lot of famous people off the field."

Similar to LF Violet=Pat Burrell
"Good bat, sometimes seems spacy and unfocused, not much on D."

Similar to CF Frieda= Bobby Kielty
"Not much going for her except being a redhead."

Similar to RF Lucy=Gary Sheffield
"Always pissed off about something and talking about it, can't track a flyball, but bat keeps her in the lineup when she's healthy."
   22. AndrewJ Posted: September 07, 2006 at 12:46 AM (#2169972)
Here's further info on where Charlie Brown and his teammates call home...

4.20) What is the name of the town where Charlie Brown
and his friends live?

As far as "gospel" is concerned -- in other words, according
to the newspaper strip -- their exact geographic location is
intentionally left unknown, for the same reason that we never
see the little red-haired girl, or Linus' favorite schoolteacher.
This way each of us can imagine that Chuck, Snoopy, and the
rest live in our own community.

But...

Schulz slipped a few clues in, here and there. The first
came in the February 15, 1957, daily strip,
when Lucy shows Charlie Brown a trophy she has just won.
It identifies her as the "Outstanding Fussbudget of Hennepin
County." Well, sports fans, Hennepin County actually exists:
It's in Minnsota, specifically the county that includes
Minneapolis. (St. Paul is in neighboring Ramsey County.)
This should come as no surprise, since at the
time Schulz and his family still were living in Minnesota.

Eagle-eyed Don Weatherwax caught the next clue. The
1963 Determined book, SECURITY IS A THUMB AND
A BLANKET, has an intriguing cartoon (eighth from
the end, to be precise). The caption reads "Security is
having a home town," and the picture shows Linus
hugging a sign which states the following:

Pinetree Corners
Population 3,260

The illustration is clearly drawn by Charles Schulz,
so we're left to wonder whether "Pinetree Corners"
holds some special meaning, or the name was merely
supplied in response to the publisher's demands...

Perhaps even more interesting is an item called to my
attention by Nick Straguzzi. When the character of 5
is introduced, on Sept. 30, 1963, he explains that
his father has given everybody in his family numbers
instead of names. In the following day's strip (Oct. 1),
5 identifies the "family name" (last name) as 95472, and
even mentions that it's "...actually...our Zip Code number."

Well, 5 lives -- or lived, anyway, for a time -- in Charlie
Brown's neighborhood, and a reverse Zip Code directory
reveals that 95472 belongs to Sebastopol, California.

So...does that mean that Charlie Brown and his friends
live in Sebastopol?

Probably not. For one thing, it rarely snows, and the kids
clearly spend a lot of time in the white stuff every winter.
But it does seem that Schulz had a fondness for Northern
California in general, what with this oblique reference to
Sebastopol, and Snoopy's wrist-wrestling obsessions
with Petaluma, to name just one other. As a Northern
Californian myself, I have to admit that there are far
worse ways of being recognized...

And yet, the ties to Minnesota don't vanish completely.
As Tim Chow pointed out, the March 23 1984, strip
(reprinted in "The Way of the Fussbudget Is Not Easy")
finds Peppermint Patty losing her homework to a severe
windstorm. Among other things, she notes that "...my English
theme was last seen on Selby Avenue, and my history paper
is now flying over Highland Park." St. Paul, Minnesota, turns
out to have a Selby Avenue and Highland Park...and while it's
undoubtedly not the only American town with that distinction,
Schulz's link to St. Paul is well known. In fact, Schulz was
born at the corner of Selby and Snelling in St. Paul, above
what is now O'Gara's Bar and Grill.

As fan Tony Hill pointed out, Schulz rode the Selby Avenue
streetcar to Central High School.

More recently, the November 12, 1991, daily strip shows
Linus in bed, with a pennant hanging on his wall that honors
the "Sharks." As pointed out by Chris Lee, this probably was
Charles Schulz's subtle way of honoring the San Jose Sharks,
a National Hockey League team whose exploits the artist most
certainly would have followed, as a Northern California resident.
So does this point to the kids living in Northern California?
Again, not necessarily...after all, Linus could have picked
up such a pennant while attending a game, and brought it back
to wherever he really lives!

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