A few days ago, dong-shot specialists Deadspin ran a video of Giants closer Brian Wilson doing an appearance with Chris Rose on his Fox Sports show Cheap Seats via satellite from his house when a man wearing a gimp outfit casually walked behind him mid-interview. Then later on, during a post-victory NLCS locker room celebration, Rose once again interviewed Wilson, but this time he referred to the leather-clad fella who mysteriously showed up at his house as “The Machine.”
So Deadspin asked, who is The Machine?
After narrowing down the suspects, they decided that the culprit was more than likely Pat Burrell, former left-fielder for the Philadelphia Phillies and Wilson’s current teammate. Now that’s some mighty fine investigative work by the Deadspin boys, because for the last couple of years, I have been sitting on a picture of Pat Burrell in all his gimp-outiftted glory, but never ran it because the guy who gave me the picture didn’t want to get caught.
Well, that was a few years ago when Pat Burrell was a Phillie, and since he’s now with the SF Giants, and it’s basically public knowledge anyway, I’m gonna go ahead and share the picture with everyone…
I don’t really want to go into detail about how I acquired this picture, but it was taken at Pat Burrell’s house in Arizona during a Christmas party in (I believe) December of ’04 (possibly ’05). According to my picture-taking accomplice, every year during his Christmas party — which is attended by a veritable who’s who of baseballers who spend their winters out in AZ — Pat wanders upstairs and slips into his assless-chapped gimp outfit to entertain his party guests while making them feel extremely uncomfortable all at the same time.
I got nothing.
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1. vortex of dissipation Posted: October 28, 2010 at 06:16 PM (#3678234)It's either that, or a blinding hatred for the continued existence of Nicholas Cage.
This is actually the most grateful I've ever been for the work filter.
Honestly, Wilson is still worse to look at.
It can't say good things about me that this made me more interested in clicking on the link.
I love the iguana scene.
I guess we have to call him Pat the Gimp now?
If you're talking about Bad Lieutenant (Herzog's remake-that's-not-a-remake), it was OK, but I wasn't blown away. Cage was definitely a standout in that film, though I'm not sure if that was for better or worse.
Bears? check. (literal and figurative)
Gimps? check.
Long-haired girly lookin dudes? check.\*
Rhinestone-encrusted thongs? check.
Jazz Hands? OK, that's probably not really very gay.
I mean, have you seen that Pat Burrell Phillies locker room poster?
It would be awesome if they all came out after winning the World Series. Over Texas no less!
* OK, timmy doesn't really set off my gaydar.
One of my favorites. It gets better with repeated viewings, I think.
He's inconsistent, but he also takes big chances as opposed to Jack Nicholson who plays the same part in every movie and people fawn all over him.
A dog is not a judgment. There isn't an actor alive who hasn't been in a crap film or play, often multiples.
Actually, from what I've heard, he got exactly what he was going for in that one - some interviewer asked him about how that movie was gaining a cult following for its unintentional comedy, and his reaction was something like "Unintentional? You think any of that happens by accident?"
Sometimes, you get a weird script or show up on set and realize that you've signed up for a trainwreck. Part of why I love Cage is that he goes for it when that happens and makes the movie memorable.
John Gielgud and Peter O'Toole were in Caligula
Lawerence Olivier was in Clash of the Titans
Alec Guniess was in Raise the Titanic
I wasn't talking about a crap film, I was talking about crap acting.
I ain't apologizing for any of this.
Are you sure that quote didn't come from Keanu Reeves after "Little Budda"? Or maybe John Travolta after "Battlefield Earth"?
Christopher Reeve in Superman III and IV.
Only because John Cazale is dead.
That's an important distinction, true enough. But really, the same thing applies.
This is true in recent years, but it wasn't always so. He was terrific in a variety of roles in the early and mid 70's.
Other than the fact that I thought his character's name was "The Undergrass" the first few times I saw it (I know, it made no sense to me either), I loved Excalibur and Patrick Stewart in it.
Nicolas Cage in The Weather Man
Nicolas Cage in Corelli's Mandolin
Nicolas Cage in Face/Off
Oh, wait ...
No, I don't really think Cage has a higher percentage of dogs than a lot of other stars. He is a star, that's all, not a very versatile actor. He can take a leading role and make it somewhat bearable; he's kind of a vehicle for you to identify comfortably with as you meander through two hours of entertainment. John Cusack is similar, though he's made more good movies to less acclaim. When he chooses a good script (as in Raising Arizona and Adaptation, I agree), Cage's movies are excellent. I also think he was good when younger in some supporting parts next to strong leading women, in Peggy Sue Got Married and Moonstruck.
underrated movie actually
Yes, except Cusack is unbearable while Cage is somewhat likable.
Yeah, you forgot:
Nicolas Cage in Windtalkers
Nicolas Cage in Ghost Rider
Nicolas Cage in Lord of War
Nicolas Cage in Guarding Tess
Nicolas Cage in The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Pretty much Nicolas Cage in just about everything except "Raising Arizona", "Leaving Las Vegas", and "Adaptation"
Funny, I see it as just the opposite.
And I disagree with *both* of you ...
;-)
QFT
if that's the case, you people really suck.
Cage has been in a lot of dogs, but this was not one of them.
I like it. I also liked "The Rock," too. Bad Lieutenant remake--flawed but enthralling.
Ghost Rider, on the other hand, was one of the worst movies I've ever seen.
Looking at IMDB, Cage has been in a surprising number of movies I've either never seen, never knew he was in, or never even heard of.
Why in the world did his dad have a gigantic bowl of sliced lemons in his fridge?! Seriously, supermarkets don't have that many lemons.
Oh, and don't you hate pants.
I saw part of "Ghost Rider" on television a few weeks ago--Eva Mendes was in it, but it didn't have anything else going for it. The all-time dumbest movie I've ever seen has to be "Charlie's Angels 2" though.
"Matchstick Men" was pretty good. So was "Red Rock West". And I'm not really into romantic comedies, but "Moonstruck" is pretty good if you grade on the curve defined by the genre.
"Face/Off" isn't good, exactly, but it's a fun popcorn movie.
Yes but Cage wasn't close to being the biggest problem. Eva Mendes is stunningly bad. On my short list for worst performances.
His performance in Kickass is seriously great. Not just him in a movie not ruining it. Seriously great. I was tempted to mail him some money, because I'm sure he was underpaid.
Wait, wait wait wait wait. Wait. No, wait. Excalibur is not a crap movie. It is around 15th on my list of favorite movies. It's a great movie.
My long-time pick was "The Bachelor"
But now I think it's "Two Girls and a Guy". Downey Jr. is good enough in it, but everything else is absolutely terrible.
Cage has two speeds, intense and intenser. I like both speeds. I find him an intriguing actor because he takes chances. He's an actor without speed limits. You want an Elvis who parachutes into Vegas? A weatherman whose viewers throw fast food at him? An explorer of the national treasures buried far beneath Washington? He's your go-to guy.
He is also a superb actor. I cite "Leaving Las Vegas," "Moonstruck," "Adaptation," "Bringing Out the Dead." I have great affection for Harrison Ford, George Clooney and Brad Pitt. But can they go rockabilly like Nic did in "Wild at Heart?" Not that I liked the movie, but it's a good question. With him it's a lion-tamer on a high-wire. Anybody can play the ringmaster.
And from his review of Bad Lieutenant:
No one is better at this kind of performance than Nicolas Cage. He's a fearless actor. He doesn't care if you think he goes over the top. If a film calls for it, he will crawl to the top hand over hand with bleeding fingernails.
Though once again, I couldn't agree more, great movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYkw-5htPw0
Cage deals in volume, and since I like the mindless action movies like Face/Off, The Rock, and ConAir, I dont mind him (love Raising Arizona and Adaptation, too).
The dumbest movie I have ever seen is a four way tie between Godsend, The Core, Reign of Fire, and Cube 3: Cube Zero.
And before I could finish the sentence with "...was one of the worst movies ever"
Someone said, "yeah I really liked that movie"
Talk about awkward.
and by the way, cube 2 was much worse than cube zero. zero came up short in explaining the operation of the cube, but i thought it was a decent enough flick.
Disagree, the general character with the diamond eye was just too much. Although this conversation is a lot like trying to decide whether Rey Ordonez or Ozzie Guillen would make a better cleanup hitter.
As he's gotten older, he has become surprisingly effective as an actor in subtler roles. But The Rock sucked donkey balls.
I guess I never realized how awesome it must be to suck donkey balls.
I haven't seen it since I was like fourteen, but I used to really love it. My mom actually showed it to me because she thought it was a lot of fun, and she has pretty good taste.
Cazale's 'Fredo' sets the bar real high
Not a good movie to watch while drunk though.
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