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Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Crashburn Alley: Roy Oswalt, Murderer?

(Quickly puts in call to Texarkana Moonlight Murders cold case tipline)

While hanging out in the dugout during last night’s Phillies-Dodgers game, it appears that Roy Oswalt was teaching Cole Hamels and Cliff Lee how to murder someone in a gruesome fashion. Or, something.

Repoz Posted: August 09, 2011 at 12:35 PM | 22 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: phillies

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1. AndrewJ Posted: August 09, 2011 at 12:52 PM (#3896142)

He's doing his Marty Bergen impersonation.

2. BDC

Posted: August 09, 2011 at 01:17 PM (#3896157)

I wouldn't be too quick to conclude anything from this. Remember when we saw Ned Flanders burying the ficus plant and we all assumed he'd murdered his wife? We had egg on our faces. It could be that Oswalt is just recollecting dismembering some puppies. I mean, the most likely conclusion is axe murder, but there are other possibilities.

3. gef the talking mongoose Posted: August 09, 2011 at 01:28 PM (#3896159)

When I was a kid, I learned that one of my occasional lawn-mowing clients had confessed some 30 years earlier to the Texarkana Moonlight Murders, which had occurred about 40 miles from my town.

He was, of course, just one of those guys who confesses to high-profile crimes; the case was never solved.

But still.

4. Dan The Mediocre Posted: August 09, 2011 at 02:01 PM (#3896175)

He's teaching them how to treat a woman when you're nailing her from behind.

5. YR Misses Reggie Bars Posted: August 09, 2011 at 02:11 PM (#3896183)

I wouldn't be too quick to conclude anything from this. Remember when we saw Ned Flanders burying the ficus plant and we all assumed he'd murdered his wife?

Hey, I heard the girlish scream of horror too.

6. Cuban X Senators Posted: August 09, 2011 at 02:11 PM (#3896184)

Long way to go, Dan, before you're within sight of living up to that name.

7. The District Attorney Posted: August 09, 2011 at 02:19 PM (#3896192)

How about the Phils trade Dom Brown for the Mets' top pitching prospect? Then they could have a rotation of Lee, Harvey, Oswalt.

8. Teufel's Graveyard Posted: August 09, 2011 at 03:18 PM (#3896240)

Trade for Ian Kennedy as well?

9. Dale Sams Posted: August 09, 2011 at 03:31 PM (#3896254)

Where is Jamie Moyer anyway?

10. JRVJ Posted: August 09, 2011 at 03:44 PM (#3896267)

It's good to see the Phillies are feeling kind of loose, though admittedly, whenever I think of that my train of thought always takes me to the words "We can honestly and sincerely say as we stand before you this evening that the devil had nothing to do with the next song".

11. Padraic Posted: August 09, 2011 at 03:51 PM (#3896276)

Then they could have a rotation of Lee, Harvey, Oswalt.

Nah, that rotation is just a patsy for the true organizer. What you really need is this guy. Clearly an alias.

12. phredbird

Posted: August 09, 2011 at 04:54 PM (#3896323)

he was demonstrating how loney fields his position.

13. WillYoung Posted: August 09, 2011 at 05:37 PM (#3896342)

Then they could have a rotation of Lee, Harvey, Oswalt.

That reminds me of the Reds OF defense (from left to right) in this game.

14. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: August 09, 2011 at 05:52 PM (#3896351)

If the victim is Joe Buck, no jury in the world would convict him.

15. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: August 09, 2011 at 06:01 PM (#3896354)

Look at that jpg of Oswalt. Study it. Back and to the left. Back and to the left.

16. Delicious Cake Posted: August 09, 2011 at 08:15 PM (#3896445)

At first, I thought he was reeling in a huge fish, but who finishes off a flopping ichthyoid that dramatically?

17. Dan The Mediocre Posted: August 09, 2011 at 10:06 PM (#3896515)

At first, I thought he was reeling in a huge fish, but who finishes off a flopping ichthyoid that dramatically?

Well, if it's a halibut...

18. Leroy Kincaid Posted: August 09, 2011 at 10:19 PM (#3896520)

No fair. Not using Flash gets around my Flash-blocker. But I killed the buggers with Adblock!

19. Bob Evans Posted: August 09, 2011 at 11:44 PM (#3896573)

"There was a raccoon in a window well, so I went to hit him with a bat. His head hit the side of the well, so I hit him again. Then all of a sudden he jumped at my stomach and bit it and wouldn't let go. I punched him a bunch of times and he ran off. Long story short, I had a frozen pizza for dinner."

20. The Keith Law Blog Blah Blah (battlekow) Posted: August 09, 2011 at 11:56 PM (#3896579)

He's doing his Marty Bergen impersonation.

With Craig Counsell and Adam Dunn doing their best Bill Bergen impressions, it's only fair that his brother get some attention as well.

21. Howie Menckel Posted: August 10, 2011 at 12:08 AM (#3896591)

"Then they could have a rotation of Lee, Harvey, Oswalt."

Does not beat the Reds' 1998 OF of Young, Frank, and Stynes playing LF-CF-RF together:

http://www.baseball-reference.com/teams/CIN/1998-fielding.shtml

22. something like a train wreck Posted: August 10, 2011 at 02:14 AM (#3896764)

a rotation of Lee, Harvey, Oswalt

They could put in a grassy knoll in center field

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Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Crashburn Alley: Roy Oswalt, Murderer?

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