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Friday, April 04, 2014

Deadspin: Miami Marlins Owner’s Insane Book About Peanuts Will Melt Your Brain

Payroll Advice: Five Cents

It’s clear that, by 1967, Jeffrey Loria was manifestly the squarest motherf*cker on planet Earth. He was barely a quarter century old and had already fast-forwarded spiritually to twice that age, becoming the kind of embittered husk who laments the broken legacy bequeathed to The Children. The lessons to be drawn from What’s It All About, Charlie Brown? read like the bilious, reactionary resentments of a pomaded junior Nixon. Woodstock hasn’t happened yet, and, at the time of writing, the Summer of Love probably hadn’t either, but it’s clear that Loria would have hated both as soon as he’d read a tedious finger-wagging Newsweek piece published about them months later. It’s a wonder the dedication wasn’t “To the Straw Man of a Hippie Dropout I’m Beating with Word Truncheons in My Imagination.”

Instead, it’s dedicated to Vincent Price…

What’s It All About, Charlie Brown? explains the Peanuts universe while also somehow asserting that it proffers the statement, “In business and politics honesty and sincerity often have a way of working against you.” It says that one should forget one’s strong feelings to get ahead, to play the game the company way irrespective of what it’s all about. These are the spiritual zero-sum exercises that an alleged adult drew from Peanuts. Insincerity, profit, the muzzling of conscience in favor of advancement—relentlessly f*cking the other guy only until the moment he walks away from the deal. This is Charlie Brown throwing his arms out at his sides, yelling, “Aaaauuuuughhhh!” and, like Atlas, shrugging.

This is what Jeffrey Loria learned from a story about children who love each other, who strive to be loved, who feel misunderstood, and who yearn for understanding. Reading What’s It All About, Charlie Brown? is the literary equivalent of finding a cache of clown paintings by John Wayne Gacy made before he started stowing victims’ bodies in the crawlspace.

The District Attorney Posted: April 04, 2014 at 01:53 PM | 23 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: books, cartoons, comic strips, jeffrey loria, marlins

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   1. Monty Predicts a Padres-Mariners WS in 2016 Posted: April 04, 2014 at 02:43 PM (#4679433)
I've read that! There aren't a lot of options for critical analysis of newspaper comics.

It was decades ago, though, and I did not remember the author's name, so I did not realize it was written by Jeffrey Loria. That's kind of crazy.
   2. Monty Predicts a Padres-Mariners WS in 2016 Posted: April 04, 2014 at 02:44 PM (#4679434)
Oh, and in case this turns into a comic strip thread, has anyone seen Stripped yet?
   3. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: April 04, 2014 at 02:45 PM (#4679435)
I thought it was going to be about peanut butter or something. I am disappoint.
   4. base ball chick Posted: April 04, 2014 at 02:54 PM (#4679448)
oh HOW i wish john was still here for this

(yeah, i know. i wish he was still here for everything else too)
   5. Pat Rapper's Delight Posted: April 04, 2014 at 02:58 PM (#4679453)
Instead, it’s dedicated to Vincent Price…

Vincent Price was awesome in The Hilarious House of Frightenstein. IIRC, he shot all of his bits for the entire series in a 24-hour period.
   6. Fernigal McGunnigle has become a merry hat Posted: April 04, 2014 at 02:58 PM (#4679455)
I thought it was going to be about peanut butter or something. I am disappoint.

Yeah, I was hoping to discover that Loria has an obsessive and creepy health regimen centered around the peanut, making him the evil version of Booker T Washington.
   7. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: April 04, 2014 at 03:00 PM (#4679458)
Vincent Price was awesome in The Hilarious House of Frightenstein.

Vincent Price was awesome in EVERYTHING.
   8. Jerry Lumpe Rutherford (Dan Lee) Posted: April 04, 2014 at 03:14 PM (#4679471)
If you haven't seen Vincent Price in The Abominable Dr. Phibes, stop what you're doing and go watch it. It's simultaneously terrible and fantastic.
   9. 'Spos lost the handle trying to make the transfer Posted: April 04, 2014 at 03:29 PM (#4679483)
...making him the evil version of Booker T Washington.


Or George Washington Carver.
   10. The District Attorney Posted: April 04, 2014 at 03:32 PM (#4679486)
making him the evil version of Booker T Washington.
Stevie Ray???



(It's a shame Fernigal blew it. It was a good line.)
   11. Jim Kaat on a hot Gene Roof Posted: April 04, 2014 at 04:36 PM (#4679525)
Holy ####, that "junior Nixon" link in the excerpt is genius. My face hurts from so much lolz.
   12. Oscar.Gambles.Hair Posted: April 04, 2014 at 05:01 PM (#4679551)
Vincent Price was awesome in The Hilarious House of Frightenstein. IIRC, he shot all of his bits for the entire series in a 24-hour period.

Yes he did. Late in the day he asked one of the crew where he could buy some beer. He hopped in a cab, came back with a two four and regaled everyone with stories.
   13. AndrewJ Posted: April 04, 2014 at 08:54 PM (#4679674)
Besides being a world-class expert on art and cooking, Vincent Price was also -- according to his daughter's memoirs -- an enormous baseball fan, who followed the L.A. Dodgers closely. (He was born in St. Louis in 1911, meaning he'd have been exposed to the Cardinals and Browns in his childhood.)

And if you love Vincent, you've got to dig this.
   14. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: April 04, 2014 at 10:55 PM (#4679725)
wow--just wow--this is in my wheelhouse, so just bear with me here. This particular Deadspin horseshit could not be further off the mark if it aimed 50 feet to the left. It is based on the (apparently unshakeable) dogma that, if someone can be shown to be an assshole today, then he/she must have ALWAYS been an assshole. . Jeffery Loria is a certified loathsome ####### now --therefore let's find something in his past to show that he always was.

WIIACB was NOT a reactionary, right wing, Nixon youth book. It was more along the lines of Summer of Love--If You're Going to San Francisco--Youngbloods Get Together--Flowers in Your Hair.

The Left in the late sixties was very much divided between the more violent radical elements and the Flowers element. Loria happened to choose the latter at that time as did many.

And the fact that the Deadspin idiots made fun of the dedication to Vincent Price indicates how clueless they are


   15. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: April 05, 2014 at 12:05 AM (#4679770)
I've read that! There aren't a lot of options for critical analysis of newspaper comics.

You may be interested in the fine book Sexism in Beetle Bailey?. Though it's just a collection of strips, outtakes, and letters-to-the-editor from alternately outraged and delighted Beetle Bailey readers.
   16. Monty Predicts a Padres-Mariners WS in 2016 Posted: April 05, 2014 at 12:11 AM (#4679773)
You may be interested in the fine book Sexism in Beetle Bailey?. Though it's just a collection of strips, outtakes, and letters-to-the-editor from alternately outraged and delighted Beetle Bailey readers.


Sadly, I probably am interested in that.
   17. Gamingboy Posted: April 05, 2014 at 12:48 AM (#4679778)

Vincent Price was awesome in EVERYTHING.


Truth.
   18. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: April 05, 2014 at 01:23 AM (#4679781)
Vincent Price was a great spokesperson for a Milwaukee area sub shop (Cousin's) in the 80s. His spots were awesome.
   19. KT's Pot Arb Posted: April 05, 2014 at 02:53 PM (#4679961)
And the fact that the Deadspin idiots made fun of the dedication to Vincent Price indicates how clueless they are


The fact we are talking about this stupid article shows how canny they are.

And while I will grant you that at least once in his past Jeffrey Lauria must have performed a selfless act, expressed genuine love for another, or voted for the correct candidate, I still loath this greedy little ##########.
   20. GGC don't think it can get longer than a novella Posted: April 05, 2014 at 03:45 PM (#4679997)
I've read that! There aren't a lot of options for critical analysis of newspaper comics.


There's always The Comics Curmudgeon. I read that for a while, when I had more free time. It also spawned a set of single strip blogs like Stuck Funky, This Week in Milford and others.
   21. Monty Predicts a Padres-Mariners WS in 2016 Posted: April 05, 2014 at 03:53 PM (#4680003)
There's always The Comics Curmudgeon. I read that for a while, when I had more free time. It also spawned a set of single strip blogs like Stuck Funky, This Week in Milford and others.


The Comics Curmudgeon is fun, but it's settled into a rut of saying the same things about the same handful of strips. He's not trying to analyze anything; he's happy to just do Marmaduke-as-demon gags.

I do enjoy the concept of the single strip blogs, though. And Chris Sims's Funkywatch, which is a monthly roundup of the most depressing Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft strips.
   22. Squash Posted: April 05, 2014 at 05:53 PM (#4680065)
WIIACB was NOT a reactionary, right wing, Nixon youth book. It was more along the lines of Summer of Love--If You're Going to San Francisco--Youngbloods Get Together--Flowers in Your Hair.

The Left in the late sixties was very much divided between the more violent radical elements and the Flowers element. Loria happened to choose the latter at that time as did many.



I have to admit I don't understand the point you're trying to make - can you expand? I assume you mean the book was a reaction against the Summer of Love type mentality, which is in fact laid out pretty cleanly in the article and to which I'm fairly positive the author would agree completely with you.

The second paragraph in the quote I don't get - can you give a little more?
   23. GGC don't think it can get longer than a novella Posted: April 05, 2014 at 06:05 PM (#4680069)
Thanks, Monty. I never knew about Funkywatch. I have a weird fascination with FW and its transformation 20 years ago or so from a gag-a-day to its current day bleakness.

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