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Monday, November 02, 2009

Diamondbacks’ Zavada Wins “Mustached American of the Year”

Wearing a $3 crown and his dapper, trademark handlebar mustache that terrorized Major League hitters during the 2009 Major League Baseball season, Arizona Diamondbacks relief pitcher Clay Zavada received the American Mustache Institute’s 2009 “Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year,” presented by Quicken®.

In front of a crowd of roughly 1,000 at ‘Stache Bash 2009—a benefit for Challenger Baseball featuring the legendary John Oates—Zavada accepted the Goulet award which recognizes the person best representing or contributing to the Mustached American community over the past year.

“Clay and his menacing mouth garden were a great story throughout the 2009 baseball season, and Quicken and the American Mustache Institute are proud to honor him as the ‘Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year’ award winner,” said Chelsea Marti of Quicken®, who herself is a robust supporter of the Mustached American way of life.

Zavada won the Goulet award after more than 100,000 total online votes were cast. He was joined at ‘Stache Bash by fellow finalists Dr. John Yeutter, a Northeastern State University professor and CBS News reporter Bill Geist, who grabbed the microphone after the announcement and bellowed “Kayne West was right.” Other finalists included U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder, Brendan Ryan of the St. Louis Cardinals, USA Today blogger Whitney Matheson, US Airways pilot Sully Sullenberger, and Mayor Dan Snarr of Murray City, Utah.  Several cartoon characters including JStache and FOX Television’s “Cleveland” received votes, but after much debate, were disqualified because they violated a clause that required the winner to sign an ethics agreement as well as actually exist in real life.

The ‘Stache of Clay Zavada!

Gamingboy Posted: November 02, 2009 at 04:12 PM | 16 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: arizona

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   1. Flynn Posted: November 02, 2009 at 05:17 PM (#3374586)
Clay and his menacing mouth garden

That may be the best turn of phrase in the history of mankind.
   2. flournoy Posted: November 02, 2009 at 05:21 PM (#3374590)
Zavada has a quality mustache. I sported a fu manchu for a while this year, but the handlebar is always the classiest choice, and takes some dedication.
   3. Random Transaction Generator Posted: November 02, 2009 at 05:24 PM (#3374591)
Zavada is part of growing wave of good looking mustached baseball players who have discovered the power of the labia sebucula (Latin for “lip sweater”). The mustache’s enhancement of a player’s skills has stirred controversy in the sport as an internal report produced by Major League Baseball reportedly said it believes Zavada’s mustache was responsible for at least 42 of his 52 strikeouts in 2009, leading the Diamondbacks and 12 other teams to conduct a worldwide search for other mustached players. The New York Yankees are believed to have tried to clone and transplant the mustache of Hall of Fame reliever "Goose" Gossage onto the face of Joba Chamberlain until Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig intervened.


Awesome press release.
   4. T.J. Posted: November 02, 2009 at 05:46 PM (#3374611)
Ah, Onion. You're always good for a laugh.

Wait, what?
   5. Mattbert Posted: November 02, 2009 at 05:48 PM (#3374613)
And just in time for Movember!

I'm growing mine out. Join the mo-vement, gentlemen.
   6. SoSH U at work Posted: November 02, 2009 at 05:58 PM (#3374620)
Other finalists included U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder, Brendan Ryan of the St. Louis Cardinals, USA Today blogger Whitney Matheson, US Airways pilot Sully Sullenberger, and Mayor Dan Snarr of Murray City, Utah.


Am I missing something, or is this just dickish for no particular reason.
   7. Enrico Pallazzo Posted: November 02, 2009 at 06:09 PM (#3374625)
Join the mo-vement, gentlemen

Hell Yeah! Movember begins! My teammates and I (Team Ned Flanders) are planning a \"#### our Livers, Save our Prostates" party/fundraiser. I wonder if my girlfriend will still be on board two weeks from now...
   8. Esoteric Posted: November 02, 2009 at 06:19 PM (#3374633)
This is hilarious and cool. I approve and pronounce this press release the best of 2009.
   9. Esoteric Posted: November 02, 2009 at 06:21 PM (#3374634)
Am I missing something, or is this just dickish for no particular reason.
You're missing something. They nominated her because, while she lacks a 'stache, she asked her readers to vote for her as a write-in candidate and promised to blog about mustaches daily. From the American Mustache Institute's candidate profile: "Though her award-winning mustache loving online platform, since 1999 Whitney has promoted the health, good looks and power of the Mustached American lifestyle through a pop culture lens."

Fun stuff.
   10. haven Posted: November 02, 2009 at 06:34 PM (#3374642)
How long until labia sebucula appears as a BTF username?
   11. SoSH U at work Posted: November 02, 2009 at 06:38 PM (#3374646)
You're missing something. They nominated her because, while she lacks a 'stache, she asked her readers to vote for her as a write-in candidate and promised to blog about mustaches daily. From the American Mustache Institute's candidate profile: "Though her award-winning mustache loving online platform, since 1999 Whitney has promoted the health, good looks and power of the Mustached American lifestyle through a pop culture lens."


Thank you Eso. In that case, well done AMI.
   12. Dewey, Steven Wright Wannabe and Soupuss Posted: November 02, 2009 at 06:45 PM (#3374652)
Moustachioed, dammit! I refuse to acknowledge any award by an organization that can't get basic terms right.
   13. Designated Sitter (GGC) Posted: November 02, 2009 at 06:46 PM (#3374653)
I cannot join the mo-vement. There are 12 year olds who grow better mustaches than me. I think my full head of hair has sapped my ability to grow as much hair elsewhere on my face. Thank God, I'm not Arab.
   14. Infinite Yost (Voxter) Posted: November 02, 2009 at 07:00 PM (#3374672)
I was all prepared to go, "Yeah, what you missed is that Whitney can be a guy's name, too," and then I Googled and luckily stuck the snark back in my pocket.
   15. jwb Posted: November 02, 2009 at 07:08 PM (#3374679)
I'm glad the legendary John Oates wasn't this guy, because that just wouldn't have been right, despite his fine 'stache.
   16. asinwreck Posted: November 03, 2009 at 02:28 AM (#3375276)
Wither Rollie Fingers?

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