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1. LionoftheSenate (feels sorry for the Pirates) Posted: August 23, 2011 at 04:33 AM (#3906572)* I assume it was Night Gallery as that was the only such show I recall from my youth. And "awesome" means "awesome to my 9-year-old self" -- for all I remember it was nothing but a half-hour of a guy screaming in pain but it freaked me out at the time.
The trainer had a similar event in the minors, or Holliday did? If the latter, is Holliday some sort of moth magnet?
In any event, I'm shocked this never happened to Don Mossi.
Especially with your compound eyes compounding the horror.
Reminds me of an episode of Untold Stories of the ER when some dude was admitted in a catatonic state except for shrieking at random intervals and for no externally apparent reason. He was literally paralyzed with fear and couldn't tell the docs a large cockroach had crawled into his ear and gotten wedged in there. Doc fished it out bit by bit and the guy immediately sat up and soon walked out of the ER on his own.
Is there TBS archival footage of that 10 August 1991 game somewhere? What good are the interwebs if there's no footage?
I have a friend who once tried to jump out of a car going 100+ KPH on a highway becausea moth got in. They can inspire some real fear/hatred.
I was watching that night, too. Poor guy looked like he was in agony. I thought he had a Ceta Alpha eel from Star Trek stuck in there. The moth wound up flying out of his ear and being slo-mo replayed several times on TBS.
No quote from the moth either? What kind of report is this?
I remember that. The victim was Laurence Harvey, who lusted after someone's wife and paid some lowlife to place the earwig in the guy's ear when he was sleeping. But the guy went to the wrong room and put it in Harvey's ear instead. By some miracle, it just happened to crawl out the other ear. Then he found out it was a female...
He has escaped! Yes, through the hole!
Me too! That must have been when the Braves were on their worst-to-first run, because I watched nearly every game that fall and summer.
Chris Dial and I were playing golf. He was driving the cart and a bug flew into my mouth. He asked me if it tasted like cum. I said no. He then asked how I know what cum tastes like. I replied that I kissed his wife after I finished up with her last night.
/end Funny golf story.
Some sort of small insect wound up in my ear back in the late '80s, evidently while I was sleeping. Didn't know about it till a doctor looked in there & saw the problem. (Can't recall if that was the reason I was there or not; I might've just mentioned in passing that my ear seemed to be staying waterlogged, for no obvious, every time I showered.) The extraction wasn't painful or anything, I'm sure, but I guess the knowledge of what was going on was almost too much to bear; that's about the closest I've ever come to blacking out in a medical situation.
Hmmmm. Come to think of it, my right ear seems to be behaving similarly these days ...
the punchline? Turns out the guy was absolutely phobic about bugs, so his wife thought it would be funny to drop one in his ear when he was dozing on the couch... The outside of his er was all bloody and ripped because the dude apparently woke up, felt the bug moving in his ear and freaked, practically ripped his own ear lobes off.
Two activities that go so well together.
I'm the worst kind of hypocondriac, (I've woken up today convinced I have either gout or polio), reading this thread has been a poor decision. I came very close to passing out once reading a description of how they removed kidney stones in the 17th century.
Leeches?
EDIT: Usually no anesthetic was required because the patient would most likely pass out just watching the surgeon prepare.
One of the counselors told this as a campfire story at cub scout camp when I was wee. Scare the #### out of us.
One of the counselors told this as a campfire story at cub scout camp when I was wee. Scare the #### out of us.
Heh, you wish. How'd you like to have one of these shoved up your unit?
#### that. (edit: seriously, you DIDN'T include the "unpleasant stuff." Holy ####### crap)
At least this guy got $1.2 million.
There is a scene in The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet where this operation occurs. Maybe this is what you read, actually. Memorably nasty.
The second patient came in complaining of hearing loss. We looked in his ear and saw a dead roach neatly entombed in a giant blob of ear wax - you could only see part of it's head sticking out, but it was unmistakably a roach. We put his ear over the candle device, melted the wax, and the whole thing fell out.
Those are two of my more horribly unpleasant memories.
Deadwood also has a lovely scene of removing kidney stones from Swearengen...
My roommates and I in grad school would watch one of those surgery reality shows. We almost always got home about 20 minutes into the hour and would have fun trying to guess what part of the body they were working on. The show would give a good intro but then assume you'd seen it and not spend much time reminding you and the patient is covered in sterile towels so you couldn't just say, oh, clearly it's...whatever.
So, one day we're really stumped. The part they were working on had lots of fine vessels and just looked to be a complicated mess. Guy had what looked like a server farm of tiny, tiny fiber optics cables he was rewiring. We were thinking it might be spinal. I think I guessed wrist at one point. Anyway, we're really into it when they pull back and it's a vasectomy reversal.
Note to readers: don't ever reverse a vasectomy. Tell your wife you did. Then knock her on the head, put her in a coma and produce a stolen baby when she wakes up. Tell her she was pregnant when some maniac attacked her and here is your kid. Much better plan than a vasectomy reversal. Also, don't ever watch a vasectomy reversal.
Presumably not the same place my little procedure occurred, though it was in Little Rock.
I recently spent a weekend with a large group of my wife's friends, many of whom are nurses. They told stories that were astonishingly disgusting. And they were so matter of fact about them all. The rest of us were being brutalized with mind-searingly horrible images while the other nurses just kind of nodded and said, "yep, I've seen that too."
Medicine will do that to you. When I took gross anatomy, there was a student in class who would bring his dinner to the lab and eat it while he studied among the half-dissected cadavers. He brought in ribs one night and was comparing what he was eating to the ribs in the body.
I never did that, though friends and I almost got thrown out of Ruby Tuesday's at the mall one day because we were talking very loudly about disease organs in jars (subject of the morning's pathology practical exam) and a table of old women sitting nearby complained to the management.
This would have been 1995, so you were not subjected to my brand of medical care. Be glad.
I don't remember what the moves made were, but the Cardinals were up 1-0 going into the ninth, why wouldn't you make defensive substitutions? generally speaking that is exactly when you are supposed to replace your crappy fielders who can hit with gloves, so replacing Holliday with Patterson and Schumaker over Berkman and bringing in Furcal to short and moving Descalso to second base makes absolutely 100% sense, it would have been stupid to not do those moves.
That doesn't even seem that awful to me. The stories the nurses told were mostly about the depths of human depravity - the insertion of unusual foreign objects up the anus, the use of unusual orifices for sexual penetration, etc.
1: I swear I did not read your post before I posted.
2: I guess we saw the same show.
Speaking of historical medical horrors... the Mughal Empire was actually saved by a botched systoscopy (or at least the 16th century equivalent). Islam Shah Suri, the Emperor of the rival (and then ascendant) Suri Dynasty died of a ruptured bladder after a heated wire was forced too far up his urethra in an attempt to clear a blockage. Lack of a suitable successor led to a civil war and allowed the Mughals to re-conquer northern India, changing the history of South Asia for the next two centuries...
August 19, 1991
On August 21st, John Kruk got hit by Randy Tomlin.
I've told my story along those lines at least twice on this site (back in the day), and I'll save everyone from having it repeated again. (Plus it would probably shut down the thread.)
I was much more bothered by eating human-like food around dead people. Not to mention the smell in that lab was nauseating - a combination of preservative, dead flesh, and sweaty lab coats. It took me about a month after the class ended before I finally stopped smelling it on my hands.
That doesn't seem as bothersome to me - but I work in a butcher shop, yesterday I was sorting through a box that contained pork liver, heart, spleen, kidney, and a plastic bag of blood. Food, cadavers, and the relations between them are already pretty familiar to me. I feel like I could develop the mortician's detachment and sense of humor pretty quickly. But I could not be a nurse or doctor, the idea of giving patient medical attention to a crazed homeless man with an infected colostomy port (use your imagination) is crazy to me, I would rather banish him to a desert island.
Nope. But read 56, and use your imagination.
With an attitude like that, you'll never make it as a magician.
My mom was eating at a Ruby Tuesday's once, and she found an earwig in her broccoli.
Better than in her ear, I suppose.
"Madam, if you'll check your ear, I believe you'll find your roach. Tada!"
It might be the only showbiz act worse than Carrot Top. (I guess I could combine the two and add some prop comedy - hold up a big one and say "Max Roach!" Get one with a ballcap and whistle - "Roach Coach!" Show a short movie - "Roach Clip!")
!!!
Once, in college, I had an ant crawl into my ear whilst I slept. When there's a bug in your ear, you don't think about much else. I'd equate it to a particularly wasted Keith Moon taking sudden residence in your skull. My vigorous exploration of the problem revealed the ant, but I did not recognize it as such. Only after removing the offending party and realizing my relief did I manage to piece together what had happened. The ant's corpse was lodge beneath my fingernail.
So, that's one experience I get to cross off the list.
My wife used to work as a paramedic and her stories are more like "this is what a dead body looks and smells like when it's been in a hot house for a week" or "did I ever tell you about the time I had to wash the brain of a motorcycle accident victim off the highway?" rather than stories of sexual depravity.
Oh for cryin' out loud, like I don't sleep badly enough already?
That's why I don't kill the spiders in my house, other than the black widows. They keep the other bugs away. And if the spiders come too close to the bed, the cat will eat it. And when she gets too uppity, the dog puts her in her place. Anyway, this is starting to remind me of a song we sang in kindergarten.
Believe it or not, I also had four or five daddy longlegs sharing my room. They fell down on the job.
This was a bug intensive household. The zenith of it all was when we killed seven black widows in a single evening. Or maybe it was when we captured and pitted, gladiator style, a sun spider v. an albinoish praying mantis. Wanna know who won?
I'm going to guess they joined forces and killed your roommate, so you got a 4.0 that semester.
Trick question! They refused to fight. Just sat in there and glared at one another. We finally released them back in to the wild.
The moth was still alive when they removed it from the left fielder's ear.
The moth was still alive when they removed it from the left fielder's ear.
The moth was still alive when they removed it from the left fielder's ear.
The moth was still alive when they removed it from the left fielder's ear.
The moth was still alive when they removed it from the left fielder's ear.
THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE EAR!
Oh, and #12 was great.
You can only imagine what kind of coprophagic justice awaits Theriot and senior management in the next month.
Ow, Christ... why the ear, man?
Guess I ###### it up...
No, that was perfect!
/fight club
What's a "candle device"? That sounds risky, putting out enough heat to melt wax that close to the brain. And if wax is impeding your hearing, how can you tell--is it always visible?
It's kind of cool (this was 15 years ago, so there's probably something more hi-tech now). There's a little cardboard cone with a hole at the top that sits over a lit flame. You put the patient's ear over the hole, and the heat from the flame rises up the cone and into the ear, melting the wax. I think you only really need it when the wax build-up is so abundant and hardened that you can't clean it out with more normal methods (I think people use mineral oil or something similar to lubricate and soften it).
This is not the same as the "ear candles" that you may hear about, which are hollowed-out candles that supposedly create a vacuum that sucks out ear wax and other toxins. These are just as bogus as the foot pads that suck out toxins through your feet.
I've fortunately never had a bug in my ear, as far as I know (I did have tubes in my ears as a kid because of drainage issues which caused ear infections). I did wake up once with roaches in my hair, though. It was the weirdest thing. I was staying with my brother in Tucson who swears he never saw a roach in the house before that. Still, for some reason he was inspired to say "be careful of the roaches" before I went to bed. I had a dream that something was crawling in my hair, and when I swung my arm to get rid of them, I woke up and there they were. There were also a couple in the shower drain. Supposedly they spray for roaches in the sewers occasionally and they react by heading up the drains. Don't know if that part's true. It was a pretty freaky experience, though.
There's a This American Life episode called "Fear of Sleep" that has a story about people who have had all sorts of problems with roaches and bedbugs, and one of the girls in that piece had the roach in the ear problem. That stuff just freaks me out.
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