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Baseball Primer Newsblog— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand
Thursday, March 06, 2008
The Great Garfamudis is back! (as opposed to The Great Gamere, who…is not)
So Jeremy Brown has called it quitskies, huh? You’d think that the retirement of a guy who is built somewhat like me would make me sad, but it doesn’t. Instead, I danced a hora when I heard it.
...Here’s the thing: We used to enjoy baseball just fine before all this “Moneyball” stuff started. You’d go to the ballpark or to a bar and people would talk about the game and never mention made-up stats like VROOM or SHIRK or PMS. Everyone got along just fine. Teams played, pitchers pitched, batters batted, the won-loss columns would fill up and, at the end of the year, you’d have the World Series. What was so hard about that?
Now, I look at the stats page and it has more columns than the Parthenon. Puts an antebellum plantation to shame. What do we need all these extra numbers for? The game is being ruined by people who would be better off watching “Star Trek” (come to think of it, one of their cockamamy stats is called WARP). What was wrong with the way things used to be? Was the game losing fans because it didn’t have enough ways of measuring itself? (Did I mention the stats page has a lot of columns? It has more than the rich-boy frat house at an Ivy League school.)
Thanks to Danny
Repoz
Posted: March 06, 2008 at 02:08 PM | 106 comment(s)
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Didn't MLB have record attendance in 2007?
I believe espn.com's business model is evolving into:
1. Invent "writer"
2. Pen screamingly biased article to rile up the masses
3. $$$ from ad impressions
Don't do it. Don't play their game. Don't encourage them.
EDIT: Now I understand the "is back" in the intro. So some of you probably already know this.
Real men don't use facts. So just ignore that record attendance and billions of dollars of revenue MLB is taking in.
Besides, if you want real nerdiness, just try to watch ESPN's NFL pre-game show and try to sit through all the fantasy football b#llshit.
#2. D'oh. I forgot. He's the fake satirical guy they made up. It was a trap!
There's a Jesse Levis joke there.
This one is so close to what a Raccoon Lodge guy would actually write that it's not really even funny. The first Garfamudis piece (with his Hall of Fame ballot) was a scream. Especially his blurb at the end explaining who he is:
Art Garfamudis once wrote about baseball when the regular guy at his newspaper had appendicitis. He did it again several years later during a blizzard that kept the front-line staff stranded in their homes and, finally, a third time, in 1984, when the team beat writer was abruptly fired for stealing quarters from the honor box in the break room. This qualified him for membership in the BBWAA, which he has enjoyed ever since.
Didn't Garfamudis make it clear that he is impervious to your contrived math?
Sounds more like Ike Ferrell.
I found it on an A's blog, where someone posted to ##### about it. I don't think it was nearly as good as the HOF one, though.
My hunch for it being Neyer: (a) it takes brains and skill to write satire this dry, and Rob has more of those things than most folks with the keys to ESPN; (b) it takes a sabermetric bent and a sense of humor about it see the humor in the subject, and Rob has both of those as well; and (c) Rob used to write a phony sportswriter column on his personal website under the name of Scribbly Tate, and in some ways Garfimudis is the rightful heir to Tate's arm garters and cigars.
Take that all with a grain of salt, though, in that I also believed that Diane Sawyer was Deep Throat of Watergate fame.
Come on. It was a Diane Sawyer/Linda Lovelace fantasy. It's okay to admit it.
I'm not going to sit here and listen to these baseless allegations!
Ok, maybe a little.
Welcome to the Hotel California, Russ ...
I assume either coatimundi or the Ruppert Mundys
then "amudis" must be a code for Paul Simon
(just guessing, here)
(of course, it's also an anagram for "sad magi fur", so I don't know where that gets us)
1) Eric Neel
2) Keith Law
3) John Kruk
Come on, #3!
Scribbly Tate was fake?
For an encore, why don't you tell everybody that there's no such thing as Santa Claus? Killjoy.
Rosebud was the sled.
Leia is Luke's sister.
Trinity Dies.
Bruce Willis is dead.
Let's see . . . what else can I ruin today . . .
I always thought that the rich-boy Ivy League schools had eating clubs, not frat houses. Dartmouth doesn't count.
Gollum destroys the ring
King Kong falls off the building?
Although "ruined" and "spoiled" sound like they should be the same thing, they really aren't.
Sounds like a zen koan. Maybe Art = Robert Pirsig?
I've mentioned this before and RB in NYC has had the same prof, but one of the History Professors at GW is convinced that Watergate was staged to cover up a brothel being run by a South Korean Georgetown Law Student in order to entrap Democratic Congressmen into supporting South Korea's defense. Nixon was breaking into the building to get the dirt on the Congressmen. Oh, and the prof was also certain that Diane Sawyer was one of the call girls.
OK, my minor (and long since passed) Diane Sawyer thing pales compared to that. However, the fact that he teaches at GW and I went there for law school is probably significant somehow.
well, your ex-prof is obviously crazy; Sawyer was a lowly White House aide at that time
why would they use her when they had Maureen Dean on retainer?
(or Martha Mitchell)
(At least Delmar was surprised.)
No one will know who Art really is.
By which, of course, I mean "Die Hard".
But wait! I thought he had lost MOMENTUM!?! I thought he had shown he doesn't know how to close out an opponent!?! This twist would be too improbable!
The hell you say.
An unexpected penis caused Stephen Rea's pain.
I can't believe it!
by which, of course, I mean "The Ten Commandments"
(forget it)
I miss Scribbly.
But he rounded up the ususal suspects after Rick shot the Nazis, so it's all cool.
Humans foil plan #9 from outer space.
The Titanic sinks.
Rambo kills everyone who gets in his way.
Rocky loses the big fight at the end.
Oh, you mean the *other* Newhart finale.
ALL THE PEOPLE AT THE MOTEL ARE ALTERNATE PERSONALITIES OF THE CRAZY GUY AND YOU WILL PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FACE FOR HAVING YOUR TIME WASTED SO NONSENSICALLY
GENE HACKMAN IS DOUBLE-CROSSING DANNY DEVITO WHO IS DOUBLE-CROSSING SAM ROCKWELL WHO IS ALSO BEING DOUBLE-CROSSED BY GENE HACKMAN AND HIS GIRLFRIEND IS IN ON EVERYTHING, OR SOME CRAP LIKE THAT, IT MAKES NO SENSE, BUT ANYWAY, THE GOLD BARS ARE HIDDEN IN HIS TRUCK.
Roy Hobbs strikes out to lose the game.
Barbara gets eaten by her brother, and Ben successfully hides in the cellar, but is accidentally shot by a posse when he emerges the next day.
There's something about a baby floating in space; it probably makes more sense if you take a lot of drugs.
!!
this time, donnie gets killed by the jet engine
he loves weed, but not as much as he loves pu&$#y
clementine and joel start over again
The random cop turns out to be a mole too and kills Tony Leung, but Andy Lau avenges him and posthumously clears his name.
Mike's girlfriend finally calls him, but he's moved on.
haha
Penn has a huge Greek system. Though it's less "rich boy" Ivy League than "piss off Derek Jeter and the New York Post" Ivy League.
Which is a lot better.
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