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Monday, January 09, 2012

Fangraphs: Strawman Sportswriter’s Hall of Fame Ballot

Compare and contrast.

As long as he’s been on the ballot, I’ve been voting for JACK MORRIS, and in fact I’ve often tried to vote for him twice…

Perhaps now is the right point to mention my write-in vote for CARL YATREMSKY. Every year I look for his name on the ballot, and it’s never there, and it’s just not right!... Heck, he’s so famous, they even named my great-granddaughter’s birth control pills after him. If that doesn’t count for integrity, I don’t know what does…

LARRY WALKER. Come on, now. Walks are in his name! Automatic no. Won’t even consider it.

Next is the Whopper himself, MARK MCGWIRE. I’m so tempted to vote for McGwire and his 583 round-robins, but, oh, that batting average… And it’s also a no for his brother, FRED MCGWIRE… it comes down to sacrifice hits, and Fred only had two of ‘em, his entire career. What kind of sportsmanship is that? What kind of on-field performance? I can’t ignore the evidence. I can only try my best to understand it and make good judgments. So for Fred, it is a no vote, no dote. Hey, that rhymes. Wait, isn’t there a silent ‘b’ in there somewhere? Vobte? Never mind. I should take another one of my amphetamine pills. Okay, here we go.

RUBEN SIERRA is out because I don’t vote for sandwiches, and TIM SALMON for the same reason (what– you don’t like your salmon in a sandwich???). A bunch of the other guys had names that were too long for me to remember, so I was left with two options: JAVY LOPEZ or PHIL NEVIN. Javy Lopez — or, Davey Lopes, as he used spell his name before all this political correctness — was quite a player. Phil Nevin played almost every position. So of course I wanted to vote for Nevin. But then I forgot, and submitted my ballot without his name on it. Oh well, who cares, I’m old.

Which leaves me with the following ballot– and don’t tell me it’s not better than ESPN’s Peter Pascarelli’s!

JACK MORRIS
JACK MORRIS
TIM RAINES
EDGARDO MARTINEZ
CARL YATREMSKY
ALAN TRAMMELL
DON MATTINGLY
DALE MURPHY

The District Attorney Posted: January 09, 2012 at 03:10 PM | 19 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: hall of fame, special topics

Reader Comments and Retorts

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Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. JJ1986 Posted: January 09, 2012 at 04:47 PM (#4032510)
This is really embarrassing and does no one any good. And worst of all, it's not funny.
   2. Bruce Markusen Posted: January 09, 2012 at 04:47 PM (#4032511)
This is just bizarre.
   3. Jose is Absurdly Unemployed Posted: January 09, 2012 at 04:56 PM (#4032520)
This is horrendous on so many levels.
   4. Javy Joan Baez (chris h.) Posted: January 09, 2012 at 05:03 PM (#4032526)
Bleh.
   5. Srul Itza Posted: January 09, 2012 at 05:16 PM (#4032535)
You could use this premise to write a pretty funny article.

This is not it. This is truly terrible.
   6. Greg K Posted: January 09, 2012 at 05:24 PM (#4032542)
It's failures as embarassing as this that frighten me out of ever trying to accomplish things in my life.

Shame on fangraphs for creating my crippling mental deficiencies.
   7. Johnny Slick Posted: January 09, 2012 at 05:34 PM (#4032557)
I thought the name YATREMSKI was pretty funny, but yeah', that's about it.
   8. Morty Causa Posted: January 09, 2012 at 07:16 PM (#4032652)
White guys have names like Yatremski while black guys have names like Carl.
   9. RJ in TO Posted: January 09, 2012 at 07:20 PM (#4032654)
This "comedy" is worse than Hitler.
   10. ERROR---Jolly Old St. Nick Posted: January 09, 2012 at 07:47 PM (#4032674)
It's about on the humor level as those copycat Murray Chass parodies, but at least those have the sense to end after about ten words.
   11. Everybody Loves Tyrus Raymond Posted: January 09, 2012 at 07:58 PM (#4032681)
Wow, that was really bad. Few things in life are worse than an unfunny person attempting humor.
   12. Srul Itza Posted: January 09, 2012 at 08:01 PM (#4032683)
It's about on the humor level as those copycat Murray Chass parodies, but at least those have the sense to end after about ten words.


Sort of like certain SNL sketches which must have seemed hilarious in a pot-smoke filled writers room, but when acted out, consist of a single slightly-funny joke or sight gag, repeated for the full five minutes, or 4 minutes and 50 second too long.
   13. . Posted: January 09, 2012 at 08:03 PM (#4032684)
I don't get it.
   14. Greg K Posted: January 09, 2012 at 08:16 PM (#4032688)
Sort of like certain SNL sketches which must have seemed hilarious in a pot-smoke filled writers room, but when acted out, consist of a single slightly-funny joke or sight gag, repeated for the full five minutes, or 4 minutes and 50 second too long.

Or a two hour movie.
   15. Greg K Posted: January 09, 2012 at 08:19 PM (#4032691)
It's about on the humor level as those copycat Murray Chass parodies, but at least those have the sense to end after about ten words.

IF YOU CAN'T GET THE JOKE OUT IN LESS THAN

EDIT: Geez, #11 was right.
   16. The George Sherrill Selection Posted: January 09, 2012 at 08:20 PM (#4032693)
It's about on the humor level as those copycat Murray Chass parodies, but at least those have the sense to end after about ten words.


COPYCAT MURRAY CHASS PARODIES NO LONGER FUNNY, MR. PRESIDENT
   17. Morty Causa Posted: January 09, 2012 at 08:46 PM (#4032715)
I have to admit to having a weakness for the Murray Chass parodies, in small doses. Some don't come off, but some are close to inspired.
   18. Johnny Slick Posted: January 09, 2012 at 11:07 PM (#4032826)
Wow, that was really bad. Few things in life are worse than an unfunny person attempting humor.


While I agree with your point, I have two counter-comments:

1. Nobody with the phrase "Everybody Loves Raymond" should ever talk about what constitutes 'funny' ever period end of story.

2. Unfunny people trying to be funny occasionally works out, granted not in the way that is generally intended. I submit to you the Duke Fightmaster show, still available on YouTube. No offense to Mr. Fightmaster, but his stand-up just isn't all that great. What *is* great is the fact that his wife, who basically acts the Ed McMahon to his Johnny Carson on the show, has an entire schtick built around "you should stop this crap and get a job", and the best part about it is, you can kind of tell that she isn't 100% joking.
   19. My name is RMc and I feel extremely affected Posted: January 10, 2012 at 08:01 AM (#4032964)
White guys have names like Yatremski while black guys have names like Carl.

Fun fact: Reggie Smith's full name is Carl Reginald Smith.

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