there it is ....the seventh sign of the Apocalypse. The Mayans were just off a month; the idea of Elijah Dukes being arrested should convince nonbelievers that the end approacheth.

Jesus Christ, just lock the man up at this point.

Jesus Christ, just lock the man up at this point.

the charges listed in the except seem pretty tame

Dukes faces a driving with a cancelled or revoked license charge. He was also arrested on several warrants for failure to appear in court for marijuana possession, tampering with physical evidence possession of drug paraphernalia and driving with a cancelled or revoked license charge

i mean sure, there's some awful judgement there, but it's not like he was arrested for stabbing a cancer-ridden senior citizen.

In 1996, Dukes' father was convicted of second-degree murder. One year later, Dukes was arrested for the first time. Dukes has been arrested at least three times for battery, and once for assault.[9] According to court records, he fathered at least five children with four women between 2003 and 2006.[9]

On May 23, 2007, Dukes's wife NiShea Gilbert sought a restraining order against him after he threatened her life and the lives of their children.[10] On May 2, Dukes had sent a photo of a gun to her cell phone and left her the following voicemail: "Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bulls-------. Your kids too, dawg. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. Ni----, all I know is, ni----, when I see your motherf------ a-- riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your motherf------ house."[10] On June 12, a 17-year-old foster child who was living in the care of a relative of Dukes accused him of impregnating her.[11] Police said the sex was apparently consensual.[11] When the girl confronted Dukes to inform him about the pregnancy, he allegedly got angry and threw a bottle of Gatorade at her.[11]

Dukes has received anger-management training.[9] When Dukes was traded to the Nationals, the team also hired an ex-police officer in the role of "Special Assistant: Player Concerns". This person accompanies Dukes everywhere to ensure that he keeps himself free of trouble.[9]

Dukes was arrested in November 2010 for contempt due to failure to pay child support,[12] and again on March 2, 2011 for assaulting a pregnant ex-girlfriend.[13]

Dukes was arrested on February 23, 2012 in Tampa for allegedly "[trying] to eat a plastic bag of marijuana" and conceal marijuana on his person

This is a little more impressive.
The anger management training seems to be somewhat ineffective to date.

Here is a man who truly deserves the title of dumb-ass.

When Dukes was traded to the Nationals, the team also hired an ex-police officer in the role of "Special Assistant: Player Concerns". This person accompanies Dukes everywhere to ensure that he keeps himself free of trouble

I see morgan freeman playing the cop in this lovable comedy about a young man finally finding his way....

I see morgan freeman playing the cop

Are you sure it wasn't Bill Russell?

I see morgan freeman playing the cop in this lovable comedy about a young man finally finding his way....

With Dukes, I think he'd need to break out the principal Joe Clark character...

I see morgan freeman playing the cop in this lovable comedy about a young man finally finding his way....

Why do you want to see Morgan Freeman get shanked? I like Morgan Freeman!

What a waste of talent.

In other news, Pope Remains Catholic.

On February 23, 2012 in Tampa for allegedly "[trying] to eat a plastic bag of marijuana" and conceal marijuana on his person

Wouldn't that be concealing marijuana in his person?

Jesus Christ, just lock the man up at this point.

the charges listed in the except seem pretty tame

You don't understand. On BTF to be accused is to be guilty (unless it's steroids. Then it's Opposite Day). It's more fun that way.

Dukes faces a driving with a cancelled or revoked license charge. He was also arrested on several warrants for failure to appear in court for marijuana possession, tampering with physical evidence possession of drug paraphernalia and driving with a cancelled or revoked license charge

i mean sure, there's some awful judgement there, but it's not like he was arrested for stabbing a cancer-ridden senior citizen.

He also could have gotten caught with a half ounce of loose dope, and tossed the pipe onto the shoulder when pulled over.

@4: so... what was he actually found guilty of?

This isn't that bad, clearly a step up for him, victimless crimes are the best. Swallowing plastic bags is unhealthy though and should be avoided.

Sheesh, 28. With his talents he should've been making 9 figures by now, instead he keeps going down the toilet. Funny thing is if he cleaned himself up he could still become a MLB player making millions as some team would take a chance if he appeared to clean himself up. Sadly, I suspect that just won't happen.

@4: so... what was he actually found guilty of?

Domestic battery in 2005, at least. Not sure what happened in the other cases.

Court records show that Dukes was sentenced to probation in February 2005 for a charge of domestic battery. They also show that Gilbert received a yearlong restraining order against Dukes in October 2004. But the incident involved in those cases was unclear Tuesday.

In October 2005, another Tampa woman, Carla Bryant, the mother of Dukes' oldest child, filed for a domestic violence restraining order against Dukes. A judge ordered that he stay away from her for a year. Bryant claimed Dukes threatened her over the phone.

Dukes was ordered to attend an anger management course.

On BTF to be accused is to be guilty

Except for the morons who equate "not guilty" with "innocent".

Feel free to believe that the man was the unfortunate victim of perfectly explainable misunderstandings - dozens of times. I sincerely hope that makes you feel happy, or superior, or whatever it is that you're shooting for.

Why do you want to see Morgan Freeman get shanked?

What if he's shawshanked.

Dukes faces a driving with a cancelled or revoked license charge. He was also arrested on several warrants for failure to appear in court for marijuana possession, tampering with physical evidence possession of drug paraphernalia and driving with a cancelled or revoked license charge

Is that even legal?

At this point, there's no excuse. There can't be a day that goes by where Dukes isn't supposed to be in court somewhere. He really should be in the habit by now.

You don't understand. On BTF to be accused is to be guilty (unless it's steroids. Then it's Opposite Day). It's more fun that way.

Dude, deep breaths. It wasn't a rape charge.

Except for the morons who equate "not guilty" with "innocent".

Feel free to believe that the man was the unfortunate victim of perfectly explainable misunderstandings - dozens of times. I sincerely hope that makes you feel happy, or superior, or whatever it is that you're shooting for.

Thank you, Double Spin, for this. Wish I had said it myself.

Since OJ was not convicted of the Nicole killing we should of course absolve him for any guilt in the matter. Jesus.

Why do you want to see Morgan Freeman get shanked?

What if he's shawshanked.

Then that would be a shawshank redemption. Then if he doesn't survive, it's Red dead redemption.