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Thursday, April 18, 2019

From ‘blimp folder’ to Foot Locker: Fake jobs MLB players use to fool fans

Zack Britton, New York Yankees: I was out with my cousin one time and got to talking to some people, and inevitably someone asked what we do. We just didn’t feel like bringing up the whole baseball thing, so my cousin told him that we were football pylon manufacturers. First, he was like, “What’s that?” There happened to be a football game on, so we’re like, “See the thing at the goal line? Those are pylons.” He was like, “What? That’s a business?” There can’t be that much to know about manufacturing football pylons, right? We kind of just rolled with it, and the guy lost interest immediately. It’s not a conversation starter—it’s a conversation ender. And that’s kind of the whole point.

Jim Furtado Posted: April 18, 2019 at 02:31 PM | 28 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: players

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   1. Jose is Absurdly Unemployed Posted: April 18, 2019 at 02:36 PM (#5833314)
That's awesome.

I remember reading a story about U2 back in the early 90s and they were talking about some of the pseudonyms they would use on the road so people wouldn't call their hotel room. They goofed one tour though when they used The Monkees names. Suddenly they were getting calls from fans but Monkees fans, not U2 fans.
   2. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: April 18, 2019 at 02:45 PM (#5833317)
Zack Britton: *signs into a hotel as Derek Jeter* Why do people keep calling my room?!?
   3. akrasian Posted: April 18, 2019 at 02:56 PM (#5833321)
Insurance salesman. That should get everyone to leave you alone.
   4. It was something about the man-spider and sodomy, Posted: April 18, 2019 at 03:00 PM (#5833325)
I'm guessing Ron Mexico is off the table at this point ... but maybe it's been long enough to recycle!
   5. . . . . . . Posted: April 18, 2019 at 03:21 PM (#5833340)
When I was in my 20s my friends and I, all STEM PhD students,would go to local bars and tell girls we laid pipe for Verizon.

I cant say it worked every time, but it worked a hell of a lot better than saying you were a geochemist.
   6. Lars6788 Posted: April 18, 2019 at 04:05 PM (#5833357)
In street clothes, it seems like pro baseball players are pretty hard to spot so they can have fun blending in and messing with the occasional person who didn’t realize who they are.
   7. Pat Rapper's Delight (as quoted on MLB Network) Posted: April 18, 2019 at 04:09 PM (#5833358)
When I was in my 20s my friends and I, all STEM PhD students,would go to local bars and tell girls we laid pipe for Verizon.

I cant say it worked every time


Your odds probably would have been better had you left off "for Verizon."
   8. the Hugh Jorgan returns Posted: April 18, 2019 at 11:32 PM (#5833456)
I cant say it worked every time, but it worked a hell of a lot better than saying you were a geochemist.


Well sure, for the 20-26 year old women. For the 30-45 year old set, geochemist is definitely going to win more attention then some tradie who lays pipe. Your issue is that you were chasing the wrong demographic. You probably would have had a field day in the 30-40 year old single women group.
   9. Gold Star - just Gold Star Posted: April 19, 2019 at 01:08 AM (#5833462)
At a party in college, some young lass got it in her head that I was a pro ball player, one with MLB experience but currently with the Triple-A affiliate.

I did not disabuse her of this notion.
   10. Jose is Absurdly Unemployed Posted: April 19, 2019 at 08:42 AM (#5833470)
I can tell you with certainty that "hi I'm an accountant" will keep people at bay rather nicely. From January 1 to April 15 you will get "oh you must be pretty busy right now" but that's about it.
   11. DL from MN Posted: April 19, 2019 at 09:52 AM (#5833476)
"I'm an electrical engineer" will keep even your closest relatives from talking to you about work.
   12. BrianBrianson Posted: April 19, 2019 at 10:10 AM (#5833478)
It's a well-known joke with a lot of truth that if you're happy to talk about your work, you call yourself an astronomer, and if you don't want to, you call yourself an astrophysicist.
   13. Don August(us) Cesar Geronimo Berroa Posted: April 19, 2019 at 10:41 AM (#5833482)
So, which are you BrianBrianson?
   14. BrianBrianson Posted: April 19, 2019 at 11:29 AM (#5833499)
I'm a computational astrophysicist ;)
   15. Don August(us) Cesar Geronimo Berroa Posted: April 19, 2019 at 01:58 PM (#5833536)
That's excellent. What is your area of research? Black holes?
   16. ajnrules Posted: April 19, 2019 at 02:31 PM (#5833541)
In street clothes, it seems like pro baseball players are pretty hard to spot so they can have fun blending in and messing with the occasional person who didn’t realize who they are.

Case in point the recent JC Penney commercial with Adrian Beltre.
   17. Swoboda is freedom Posted: April 19, 2019 at 03:28 PM (#5833567)
I usually say I am an architect. One time, I told this girl I was a marine biologist, but that got me into trouble as this whale had a golf ball stuck in its blow hole.
   18. BrianBrianson Posted: April 19, 2019 at 04:03 PM (#5833579)
I do pretty broad stuff, but it's usually related to the formation and orbital evolution of asteroids/comets/dust, kinda as a probe of planetary systems, both ours and exoplanets.
   19. Booey Posted: April 19, 2019 at 04:34 PM (#5833591)
Brian - Hey, that really works! I've already lost all interest! ;-)


Edit: Oh, and no offense intended. I'm the Quality Control Manager for a furniture company. That ends conversations about what I do for a living pretty quick too.
   20. BrianBrianson Posted: April 19, 2019 at 05:00 PM (#5833601)
Well, one paper I wrote has a section of Earth Impact risks, so I could just put on a tape of Deep Impact, and say it's something like that.
   21. pthomas Posted: April 19, 2019 at 05:48 PM (#5833609)

I usually say I am an architect. One time, I told this girl I was a marine biologist, but that got me into trouble as this whale had a golf ball stuck in its blow hole


Titleist?
   22. Howie Menckel Posted: April 19, 2019 at 05:59 PM (#5833611)
speaking of furniture.....

buddy of mine was 6-3, about 195, athletic, handsome, charming - and he was an investment banker for UBS, spending about 5 years in London at one point.

in the U.S., we saw him work his magic firsthand. because telling the truth would be like shooting fish in a barrel (he retired at age 40), he instead claimed to be a salesman at [xxxx's House of Wicker.

another buddy's wife couldn't believe this would work. we were out after a Cubs game at Wrigley one time, and here comes one of Chicago's Finest (and I don't mean a police officer). he starts the story, my pal's wife snorts, and immediately she is on "oh, I've heard of them. they have really good products!"

and away they went.

frankly, I think most women would have been better off meeting him than a major leaguer. I mean, he would never call them again, but the, er, courtship ritual was always respectful. baseball players? not as much.

meanwhile, London frustrated the hell out of him. he said you met women there by being introduced by a friend. just walking in cold to a bar and closing the deal with a total stranger - his batting average suffered greatly though I'm sure he still with power. the strikeouts mounted, though.
   23. Swoboda is freedom Posted: April 19, 2019 at 06:14 PM (#5833612)
A friend of mine was a lawyer, was a tall 6'5" guy with reddish hair. He used to say he was Kiki Vandeweghe. He would call clubs, saying the Kiki wanted to come to the club that night. He would get into the VIP section and often would have pictures with other celebrities. He looked enough like him to somewhat pass and Kiki wasn't that famous in NY.
   24. Pat Rapper's Delight (as quoted on MLB Network) Posted: April 19, 2019 at 07:21 PM (#5833622)
I do pretty broad stuff, but it's usually related to the formation and orbital evolution of asteroids/comets/dust, kinda as a probe of planetary systems, both ours and exoplanets.

As someone who has on his DVR every episode of How the Universe Works and DVR's every episode of Space's Deepest Secrets, I could listen to you talk for hours in a totally platonic way. This is probably a safe enough place to confess my secret crush on Michelle Thaller.
   25. BrianBrianson Posted: April 19, 2019 at 10:34 PM (#5833664)
Can't say I know Michelle Thaller. Really, I haven't met any famous science popularisers, unless you count that one time I sat next to Steven Hawking during a seminar on the BICEP2 results and said nothing to each other.
   26. Howie Menckel Posted: April 19, 2019 at 10:36 PM (#5833665)
I could listen to you talk for hours in a totally platonic way.

we have a match on BBTinder!
   27. TVerik. Old Java Rodney. Posted: April 20, 2019 at 12:16 AM (#5833678)
My most recent Uber driver told me that he just got a Master's in aerospace engineering, specializing in "Pyrotechnics". I had to know more, and he told me all about the explosive bolts used by rockets as they separate stages during liftoff.

I nominate this guy to tell people what he does at parties all the time. That's extremely cool.
   28. greenback slays lewks Posted: April 20, 2019 at 01:01 AM (#5833683)
A friend of mine was a lawyer, was a tall 6'5" guy with reddish hair. He used to say he was Kiki Vandeweghe. He would call clubs, saying the Kiki wanted to come to the club that night. He would get into the VIP section and often would have pictures with other celebrities. He looked enough like him to somewhat pass and Kiki wasn't that famous in NY.

Maybe a ginger can get by, I don't know. But I remember watching VanDeWeghe when he was in college, and being amazed at how a guy from southern California could be that pale. His skin was freakishly light, like he was some sort of vampire.

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