“In The Simpsons, why in the world is Comic Book Guy’s store called “The Android’s Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop”? This is a travesty that needs to be called out!”
Meanwhile, back at the shop, does CBG even sell baseball cards? There was that one time Milhouse tried to buy a copy of the 1973 Carl Yastrzemski card, when he had the big sideburns. To his credit, Comic Book Guy knew exactly which card he wanted and exactly its price. However, in the 20-plus years since then, there hasn’t been a single other baseball-related item sold. There have been ALF pogs and Steve Allen pogs, jazz albums, barbershop albums, Mary Worth telephones, Radioactive Man comic books, Biclops comic books, Poochie merchandise, video games like Bonestorm and Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge, Itchy & Scratchy animation cels, James Bond autographs, McBain posters, bootleg movies, a little boy’s soul ... but no baseball cards. The store has been visited by the likes of Stan Lee, Hi & Lois, and even special-effects guru Tom Savini. Why not Mark McGwire, Roger Clemens or Babe Ruth IV? What about the Capitol City Goofball?
It’s in his free time that we see what Comic Book Guy really loves. As you might imagine, comic-book and science-fiction conventions play a big role. He once won the Ultimate Belt at a Star Trek convention and nearly married Edna Krabapple at Springfield’s Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con. His internet life is just as predictable. Comic Book Guy runs many online forums (including “Ain’t I Fat News”), is a usenet obsessive, and was once married to a woman in an online role-playing game. He dresses in superhero costumes, attends flea markets, watches Doctor Who, and opines about any piece of pop culture that crosses his path. The only thing missing from these outside pursuits? Baseball. On that famous day when Hall of Famer Whitey Ford was pelted with pretzels, not even the allure of free food was enough to bring our anti-hero to the ballpark. A few years later, Homer Simpson staged a hunger strike to protest the Isotopes’ upcoming move to Albuquerque. Duff Stadium was filled that night with Springfield citizens from all walks of life, from retiree Jasper to billionaire Mr. Burns. And where was Comic Book Guy? Who knows.
It’s time to end the charade, Jeffrey Albertson. There’s a reason we call you “Comic Book Guy” and not “Comic Book and Baseball Card Guy.” Stop living a lie. The Android’s Dungeon is no baseball-card shop and its proprietor is no baseball fan. You know it, I know it, the people of Springfield know it ... and now the world knows it.
Let’s do something about this. Jiminy Jillickers!
Posted: May 16, 2013 at 12:35 PM | 35 comment(s)
Login to Bookmark