I want to see all of those racing mascots face each other, with Teddy finishing last, of course.

Same.

Fielder was merely saving himself in the first round, seems like.

Ball goes in fountains [ X]
Ball goes over fountains [X ]
Person falls into fountains [ ]
Giancarlo Stanton referenced [ X] (Called "Mike" [X ])
Gratuitous required-by-ESPN reference to... Lebron [] Tebow []
Dwight Howard traded by Orlando before end of event []
Berman declares home run headed to... Kansas City, Kansas [ ] St. Joseph [ ] St. Louis [ ] Liberty [] Chillicothe [] Independence [X ] Columbia [] Springfield [ ] THE MOON [ ]
Reference to Negro League Museum [X ]
Reference to Kansas City barbecue [X ]
A "Gold Ball" home run [X ]
Selig shows up [ ]
Flashback to Hamilton's Yankee Stadium performance [X ]
Berman makes reference to a song that is older than Bryce Harper [X ] (Older than Chipper Jones [ X]) (Older than Harper Lee [ ])
It rains [ ]
Berman makes reference to an AFL-era Kansas City Chief [ ]
George Brett shows up [X ] (reference to pine tar incident [X ])
Reference to Cecil Fielder [ ] (mention how he and Prince remain estranged [ ])
Controversy of R.A. Dickey not starting mentioned [ X]
Mike Trout and Bryce Harper mentioned in same breath [ ]
Reference to Ichiro, Wily Mo Pena, or other BP home run legend [ ]
Mention how Cano's dad had a cup of coffee [X ]
Any mention of the words "Steroids" or "Performance-Enhancers" [ ]
Reggie Jackson mentioned [ ] (Mention is NOT in reference to how he is now persona non grata with Yanks [ ])
Audible swear word [ ]
Matt Wieters sighting [ ]
Ball goes 500+ feet [ ]
Ball hits a sign, car or other object where somebody wins something if a ball hits it [ ]
Somebody on sidelines waves national flag during a hitter's turn [ ]
Reference to how Carlos Beltran was a Royal [ X]
Outfield fielder makes nice play [X ]
Talk about La Russa snub accusations [ ]
Bo Jackson reel [ ]
Billy Butler reference [ ] (Cano booed because of it [X ])
Labor peace mentioned [ ]
Royals on right track [ ]
Barbecue in booth [X]
Buck O'Neil mentioned [ X]
KC Monarchs mentioned [X ]
Batter swings and misses [ ]
Batter given drink by other player [ X]
Person in booth openly worries that a batter is going to go 0-for-10 [X]
Kemp's Shoes [X]
Player picks up their kid after hitting [ ]
Jose Canseco is mentioned for any reason whatsoever [ ]
Commercial for... Dark Knight Rises [ ] The Watch [X ] The Bourne Legacy [ ] The Campaign [ ]
Appearance by NL Hitting Coach Mark McGwire [ ]
Reference to how Mariano Rivera got injured in KC [ ]
Balboni reference [ ]
Ball comes perilously close to ESPN set [ X]
Reference to the MLB Fan Cave [X ]
Ball somehow hits the crowned scoreboard [ ]
Ball somehow ACTUALLY LEAVES THE STADIUM [ ] (how long would THAT have to be)
Mention of the weather and how hot it has been [ ]
Reference to the fact Nomar is married to Mia Hamm [X]

Mark McGwire mentioned by Stadium PA announcer.

"Its a bad day to be an atheist."
-2008, when Josh Hamilton hit in the HR Derby

"Its a bad day to be a hamburger."
-2012, when Prince Fielder hit in the HR Derby

"Its a bad day to be a hamburger bocaburger.

ftfy

Apparently they had the racing mascots all go on one big race before Bautista went. And they didn't show it. Damn you, ESPN... DAMN YOUUUUUUU!

Oh man, I hope someone puts video of that up on youtube.

Oh man, I hope someone puts video of that up on youtube.

Maybe Let Teddy Win will have it.

Apparently the Bratwurst won, according to Twitter. Teddy got distracted near the end and attacked the Sausage.

Its nice they let Jeff Francoeur shag fly balls during this.

Is Closing Time older than Bryce Harper? I guess not.

On the fans: "Good job by them now." Haha. As opposed to earlier.

Teddy went for the sausage and not the Brat? For shame!

Bautista doesn't want to lose.

Congrats to Prince. First 2 time winner since Griffey Jr.!

Congrats to Prince - only the 2d man to win 2 Derbys. Both in the Missouri.

Prince wins. Not that bad. Oh, and embraced by his kids.

I hope Prince's dad had a bet on him.

So the final scorecard:
Ball goes in fountains [ X]
Ball goes over fountains [X ]
Person falls into fountains [ ]
Giancarlo Stanton referenced [ X] (Called "Mike" [X ])
Gratuitous required-by-ESPN reference to... Lebron [] Tebow []
Dwight Howard traded by Orlando before end of event []
Berman declares home run headed to... Kansas City, Kansas [ ] St. Joseph [ ] St. Louis [ ] Liberty [] Chillicothe [] Independence [X ] Columbia [] Springfield [ ] THE MOON [ ]
Reference to Negro League Museum [X ]
Reference to Kansas City barbecue [X ]
A "Gold Ball" home run [X ]
Selig shows up [ ]
Flashback to Hamilton's Yankee Stadium performance [X ]
Berman makes reference to a song that is older than Bryce Harper [X ] (Older than Chipper Jones [ X]) (Older than Harper Lee [ ])
It rains [ ]
Berman makes reference to an AFL-era Kansas City Chief [ ]
George Brett shows up [X ] (reference to pine tar incident [X ])
Reference to Cecil Fielder [ ] (mention how he and Prince remain estranged [ ])
Controversy of R.A. Dickey not starting mentioned [ X]
Mike Trout and Bryce Harper mentioned in same breath [ ]
Reference to Ichiro, Wily Mo Pena, or other BP home run legend [ ]
Mention how Cano's dad had a cup of coffee [X ]
Any mention of the words "Steroids" or "Performance-Enhancers" [ ]
Reggie Jackson mentioned [ ] (Mention is NOT in reference to how he is now persona non grata with Yanks [ ])
Audible swear word [ ]
Matt Wieters sighting [ ]
Ball goes 500+ feet [ ]
Ball hits a sign, car or other object where somebody wins something if a ball hits it [ ]
Somebody on sidelines waves national flag during a hitter's turn [ ]
Reference to how Carlos Beltran was a Royal [ X]
Outfield fielder makes nice play [X ]
Talk about La Russa snub accusations [ ]
Bo Jackson reel [ ]
Billy Butler reference [ ] (Cano booed because of it [X ])
Labor peace mentioned [ ]
Royals on right track [ ]
Barbecue in booth [X]
Buck O'Neil mentioned [ X]
KC Monarchs mentioned [X ]
Batter swings and misses [ ]
Batter given drink by other player [ X]
Person in booth openly worries that a batter is going to go 0-for-10 [X]
Kemp's Shoes [X]
Player picks up their kid after hitting [ X]
Jose Canseco is mentioned for any reason whatsoever [ ]
Commercial for... Dark Knight Rises [ ] The Watch [X ] The Bourne Legacy [ ] The Campaign [ ]
Appearance by NL Hitting Coach Mark McGwire [ ]
Reference to how Mariano Rivera got injured in KC [ ]
Balboni reference [ ]
Ball comes perilously close to ESPN set [ X]
Reference to the MLB Fan Cave [X ]
Ball somehow hits the crowned scoreboard [ ]
Ball somehow ACTUALLY LEAVES THE STADIUM [ ] (how long would THAT have to be)
Mention of the weather and how hot it has been [ ]
Reference to the fact Nomar is married to Mia Hamm [X]

Oh well. Won a round, respectable showing in the final, I'll take it. Grats Prince.

Are we doing a Celebrity Softball Game Chatter?

Damn, nice try from Bautista. Let's switch to pitching machines.

Are we doing a Celebrity Softball Game Chatter?

Wait a minute, I am going to participate in a chatter for an event I attended LAST NIGHT???? Did I go in a time machine? What year is this?

Are we doing a Celebrity Softball Game Chatter?

I'm not doing a scorecard of it, but I'll certainly be having it on....

Wait a minute, I am going to participate in a chatter for an event I attended LAST NIGHT???? Did I go in a time machine? What year is this?

You didn't notice the slim guy in a dark suit, smoking a cigarette and talking about moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas?

Apparently Bo Jackson is in the softball game! Bo Jackson!! I think we need a checklist.

Final Cano thought - it's not bad to boo a villian when it's in an actual, real competitive event that matters. The HR derby is supposed to be 100% fun.

I have some bad news about wrestling for you...

Wait a minute, I am going to participate in a chatter for an event I attended LAST NIGHT???? Did I go in a time machine? What year is this?

You should have just shown up and eerily predicted everything that was going to happen.

After seeing Adam Jones' impressive feat, I demand that next year they incorporate competitive eating into the HRD festivities.

There are no words for how happy this would make me.

Chiefs QB Matt Cassel gets booed []
KU Basketball coach Bill Self gets booed []
Jon Hamm bangs a secretary between innings []
Female participant looks totally inept []
Male participant looks totally inept []
James Denton is referenced to be "desperately" trying to get a hit []
Instant replay shows a call to be wrong []
Bo Jackson is called on to pinch hit []
Steve Garvey appears smug []
Player positions himself beyond the outfield wall []
Mike Sweeney injures himself []
George Brett is called out for using too much pine tar []
Rickey dogs a play []
Ozzie does a backflip []
Matt Cassel has a throw from the outfield intercepted and returned for a touchdown []

Yes, I know which of these actually happened.

I appreciate the list, but it smacks of foresight and prognostication.

Bill Simmons? Wait, I thought he hates baseball now!

Jon Hamm compared to Steve Garvey [X]

No Kate Upton? Disgraceful.

Self is getting booed, which I am pretty sure means KC is a Mizzou town.

No Kate Upton? Disgraceful.

Especially because there's rumors she's dating Verlander now.

Okay, Rickey makes up for the lack of Kate Upton.

Oh no - didn't Verlander see The Natural?

Cassel played in the LLWS as a kid...

Especially because there's rumors she's dating Verlander now.

Good for him, but I had a crush on that chick that he embraced after his no-no. I guess she's available now?

Self is getting booed, which I am pretty sure means KC is a Mizzou town.

NEVER! It just means KU fans are a plurality, and there are two other rival fanbases to boo him.

Oh no - didn't Verlander see The Natural?


Do we still do Primeys? I am voting for this.

Cassel played in the LLWS as a kid...

Better than doing it as an adult.

Here's where I saw the rumor that Verlander is with Upton (and it includes Frank Viola's kid randomly going to a party with them.

Here's where I saw the rumor that Verlander is with Upton (and it includes Frank Viola's kid randomly going to a party with them.


Pretty weak evidence. Although it looks like Viola Jr. had a good night.

Standing ovation for a wounded warrior.
[tear]

I had no idea Simmons was such a big Garvey fan.

Garvey hitting on the kid from 'Glee.' Monster.

Jennie Finch needs to get pulled.

How do you give up a home run to bill self.... Volstadt would only allow a double to him

I would think hitting it to the model on tje al team would be a good way to score runs

More amazing - that Bill Self hit a home run, or that his toupee didn't fly off as he rounded the bases?

Rickey didn't say Rickey once during his interview. Very disappointing.

Here's where I saw the rumor that Verlander is with Upton (and it includes Frank Viola's kid randomly going to a party with them.

The title of one video includes "Finger Mechanics with Kate Upton." God, no. Aren't there sick friends to run things by to avoid any unintentionally gross jokes?