True story: Christmas of '86--I was also 7--my mom was hosting a small, informal Christmas party for her friends from work and the neighborhood, for which she purchased a box of wine (Franzia, I'm assuming) and stashed it in the fridge. Before the party got started, and without her knowledge, I began helping myself to the new "juice" she had brought home--We always had a big bottle of water with a similar spout in the fridge back then, which had been removed to make room for the hootch. I just assumed the box was a replacement for my water.

Long story short, I was caught when I was acting goofy, then tired, at the beginning of the party. I only had maybe about one glass since I used little paper Dixie cups for my water, even a couple of helpings didn't amount to a typical serving of wine. Mom got all freaked out, but on the advice of many nurses in attendance decided to just monitor my first hangover and avoid the local legal system.

Needless to say (but someone must say it), your mom should have had you taken away...

But she didn't, because she's a flaming closet Bolshevik. And so are you, Guillote. You liberal peacetwit.

Has anybody read the comments for this article? They're awesome.

Has anybody read the comments for this article? They're awesome.

Agree. I liked how quickly it became a UM/MSU debate, and hard on the heels of it was those goddam liberals keeping the white man down.

And I bet the stupid professor doesn't even know who Yoko Ono is.