It Turns Out Chet Coppock Still Exists and He Doesn’t Like Theo

Chet Coppocket Protector…confusion rules!

He looks like he is sustaining himself by somehow managing to capture both Mike North and Steve Rosenbloom and storing them in his jowls for later consumption.

...Theo, Public Relations 101. Do you realize what your fans have gone through this year? During the first year of your administration? What’s to be cheerful about regarding the Cubs right now besides the possibility that Jeff Samardzija might be a legitimate #2 starter… he’ll never be a #1 starter… and in my opinion, Alfonso Soriano, left for dead, might be worthy of consideration as National League Comeback Player of the year.

  Theo, you have to realize something. This ballclub has now gone 104 years without a sniff of a winner’s World Series check. Why would you tell your fans that you might once again have a rotation that’s uh… bordering on being halfway decent, but you’ll have to trade 40% of it because you think you’re going to improve the ballclub?

  Theo, you know what? Start sipping some kool-aid and start conveying some joy at the Friendly Confines. This morning, I heard radio stations saturated with spots advertising the availability of tickets for Cubs baseball. You know what, Theo? You’ve had a year. The grace period is over. The party is over. Now the job begins. Now, Theo, you will be judged. And I gotta tell you… I can hardly wait for the Cubs Convention. I want to see just how rough and just how tough the Cubs fans are on the wunderkind from Boston.

What the ####, Theo? YOU’VE HAD A YEAR! HOW COME YOU HAVEN’T COMPLETELY REVERSED THE FORTUNES OF A TEAM THAT THE WRIGLEY FAMILY AND THE TRIBUNE COMPANY SPENT 104 YEARS ####### UP? I mean you have been on the job for 335 whole days! That’s over 8,000 hours! Almost 500,000 minutes! I mean, you have had almost 30,000,000 seconds to turn this #### around already. What have you been doing?