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Saturday, June 09, 2018

Joe Kelly Has the Best Draft Day Story Ever

“I turned 21 the day of the Draft. So double-whammy,” the Red Sox reliever said. “I knew I was getting drafted, obviously, and I turned 21 that day. So obviously that doesn’t mix too well. Let’s just say I was really, really, really belligerently drunk before the draft even started.”

 

Jose is an Absurd Force of Nature Posted: June 09, 2018 at 12:14 AM | 44 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: angels, cardinals, draft, red sox

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   1. Meatwad Posted: June 09, 2018 at 02:21 AM (#5688812)
This is pretty damn funny. At least he knkws now what a mistake it was. But still funny.
   2. JAHV Posted: June 09, 2018 at 02:35 AM (#5688814)
I feel like the Angels always come out on the wrong end of these stories.
   3. RMc Has Bizarre Ideas to Fix Baseball Posted: June 09, 2018 at 07:27 AM (#5688821)
Let’s just say I was really, really, really belligerently drunk before the draft even started.

I'll never understand why people feel the need to get incredibly, dangerously drunk. Or drunk at all, really. Is being drunk truly that much fun?
   4. PreservedFish Posted: June 09, 2018 at 08:04 AM (#5688829)
It's super fun!
   5. Balkroth Posted: June 09, 2018 at 08:48 AM (#5688836)
Have you been in a science or tech field?
Cause that's also how things happen after deals are sealed.

Science probably less so,but for instance cisco live is next week, and that's essentially a big drink fest.
   6. Edmundo got dem ol' Kozma blues again mama Posted: June 09, 2018 at 08:48 AM (#5688837)
I'll never understand why people feel the need to get incredibly, dangerously drunk. Or drunk at all, really. Is being drunk truly that much fun?


I got drunk plenty in my young days. It was usually fun. But why do people get belligerently drunk?
   7. Balkroth Posted: June 09, 2018 at 08:56 AM (#5688838)
I got drunk plenty in my young days. It was usually fun. But why do people get belligerently drunk?

This day?
Video games.
   8. Shredder Posted: June 09, 2018 at 10:21 AM (#5688852)
After starring at California-Riverside
I hate to be that guy, but we are not "California-Riverside" or "Cal Riverside". We're UCR, UC Riverside, or the University of California at Riverside if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
I'll never understand why people feel the need to get incredibly, dangerously drunk. Or drunk at all, really. Is being drunk truly that much fun?
It certainly seems so at the time.
   9. Baldrick Posted: June 09, 2018 at 11:35 AM (#5688870)
"They called me and said, ‘Our pick is coming up, what would it take to sign you?’ I threw out some (expletive) number. Something ridiculous," Kelly said. "I said, ‘I’m only going to sign for this.’ Here comes the pick and I didn’t get picked. I’m not realizing what happened until it clicked in my brain. I was like, ‘(Expletive), I probably messed that one up.’ Good thing no other teams called me to ask me about money, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have been drafted."

I feel like the bar for "best draft story ever" has to be a little higher than this.
   10. JAHV Posted: June 09, 2018 at 11:51 AM (#5688877)
I'll never understand why people feel the need to get incredibly, dangerously drunk. Or drunk at all, really. Is being drunk truly that much fun?


No, it isn't. I've been drunk probably ten times or so and regretted every one. But that's the problem with drinking - the more of it you do (and it's generally just to be social and keep up with everyone else at the party), the less logic gets involved. The mindset that "I deserve to not be able to think clearly or use my motor skills because I'm celebrating" or because "I've had a tough day" just doesn't make any sense and yet I've had that mindset on a couple of occasions.
   11. PreservedFish Posted: June 09, 2018 at 12:16 PM (#5688883)
Being drunk is extraordinarily fun. You guys are just losers.
   12. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: June 09, 2018 at 12:24 PM (#5688884)
Drinking ain't for everyone, but being properly tippled is enjoyable and relaxing. If you're an angry drunk, though, you definitely shouldn't drink.

I enjoy at the end of a long night of poker when everyone remaining in is not sober and they completely bollix their hands after having played so carefully at the start of the night.
   13. Perry Posted: June 09, 2018 at 12:24 PM (#5688885)
I'll never understand why people feel the need to get incredibly, dangerously drunk. Or drunk at all, really. Is being drunk truly that much fun?


The best answer is probably #8, it seems so at the time. I've never been one to get staggering, falling-down drunk, but in my 20s before I had kids I certainly enjoyed going out and having many beers on a weekend night. As I got older the prospect of even a mild hangover became aversive, though, so now I almost always stop short of the Hangover Zone.
   14. Batman Posted: June 09, 2018 at 12:40 PM (#5688897)
Technically, California-Riverside’s official name is UC-Safety School.
   15. vortex of dissipation Posted: June 09, 2018 at 01:48 PM (#5688913)
I'll never understand why people feel the need to get incredibly, dangerously drunk. Or drunk at all, really. Is being drunk truly that much fun?


I got drunk once in my life, when I was 15. It was such an unpleasant experience that I've never repeated it. I'll gladly have a glass of beer or wine, but only one. Any more than that, and my personality begins to change, and I don't like it. A cruel, nasty, and sarcastic side that resides within me starts to emerge, and I want that aspect of myself to remain as buried as possible.
   16. Baldrick Posted: June 09, 2018 at 01:59 PM (#5688916)
The difference between "incredibly, dangerously drunk" and "drunk at all" is like the difference between "ate so much that I made myself vomit" and "had a delicious meal."

As someone who didn't drink until my mid 20s, I don't feel like I missed out on anything life-changing by waiting, but I also certainly appreciate that having a few drinks can make a pleasant experience quite a bit more fun.
   17. Bug Selig Posted: June 09, 2018 at 02:28 PM (#5688931)
I hate to be that guy, but we are not "California-Riverside" or "Cal Riverside". We're UCR, UC Riverside, or the University of California at Riverside if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
I'll make every effort to remember that until the next time UCR pushes its way into my attention but since it seems likely to be decades, I make no promises.
   18. Pat Rapper's Delight (as quoted on MLB Network) Posted: June 09, 2018 at 02:34 PM (#5688933)
My best drinking story is not my 21st birthday, but the day after. Now this was in Louisiana in the late 80's back before the feds extorted Louisiana into changing their drinking age from 18 to 21, so I had already been legally drunk quite often through my first 2-1/2 years of college. In fact, I turned 18 about a month before graduating from high school so, although I had never gotten drunk until college, I was still a pretty popular guy at graduation helping all my friends stock up for their particular party needs. Anyway, my actual 21st birthday I had some exam or project due or something that kept me from celebrating appropriately. But the next night, the college band was traveling to Baton Rouge for a parade and my best drinking buddy and I got an early start. We were pretty well trashed by the time we loaded the buses at the band hall at midnight for the overnight trek across the state, then kept drinking as long as we could, prompting one of our friends to remark in his New Orleans accent, "Damn! It smells like a ****in' brewery back here." Fast forward a few hours (although clearly not enough of them), and we arrive in Baton Rouge and start dressing into those hellish wool college band uniforms for a 2(?) mile parade (felt like 20) to the state capitol.... in Baton Rouge.... in late April where it was a typical 90-degree 90-percent relative humidity kind of day.... then after the marching, we got to stand on the capitol steps for a couple more hours in the direct sunlight for the actual event. I never puked and never really felt like I needed to, but I think I played about 10 notes the whole day before deciding, "Screw this. No one's going to know or care if I'm playing or not." It was hard enough just marching a straight line then having to endure that brutal event just baking in the sun the whole time.

The event, you ask? A statewide high school rally against drug and alcohol abuse! Essentially a giant photo op called by the governor to show that Louisiana was Doing Something about the scourge of drug and alcohol use by the yutes. I think every high school in the state must have sent their Senior class president or whatever to formally deliver petitions signed by students pledging to not use drugs or alcohol. It was about as pointless and empty of an event as it sounds, and between the drunkenness and sweating had dehydrated myself so badly that I had sharp stabby chest pain on my right side for about 2 weeks after when taking deep breaths. Made it hell trying to play the trumpet.
   19. Hysterical & Useless Posted: June 09, 2018 at 02:50 PM (#5688942)
why do people get belligerently drunk?


In vino veritas

I think it's just a matter of how your personality is wired. Me, I always tended to be a rather sentimental drunk, very fond of most everybody, falling in love with any girl who smiled at me...but it's been decades since I got drunk. Nowadays, I'll decide "big night, I'm gonna have 2 beers!" but by the time I'm through the 1st I can barely keep my eyes open. Off to bed then!

When I was in college, there was a guy, incredibly nice, everybody thought he was pretty much the nicest guy they'd ever met. Except when he got drunk. Talk about belligerent. My amateur psych theory is that he worked really really hard at being nice, but when the inhibitions got lowered, everything he'd been holding back came out.

And yes, getting drunk is enormously fun, at the time. Until it's not.
   20. Walt Davis Posted: June 09, 2018 at 06:12 PM (#5689038)
A man's gotta have a code and when it comes to getting drunk ....

1. If you're in the mood to get drunk, get drunk. (Don't drive, don't be an #######, don't get falling down/vomit in public, etc.)
2. This means don't drink stuff designed to get you drunk without you really realizing it; or jello shots; or other nonsense. Drink.
3. This means no drinking games or other stupid stuff. Eating is not cheating and be sure to drink some water as you go along. Vomiting is not the goal, fun is the goal.
4. Avoid amateur drinking nights (Hew Years, Halloween, St Patricks Day, etc.)
5. In short, own your bender.

Why might you be in the mood to do so? Usually a tension release thing or a camaraderie/social thing or a celebration thing. Hopefully as you get older, you discover other ways of handling such situations. Still, "binge drinking" may have a worse reputation than it deserves.

But then I'm mostly a happy drunk. Or I'm a very quiet drunk mainly because as I get drunk it becomes harder for me to separate background noise from conversation so I can't understand anything you're saying. In short, I'm usually not that fun in a loud, crowded bar after I've had a few (but not belligerent or sad) but am a hoot at private parties, hanging out at the beach, etc.

I also seem to be one of those people other people like to confide in when they get drunk.

I'll add the hopefully obvious and unnecessary advice that, especially for women but really everybody, don't drink yourself to the point where you can be taken advantage of, made a victim, etc. Stick with friends and safe environments.
   21. RMc Has Bizarre Ideas to Fix Baseball Posted: June 09, 2018 at 06:14 PM (#5689039)
The difference between "incredibly, dangerously drunk" and "drunk at all" is like the difference between "ate so much that I made myself vomit" and "had a delicious meal."

Except eating a delicious meal doesn't induce one to wrap their car around a telephone pole.

And yes, getting drunk is enormously fun, at the time. Until it's not.

See above.
   22. cardsfanboy Posted: June 09, 2018 at 06:49 PM (#5689051)
I'll never understand why people feel the need to get incredibly, dangerously drunk. Or drunk at all, really. Is being drunk truly that much fun?


I'm a drunk(some would say alcoholic, but I hate that term, as I think that is scapegoating a decision by making it a disease, but yes technically I'm an alcoholic) and there is an episode of The West Wing that sums up a part of the thought process...

At the 2:10 mark is where Leo makes the point.
Leo McGarry "The problem is I don't want a drink, I want ten drinks...."

Combined with this scene... at the 1:55 point.
Leo" I'm an alcoholic, I don't have one drink, I don't understand people who have one drink, I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table, I don't understand people who say they have had enough. How can you have enough of a feeling like this? How can you not want to feel like this longer? My brain works differently."

This is how drinking works for many of us. I drank to oblivion so often and my moods were so varied depending on a host of factor. I was a happy drunk, a defensive drunk, a party drunk, an aggressive drunk, I'm glad I wasn't a handsy drunk, but I definitely was an inappropriate drunk. (Even including hundreds of blackouts, I can honestly say I never made an inappropriate physical contact with a member of the opposite sex, but definitely made inappropriate comments) Beligerent might be an overstep, I didn't go out of the way to be mean to other people, but if I perceived a slight, I didn't back down(I don't back down when sober either, but I might have exacerbated the conflict a bit more when I was drunk...I literally nearly got into a fist fight because someone knew about my baseball love and insisted on pushing buttons to provoke a response from me, and eventually worked up to insulting Jim Edmonds as a crappy player because he struck out all the time---yes this was someone who intentionally wanted me to lose my ####, but I fell for it, which I wouldn't do while sober)
   23. cardsfanboy Posted: June 09, 2018 at 07:06 PM (#5689056)
Note: in regards to my previous comment, that wasn't the way I was when I started drinking obviously, and I started late compared to most people I know(I didn't drink at all in high school, nor in college, and even in the Marines I didn't really drink much, maybe 3-5 a night two times a week when I first started, but by 5 years in that become 5 times a week and after getting out it accelerated) I think binge drinking as a kid is just as often peer pressure as anything else.
   24. The Honorable Ardo Posted: June 10, 2018 at 12:13 AM (#5689180)
I just get quiet and sleepy when I drink. Four beers, or three shots, and my basal instinct at any party is to find the nearest recliner, plop down, and vegetate. Sort of the opposite of a rollicking good time.
   25. Shredder Posted: June 10, 2018 at 12:21 AM (#5689183)
I sometimes worry that I have a problem, because I really like to have drinks. That doesn't necessarily mean I like to get effed up, though that's going to happen occasionally, but I like to have a drink or two virtually every night. I recently started drinking bourbon just because it's probably better to have a few ounces of hard stuff before bed than to have a few beers. Neither is going to mess me up, but I just like the taste.

Now that I'm married with a kid, I'm not in a position for the long bar nights anymore, but for those who "don't understand" getting drunk and liking it, it probably depends on how you're wired. Personally, most of the time in those situations, I'm perfectly fine as long the there is a stimulus. I can drink and drink and drink at a bar, and I'll get drunk, but be very functional. As soon as I'm home and the stimulus ends, I'm out. But I usually don't know that until it's too late. I can't count how many times I've woken up at 5:00 am, lights and TV on, with a full beer next to me because I was sure I was good for one more when I got home. Again, not so much since I met my wife.

Also, people process alcohol differently. For example, I never puke on alcohol, but I black out. I will never get sick, but when I get really drunk, I won't be able to tell you anything that happened in the last 3-5 hours of the night. It's a little scary, but I've done it enough times, always getting home safely with my keys, phone, and wallet, that I'm not afraid of it.
   26. Jose is an Absurd Force of Nature Posted: June 10, 2018 at 12:32 AM (#5689184)
I’m pretty careful about when and where I get drunk. I almost never get drunk at a bar, can’t remember the last time I did in fact. In my younger days I was almost always the designated driver. A friend once joked “it’s great to show up at a bar and see Jose. Usually he’s drinking Diet Coke and you know you have a safe ride home. About once every 3-4 months he’s drinking some fruity rum drink with an umbrella in it and you just sit back and watch him get shitfaced and make everyone laugh.”
   27. Sweatpants Posted: June 10, 2018 at 07:09 PM (#5689341)
I'm guessing that Joe Kelly's draft day story is not that different from his predicting himself to win the AL Cy Young Award story.
   28. cardsfanboy Posted: June 10, 2018 at 08:47 PM (#5689374)
I’m pretty careful about when and where I get drunk. I almost never get drunk at a bar,


I was the opposite, simply because of financial reasons. I figured if I drunk at a bar, the expensive cost would cause me to drink less. I mean the costs of two drinks at a bar, is equivalent to the cost of an entire fifth of vodka(I drink mixed drinks, have never in my life been able to drink beer---just ####### nasty stuff---screwdrivers is my drink of choice) and it's roughly about $9 for two screwdrivers at most places... that cost is an entire bottle of Burnett's vodka(cheap but decent vodka---I hate Smirnoff, just nasty stuff---but for 7.99 a fifth of Burnett's a total bargain, and even 11.99 for Pinnacle is decent enough) so I refused to drink at home until I was probably in my 40's. Simply because I didn't want to become a drunk (note, that plan didn't work obviously)

   29. McCoy Posted: June 10, 2018 at 09:46 PM (#5689390)
$9 for two? What are you frequenting? Well, I don't even know of a shvtty funny example to bring up because that is such a low price I can't think of anything. How about a coal miners bar?
   30. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: June 10, 2018 at 10:00 PM (#5689395)
$9 for two? What are you frequenting? Well, I don't even know of a shvtty funny example to bring up because that is such a low price I can't think of anything.
Maybe he's the creepy old guy at a college bar?
   31. Chicago Joe Posted: June 11, 2018 at 01:23 AM (#5689432)
@RMc: you need to come to the softball game.

If you've been and I don't remember, well....
   32. Mellow Mouse, Benevolent Space Tyrant Posted: June 11, 2018 at 08:28 AM (#5689445)
Many alcoholics in my family - I am short and Irish also, sue me I am a cliche - so I didn't drink at all until late 20s and have been tipsy exactly once (I was very chatty). I am kind of a control freak, so the idea of dropping my inhibitions doesn't appeal to me.

However, I worked my way through college and grad school as a bartender, so it is not like I have huge issues about the stuff, just not for me. And seeing as how I am now older than my father ever got (yes, drinking killed him) I must be doing something right.
   33. Lassus Posted: June 11, 2018 at 08:37 AM (#5689451)
As a not-alcoholic non-drinker, I've given up wondering why people think drunks are entertaining. (I can understand how BEING drunk is entertaining, to drinkers.)
   34. Jose is an Absurd Force of Nature Posted: June 11, 2018 at 08:42 AM (#5689455)
Oh god yes. Drunk people are horrible to be around when you are sober.
   35. PreservedFish Posted: June 11, 2018 at 08:56 AM (#5689458)
Agreed. The worst.
   36. Lassus Posted: June 11, 2018 at 09:11 AM (#5689462)
Well, sure; I think the difference I'm talking about, however, is stories like Joe Kelly's for the reader.
   37. PreservedFish Posted: June 11, 2018 at 09:38 AM (#5689470)
Oh, I think drunk stories can be very amusing. This story is at least slightly amusing, or at least it probably would be if Kelly told it to you in person, even if it's assuredly not "the best draft day story ever." Maybe if you've never enjoyed drunkitude, you can't really enjoy a good drunk story.
   38. bunyon Posted: June 11, 2018 at 10:05 AM (#5689487)
A cruel, nasty, and sarcastic side that resides within me starts to emerge, and I want that aspect of myself to remain as buried as possible.

That's what BBTF is for.
   39. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: June 11, 2018 at 11:14 AM (#5689555)
Agreed. The worst.
Eh, stoned people might be worse, at least if you're trying to corral them to do something or go somewhere.
   40. JAHV Posted: June 11, 2018 at 11:33 AM (#5689576)
I think the reason I don't enjoy being drunk is the same reason I don't enjoy stories about drunkenness. People make enough poor decisions when they're fully in control of their cognitive control over their words and actions; I can't really get behind anything that makes poor decision-making more likely. I have one beer or one drink probably 5 nights out of the week (when you work at a brewery, there is beer around all the time), with the occasional three beer weekend night.

Maybe once every three years or so, when around friends who are continuing to drink, maybe at a poker game or a party, I don't stop myself after three or four and just keep going. And I always regret it, not simply because of the hangover, but because I can't retrospectively enjoy the previous evening. I've never done anything dangerously dumb, but I've done stupid things that embarrass me when looking back.
   41. catomi01 Posted: June 11, 2018 at 02:58 PM (#5689822)
Some of the best times in my life have been drunk, some of the worst have been drunk - it usually all depends on the circumstances. Drinking with friends and starting in a good mood usually = good times. Drinking angry or upset, or with people who you don't get along with usually = bad times. But yes, the older I've gotten, the risk of hangover, heartburn, and the knowledge that I can't just stay in bed the whole next day like I could in College often wins out and puts a cap on at around 2-3 beers.

Once in a while the old drive comes back though - yesterday I played softball from 8 AM to around 5 PM...i generally don't drink while I play, but we had a 2nd pitcher on the roster for the final game of the day, so i benched myself, grabbed the cooler and got to work. Hung around for the following games with some friends, and we ended up at a bar until midnight or so. Didn't feel great in the morning, but I usually wake up in pain the day after softball anyway, so no major regrets.
   42. cardsfanboy Posted: June 11, 2018 at 05:56 PM (#5689901)
$9 for two? What are you frequenting? Well, I don't even know of a shvtty funny example to bring up because that is such a low price I can't think of anything. How about a coal miners bar?


local bowling alley bar. A bottle of beer is $3.50, Draft is 2.75(I think) Shots like firewater is $3.50 and most mixed drinks are $3.50-5.00. I currently don't actually drink much, except once a week on bowling night, I get four shouts of firewater which comes to $14, so I just drop a $20 at the end of the night(so I guess if you are including tips it's $5 a drink.)
   43. cardsfanboy Posted: June 11, 2018 at 05:56 PM (#5689902)
$9 for two? What are you frequenting? Well, I don't even know of a shvtty funny example to bring up because that is such a low price I can't think of anything. How about a coal miners bar?


local bowling alley bar. A bottle of beer is $3.50, Draft is 2.75(I think) Shots like firewater is $3.50 and most mixed drinks are $3.50-5.00. I currently don't actually drink much, except once a week on bowling night, I get four shots of firewater which comes to $14, so I just drop a $20 at the end of the night(so I guess if you are including tips it's $5 a drink.)

edit: although I do think that after the new year the prices went up to $4.50 a shot because I think my tab was $18 a night in February and March.
   44. Cris E Posted: June 12, 2018 at 03:55 PM (#5690628)
Shredder just saved me the trouble of posting, as it appears he's my alcohol doppelganger.

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