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Monday, February 11, 2013

Jon Bois: Superlatives for the most ridiculous Costacos Brothers sports posters

LEAST INTERESTING POSSIBLE CONSTELLATION

A face appeared in the heavens. “BEHOLD!” it said. The people of the world stared and trembled. “I AM PETE HARNISCH!” it bellowed. The people of the world said, “oh,” and went back to whatever they were doing.

RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: February 11, 2013 at 04:13 PM | 35 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: astros, bo jackson, doug drabek, giants, greg swindell, jon bois, nba, nfl, nhl, pete harnisch, posters, red sox, royals, wade boggs, will clark, zubas

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1. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: February 11, 2013 at 05:26 PM (#4367264)

Drat. The link doesn't work. Here it is.

2. Robert in Manhattan Beach Posted: February 11, 2013 at 05:34 PM (#4367271)

Dan Marino's pants are awesome. And none of these are as gay as Paul Ryan's workout pics. Ok, maybe the Wade Boggs one.

3. Nasty Nate Posted: February 11, 2013 at 05:37 PM (#4367274)

I don't understand what the caption means about home plate being backwards in the Wade Boggs one?

4. zonk Posted: February 11, 2013 at 05:46 PM (#4367277)

I don't understand what the caption means about home plate being backwards in the Wade Boggs one?

Well, this was back in the 80s when apparently -- home plate was inverted... true story - that poster actually got people thinking that the angled what-is-today back would make useful guides for creating the baselines and it's been that way ever since.

5. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: February 11, 2013 at 05:49 PM (#4367282)

The home plate can't really be backwards in the poster, because there is no point of reference. We don't know where the pitching mound is. But it does look for far back in the box FWIW. I didn't get that comment either. But it was still funny.

6. DA Baracus is gritty and hits with RISP Posted: February 11, 2013 at 05:54 PM (#4367288)

Doug Drabek's mustache is as excellent as Will Clark's poster is boring.

7. phredbird

Posted: February 11, 2013 at 05:58 PM (#4367293)

swindell, harnisch and drabek could probably crack the astros rotation today.

8. Jose Can Still Seabiscuit Posted: February 11, 2013 at 06:02 PM (#4367295)

Man Will Clark looks as robotic as possible in that poster.

My lifelong Dan Marino fandom took a pretty serious hit though.

9. The Good Face Posted: February 11, 2013 at 06:21 PM (#4367307)

I'm particularly fond of the "Charles Barkley wearing a pair of nut-hugger shorts and a come-hither look" poster.

Will Clark wins the award for "Least buff 90s MLB player who could hit a ton". The physical contrast between Clark and late 90s McGwire or Bagwell is astonishing.

10. Pops Freshenmeyer Posted: February 11, 2013 at 06:30 PM (#4367310)

I enjoyed the Vinnie Johnson commentary.

11. vortex of dissipation Posted: February 11, 2013 at 06:42 PM (#4367322)

LEAST STRATEGICALLY-PLACED NAVAL PRESENCE

There is an aircraft carrier in Lake Michigan, because this is Tom Clancy's America.

I think the author of the piece needs a copy of this book. And I think he missed the point of the Mark Carrier poster anyway, which is a joke that revolves around the nickname "Monsters of the Midway", and this...

12. OsunaSakata Posted: February 11, 2013 at 07:08 PM (#4367340)

Those posters were awesome. I'd love to see those now with Trout or Verlander or McCutchen. This was my favorite.

13. Hello Rusty Kuntz, Goodbye Rusty Cars Posted: February 11, 2013 at 07:31 PM (#4367359)

Who are the pitchers Kirk Gibson locked up?

14. SoSH U at work Posted: February 11, 2013 at 07:50 PM (#4367373)

I don't understand what the caption means about home plate being backwards in the Wade Boggs one?

What he's saying is that home plate is backwards because the back of the plate is in line with the edge of the batter's box. It's not an accurate comment because the front of home plate does not line up with the front of the batter's box either. However, since home plate is not located smack dab in the middle of the batter's boxes but well towards the front, he's not totally wrong either.

15. Greg (U)K Posted: February 11, 2013 at 07:58 PM (#4367377)

I really don't understand why the Swindell/Harnisch/Drabek poster is on a list of silly ones.

Oh, and also, who do I need to throw this sweaty wad of cash at to own it?

16. Moeball Posted: February 11, 2013 at 08:08 PM (#4367381)

I like the one with the black Confederate soldiers, because of course they wanted the South to win so they could stay slaves. About as likely for that to happen as there being black lesbian Republicans today, but...oh, wait, never mind.

17. Good cripple hitter Posted: February 11, 2013 at 08:21 PM (#4367389)

I really don't understand why the Swindell/Harnisch/Drabek poster is on a list of silly ones.

I have a Jays lunchbox that has Vernon Wells, Kelvim Escobar, Felipe Lopez, Eric Hinske, Roy Halladay and Joe Lawrence on it. For the life of me, I can't imagine why the team put Joe Lawrence on a lunchbox, but it exists to commemorate his 55 game Major League career.

Similarly, it's funny to think that someone created an over-the-top Shooting Stars of the Astros poster and put Harnisch, Swindell, and Drabek on it instead of Bagwell and Biggio. It's like creating a 1995 Atlanta Braves poster with Kent Merker, Steve Avery, and Greg McMichael.

18. Barry`s_Lazy_Boy Posted: February 11, 2013 at 08:22 PM (#4367391)

I think I know what the D.B. stands for on Bosworth's jersey.

19. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: February 11, 2013 at 08:23 PM (#4367392)

I remember having this poster when I was a kid. Different company, same genre.

20. Nasty Nate Posted: February 11, 2013 at 08:26 PM (#4367395)

I have a Jays lunchbox that has Vernon Wells, Kelvim Escobar, Felipe Lopez, Eric Hinske, Roy Halladay and Joe Lawrence on it. For the life of me, I can't imagine why the team put Joe Lawrence on a lunchbox, but it exists to commemorate his 55 game Major League career.

Whoa!

21. What did Billy Ripken have against Elroy Face? Posted: February 11, 2013 at 08:32 PM (#4367398)

Man, what did they do with the other 2/3 of Greg Swindell?

22. Justin T is expanding the aperture of awareness Posted: February 11, 2013 at 08:57 PM (#4367415)

I won that Will Clark poster for doing something good in fourth grade. I thought it was pretty badass then and my memory had turned it into something a little more ferocious. Not like Will Clark with muscles ferocious, but at least like he was trying.

23. bobm Posted: February 11, 2013 at 09:39 PM (#4367437)

I was not a Mattingly fan, but I thought the "Hit Man" Don Mattingly Poster was great.

24. BourbonSamurai, vassal of the Harpsburg Empire Posted: February 11, 2013 at 10:27 PM (#4367491)

I like how Bo Jackson has a hockey stick next to his baseball bat. Because who knows what he might decide to do?

25. McCoy Posted: February 11, 2013 at 10:37 PM (#4367503)

My 7th grade Reading teacher used to auction these posters off. You'd get points based on how many hours you read and then at the end of the month you could bid on a bunch of different prizes. I got a poster of Ryne Sandberg that was him swinging a bat and the caption on the bottom saying simply "RYNO".

I had a crazy friend who really really wanted this poster. Almost to the point of getting in trouble in his attempts to acquire it.

There is also this poster that my teacher took down for awhile because a kid in school blew his brains out with his dad's shotgun.

My friend had this poster in his game room for many years.

Looking back those were some really horrible and cheesy posters but we ate them up.

26. Sean Forman Posted: February 11, 2013 at 10:41 PM (#4367505)

Sports Reference company offices have the Ray Borque Secretary of Defense, the Bash Brothers classic and a lame Alonzo Mourning one. I really regret pulling the trigger on the Mourning one. I may have to retire it to get a Malone one for basketball.

27. McCoy Posted: February 11, 2013 at 11:18 PM (#4367544)

So that's where my money goes.

28. Cooper Nielson Posted: February 12, 2013 at 05:12 AM (#4367634)

For the life of me, I can't imagine why the team put Joe Lawrence on a lunchbox, but it exists to commemorate his 55 game Major League career.

Whoa!

I see what you did there!

29. Greg (U)K Posted: February 12, 2013 at 06:06 AM (#4367635)

My 7th grade Reading teacher used to auction these posters off. You'd get points based on how many hours you read and then at the end of the month you could bid on a bunch of different prizes. I got a poster of Ryne Sandberg that was him swinging a bat and the caption on the bottom saying simply "RYNO".

I was about to say I think I had the same poster as a kid, but I think he's fielding in mine.

My brother got one of Kevin McReynolds striding down a dark alley with some criminals cowering from him saying "Speak softly anc carry a big stick".

30. McCoy Posted: February 12, 2013 at 10:14 AM (#4367663)

I was about to say I think I had the same poster as a kid, but I think he's fielding in mine.

Now that I think about it it probably was a photo of him in the field.

Here it is

31. Dave Spiwak Posted: February 12, 2013 at 02:13 PM (#4367985)

We called those zebra-stripe Dan Marino pants "Mr. Wonderful" pants.

What did you call them?

These posters bring back great memories. My homemade posters with photos cut from SI and Sporting News were all based on these. My best work was of the original US Olympic basketball Dream Team, called "Dream Team: Made in Heaven."

32. smileyy Posted: February 12, 2013 at 04:17 PM (#4368143)

Those pants are Zubaz, and they were (are?) a thing in the weightlifting community.

I like how someone thought it was a good idea to show an NFL player holding a fully automatic handgun. Oh, the innocence of the 80s

33. McCoy Posted: February 12, 2013 at 04:42 PM (#4368178)

Not just holding a gun but holding guns that Walter Payton owned and liked to shoot. A couple of years later he got in trouble because he had one of his guns inside of his restaurant and it went off. I think he ended up shooting someone as a result of it going off too.

34. Lars6788 Posted: February 12, 2013 at 04:56 PM (#4368195)

I really don't understand why the Swindell/Harnisch/Drabek poster is on a list of silly ones.

Oh, and also, who do I need to throw this sweaty wad of cash at to own it?

Harnisch was a rising star and Swindell / Drabek were the big pitching free agent signings the Astros had for the 1993 season - it was created to capitalize the novelty that those three would form a 'Big 3' for the Astros.

35. The Good Face Posted: February 12, 2013 at 05:07 PM (#4368207)

Those pants are Zubaz, and they were (are?) a thing in the weightlifting community.

Definitely were. If you see a guy wearing pants like that in a gym, he'll probably be at least 50 years old.

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Monday, February 11, 2013

Jon Bois: Superlatives for the most ridiculous Costacos Brothers sports posters

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