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Monday, September 10, 2012

Jose Canseco Bares All While Praising Anabolic Steroids

Okay…which idiotic *%#$! hypocritical Primate wrote in to Canseco?

Holding nothing back, Canseco reveals the best steroids the game has ever seen. The former Bash Brother and the living breathing face of steroids in sports explains what types of steroids a ball player wants to choose: “...you really don’t want to gain too much weight and you want to impress the chicks by being able to shake your boobs around because chicks dig that and chicks dig the long ball…they actually love that!”

Canseco goes on to explain that through his career, those who didn’t use anabolic steroids really weren’t trying to help their team win. He claims that those who didn’t use steroids were viewed as weak; they weren’t team players or willing to make the sacrifices needed to win a game.

“...if you didn’t take steroids, you were just a *%#$!, you were just not part of the team…”

...He then sets the blog on fire with his response to a bit of fan mail. Chastised for ruining the otherwise pure game of baseball and tarnishing its image, Canseco berates this individual with the cold, hard truth:

“Let me tell you something you idiot, baseball was never a pure sport, there was always something involved…baseball is constantly evolving…and let me tell you something you *%#$! hypocritical fans, you loved seeing homeruns fly 5-600 feet.”

Repoz Posted: September 10, 2012 at 09:18 AM | 25 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: steroids

Reader Comments and Retorts

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Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. The Fallen Reputation of Billy Jo Robidoux Posted: September 10, 2012 at 10:54 AM (#4231508)
Coincidentally, I just re-read Itamar Moses' play on stereoids in baseball, Back, Back, Back. One of the character is a barely-disguised Canseco. I thought the play was great - anyone else read or seen it?
   2. The District Attorney Posted: September 10, 2012 at 11:11 AM (#4231531)
you want to impress the chicks by being able to shake your boobs around because chicks dig that
*takes notes*

Apparently he at least got an editor, which I guess is good.

   3. Topher Posted: September 10, 2012 at 11:11 AM (#4231533)
If Clemens can get one last shot at MLB glory, why can't Canseco?
   4. 2 dudes are better than STIGGLES; i'm both of em Posted: September 10, 2012 at 11:25 AM (#4231551)
If Clemens can get one last shot at MLB glory, why can't Canseco?
because he's not a cult hero in his hometown?

i mean, kansas city isn't looking to sign clemens. san diego isn't looking to sign clemens. seattle isn't looking to sign clemens.


it's only houston.

although, that does kind of ignore the likely sarcasm in the original comment. but that is the difference between the two.
   5. Heinie Mantush (Krusty) Posted: September 10, 2012 at 11:26 AM (#4231552)
I really thought this was from the Onion before I clicked the link.
   6. Astro Logical Sign Stealer Posted: September 10, 2012 at 11:32 AM (#4231559)
I also liked watching home runs fly 390 feet and bounce off his thick skull and go over the wall.

And I'm with 2. Shake your boobs around? Wha?
   7. Bob Tufts Posted: September 10, 2012 at 11:57 AM (#4231592)
I wondered how Canseco's SacBee hanging lately after years of steroid use and abuse....
   8. The District Attorney Posted: September 10, 2012 at 12:05 PM (#4231606)
Bob, did any teammates ever get mad at you for not using steroids? (Or amps? Or tinctures and unguents, or whatever they had back then?)
   9. Bob Tufts Posted: September 10, 2012 at 12:20 PM (#4231624)
DA:

No. No one got mad at me for NOT drinking excessive amounts of coffee, snorting cocaine or popping Mexican amphetamines ("black bennies").
   10. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: September 10, 2012 at 12:26 PM (#4231635)
[6] Steroids have been known to cause gynecomastia.
   11. phredbird Posted: September 10, 2012 at 12:32 PM (#4231644)
[6] Steroids have been known to cause gynecomastia.


does chocolate cake do it? that's the only thing i'm on.

i'm a wreck. i've stopped working out and my trainer is mad at me.
   12. Bob Tufts Posted: September 10, 2012 at 12:33 PM (#4231645)
Steroids have been known to cause gynecomastia.


How do you measure the degree of gynecomastia? Is there a device similar to the orchidometer?
   13. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: September 10, 2012 at 12:48 PM (#4231660)
If steroids = tits, I want to commend Bartolo Colon for bravely cleaning up baseball by eating all of the steroids.
   14. jacksone (AKA It's OK...) Posted: September 10, 2012 at 12:50 PM (#4231661)
If Clemens can get one last shot at MLB glory, why can't Canseco?


Cause Clemens is half-way decent and Canseco continues to fail in every half-assed attempt at playing in the minors?
   15. charityslave is thinking about baseball Posted: September 10, 2012 at 02:27 PM (#4231782)
It's continually amazing to me how he is almost universally reviled, yet he was instrumental in cleaning up baseball. I know the reasons and I don't like him either. It's just the dichotomy that amazes me.
   16. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: September 10, 2012 at 02:35 PM (#4231794)
Nobody likes their alarm clock.
   17. staring out the window and waiting for fenderbelly Posted: September 10, 2012 at 03:02 PM (#4231838)

Gonfalon, how do you get so much consistency out of your quips? I mean, a good one liner here and there is understandable but post-in and post-out...

Oh. ####.

BRAIN STEROIDS. Do you have scalpne, by any chance? And the rest of you, posting here drug-free... you're just *#$%! and don't care about the BTF team.
   18. Joey B. is counting the days to Trea Turner Posted: September 10, 2012 at 03:04 PM (#4231844)
Didn't Canseco not that long ago reveal that he's basically impotent now because he abused testosterone-generating chemicals for so long that his body forgot how to produce testosterone on its own?

Thanks, but I hope you'll forgive me if I choose to ignore your romantic advice, Doctor Love!
   19. Bob Tufts Posted: September 10, 2012 at 03:17 PM (#4231856)
Didn't Canseco not that long ago reveal that he's basically impotent


See - steroids DO have positive effects. We are thus saved from the horror of a Jose/Snooki love child reality show.
   20. RMc and the Respective Punishments Posted: September 10, 2012 at 06:28 PM (#4232021)
you want to impress the chicks by being able to shake your boobs around

The last time I did this, I was banned from Denny's for life.
   21. booond Posted: September 10, 2012 at 06:45 PM (#4232030)
Jose/Snooki love child reality show.


This must happen!
   22. Jarrod HypnerotomachiaPoliphili (TeddyF.Ballgame) Posted: September 10, 2012 at 07:36 PM (#4232055)
No one mentioned this quote from the top of the page yet?

This section contains unedited press releases distributed by PR Newswire. These releases reflect the views of the issuing entity and are not reviewed or edited by the Sacramento Bee staff. More information on PR Newswire can be found on their web site. You can contact the service with questions or concerns here.

Read more here: http://www.sacbee.com/2012/09/10/4804531/jose-canseco-bares-all-while-praising.html#storylink=cpy


What the hell is stuff like this doing on a newspaper site?
   23. Squash Posted: September 10, 2012 at 09:24 PM (#4232112)
Apropos of nothing, I saw Canseco in an elevator a few years ago. He was with with a platinum blonde girl and all blinged out in a slightly updated 1989 look - mirrored shades, open shirt, etc. It was awesome.
   24. Josh1 Posted: September 10, 2012 at 09:59 PM (#4232134)
I saw him with probably the same girl walking a dog in Central Park about a year and half ago on a rainy day. He also looked like he had just steeped out a time machine from his heyday.

Given his financial situation, maybe he working as a dog walker.
   25. simpleton & childlike gef the talking mongoose Posted: September 11, 2012 at 01:24 PM (#4232735)
If there were a god, Jose Canseco would spontaneously combust.

Unfortunately, I seem to have made the right choice by leaning strongly toward atheism.

Coincidentally, I just re-read Itamar Moses' play on stereoids in baseball, Back, Back, Back.


Is the title a reference to bacne? Do authorities believe Murray Chass was involved in writing the play?

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