I think we’ve hit a sad new low in the Canseco legacy.

Please. This is Canseco at the Met playing oboe in a Mozart symphony compared to his typical low.

Between Canseco and A-Rod, we'd have 2 guys who probably bench at least 400 but couldn't beat the average primate. With A-Rod slapping and Canseco showing the skill that couldn't beat Bonaduce, this would be pathetic.

Between Canseco and A-Rod, we'd have 2 guys who probably bench at least 400 but couldn't beat the average primate. With A-Rod slapping and Canseco showing the skill that couldn't beat Bonaduce, this would be pathetic.

I wrestled and had two older brothers who taught me to fight, but I'm also only 5'8'' and 150 pounds. I don't think A-Rod or Canseco would have much trouble kicking my ass. This is why I carry a gun, 2 knives, and a fold out picture of Tommy Lasorda with his hooker of the week.

You carry those things on the chance that Canseco or Rodriguez are gunning for you?

You carry those things on the chance that Canseco or Rodriguez are gunning for you?

I'm pretty snarky. I just assume they're after me.

I wrestled and had two older brothers who taught me to fight, but I'm also only 5'8'' and 150 pounds. I don't think A-Rod or Canseco would have much trouble kicking my ass.

I'm a few inches taller than you and weigh about 30 pounds more, yet I have no doubt that those two could also kick my ass (and any other Primate here, to boot).

I wrestled and had two older brothers who taught me to fight, but I'm also only 5'8'' and 150 pounds. I don't think A-Rod or Canseco would have much trouble kicking my ass. This is why I carry a gun, 2 knives, and a fold out picture of Tommy Lasorda with his hooker of the week.

I'd think the Lasorda picture would be sufficient.

I'd think the Lasorda picture would be sufficient.

That's the nuclear option. I mean, I just want to maim a would-be attacker, not kill anyone.

This is why I carry a gun, 2 knives,

No wonder you and snapper hit it off so well.

No wonder you and snapper hit it off so well.

Not only did we hit it off well, but he sold me a time share at a survivalist compound. I'm still a bit unsure how the time share will work when Obama causes armageddeon, though. I mean, is it first come first serve? Do I have to guess when the armageddeon is coming and make a reservation? Is the swimming pool well maintained? Because I don't want to have to walk to the beach for a morning swim...

(I kid snapper, I kid. I won't let robinred break us apart.)

I'm a few inches taller than you and weigh about 30 pounds more, yet I have no doubt that those two could also kick my ass (and any other Primate here, to boot).

That because you jiu-jitsu weak fren.

In case you forgot, onetime Red Sox slugger and all-around role model Jose Canseco is in Springfield, Mass., this week, with plans to fight in a celebrity boxing match (the undercard: Rodney King! No, really!).

If Jose Canseco had played in Kansas City he never would be getting all this publicity.

That because you jiu-jitsu weak fren.

Heh.

Joke (n): 1. something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement;
2. something that is amusing or ridiculous, esp. because of being ludicrously inadequate or a sham
3. a matter that need not be taken very seriously
4. something that does not present the expected challenge
5. Jose Canseco

Alex Rodriguez, get your a-- in the ring and I’ll beat you to a pulp. Definitely that lying little idiot.

Yeah, that lying Alex Rodriguez denied his steroid use for a long time, until circumstances finally forced him to admit it.

The brave truth-teller Jose Canseco, on the other hand, denied his steroid use for a long time, until money finally forced him to admit it. Huge difference, there.

That’s just wild flailing, bro.

Wow.

I wrestled and had two older brothers who taught me to fight, but I'm also only 5'8'' and 150 pounds. I don't think A-Rod or Canseco would have much trouble kicking my ass. This is why I carry a gun, 2 knives, and a fold out picture of Tommy Lasorda with his hooker of the week.
Me Jose carry five guns. Won last one from former Red Sox legend John Henry Williams in boxing match. I go for his dad next unless Manny answers my phone calls.

Please, Jose, please shut up.