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Monday, July 30, 2012

Jose Canseco: Control the People, Not the Guns

Amazing that that baseball off his head can lead to more TBI than RBI.

I truly believe, aggressively, that we have the right to bear arms. We should be able to carry guns to protect ourselves. Period.

The funny thing is I don’t own any guns, but I would love to have a few—an Uzi and a street sweeper and a machine gun, maybe. I’d love to be able to carry a 9mm on me in a holster and just walk around. That’d be great. But you can’t in California, the state in which I live. And that’s bogus.

...Once, when I was about 19, I had a gun pulled on me by a younger kid. He was probably 16 or so, and he put it right in my face. My reaction was, “Put that thing away.” He jumped in his car and took off.  But I’m a 6’4” 250-pound martial arts expert. If a guy breaks into my home and comes after me but clearly doesn’t have a weapon—and I know I can defend myself—no I won’t shoot him. But I have to make sure he doesn’t have a weapon on him. And that could be a problem in the dark, after I was just startled out of bed. So it’s a very iffy situation. But, theoretically, if I was certain he didn’t have a weapon and I could defend myself (in other words he’s smaller than I am), I would not use a gun. Even if he does, I’m probably not going to shoot him above the waist; I’ll blast him in the leg or the knee.

If you misuse a weapon and kill innocent people, you should be executed. And if it were up to me, I would fry the Aurora shooter, big-time. I’d do it like old times; I’d make it a spectacle and try him in public. Hang him, electrocute him, whatever. Maybe make it a Pay-Per-View special and send the proceeds to the families of the victims and maybe offset some of the costs of keeping him on death row and operating whatever death machine you strap him to. If I were president, that’s exactly what I’d do. No doubt in my mind. Financially, it’s a great deal.

The endpoint of what I’m saying is that our country has nukes and other countries have nukes, and we don’t have these things because we want to or will use them, really. We have them to deter other countries from using them. On a large scale it works, so why not on a smaller scale? Mutually assured destruction.

Repoz Posted: July 30, 2012 at 09:05 PM | 25 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: history

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   1. TerpNats Posted: July 30, 2012 at 09:16 PM (#4196514)
The funny thing is I don’t own any guns, but I would love to have a few —- an Uzi and a street sweeper and a machine gun, maybe. I’d love to be able to carry a 9mm on me in a holster and just walk around.
I suppose those are the firearm equivalents of 'roids...prove that manhood, Jose.

If you misuse a weapon and kill innocent people, you should be executed. And if it were up to me, I would fry the Aurora shooter, big-time. I’d do it like old times; I’d make it a spectacle and try him in public. Hang him, electrocute him, whatever. Maybe make it a Pay-Per-View special and send the proceeds to the families of the victims and maybe offset some of the costs of keeping him on death row and operating whatever death machine you strap him to. If I were president, that’s exactly what I’d do. No doubt in my mind. Financially, it’s a great deal.
This might be a good scene in any potential remake of "Gabriel Over The White House," substituting for the scene in the '33 original where the Walter Huston president lines up gangsters to be gunned down on a barge within sight of the Statue of Liberty.
   2. Ivan Grushenko of Hong Kong Posted: July 30, 2012 at 09:22 PM (#4196519)
Poor Jose. People love to quote him saying something stupid and he never disappoints.
   3. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: July 30, 2012 at 10:06 PM (#4196548)
Just to clarify: When Jose says "guns", he's referring to his biceps, right?
   4. Esoteric Posted: July 30, 2012 at 10:06 PM (#4196550)
So I suppose this is Repoz's way of announcing the August OT: Politics thread two days in advance?
   5. tshipman Posted: July 30, 2012 at 10:13 PM (#4196561)
So I suppose this is Repoz's way of announcing the August OT: Politics thread two days in advance?


Apparently. Jose hasn't been relevant in baseball terms in something like 15 years.

I'd call Repoz out on it, but I’m a 6’4” 250-pound martial arts expert. Doesn't seem fair.
   6. charityslave is thinking about baseball Posted: July 30, 2012 at 10:21 PM (#4196568)
Attention gun nuts- it's you and Jose Canseco. Enjoy!
   7. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: July 30, 2012 at 10:30 PM (#4196582)
CNN is now reporting many leading Republicans are urging Mitt Romney to choose Jose Canseco as his running mate.
   8. Dale Sams Posted: July 30, 2012 at 10:34 PM (#4196587)
CNN is now reporting many leading Republicans are urging Mitt Romney to choose Jose Canseco as his running mate.


Anything happens to Mitt then....John Boehner becomes president?
   9. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: July 30, 2012 at 10:52 PM (#4196601)
Anything happens to Mitt then....John Boehner becomes president?

nope--Lenny Dykstra
   10. AROM Posted: July 30, 2012 at 11:02 PM (#4196611)
in other words he’s smaller than I am


...and not named Bonaduce.
   11. Shredder Posted: July 30, 2012 at 11:11 PM (#4196625)
The world has been full of crazy people pretty much since the world has had people. Something tells me we'll never be able to "control" them. Maybe making it much harder to obtain weapons which have no purpose other than to kill very large numbers of people in a small period of time would work better.
   12. cercopithecus aethiops Posted: July 30, 2012 at 11:16 PM (#4196629)
I'd settle for someone controlling the people named Jose Canseco.
   13. bookbook Posted: July 31, 2012 at 01:02 AM (#4196689)
Okay. I'll admit the trading deadline has been a bit boring for me as well. But this kind of red meat is a bit over the top.
   14. rr Posted: July 31, 2012 at 01:11 AM (#4196692)
Possible handles and memes from this excerpt:

I’m a 6’4” 250-pound martial arts expert

whatever death machine you strap him to

I don’t own any guns, but I would love to have a few

And that’s bogus.
   15. Walt Davis Posted: July 31, 2012 at 01:33 AM (#4196705)
Also "Walt Davis hasn't been relevant in baseball terms in something like 15 years" has a nice ring to it but is a bit long. I could drop the "in baseball terms" bit I suppose.

and, yes, ...

controlling guns = unconstitutional government over-reach
controlling people = responsible government
   16. Everybody Loves Tyrus Raymond Posted: July 31, 2012 at 02:59 AM (#4196732)
Also: I believe I can still hit. Somebody please sign me.

Seriously enough, he needs to be careful about who he chooses to physically engage with - Jose couldn't even beat up Danny Partridge.
   17. Adward Posted: July 31, 2012 at 03:23 AM (#4196740)
6,

We're pleased to welcome Jose Canseco to the newly relocated Athletics. Jose has always been a go to guy with the record to prove it. We see him as our 3 hitter in front of Eric "go home" Cartman. He may also see use as a set up man on slow days. Although some in the media have voiced concerns over Jose's ability to field and react, we have every confidence he'll find a spot in our SBRmetric driven right field shift. He joins eight other right handed batters, hand picked to demolish lefties inside the moving fences at FoxWolff Park.
   18. MM1f Posted: July 31, 2012 at 03:45 AM (#4196743)
Jose has always been a go to guy with the record to prove it. We see him as our 3 hitter in front of Eric "go home" Cartman.


I believe Eric Kartman is more of a pitching prospect, but with that 6'8 frame I guess he could hit cleanup too. At 6'8, 185 it looks like the initial scouting reports of "big boned" are not accurate.

http://www.iuhoosiers.com/sports/m-basebl/mtt/kartman_eric00.html
   19. willcarrolldoesnotsuk Posted: July 31, 2012 at 08:04 AM (#4196765)
CNN is now reporting many leading Republicans are urging Mitt Romney to choose Jose Canseco as his running mate.
Unfortunately, as Jose was not born in the United States, he is Constitutionally ineligible for the office of the Vice Presidency. So I'm afraid that Mitt is going to have to go with Curt Schilling.
   20. The Long Arm of Rudy Law Posted: July 31, 2012 at 10:01 AM (#4196852)
Unfortunately, as Jose was not born in the United States, he is Constitutionally ineligible for the office of the Vice Presidency.


Technically, but who's going to tell that to a 6’4” 250-pound martial arts expert?
   21. Mayor Blomberg Posted: July 31, 2012 at 11:14 AM (#4196945)
When I think of models of people controlling themselves, I always think of Jose.
   22. zack Posted: July 31, 2012 at 11:27 AM (#4196962)
Hearing that Jose Canseco holds the opposite really makes you feel good about your opinions.
   23. gef, more dangerous than a monkey w/ a razor blade Posted: July 31, 2012 at 11:32 AM (#4196971)
But I’m a 6’4” 250-pound martial arts expert.


I've reached the age where I can't even hope to keep up with current slang. When did "martial arts expert" start meaning "useless piece of crap who needs to take a bath in gasoline & then light up"?
   24. Shoeless Swedish Chef Posted: July 31, 2012 at 11:36 AM (#4196981)
The endpoint of what I’m saying is that our country has nukes and other countries have nukes, and we don’t have these things because we want to or will use them, really. We have them to deter other countries from using them. On a large scale it works, so why not on a smaller scale? Mutually assured destruction.

The problem is that you haven't got any second strike capability by yourself with personal firearms. That is vital to make MAD work, otherwise the best strategy is a surprise attack.
   25. Shooty is obsessed with the latest hoodie Posted: July 31, 2012 at 11:41 AM (#4196987)
Jose Canseco's life code:

First you get the roids
Then you get the money
Then you get the women
Then you lose the money
Then you get uglier women
Then you still get the roids
Then you get the guns
But, no, you still don't get the guns because you lost the money
Then you get the twitter
They you get the money?
Anyone?
Money?
Please?

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