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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Journal News: Abraham: A-Rod now does wake-up calls, too

Reach out and slap someone…

Nike.com has lined up Rodriguez and seven other prominent athletes to make calls to sleepy consumers. All you have to do is send in your phone number and what time you want a call. Given that I sleep late whenever possible, this seemed ideal.

...But given my duties as Yankees beat writer, it had to be Rodriguez. Perhaps he would tell me whether he had changed his mind again and would play for the Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic. Maybe he would apologize for his poor playoff performance. At least there might be some poker tips or a subtle jab at Derek Jeter. Alas, it was a recorded message.

“Pete! This is Alex Rodriguez,” he shouted. “Mornings are the most valuable time of the day, and I should know. You snooze, you lose. So get up, get out and do something with your morning.”

Repoz Posted: January 31, 2006 at 02:13 PM | 50 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: yankees

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   1. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: January 31, 2006 at 02:37 PM (#1845069)
Oh this is gonna be fun.

Best Regards

John
   2. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: January 31, 2006 at 02:52 PM (#1845077)
O.K. (you knew this was coming); top 10 A-Rod messages you can get for your wake-up call:

10. "It wasn't about the money, I'm happy in Texas, I have no regrets, I'd do it again in a heartbe...oh, right. Get your ass outta bed."

9. "One of us has to get up. I can't decide which side of the bed to get out of."

8. "Make sure you wake up your spouse, I like taking out two."

7. "Good morning, it's Derek Jeter. Normally Alex would be making this call however it's October and he hasn't woken up yet."

6. "Just so you know, by the time you've heard this entire message I'll have made more money than you'll make all year--have a nice day."

5. "This is a recording because I'm up already and at the gym improving myself so get up and drive your kid to school like the pathetic loser you are."

4. "Good morning, I'm Alex Rodriguez, you will have a good day because after hearing from me nothing worse can possibly happen to you today."

3. "I know I'm calling you but rest assured no one wants a ring worse than me."

2. "I make $27 million a year and you make $50 grand yet you're paying me to do this. I love this country."

1. "I know you're itchy down there but if you don't stop scratching I'm gonna slap your hand off of your balls."

Best Regards

John
   3. Dr Love Posted: January 31, 2006 at 03:00 PM (#1845081)
I bet Trot Nixon signed up for this.
   4. Old Matt Posted: January 31, 2006 at 03:52 PM (#1845121)
Noooooo! Pete is the Yankees beat now?
   5. CFiJ Posted: January 31, 2006 at 03:54 PM (#1845123)
For a guy who obviously cares about his image, A-Rod is absolutely the worse guy in history at managing it.
   6. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: January 31, 2006 at 04:44 PM (#1845167)
Alas, it was a recorded message.

The man himself was out running stadums.
   7. TVerik, the gum-snappin' hairdresser Posted: January 31, 2006 at 04:51 PM (#1845181)
But the recorded message used the writer's name. Must have taken Mr. Rod quite some time to record all of those names.
   8. Rich Posted: January 31, 2006 at 04:55 PM (#1845186)
Lincoln once said about Grant: “Tell me what brand of whiskey that Grant drinks. I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals.”

For all the curious things that A-Rod says and does off the field, I wouldn't mind if the other 24 Yankees acted the exact same way, if they played as well as A-Rod does on the field.
   9. Bren-Dull Posted: January 31, 2006 at 05:00 PM (#1845195)
I'm probably pretty sure this will work out for the best.
   10. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: January 31, 2006 at 05:00 PM (#1845197)
I hope Alex had a wake up call scheduled for himself come October </obvious snark>

Best Regards

John
   11. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: January 31, 2006 at 05:01 PM (#1845198)
I hope Alex had a wake up call scheduled for himself come October </obvious snark>

Best Regards

John
   12. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: January 31, 2006 at 05:02 PM (#1845200)
The snark so nice I did it twice!

Best Regards

John
   13. standuptriple Posted: January 31, 2006 at 05:04 PM (#1845205)
I've signed up quite a few soon-to-be-former friends for this service. For some reason they say midnight to 3am is too early for a wakeup call.
   14. RB in NYC (Now Semi-Retired from BBTF) Posted: January 31, 2006 at 05:06 PM (#1845208)
But the recorded message used the writer's name. Must have taken Mr. Rod quite some time to record all of those names.

Sometimes in retrospectives on shows they show the stars donig promos for syndication ("You're watching Fraiser on FOX-5 New York...You're watching Fraiser on FOX-7 Boston...You're watching Fraiser on FOX-13 Memphis and so on) I always wonder how those people don't lose their mind. Same with A-Rod and all those names
   15. TVerik, the gum-snappin' hairdresser Posted: January 31, 2006 at 05:11 PM (#1845213)
I'd sign up as "Nebuchadnezzar", just for fun. Or as "Tom Hicks".

I always wonder how those people don't lose their mind.

Jay Sherman: How do you sleep at night?
McBain: On top of a pile of money, surrounded by beautiful women.
   16. TVerik, the gum-snappin' hairdresser Posted: January 31, 2006 at 05:12 PM (#1845215)
How much is it, standuptriple? What other athletes are available?
   17. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: January 31, 2006 at 05:17 PM (#1845221)
I wonder what some of the other messages are like....

Albert Belle: “Get up or I‘ll leave you bedridden.”
Pete Rose: “I‘ll bet it‘s time for you to get up.”
Steve Garvey: He just rolls over and nudges you awake.
Mark McGwire: “I‘m not here to talk about the past but as of the present it‘s time to get up.”
Joe Morgan: “Billy Beane shouldn‘t have let you sleep in.”
Rafael Palmeiro: “It was Miguel Tejada‘s idea to wake you up.”
Jason Giambi: “Good morning! Can I get you some juice?”
Barry Bonds: “*click* (dialtone)”
Kris Benson: “Um, hi, by any chance could you put Anna on the line?”
Bud Selig: “Up and at ‘em. Hey, you would‘ve slept better had you taken a night cap.”

Best Regards

John
   18. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: January 31, 2006 at 05:42 PM (#1845264)
A few more:

David Samson: "Good morning. Would you build me a stadium?"

Steve Trachsel: Good ................................... morning ................................... it's ................................... time ................................... to ................................... get ................................... up.

Denny Neagle: "Good morning, yes, this is my new job."

Chad Curtis: "Good morning. Are you saved? Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior?"

Sidney Ponson: "Uh, thish ish Sidson P-p-ponney. Err, ahhh Ssshidney Ponssssshon (pause) *hic* ummm (burp) What do you want? *hic* Go to hell loser....damned salesmen *click*"

Jose Offerman: (drops receiver)

Bill Singer: "Herro, time to get up you ah-so (snicker)."

Ken Griffey Jr. "Good morning! This is OUCH MY ARM! I think I pulled something. Can I call you back?"

Manny Ramirez: "What am I supposed to do with this? What is it anyway? You want me to say what? Oooo look! A dog with a puffy tail hee hee hee."

David Wells: "Help! Is this 911?? I need...oh crap."

Best Regards

John
   19. Best Regards, President of Comfort Posted: January 31, 2006 at 06:04 PM (#1845309)
Wake up before I come over there and slap the hell out of you!
   20. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: January 31, 2006 at 06:18 PM (#1845322)
Maybe he could sing something:

"Six foot two, lips of blue shooby dooby dooby doo would anybody be my call?"

Best Regards

John
   21. Honkie Kong Posted: January 31, 2006 at 07:54 PM (#1845512)
George Bush : "Good Morning. This is George Bush. If you don't get up now, I will send the army over to your house to turn it upside down and bomb the #### out of it. Don't worry, this is for your own good, you will become a good christian. jesus saves. amen"
   22. jmac66 Posted: January 31, 2006 at 07:59 PM (#1845524)
Sammy Sosa: "No hablo inglés muy bien, pero es hora de despertar"

Ken Harrelson: "Go grab some floor"

Carl Everett: "Dinosaurs didn't sleep this late"
   23. Honkie Kong Posted: January 31, 2006 at 08:01 PM (#1845528)
More political wakeup calls

Dick cheney : "good morning. This is..Dick Cheney."
John Kerry : "good morning, do you know that dick cheney has a lesbian daughter? "
Tom Delay : "Good morning! Get up, look at this bright beautiful day. Quite like this new deal I want to cut you into.."
Bin Laden : "Salaam alekhum. Get up now, or I will send you one of my video tapes Insha allah"
   24. Honkie Kong Posted: January 31, 2006 at 08:10 PM (#1845542)
Back to regular scheduled programming

Kobe Bryant : "Good Morning. This is your lucky morning. Do you know who is calling you up? KOBE BRYANT! Kobe freaking Bryant. The king of basketball, Kobe bryant. Do you know who you are talking to? KOBE BRYANT! You diggin this? I am Kobe Bryant"

ARod Redux : "Good Morning. I have finally decided to wake you up. My company is happy with it, my wife is happy with it, my agent is happy with it. Are you? You don't sound too happy..why..you sound a bit grumpy. Wait. Let me reconsider this!. *click*"
   25. Smitty* Posted: January 31, 2006 at 08:14 PM (#1845552)
Jim Edmonds: "I always wait until the answering machine is about to pick up and then dive to answer the phone"

Dusty Baker: "Don't bother getting up, kid. Neifi's doing your job today"

Bengie Molina: "Stay in bed. Sit this day out. You'll get more money tomorrow."

Joe Girardi: "It's time to get up. And hey, can you play centerfield, 'cause I got nobody here"

Coco Crisp: "Get up and eat my namesake for breakfast."

Felix Pie: "What Coco said"
   26. Honkie Kong Posted: January 31, 2006 at 08:21 PM (#1845565)
Tim McCarver : "Good Morning. This is Tim McCarver. Get up already! You think Derek Jeter would be in bed now?! I couldn't sleep all night thinking of Jeter. Ooooh just saying that name.."

Wilt Chamberlain : "Good Morning. So do you know where your wife / girlfriend was last night? "
   27. jmac66 Posted: January 31, 2006 at 08:43 PM (#1845610)
Tim McCarver: "I think you're shading your pillow too far to right field"
   28. Morph Posted: January 31, 2006 at 10:21 PM (#1845755)
Tim McCarver: Matt Waters, with 8 hours of sleep, is like... a wiley wolverine!
   29. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: January 31, 2006 at 10:34 PM (#1845770)
Mo Vaughn: "Let me say this: Who the (expletive) are you? What have you done in your sleep? Have you led your family in REM? Have you ever (expletive) had a wet dream that meant something? You snore so much (expletive), and he haven't even done (expletive), you the right to evaluate and analyze dreams, but what the hell have you done to deserve that right? You haven't done (expletive) to sleep anywhere. I've slept on team flights, I've slept on the trainer's table at Fenway Park, I've slept with my MVP trophy twice. What the hell have you done? Who the hell are you? I'm trying to be cool here. I'm trying to be nice waking folks up all the way around ain't none of them done a damn thing in their damn bed, bottom line. You ain't got no sheets hanging on your friggin' clothes line, so the hell with you."

Best Regards

John
   30. CrosbyBird Posted: January 31, 2006 at 10:42 PM (#1845783)
Billy Beane: If this doesn't wake you up, it's not my fault. My #### don't work in the morning.
   31. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: January 31, 2006 at 11:57 PM (#1845889)
Smitty, Felix Pie's name is actually pronounced P.A. as in Spanish for foot. I used to make Felix Pie jokes all the time, then I found that out.

Milton Bradley: Wake up you racist or I'll throw a bottle at you!
   32. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: February 01, 2006 at 12:05 AM (#1845897)
levski: Wake up, you've been traded for Russ Ortiz.
Sam M.: Wake up, but stay in bed a while.
John: It's time to get up. Best regards, John.
Gagne_55: <rap>This message ain't fake. It's time to awake.</rap>
Runningbyrd: Get up or you deserve to die along with free agents who go to New York and Bush supporters.
Chris Dial: Wake up now to maximize your Sleep Value Produced Above Average.
Vaux: Isn't not getting up now a sin?
   33. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: February 01, 2006 at 12:07 AM (#1845900)
Nah, I'd do a top 10 list on why you should get up.

Best Regards

John
   34. Dewey, Crackpot and Soupuss Posted: February 01, 2006 at 12:17 AM (#1845912)
Derek Bell: '...'
   35. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: February 01, 2006 at 12:27 AM (#1845920)
Darren (or Biff or Kevin): Get up to see the Red Sox win! The Sox are going all the way! Woohoo!
Baseball_chick: its tim 2 get up now fur its a butiful dae
TOLAXOR: IT IS NOW TIME TO GET UP
Gagne_55: After saying this he told them, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I am going there to awken him.-John 11:11
   36. TVerik, the gum-snappin' hairdresser Posted: February 01, 2006 at 01:12 AM (#1845977)
Jim Edmonds: "I always wait until the answering machine is about to pick up and then dive to answer the phone"

I'm in love. Smitty* is dreamy.
   37. PepTech Posted: February 01, 2006 at 01:17 AM (#1845980)
Chuck Finley: "Hi, this is ... OW! What the hell was... OW!!"
Vin Scully: "The weather is simply picturesque as we begin our day together. Rarely does such a sight meet our collective eye and it is a joy to be able to share it with you."
Chris Truby: "Good morning. Are you saved? Have you accepted Lucifer as your personal savior?"
Nomar Garciaparra: "If I'd been there I would have woken up your dog and a couple of neighbors, too."
Frank Tanana: "What does this have to do with me?"
Jack Vincennes: "I'm just on my way to bed..."
Peter Gammons: "It's time for you to get up.



"And Mike Crudale."
   38. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: February 01, 2006 at 01:30 AM (#1845995)
I am sick and tired of guys like Chris Truby and Albert Belle having wakeup messages.
   39. Шĥy Posted: February 01, 2006 at 01:40 AM (#1846004)
Dusty Baker: Don't get out of bed. The sun just came up so its not safe for you.

Derek Jeter: This is Derek Jeter telling you to wake up. Yes, I did just do a fist pump after I said that.

Gary Sheffield: Why do you need a wake up call? Do you think I got a wake up call when I was growing up as a black man. Do you know what it is like to be a black man? They need to give me rights to come over and bash your head in.

Alex Rodriguez: I'm telling you to get out of bed so I expect you to follow naturally.

Gary Sheffield: It is time for you to get out of bed and start your day. But before you start your day, remember that is cold and you need to moisturize. Don't confuse your moisturizer with a $50,000 steriod cream though. That is a common problem.
   40. Шĥy Posted: February 01, 2006 at 01:44 AM (#1846009)
Must have taken Mr. Rod quite some time to record all of those names.

It's possible that that Arod never said any of the names and the company just manipulated his voice to say each name.
   41. DCW3 Posted: February 01, 2006 at 02:21 AM (#1846033)
A.J. Pierzynski: "I know you didn't order a wake-up call, but you're gettin' one anyway, b*tch!"
   42. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: February 01, 2006 at 03:00 AM (#1846063)
Moises Alou, not Gary Sheffield, should be the one taking about moisturizer
   43. Rich Posted: February 01, 2006 at 03:26 AM (#1846081)
And before Alou, Otis Nixon.
   44. Jose Molina wants a nickname like ARod Posted: February 01, 2006 at 03:49 AM (#1846103)
this is truly some of the worst primer humor ive read in a long time.
   45. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: February 01, 2006 at 04:22 AM (#1846117)
Here is some pretty poor humor from primer. Man, I forced those puns.

Albert Belle: I'm sick and tired of people like me giving wake up calls.
   46. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: February 01, 2006 at 04:31 AM (#1846122)
Also see Transaction Oracle: Reds sign Menechino, Balfour.
   47. Smitty* Posted: February 01, 2006 at 01:25 PM (#1846288)
<I>I'm in love. Smitty* is dreamy.<>

Thanks.....I think.
   48. G.W.O. Posted: February 01, 2006 at 01:43 PM (#1846295)
Backlasher : "Morning is just another example of groupthink."
   49. IronChef Chris Wok Posted: February 01, 2006 at 02:25 PM (#1846313)
50 Cent: If you don't get up, I'll shoot at you 9 times, but only hit you 3 times
   50. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: February 01, 2006 at 11:41 PM (#1847029)
iksvel: Yeah, because getting up is so great.

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