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Saturday, June 14, 2014

Keri: The BestCoolest MLB Teams (I’ve Ever Seen)

Last year, I unveiled my rankings of the BestCoolest Player I’ve Ever Seen, pitchers and hitters editions. As with most other Grantland baseball fare, there was some level of objectivity to the rankings, since we can do a pretty good of evaluating the best players from the past 30-plus years. “Coolest” is an entirely different matter, though. Should steroids guys count? How is Rickey not no. 1? And what the hell should we do with Bo Jackson? While unanimity was impossible, you could still find a wide swath of baseball fans who’d stump for Rickey, Bo, or Pedro, because of their incredible combination of raw skills and off-the-charts entertainment value.

Today, we’re rolling out the BestCoolest Teams I’ve Ever Seen — a much tougher proposition. Baseball fans — like fans of every other sport — can be provincial, to the point of becoming irrational. A Yankees fan might have a tough time crediting a great Red Sox team. Can a Cubs diehard really be expected to fully appreciate a loaded and exciting Cardinals squad? As someone whose only major rooting interest lies with a team that no longer exists, this isn’t a major problem. Still, you’re going to get some highly subjective arguments, and you’re going to get pissed off about them. (Please send all complaints to RanyJazayerliWillAnswerAllMyHateMail@grantland.gov.)

Here are the rules for our little exercise, modeled after the template for BestCoolest Players:

• “Best” remains the most important criterion here — you won’t find a non-elite team in the bunch. We’ll lean on objective metrics as we always do to go beyond mere wins and losses. But there’ll be some subjectivity too. I’m not above giving bonus points for flair. So if a certain team had goofy handshakes, delightfully, earnestly unironic/terrible/foreign-language songs, or commercials, more power to them.

• To be eligible, teams had to have played at a time when I was old enough to watch and appreciate baseball. That’s anything from 1981 on. Sorry, 1899 Cleveland Spiders.

Got all that? Let’s go.

Good cripple hitter Posted: June 14, 2014 at 03:00 PM | 41 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: history, jonah keri, not a slideshow

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   1. TerpNats Posted: June 15, 2014 at 10:46 AM (#4726489)
The 1993 Phillies didn't even warrant honorable mention? I can understand the reluctance of accepting them as people (with the exception of Jim Eisenreich) given some of their scurrilous post-'93 activities, but I had more fun watching that team than any I've ever followed. Rallying from 8-0 down to beat the Giants in late April; Milt Thompson's game-saving catch in San Diego; Mariano Duncan slamming past the Cards on Mother's Day; "Mitchie-poo" (as Harry called him) hitting a game-winning RBI vs. the Padres at 4:40 a.m.; Len Dykstra homering to beat the Dodgers in the 20th inning on the same homestand; Kim Batiste's extra-inning heroics in Game 1 of the NLCS; it simply was an amazing team. And then, for the season to end the way it did, was like seeing your best friend suffer a sudden, fatal heart attack on a city street.
   2. Steve Balboni's Personal Trainer Posted: June 16, 2014 at 08:45 AM (#4727110)
He has the Bash Brothers A's as his #1 cool team, but I guess they are diminished in hindsight because of the whole steroids thing. It is hard to think about Canseco/McGwire without focusing on steroids. But at the time...they were fun to watch.
   3. John Northey Posted: June 16, 2014 at 09:00 AM (#4727117)
The 85 Royals were a blast to watch too. George Brett being unstoppable, Buddy Biancalana becoming a star for a couple of weeks, bye-bye Balboni, Bret Saberhagen emerging, Dan Quisenberry being amazingly effective... just a lot of fun even though they beat the Jays in the first best of 7 (any year pre-1985 the Jays would've been in the World Series).
   4. BDC Posted: June 16, 2014 at 09:07 AM (#4727118)
I personally had more fun watching the 1983 Phillies than any other team I saw. Mike Schmidt, a bunch of over-the-hill greats, and some journeymen having the time of their lives … including John Denny, whose career margin over .500 was provided almost entirely by that one season.

The 1971-75 Athletics, whom I saw mostly on Games of the Week and in the postseason, were a very entertaining bunch, a little before Keri's timeframe.
   5. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: June 16, 2014 at 09:17 AM (#4727125)
The 93 Phillies were indeed a lot of fun. From my Fanboyist perspective, I'd rate the top 5 thusly:

5. 1986-1988 Humm Baby Giants
4. 2000 - 2005 Moneyball A's
3. 1980-81 Billy Ball A's
2. 1993 Giants
1. 1988-90 A's

This current version of the A's is in danger of busting into the top 5, though.
   6. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: June 16, 2014 at 09:27 AM (#4727130)
The 1971-75 Athletics, whom I saw mostly on Games of the Week and in the postseason, were a very entertaining bunch, a little before Keri's timeframe.

I can take it back to 1952, and for sheer entertainment I'd call it a tossup between Finley's Mustachios and Billy's Bronx Zoo. Take it back even more and it has to be The Gas House Gang of Dizzy Dean, Leo Durocher, Joe Medwick and God knows how many other redasses and lunatics. The Bash Boys were nothing but a combination of steroids and marketing, although I have to admit that Rickey and Canseco's clown act would have stood out in any era.
   7. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: June 16, 2014 at 09:35 AM (#4727137)
The Bash Boys were nothing but a combination of steroids and marketing

Please. That team had a smiling Hendu in center, Eck's fist pumps, Stew's death stare and Carney Lansford constant dives in the dirt in addition to the Bash Brothers. The steroid taint is post-facto and has no bearing on the experience at the time.
   8. Jose Is The Most Absurd Thing on the Site Posted: June 16, 2014 at 09:45 AM (#4727142)
I think the A's are absolutely the right choice. Jonah is probably about my age (43) and in my lifetime that team had a swagger and a coolness that is unmatched. The Blue Jays are the team on the list I don't think should be there. As noted above they weren't even the coolest team in their second World Series.
   9. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: June 16, 2014 at 10:34 AM (#4727173)
The Bash Boys were nothing but a combination of steroids and marketing

Please. That team had a smiling Hendu in center, Eck's fist pumps, Stew's death stare and Carney Lansford constant dives in the dirt


Right, as if fist pumps and death stares and dives in the dirt were peculiar to the A's.

The steroid taint is post-facto and has no bearing on the experience at the time.

Christ, at least the 80's Mets had the class to use the drugs of degeneracy rather than the drugs of productivity. They were an ongoing Marion Barry party at the Vista International compared to the A's sidebar BTF ads. About this there can be no disagreement.
   10. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: June 16, 2014 at 10:41 AM (#4727181)
Right, as if fist pumps and death stares and dives in the dirt were peculiar to the A's.

I'm sorry you missed out on the fun that was that version of the A's. You're pretty obviously wrong on how the team was perceived at the time but I have no doubt that won't stop you from dismissing them.
   11. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:03 AM (#4727200)
Right, as if fist pumps and death stares and dives in the dirt were peculiar to the A's.

I'm sorry you missed out on the fun that was that version of the A's. You're pretty obviously wrong on how the team was perceived at the time but I have no doubt that won't stop you from dismissing them.


Actually I liked them, and I would've liked them even more if they hadn't dogged it twice in the World Series. I just don't think they were all that special compared to some of the teams like the Bronx Zoo Yankees or the Finley A's that came before them, or even compared to the Mets of the 80's. But this is wholly a matter of taste, I'll admit.

And I'll concede your point that their perception at the time wasn't identical to how we look at them in hindsight. I'm just p!ssed that they couldn't beat a bunch of stiffs like the Dodgers.
   12. The Id of SugarBear Blanks Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:08 AM (#4727203)
1985-88 Mets were cooler than the Bash Brothers.

1982 Brewers are way underrated in TFA.
   13. The Id of SugarBear Blanks Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:09 AM (#4727205)
The right answer to this is the 1976 Tigers when The Bird pitched.
   14. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:12 AM (#4727209)
1985-88 Mets were cooler than the Bash Brothers.

Yeah, they're up there. I loved the 82 Brewers when I was a kid and the 82 Expos, too (Dawson, Raines, Carter, Rogers, etc.) That was the year in my childhood when I probably loved baseball the most so any team that was interesting in 81 and 82 hits my nostalgia sweet spot. The 1995 Mariners were a lot of fun, too.

edited because I got a whole freakin decade wrong.
   15. Sweatpants Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:25 AM (#4727225)
The '96 Braves made this list? The only cool Braves teams from the glory years were the 1991 and 1992 editions (maybe 1993, too). That was when they were young and fast and underdogs. By the time they won the World Series, they'd assumed the corporate identity that people generally associate with them. (I mean, as a Braves fan, I liked that they were robotic and corporate, but I'm trying to be objective.)

And 1996? Being the big bad giants is cool when you win and steamroll the opposition. The 1996 Braves were the big bad giants who choked.

I'd probably take 1992 over 1991, because '92 was the year of Sid Bream sliding and Otis Nixon leaping twenty feet in the air to rob a home run.

Edit: Also, in 1992 they led the NL in attendance and no one was making jokes yet about sparsely attended playoff games.
   16. Harveys Wallbangers Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:25 AM (#4727228)
well, this is unfortunate. i don't know how one misses the 1982 giants. or the 1992 giants.

those were some good teams with interesting storylines.

EAST COAST BIAS!

//joke on the bias remark

   17. Harveys Wallbangers Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:27 AM (#4727232)
agreed with sweat on the braves

there were easily 1001 writers who kept predicting that the 1991 braves would fail.

and the 1992 braves won a great division race. G-R-E-A-T

1996?

doesn't compute
   18. Harveys Wallbangers Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:30 AM (#4727237)
and the 1997 marlins were a bunch of homegrown players combined with mercenaries. and jim leyland.

   19. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:36 AM (#4727248)
1982 Brewers are way underrated in TFA.

I rooted for the Orioles and the Yankees against them in those years, but I agree that the Brewers were easily the most colorful team between the Bronx Zoo and the Mets of the late 80's. When the Orioles massacred them in the first three games of that historic season-ending series, one of my most vivid memories is the sight of Harvey Kuenn wobbling out on his wooden leg to remove one Brewers' pitcher after another. I always loved Kuenn, and there's seldom been a better match of team and manager.
   20. The Id of SugarBear Blanks Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:39 AM (#4727259)
Harvey hit it -- 82 Giants were very cool.
   21. Harveys Wallbangers Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:40 AM (#4727261)
what's forgotten about the brewers is that between 1978 and late august of 1983 they were possibly the best team in the american league east. that core had quite the run.

no, i did not add up the wins/losses for everyone over that time frame. probably the orioles do a hair better.
   22. Harveys Wallbangers Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:41 AM (#4727263)
the 1982 giants knocked the dodgers out on the last day, they almost won 90 games with no starters really worth a sh8t and most of the best players were 52 years old or thereabouts
   23. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:44 AM (#4727266)
I liked the 82 Giants, too. I left a lot of good A's/Giants teams off my list. I was a fan of the 82 Phillies--Rose! Schmidt! Carlton!--and the 1980 Astros and Royals, too. The 1980 Astros don't get enough love, I think. They came, so, so close.
   24. BDC Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:44 AM (#4727267)
I suppose it's the day to say "the Gwynn-era Padres." In fact, the Phillies of the 1980s always seemed to play close-hard-fought games in their few series a year against San Diego, and usually Gwynn was right there in the middle of the action.
   25. Harveys Wallbangers Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:51 AM (#4727284)
bdc

related only to teh comment about tony gwynn in 1988 gwynn got off to a horrible start and was hitting well under .300 into july. then he went nuts in july hitting over .400 including four games at wrigley where by game 3 harry was visibly exasperated by gwynn getting hit after hit.

i distinctly remember sitting on my tractor, listening to the radio and harry going, "and ANOTHER hit for tony gwynn"

harry clearly regarded the cubs pitchers as being total failures
   26. The Id of SugarBear Blanks Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:57 AM (#4727293)
the 1982 giants knocked the dodgers out on the last day, they almost won 90 games with no starters really worth a sh8t and most of the best players were 52 years old or thereabouts

Swept the Dodgers in LA the penultimate weekend to pull within a game, then knocked them out on the last day.

I always thought rookie Chili Davis was quite cool. F-Robby also was at the point in his career where he *really* wanted to prove himself as a manager, and he did with that team -- also cool.

The big package they got back in the Tufts trade was the key ...

(As an aside, I recently picked up a mint condition ebay copy of the 1983 Giants yearbook, marking the 100th anniversary of the franchise. It has a cool decade by decade history of the franchise, and naturally a lot of 1982 Giants photos. It's one of the better yearbooks you'll see.)
   27. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: June 16, 2014 at 12:05 PM (#4727305)
The steroid taint is post-facto and has no bearing on the experience at the time.


I remember whispers of steroids and at least one or two signs from opposing fans hinting at such. It was more in jest than anything I suppose, but the rumors were there.

I've always hated the Cardinals, but their speed demon 1987 team was a lot of fun to watch.

Another underrated team was the '92 Brewers, who actually stole more bases (256!) They had eleven players in double-digit steal totals, including 31 from a 35 year old Paul Molitor.

I find stolen bases and speed more fun to watch than teams that bash home runs. I think the Silly Ball era turned me off to that. The Bash Brothers were not a particularly fun team to watch (especially since the Royals were always three steps behind them in the standings).

Where are the '93 Phillies? That team was a hoot.
   28. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: June 16, 2014 at 12:07 PM (#4727309)
Ah, the one HR team I did like watching was the '91 Tigers. They were the original Moneyball team. Led the league in walks and homers, second in runs - and won 84 games. I loved watching Cecil Fielder, Tony Phillips, Mickey Tettleton, and Rob Deer hit.
   29. Harveys Wallbangers Posted: June 16, 2014 at 12:14 PM (#4727330)
ag1

the 1992 brewers were a testament to positive thinking. but it was also the brain trust of garner/bando who thought trading gary sheffield would be a good thing
   30. villageidiom Posted: June 16, 2014 at 12:22 PM (#4727349)
The right answer to this is the 1976 Tigers when The Bird pitched.
I doubt the right answer to "The BestCoolest MLB Teams Jonah Keri has ever seen" is a team/year Jonah Keri didn't see.
   31. CFBF Is A Golden Spider Duck Posted: June 16, 2014 at 12:22 PM (#4727353)
If I were to choose a Braves team from the division title years, I might go with 2002. Impeccable bullpen, anchored by John Smoltz but held together by reclamation projects Mike Remlinger (who, admittedly, had been a top-flight set-up man since 1999), Darren Holmes and Chris Hammond. Great starting rotation with Maddux-Glavine-Millwood, but also with Damian Moss putting up a 122 ERA+ despite 89 walks in 179 innings. A crummy offense with a hilarious and hilariously productive Franco-Franco first base platoon. Won 101 games. That LDS loss was one of the more devastating Braves' postseason defeats.

The 1999 team gets honorable mention just for all the adversity it overcame. Season-ending injuries or illnesses to Galaragga, Javy Lopez, Kerry Ligtenberg and Odalis Perez. Fighting off an outstanding Mets team. John Smoltz completely altering his delivery mid-season to deal with elbow pain. Chipper ####### Jones.
   32. dr. scott Posted: June 16, 2014 at 12:39 PM (#4727399)
I think the last 3 years of the A's are going to look really good with time as well as Shooty points out. They claim to be just a HR and walk club, but the last three years has also been about smart speed and great defense. That and the players personalities and Melvin makes it a really fun team to watch.
   33. Fred Lynn Nolan Ryan Sweeney Agonistes Posted: June 16, 2014 at 03:52 PM (#4727601)
This current version of the A's is in danger of busting into the top 5, though.

The last couple of years have been the most fun I've ever had watching a baseball team. The current A's squad is a really good and entertaining group.
This ragtag bunch of misfits hasn't pulled it together to win the big game, but hope springs eternal.

(Before that, it was just the 1980 Astros, the 1986 Astros, and the A's in 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, and 2006. Eesh.)
   34. Harmon "Thread Killer" Microbrew Posted: June 16, 2014 at 04:09 PM (#4727625)
I remember whispers of steroids and at least one or two signs from opposing fans hinting at such. It was more in jest than anything I suppose, but the rumors were there.


You're not alone in recollecting it this way. What's interesting is watching the old footage of late 80s playoffs/World Series involving the A's (Canseco, that is) and seeing just how often steroids references and accusations are presented. I had another example in mind, but here's a clip from the 1988 ALCS wherein Reggie Jackson asks Canseco about steroid allegations made by Tom Boswell:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7RjhrldqdM
   35. toratoratora Posted: June 16, 2014 at 05:20 PM (#4727698)
Hands down the coolest team of my lifetime was the Fighting A's of the early seventies. Those uniforms,white shoes, Finley, Blue Moon, Catfish, Reggie, Fingers and Vida. Hell, guys like Rudi and Bando sounded awesome, like some Old Western gang. Toss in the mustaches,sideburns galore, the hair, all the fighting and nonstop turmoil, oh yeah, they were to MLB in the 70's what the Raiders were to the NFL.
Second place may go to the We Are Family Pirates. Those guys were a blast with Pops, side-arming Tekulve, Richie Zisk, Parker and the Sisters Sledge. Rocking to Wild Cherry in the chilly Pittsburgh August night was all sorts of fun
Other fun teams were Harveys Wallbangers, 73 Mets, The 93 Phillies. I'm sure I'm missing a few.
Possible bias here, but I loved, as in loved loved loved the Idiot Red Sox. That's my favorite (weird) team of all time. Pedro, Manny, Millar,Damon, midgets, Schillings ego,The nascent Arroyo, Nomar sulking his way out of Boston, the Derek Lowe face and of course, the comeback. They were just a blast to watch play, simply because they had such little finesse. They strutted up there, bashed the holy snot out of the ball, pitched hard, kinda played defense and went home, winners more oft than not.
From an aesthetic perspective, I liked watching Whitey's Running Redbirds more than a little. Didn't care for the players, but watching them felt almost like what I would have imagined deadball baseball on turf to be like. All those switch hitters, the turf defenders, speed everywhere, The Wiz, they played a game nobody else was playing and it was fascinating to watch.
Being a Sox fan I'm gonna withhold comment on the mid Eighties Mets. To this day thinking about that team leaves me with indigestion and gnashing my teeth.


ETA-Re #34. I distinctly remember sitting in the stands while everyone around was chanting "Steroids" at Canseco, McG et.al.
   36. Batman Posted: June 16, 2014 at 05:32 PM (#4727705)
related only to teh comment about tony gwynn in 1988 gwynn got off to a horrible start and was hitting well under .300 into july.
I like that a horrible start for Tony Gwynn was that he had a hard time getting his average over the Tulowitzki Line.
   37. Tom Nawrocki Posted: June 16, 2014 at 09:15 PM (#4728046)
The 2005 White Sox were great, but they weren't as cool as the 1983 White Sox, with Fisk, Luzinski, Baines, Hoyt, Floyd Bannister, the adorkable Ron Kittle, the young Tony LaRussa at the helm, finishing the season by going 41-10 (no, I'm not going to look it up, but it's close), in decrepit old Comiskey Park.
   38. jingoist Posted: June 16, 2014 at 09:58 PM (#4728075)
A classic "your baby's ugly; my baby is the pretty one" argument if I ever saw one.

I'm partial to my Bucco's of 1979: we are family; goofy uniforms/goofy players.
Also fond of those 1982 Brewers who broke my, Palmers and thousands of O's fans hearts on the final regular season day of 1982.
I must admit to enjoying a high degree of schadenfreude from witnessing the Steinbrenner/Martin Yankee donnybrooks.
   39. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:53 PM (#4728148)
I'm partial to my Bucco's of 1979: we are family; goofy uniforms/goofy players.

As an Orioles fan who sat in front of a group of Pirates' wives singing "WE-ARE-FAM-I-LEE!" nonstop during that World Series under a steady Memorial Stadium drizzle, I can't say I share share your enthusiasm. Sister Sledge they weren't.

Also fond of those 1982 Brewers who broke my, Palmers and thousands of O's fans hearts on the final regular season day of 1982.

If the O's had to lose that year, I'm glad it was to that team. I still have the ticket stub for the final game of that series in my wallet, Section 6, Box E3, Seat 3, bought for $8.50 face value from a scalper.
   40. PreservedFish Posted: June 16, 2014 at 11:55 PM (#4728151)
I heartily approve.

In 1989 I was 8 years old and I had these displays on my wall where you could slot in baseball cards - each was a big poster-sized plastic thing that had probably 25 or 30 little transparent card-sized sleeves. I had one with filled with Mets cards (1989 Donruss), and one filled with A's. Why the A's? I had no allegiance to them, they were just objectively the coolest team.

1986 Mets are a solid #2 choice, a hugely talented team with a terrific blend of young ######## and veteran ########.
   41. PreservedFish Posted: June 17, 2014 at 12:00 AM (#4728152)
I'm surprised that nobody's mentioned the 1996 Yankees. I know, they're the Yankees, but it was a really cool team. This team had Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden, Ruben Sierra, Tim Raines, and Cecil Fielder, all of them were over the hill and contributing to an otherwise excellent team.

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