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Thursday, May 24, 2012

Krauthammer: The Nationals and the Joy of Winning (An old fan needs a new philosophy.)

It was our much-anticipated quarterly lunch with Tim Kurkjian, baseball analyst extraordinaire, wherein George Will and I bathe in a constant flow of obscure statistics, Kurkjian oddities, and ribald anecdotes, like the one about the Red Sox beat writer who accidentally walked in on a players’ prayer meeting and was greeted by the burly right fielder, newly born-again and not yet practiced in the language of Christian fellowship, bellowing “Hey! Can’t you see we’re having f—— chapel here?”

After which, Kurkjian asked us about our daily reading habits. I confessed that during baseball season I give the front page of the morning paper about 90 seconds before going right to the box scores.

To which Will deadpanned, “Why waste the 90 seconds?”

True story. (You can look it up. It’s in Kurkjian’s book.) Of which there are two things you should know: (a) Will was only half joking. (b) He turned out to be prescient: Last Wednesday, I crossed over. I went straight to the sports section.

It was an important personal milestone, though the circumstances were extenuating: I’d missed the previous home game. You see, on weeknights I’m normally at Nationals Park, it being exactly seven minutes from Fox News’s Washington studios, where my workday ends at 7. If the winds are fair and the Third Street tunnel clear, I can get to my seat by the bottom of the first, in time to see Bryce Harper’s first at-bat.

Except that the previous game was a day game. I may be an addict, but I do draw the line somewhere. If I find myself at the park at three in the afternoon on a Tuesday, it’s time for an intervention. . . .

Between now and October, the Nats are my vice. I started going when they were bad, and once celebrated in this space “the joy of losing,” under the axiom that if you expect nothing, you’re never disappointed. A very serviceable philosophy when your team is terrible.

But I need a new philosophy now. The Nationals are good: young, swift, exciting — and in first place in the National League East.

JE (Jason Epstein) Posted: May 24, 2012 at 10:33 PM | 25 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: media, nationals

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   1. Avoid running at all times.-S. Paige Posted: May 25, 2012 at 08:58 AM (#4139876)
It's entirely possible that Krauthammer posts here as Joey B. Also, Krauthammer is a name Pynchon would create.
   2. Joey B. has ignited his October #Natitude Posted: May 25, 2012 at 09:35 AM (#4139887)
Sadly, my name isn't anywhere near as cool as Krauthammer's.
   3. Dangerous Dean Posted: May 25, 2012 at 11:15 AM (#4139955)
None of us have a name as cool as Krauthammer's. So don't feel bad.
   4. zack Posted: May 25, 2012 at 11:41 AM (#4139980)
Who the hell drives 2 miles crosstown to go to a game? Das Krauthammer, apparently.
   5. Avoid running at all times.-S. Paige Posted: May 25, 2012 at 12:08 PM (#4140008)
Who the hell drives 2 miles crosstown to go to a game? Das Krauthammer, apparently.


Well in fairness, I think he's in a wheelchair so walking and public transportation are a bit tougher.
   6. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: May 25, 2012 at 12:09 PM (#4140009)
I think Krauthammer is a paraplegic, in addition to being a world-famous political pundit and ex-psychiatrist, so he's probably been transported everywhere by a personal driver for decades.
   7. JE (Jason Epstein) Posted: May 25, 2012 at 12:10 PM (#4140010)
Who the hell drives 2 miles crosstown to go to a game? Das Krauthammer, apparently.

Due to a diving accident during his first year of med school, Krauthammer is confined to a wheelchair. Interestingly, Juan Williams often accompanies Krauthammer to the games.

EDIT: A Coke Zero to both 5 and 6.
   8. asinwreck Posted: May 25, 2012 at 12:48 PM (#4140046)
I thought Krauthammer was too busy to discuss baseball. Doesn't he have an insufficiently anti-Palestinian rabbi to yell at?
   9. Nasty Nate Posted: May 25, 2012 at 12:54 PM (#4140051)
Sadly, my name isn't anywhere near as cool as Krauthammer's.


I don't know, Buttafuoco is pretty cool.
   10. Matt Clement of Alexandria Posted: May 25, 2012 at 01:06 PM (#4140061)
the one about the Red Sox beat writer who accidentally walked in on a players’ prayer meeting and was greeted by the burly right fielder, newly born-again and not yet practiced in the language of Christian fellowship, bellowing “Hey! Can’t you see we’re having f—— chapel here?”
Trot Nixon? That sounds like Trot to me.

It doesn't sound like Dewey, and before Dewey you're early enough in the history of the born-again movement that it seems less likely it could have happened then.

Other options: Tom Brunansky, Troy O'Leary, Phil Plantier
Unlikely: Gabe Kapler
   11. gef the talking mongoose Posted: May 25, 2012 at 01:12 PM (#4140063)
Even more unlikely: Chris Truby. The fact that he never played for Boston has nothing to do with it.
   12. Darren Posted: May 25, 2012 at 01:24 PM (#4140076)
I thought of Trot too. I wonder if this was meant to disguise the identity of the speaker, because it fails pretty badly at that. I'm not sure any of those other guys are born again, although it'd be easy to find out, I think.
   13. SoSHially Unacceptable Posted: May 25, 2012 at 01:26 PM (#4140079)
Trot Nixon? That sounds like Trot to me.


Trot was definitely a devout Christian (recall the praise to God after the homer to beat the A's), though I got the impression (for some reason) he was that way long before he got to Boston.

Of course, it's possible that he was always a devout Christian who just wasn't stingy with the F-bombs.

Regardless, the anecdote has a nice Hanson Bros. quality to it.
   14. Jolly Old St. Nick Done Jumped The Ship Posted: May 25, 2012 at 01:36 PM (#4140089)
Due to a diving accident during his first year of med school, Krauthammer is confined to a wheelchair.

Since my book shop had relatively narrow aisles, Krauthammer used to send his (very nice) wife over to buy books and posters, and since I was always relatively non-political in customer exchanges we got along very well. OTOH whenever she came into the shop owned by one of my friends, he used to rant and rave about everything from her husband's columns to the war in Iraq, and after a while she just stayed away. It's sometimes hard for visible public figures to find shops where people don't know or don't care who they are, and if they stumble into the wrong type of place, sometimes their experiences can be less than pleasant.
   15. depletion Posted: May 25, 2012 at 01:45 PM (#4140101)
since I was always relatively non-political in customer exchanges we got along very well

You are a wise man, for one who has lived but one lifetime.
   16. Joey B. has ignited his October #Natitude Posted: May 25, 2012 at 01:54 PM (#4140119)
Since my book shop had relatively narrow aisles, Krauthammer used to send his (very nice) wife over to buy books and posters, and since I was always relatively non-political in customer exchanges we got along very well.

If only we could somehow convince you that Baseball Think Factory is your old bookstore, and we're all your customers.

OTOH whenever she came into the shop owned by one of my friends, he used to rant and rave about everything from her husband's columns to the war in Iraq, and after a while she just stayed away. It's sometimes hard for visible public figures to find shops where people don't know or don't care who they are, and if they stumble into the wrong type of place, sometimes their experiences can be less than pleasant.

I don't think even Socrates himself could deal with irony on this level.
   17. JoeHova Posted: May 25, 2012 at 02:09 PM (#4140130)
You know that theoretical question that people ask in job interviews or whatever, "if you could have lunch with any 3 people, living or dead, who would it be?" These guys would not be my 3.
   18. Avoid running at all times.-S. Paige Posted: May 25, 2012 at 02:24 PM (#4140142)
Sartre's "No Exit" anticipated this meeting by about 60 years.
   19. The Yankee Clapper Posted: May 25, 2012 at 02:46 PM (#4140169)
Since my book shop had relatively narrow aisles, Krauthammer used to send his (very nice) wife over to buy books and posters . . .

Sounds like someone didn't make ADA compliance a priority.
   20. Guapo Posted: May 25, 2012 at 02:49 PM (#4140175)
You know that theoretical question that people ask in job interviews or whatever, "if you could have lunch with any 3 people, living or dead, who would it be?" These guys would not be my 3.


I don't know... I'd consider it, but only if they were dead.
   21. JE (Jason Epstein) Posted: May 25, 2012 at 02:59 PM (#4140181)
You know that theoretical question that people ask in job interviews or whatever, "if you could have lunch with any 3 people, living or dead, who would it be?" These guys would not be my 3.

Why on Earth would you have a beef against Charles Krauthammer, his wife, and Andy?
   22. The Clarence Thomas of BBTF (scott) Posted: May 25, 2012 at 03:05 PM (#4140186)
I'm sure this is only because of his, erm, curmudgeonly persona, but I can't envision Krauthammer actually enjoying anything. He always struck me as extraordinarily dour.

I don't really see the point of pestering someone's wife or family or assistant about that person's expressed views. For all you know they're also embarrassed about some of them.
   23. depletion Posted: May 25, 2012 at 03:28 PM (#4140209)
Baseball Think Factory is your old bookstore, and we're all your customers.

Hey kid! Quit ripping the plastic off that Playboy!
   24. Yeaarrgghhhh Posted: May 25, 2012 at 03:31 PM (#4140214)
To which Will deadpanned, “Why waste the 90 seconds?”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...oh, George.
   25. Jolly Old St. Nick Done Jumped The Ship Posted: May 25, 2012 at 03:57 PM (#4140233)
Since my book shop had relatively narrow aisles, Krauthammer used to send his (very nice) wife over to buy books and posters . . .

Sounds like someone didn't make ADA compliance a priority.


Actually we had plenty of other customers in wheelchairs who didn't have any problem navigating the aisles. If there were books blocking their passage we simply cleared them a path, and nobody ever complained about access. I'm not even sure that was Krauthammer's reason for not coming in himself, but whatever.

-----------------------------------------------------------

You know that theoretical question that people ask in job interviews or whatever, "if you could have lunch with any 3 people, living or dead, who would it be?" These guys would not be my 3.


Why on Earth would you have a beef against Charles Krauthammer, his wife, and Andy?

I think that a few of our brown diaper babies take some of these discussions a bit more to heart than the rest of us, but what can you do? The Georgetown Book Shop closed down its Rubashov Re-education room back in 2006.

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