Is Rich Lewis a Primate or does he just play one on Inflatable Squirrel Carcass or something?
The 2012 Major League Baseball Playoffs will began later today with the inaugural Wild Card play-in games. In celebration of the second season beginning, we offer up some hard hitting analysis. No, there will be no mention of WAR, SIERA or WPA here. We will compare all ten playoff teams to bands with little to no method whatsoever.
The New York Yankees are U2
Both are aging and their best years are behind them. The face of U2 masks his age and deflects criticism with oversized sunglasses and by uniting big businesses and government leaders the world over in humanitarian efforts. The captain of the Yankees masks his age with B-list celebrity girlfriends and the gift baskets he hands them on the way out the door.
The San Francisco Giants are Deerhoof
Deerhunter Deer Tick The Pains of Being Pure at Heart Tame Impala JEFF the Brotherhood Screaming Females Cloud Nothings Diarrhea Planet Sad Day For Puppets King Tuff Gold-Bears Metz Ringo Deathstarr …
Don’t even bother trying to peg the Giants. They’re a rad band you haven’t heard of yet.
The Oakland Athletics are Pavement
Neither of these sloppy messes should amount to much of anything, amirite? Yet, both manage to pull of incredibly unique successes. They’re both from California, but not the nice part, and you can bank on both of them ending up in Portland at some point.
Repoz
Posted: October 05, 2012 at 04:48 PM |
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1. Magnum RA Posted: October 05, 2012 at 05:04 PM (#4255453)Um, no.
The Washington Nationals are the Cowsills.
The Cincinnati Reds are the Human Beinz.
The New York Yankees are the Spencer Davis Group.
The San Francisco Giants are the Easybeats.
The Oakland Athletics are the Cyrkle. (The Moneyball Oakland A's were the Left Banke.)
The Detroit Tigers are Manfred Mann.
The Atlanta Braves are the Dixie Cups.
The Texas Rangers are the Foundations.
The Baltimore Orioles are the Marvelettes.
The St. Louis Cardinals are Merrilee Rush & the Turnabouts.
I've forgotten them.
It's like an article was programmed from birth to be posted at BBTF.
Edit: Smoltz = Lee (versatility), Peart = Maddux, Lifeson = Glavine.
can anybody tell me how to get this doubleclick crap off my computer? Or an add-on to shut the thing down?
Edit: NM read it wrong
The Washington Nationals are more like Pulp: putzing around for the first, lengthy part of their history mostly ignored, and embarrassing themselves when anybody even thinks to pay attention to them.(2005-2010 for the Nats, 1981-1991 for Pulp). Then a mildly intriguing season that is still classified as a failure but shows flashes of promise (2011/Separations). Then all of a sudden, without warning, they're the best team in the league/the best band in Britain (2012 for the Nats, the Gift Recordings and His 'n' Hers for Pulp).
Extrapolating forward, they'll put together a string of incredible seasons before suddenly imploding in a haze of cocaine and ego.
"Really? You're going to spend ... FIVE TIMES what anyone else has ever spent before on a rock stage set? And you're going to take this around the country, and count on nothing going wrong, for years? Well I'll be damned, it's actually working. It's still working! Whoops, you're a laughingstock all of a sudden."
The Angels are the ????
The White Sox are the White Stripes
The Indians are the ???
The Twins are the Cocteau Twins
The Royals are the ???
The Red Sox are Simply Red
The Blue Jays are Shocking Blue
The Rays are Jimmy Ray
The Mets are the ???
The Phillies are the ???
The Marlins are School Of Fish
The Pirates are the ???
The Brewers are Buddy Holly
The Cubs are the ???
The Astros are Man Or Astro-Man
The Dodgers are the ???
The Padres are Father MC
The Diamondbacks are Whitesnake
The Rockies are the ???
An ex-band mate and Rush afficianado once told me "If you weren't a white suburban north American teenage male, Rush didn't make alot of sense. But if you were, they made perfect sense.
The Royals are KC and the Sunshine Band (only palatable during the disco era and ultimately destroyed by cocaine). The 1985 Royals team is KC Accidental.
The Indians or Braves can have Eddie "The Chief" Clearwater. The other can be geographically and politically incorrect and take Siouxsie Sioux
The Mets are the Bad Checks.
Dodgers -- the Go-Betweens?
Rockies -- John Denver ... or some horrible Christian band
Angels -- Angels of Epistemology
I was gonna go with Royal Trux for KC but am OK with the suggestions.
Is there another kind?
The Dodgers are the best pop band since the Beatles?
Yes.
U2?
This reminds me of David Tennant defending his unabashed fondness for Coldplay against the slings and arrows of the condescending hipsters of the world.
Almost. The Cyrkle opened for the Beatles at the latter's final show, across the bay.
I dislike Coldplay in the exact same way I dislike most Steven Spielberg movies--the emotion just feels synthetic and hollow.
Anyway...Pavement! But Billy Beane has already established the A's are the Ramones and the Giants are the BeeGees. The Giants aren't anything like Deerhoof. I'm a Giants fan but they are a much more standard and crossover act than Deerhoof. More like Green Day--all the trappings and nostalgia of a former rebelliousness coupled with too much eye makeup.
They are Skrillex?
I trust you mean the Arthur Reid Reynolds version that had Gene Parsons in the studio?
i should make clear that i'm not particularly a fan of coldplay...i just like tennant's ownership of his unfashionable interests.
i suppose it's somewhat context-based. nevermind the buzzcocks is pretty much just a tv show based on being snarky about music, so his position stands out.
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