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Friday, October 05, 2012

Lewis: MLB Playoff Teams as Bands

Is Rich Lewis a Primate or does he just play one on Inflatable Squirrel Carcass or something?

The 2012 Major League Baseball Playoffs will began later today with the inaugural Wild Card play-in games. In celebration of the second season beginning, we offer up some hard hitting analysis. No, there will be no mention of WAR, SIERA or WPA here. We will compare all ten playoff teams to bands with little to no method whatsoever.

The New York Yankees are U2

Both are aging and their best years are behind them. The face of U2 masks his age and deflects criticism with oversized sunglasses and by uniting big businesses and government leaders the world over in humanitarian efforts. The captain of the Yankees masks his age with B-list celebrity girlfriends and the gift baskets he hands them on the way out the door.

The San Francisco Giants are Deerhoof

Deerhunter Deer Tick The Pains of Being Pure at Heart Tame Impala JEFF the Brotherhood Screaming Females Cloud Nothings Diarrhea Planet Sad Day For Puppets King Tuff Gold-Bears Metz Ringo Deathstarr

Don’t even bother trying to peg the Giants. They’re a rad band you haven’t heard of yet.

The Oakland Athletics are Pavement

Neither of these sloppy messes should amount to much of anything, amirite? Yet, both manage to pull of incredibly unique successes. They’re both from California, but not the nice part, and you can bank on both of them ending up in Portland at some point.

Repoz Posted: October 05, 2012 at 04:48 PM | 42 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: music

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   1. Magnum RA Posted: October 05, 2012 at 05:04 PM (#4255453)
Pearl Jam has actually gotten better in the last 15 years, but I doubt this guy knows anything after Ten.
   2. charityslave is thinking about baseball Posted: October 05, 2012 at 05:38 PM (#4255515)
Haha.. My first thought when I saw the headline was "Oakland is Pavement".
   3. Repoz Posted: October 05, 2012 at 05:45 PM (#4255529)
I was thinking "The Texas Rangers are Elvis Depressedly" but, hey...I'll give it another day.
   4. Fernigal McGunnigle has become a merry hat Posted: October 05, 2012 at 05:48 PM (#4255538)
The Washington Nationals are Fugazi


Um, no.

The Washington Nationals are the Cowsills.
The Cincinnati Reds are the Human Beinz.
The New York Yankees are the Spencer Davis Group.
The San Francisco Giants are the Easybeats.
The Oakland Athletics are the Cyrkle. (The Moneyball Oakland A's were the Left Banke.)
The Detroit Tigers are Manfred Mann.
The Atlanta Braves are the Dixie Cups.
The Texas Rangers are the Foundations.
The Baltimore Orioles are the Marvelettes.
The St. Louis Cardinals are Merrilee Rush & the Turnabouts.
   5. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: October 05, 2012 at 06:25 PM (#4255611)
The Yankees are Damn Yankees, the Cardinals are Cardinal, the A's are the A's, the Braves are Brave Combo, the Rangers are Night Ranger, the Giants are They Might Be Giants, the Nationals are the National, the Orioles are the Orioles, the Reds are Helen Reddy, and the Tigers are lucky they were in the AL Central.
   6. Tom Nawrocki Posted: October 05, 2012 at 06:34 PM (#4255618)
Which would make them Glass Tiger, who were lucky to be Canadian.
   7. vortex of dissipation Posted: October 05, 2012 at 06:35 PM (#4255622)
Which would make them Glass Tiger, who were lucky to be Canadian.


I've forgotten them.
   8. Tom Nawrocki Posted: October 05, 2012 at 06:42 PM (#4255635)
Nicely done.
   9. Monty Predicts a Padres-Mariners WS in 2016 Posted: October 05, 2012 at 06:49 PM (#4255651)
The Oakland Athletics are Pavement


It's like an article was programmed from birth to be posted at BBTF.
   10. Benji Gil Gamesh Rises Posted: October 05, 2012 at 06:49 PM (#4255653)
The Braves would be better as Rush -- consistently underrated except for (Moving Pictures/1995). Did well over a tremendously long period with a variety of styles. No real claim as "best ever" but it's foolish not to consider them as tremendously successful.

Edit: Smoltz = Lee (versatility), Peart = Maddux, Lifeson = Glavine.
   11. Walt Davis Posted: October 05, 2012 at 07:03 PM (#4255695)
OK, completely off topic but oddly related ...

can anybody tell me how to get this doubleclick crap off my computer? Or an add-on to shut the thing down?
   12. zachtoma Posted: October 05, 2012 at 07:04 PM (#4255696)
My favorite part is when the writer refers to Bono as 'U2'

Edit: NM read it wrong
   13. Esoteric Posted: October 05, 2012 at 07:12 PM (#4255724)
Most of these comparisons don't really hit the mark, either in terms of being proper analogies or all that funny. But comparing Oakland to Pavement really is pretty close to dead-on, isn't it.

The Washington Nationals are more like Pulp: putzing around for the first, lengthy part of their history mostly ignored, and embarrassing themselves when anybody even thinks to pay attention to them.(2005-2010 for the Nats, 1981-1991 for Pulp). Then a mildly intriguing season that is still classified as a failure but shows flashes of promise (2011/Separations). Then all of a sudden, without warning, they're the best team in the league/the best band in Britain (2012 for the Nats, the Gift Recordings and His 'n' Hers for Pulp).

Extrapolating forward, they'll put together a string of incredible seasons before suddenly imploding in a haze of cocaine and ego.
   14. Paul Antonissen Posted: October 05, 2012 at 09:26 PM (#4256144)
Rush has never been underrated.
   15. PreservedFish Posted: October 05, 2012 at 09:53 PM (#4256163)
I'm going to need an annotated version of #4.
   16. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: October 05, 2012 at 10:40 PM (#4256222)
The Phillies are Emerson, Lake and Palmer.

"Really? You're going to spend ... FIVE TIMES what anyone else has ever spent before on a rock stage set? And you're going to take this around the country, and count on nothing going wrong, for years? Well I'll be damned, it's actually working. It's still working! Whoops, you're a laughingstock all of a sudden."
   17. BochysFingers Posted: October 05, 2012 at 10:52 PM (#4256243)
The Mariners are the Mariners
The Angels are the ????
The White Sox are the White Stripes
The Indians are the ???
The Twins are the Cocteau Twins
The Royals are the ???
The Red Sox are Simply Red
The Blue Jays are Shocking Blue
The Rays are Jimmy Ray
The Mets are the ???
The Phillies are the ???
The Marlins are School Of Fish
The Pirates are the ???
The Brewers are Buddy Holly
The Cubs are the ???
The Astros are Man Or Astro-Man
The Dodgers are the ???
The Padres are Father MC
The Diamondbacks are Whitesnake
The Rockies are the ???
   18. Fred Lynn Nolan Ryan Sweeney Agonistes Posted: October 05, 2012 at 10:56 PM (#4256251)
The A's are the A's.
   19. JJ1986 Posted: October 05, 2012 at 10:57 PM (#4256252)
The Mets are Yo La Tengo.
   20. charityslave is thinking about baseball Posted: October 05, 2012 at 11:00 PM (#4256257)
Man or Astroman. Brilliant.

An ex-band mate and Rush afficianado once told me "If you weren't a white suburban north American teenage male, Rush didn't make alot of sense. But if you were, they made perfect sense.
   21. Bob Tufts Posted: October 05, 2012 at 11:05 PM (#4256267)
The Braves are Freddie and the Dreamers - and they were disbanded tonight.

The Royals are KC and the Sunshine Band (only palatable during the disco era and ultimately destroyed by cocaine). The 1985 Royals team is KC Accidental.
   22. vortex of dissipation Posted: October 05, 2012 at 11:10 PM (#4256278)
   23. Walt Davis Posted: October 06, 2012 at 12:37 AM (#4256467)
The Cubs are the Andrews Sisters -- neither has hit it big since WW2 ended. (according to Wiki, one of the sisters is still kicking it at 94.)

The Indians or Braves can have Eddie "The Chief" Clearwater. The other can be geographically and politically incorrect and take Siouxsie Sioux

The Mets are the Bad Checks.

Dodgers -- the Go-Betweens?

Rockies -- John Denver ... or some horrible Christian band

Angels -- Angels of Epistemology

I was gonna go with Royal Trux for KC but am OK with the suggestions.
   24. Morph Posted: October 06, 2012 at 12:51 AM (#4256484)
U2 is a good band.
   25. charityslave is thinking about baseball Posted: October 06, 2012 at 12:56 AM (#4256493)
or some horrible Christian band


Is there another kind?



   26. vortex of dissipation Posted: October 06, 2012 at 01:09 AM (#4256499)
Dodgers -- the Go-Betweens?


The Dodgers are the best pop band since the Beatles?
   27. vortex of dissipation Posted: October 06, 2012 at 01:12 AM (#4256500)
or some horrible Christian band


Is there another kind?


Yes.
   28. charityslave is thinking about baseball Posted: October 06, 2012 at 01:16 AM (#4256504)
Sorry Vortex. The only good Christian rock song ever is "Jesus is Just All Right (With Me)" by the Doobie Brothers. There will never be another one. They should quit trying.
   29. Poster Nutbag Posted: October 06, 2012 at 01:44 AM (#4256529)
Does Type-0 Negative's "Christian Woman" count?
   30. Athletic Supporter can feel the slow rot Posted: October 06, 2012 at 03:57 AM (#4256565)
or some horrible Christian band


Is there another kind?


U2?
   31. Swedish Chef Posted: October 06, 2012 at 04:44 AM (#4256573)
The Marlins are Disco-Tex and the Sex-o-Lettes
   32. Greg K Posted: October 06, 2012 at 06:28 AM (#4256580)
U2 is a good band.

This reminds me of David Tennant defending his unabashed fondness for Coldplay against the slings and arrows of the condescending hipsters of the world.
   33. RMc's desperate, often sordid world Posted: October 06, 2012 at 07:30 AM (#4256589)
The Oakland Athletics are the Cyrkle.

Almost. The Cyrkle opened for the Beatles at the latter's final show, across the bay.
   34. jyjjy Posted: October 06, 2012 at 07:55 AM (#4256601)
Coldplay is Radiohead for people that don't really like music that much.
   35. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 06, 2012 at 08:00 AM (#4256607)
This reminds me of David Tennant defending his unabashed fondness for Coldplay against the slings and arrows of the condescending hipsters of the world.

I dislike Coldplay in the exact same way I dislike most Steven Spielberg movies--the emotion just feels synthetic and hollow.

Anyway...Pavement! But Billy Beane has already established the A's are the Ramones and the Giants are the BeeGees. The Giants aren't anything like Deerhoof. I'm a Giants fan but they are a much more standard and crossover act than Deerhoof. More like Green Day--all the trappings and nostalgia of a former rebelliousness coupled with too much eye makeup.
   36. Swedish Chef Posted: October 06, 2012 at 08:03 AM (#4256609)
I'm a Giants fan but they are a much more standard and crossover act than Deerhoof.

They are Skrillex?
   37. Repoz Posted: October 06, 2012 at 08:23 AM (#4256613)
The only good Christian rock song ever is "Jesus is Just All Right (With Me)" by the Doobie Brothers.

I trust you mean the Arthur Reid Reynolds version that had Gene Parsons in the studio?
   38. Bob Tufts Posted: October 06, 2012 at 10:50 AM (#4256676)
Since they haven't had a winning season since Bonds went to San Francisco, the Pirates are Barry and the Remains.
   39. Benji Posted: October 06, 2012 at 01:30 PM (#4256774)
I'm glad I read the comments because some great 60's bands got mentioned. Barry and the Remains, the Cyrkle, the Left Banke! Like listening to "60's Jangle Radio" on Live365. A site I never knew until John Murphy told me about it here on BTF.
   40. Greg K Posted: October 06, 2012 at 03:52 PM (#4256900)
This reminds me of David Tennant defending his unabashed fondness for Coldplay against the slings and arrows of the condescending hipsters of the world.

I dislike Coldplay in the exact same way I dislike most Steven Spielberg movies--the emotion just feels synthetic and hollow.

i should make clear that i'm not particularly a fan of coldplay...i just like tennant's ownership of his unfashionable interests.

i suppose it's somewhat context-based. nevermind the buzzcocks is pretty much just a tv show based on being snarky about music, so his position stands out.
   41. OsunaSakata Posted: October 06, 2012 at 06:04 PM (#4257016)
The Nationals are The National.
   42. Morph Posted: October 06, 2012 at 07:48 PM (#4257137)
Bono has written some good lyrics. I'm talking music here. Not contemporary perceptions of "what's cool." 'UP' is a great album. Inspired Radiohead. At the time, I don't think people thought it was very cool. Bono isn't cool either, right now. But its about who you inspire down the line. And I'm sure U2 will be an influence for a long time. Like REM, Radiohead, Pavement... Cool comes and goes. Perceptions change. But the actual music outlasts all that.

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