Baseball for the Thinking Fan

Login | Register | Feedback

btf_logo
You are here > Home > Baseball Newsstand > Baseball Primer Newsblog > Discussion
Baseball Primer Newsblog
— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Marlins Season Preview: Ozzie Incites War, Zambrano Finds Zen, and Reyes Battles Dreads

If possible…picture an even unfunnier Carlos Mencia.

Odds that Ozzie Incites a War in South America:
After several months of restrained press conferences, new Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen will finally explode in a foul-mouthed Spanglish assault on Hugo Chávez. Calling the Venezuelan president una arepa de mierda, Guillen will unwittingly set off a 90-day skirmish between his home country and neighboring Colombia. The war will finally end when Chávez, Guillen, and Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos agree that all arepas simply taste kinda shitty.

Odds 6:1

The Pitcher Formerly Known as Leo Nuñez Gets Another Name Change:
Juan Carlos Oviedo aka Leo Nuñez will change his name to Meta World Pitcher in a last-ditch attempt at to leave the Dominican Republic and return to the Marlins. It won’t work.

Odds 3:2

Reyes Battles His Demonic Dreads:
Spiteful over having to move to third base, Hanley Ramirez will buy José Reyes’s dreadlocks off of eBay. The powerful charm will propel Ramirez to an All-Star first half of the season, until the hair abruptly abandons him to return to Reyes. The Dominican shortstop will wake up one morning with the dreads engulfing his head, and will have to tear them off to the music of T-Pain on Mansion’s dance floor.

Odds 4:1

Repoz Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:29 AM | 5 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: fantasy baseball, miami

Reader Comments and Retorts

Go to end of page

Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. Jack Keefe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:35 AM (#4065983)
Do they not never mention Keefe. Who do you have to make a compilation tape for to get some ink in this burg Al.
   2. The Long Arm of Rudy Law Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:54 AM (#4066000)
I'd say it's equally unfunny as Mencia. It's less annoying, because it doesn't involve yelling to indicate where a punchline should be.
   3. Chicago Joe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 10:24 AM (#4066030)
Meta World-Castro thread reference?
   4. Lassus Posted: February 22, 2012 at 11:31 AM (#4066103)
Honestly, I found it absolutely amusing, if not otherworldly funny. People are a weird audience.
   5. Bob Evans Posted: February 22, 2012 at 12:04 PM (#4066158)
How about World B. Nunez?

You must be Registered and Logged In to post comments.

 

 

<< Back to main

BBTF Partner

Support BBTF

donate

Thanks to
Guts
for his generous support.

Bookmarks

You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.

Hot Topics

NewsblogOTP - March 2015: You’re out, tobacco: Bill would ban products at all California baseball venues
(3678 - 2:03pm, Mar 31)
Last: JE (Jason)

NewsblogMacnow: Phillies' Ryne Sandberg is wrong man for wrong team
(13 - 2:02pm, Mar 31)
Last: snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster)

NewsblogDefiant CC Sabathia doesn’t give a ‘f–k’ about poor spring outings | New York Post
(186 - 1:58pm, Mar 31)
Last: Greg K

NewsblogReds open breast-feeding suite at the ballpark
(58 - 1:44pm, Mar 31)
Last: PreservedFish

NewsblogCubs send Bryant to minors
(72 - 1:34pm, Mar 31)
Last: zonk

NewsblogOT: Wrestling Thread November 2014
(837 - 1:34pm, Mar 31)
Last: Conor

NewsblogRays denied consideration of re-negotiated lease by St. Petersburg City Council
(23 - 1:25pm, Mar 31)
Last: RoyalsRetro (AG#1F)

NewsblogSadly, We've Lost Another Primate
(100 - 1:22pm, Mar 31)
Last: Sweet

NewsblogOT: Soccer March 2015
(460 - 1:11pm, Mar 31)
Last: Juilin Sandar to Conkling Speedwell (Arjun)

NewsblogThe 2015 Season Preview in Data Visualization – The Hardball Times
(2 - 12:54pm, Mar 31)
Last: Greg K

NewsblogBBTF 2015 Shooty Memorial Softball Meet-up!
(78 - 12:17pm, Mar 31)
Last: Hysterical & Useless

NewsblogJohnson has edge in second-base competition | whitesox.com
(9 - 11:31am, Mar 31)
Last: richkraetsch

NewsblogMets find lefty reliever, land Torres from Padres
(7 - 11:27am, Mar 31)
Last: Bourbon Samurai

NewsblogThe MLBPA Has a Problem | FanGraphs Baseball
(41 - 11:26am, Mar 31)
Last: villageidiom

NewsblogTwins offering bloody mary garnished with cold slice of pizza
(24 - 10:59am, Mar 31)
Last: Omineca Greg

Page rendered in 0.1495 seconds
48 querie(s) executed