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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Marlins Season Preview: Ozzie Incites War, Zambrano Finds Zen, and Reyes Battles Dreads

If possible…picture an even unfunnier Carlos Mencia.

Odds that Ozzie Incites a War in South America:
After several months of restrained press conferences, new Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen will finally explode in a foul-mouthed Spanglish assault on Hugo Chávez. Calling the Venezuelan president una arepa de mierda, Guillen will unwittingly set off a 90-day skirmish between his home country and neighboring Colombia. The war will finally end when Chávez, Guillen, and Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos agree that all arepas simply taste kinda shitty.

Odds 6:1

The Pitcher Formerly Known as Leo Nuñez Gets Another Name Change:
Juan Carlos Oviedo aka Leo Nuñez will change his name to Meta World Pitcher in a last-ditch attempt at to leave the Dominican Republic and return to the Marlins. It won’t work.

Odds 3:2

Reyes Battles His Demonic Dreads:
Spiteful over having to move to third base, Hanley Ramirez will buy José Reyes’s dreadlocks off of eBay. The powerful charm will propel Ramirez to an All-Star first half of the season, until the hair abruptly abandons him to return to Reyes. The Dominican shortstop will wake up one morning with the dreads engulfing his head, and will have to tear them off to the music of T-Pain on Mansion’s dance floor.

Odds 4:1

Repoz Posted: February 22, 2012 at 10:29 AM | 5 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: fantasy baseball, miami

Reader Comments and Retorts

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Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. Jack Keefe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 10:35 AM (#4065983)
Do they not never mention Keefe. Who do you have to make a compilation tape for to get some ink in this burg Al.
   2. The Long Arm of Rudy Law Posted: February 22, 2012 at 10:54 AM (#4066000)
I'd say it's equally unfunny as Mencia. It's less annoying, because it doesn't involve yelling to indicate where a punchline should be.
   3. Chicago Joe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 11:24 AM (#4066030)
Meta World-Castro thread reference?
   4. Lassus Posted: February 22, 2012 at 12:31 PM (#4066103)
Honestly, I found it absolutely amusing, if not otherworldly funny. People are a weird audience.
   5. Bob Evans Posted: February 22, 2012 at 01:04 PM (#4066158)
How about World B. Nunez?

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