Baseball for the Thinking Fan

Login | Register | Feedback

btf_logo
You are here > Home > Baseball Newsstand > Baseball Primer Newsblog > Discussion
Baseball Primer Newsblog
— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Marlins Season Preview: Ozzie Incites War, Zambrano Finds Zen, and Reyes Battles Dreads

If possible…picture an even unfunnier Carlos Mencia.

Odds that Ozzie Incites a War in South America:
After several months of restrained press conferences, new Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen will finally explode in a foul-mouthed Spanglish assault on Hugo Chávez. Calling the Venezuelan president una arepa de mierda, Guillen will unwittingly set off a 90-day skirmish between his home country and neighboring Colombia. The war will finally end when Chávez, Guillen, and Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos agree that all arepas simply taste kinda shitty.

Odds 6:1

The Pitcher Formerly Known as Leo Nuñez Gets Another Name Change:
Juan Carlos Oviedo aka Leo Nuñez will change his name to Meta World Pitcher in a last-ditch attempt at to leave the Dominican Republic and return to the Marlins. It won’t work.

Odds 3:2

Reyes Battles His Demonic Dreads:
Spiteful over having to move to third base, Hanley Ramirez will buy José Reyes’s dreadlocks off of eBay. The powerful charm will propel Ramirez to an All-Star first half of the season, until the hair abruptly abandons him to return to Reyes. The Dominican shortstop will wake up one morning with the dreads engulfing his head, and will have to tear them off to the music of T-Pain on Mansion’s dance floor.

Odds 4:1

Repoz Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:29 AM | 5 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: fantasy baseball, miami

Reader Comments and Retorts

Go to end of page

Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. Jack Keefe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:35 AM (#4065983)
Do they not never mention Keefe. Who do you have to make a compilation tape for to get some ink in this burg Al.
   2. The Long Arm of Rudy Law Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:54 AM (#4066000)
I'd say it's equally unfunny as Mencia. It's less annoying, because it doesn't involve yelling to indicate where a punchline should be.
   3. Chicago Joe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 10:24 AM (#4066030)
Meta World-Castro thread reference?
   4. Lassus Posted: February 22, 2012 at 11:31 AM (#4066103)
Honestly, I found it absolutely amusing, if not otherworldly funny. People are a weird audience.
   5. Bob Evans Posted: February 22, 2012 at 12:04 PM (#4066158)
How about World B. Nunez?

You must be Registered and Logged In to post comments.

 

 

<< Back to main

BBTF Partner

Support BBTF

donate

Thanks to
Kiko Sakata
for his generous support.

Bookmarks

You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.

Hot Topics

NewsblogLet's just put the coronation of the Cubs on hold a minute | FOX Sports
(33 - 9:59am, Apr 29)
Last: Charles S. storms out of Wrigley before walk-off

NewsblogTed Cruz the latest victim of politicians trying to talk sports | NBC SportsWorld
(87 - 9:58am, Apr 29)
Last: Ron J2

NewsblogMiami Herald: MLB has suspended Dee Gordon for 80 games after he tested positive for PEDs
(17 - 9:56am, Apr 29)
Last: Bug Selig

NewsblogJake Arrieta sounds off on Cubs future, PED rumblings: 'Some people are idiots'
(71 - 9:54am, Apr 29)
Last: Rickey! met her in a hotel lobby...

Sox TherapyGuys Who Are Not Major Leaguers
(33 - 9:42am, Apr 29)
Last: Jose Remains The Most Absurd Thing on the Site

NewsblogPrimer Dugout (and link of the day) 4-29-2016
(5 - 9:39am, Apr 29)
Last: Jefferson Manship (Dan Lee)

NewsblogFG - Rate Your MLB Broadcaster
(79 - 9:33am, Apr 29)
Last: formerly dp

NewsblogOTP 2016 April 25: Forget politics, baseball season in full gear
(1326 - 9:32am, Apr 29)
Last: There's a bustle in Misirlou's hedgerow

NewsblogOT: NBA Playoffs Thread 2016
(917 - 9:22am, Apr 29)
Last: jmurph

Sox TherapyHappy (Belated) Anniversary Tim
(16 - 9:20am, Apr 29)
Last: villageidiom

NewsblogSilverman: Red Sox should stick with Steven Wright in rotation | Boston Herald
(12 - 8:43am, Apr 29)
Last: villageidiom

NewsblogWhen Athletes are left to their own digital dating devices
(55 - 2:53am, Apr 29)
Last: Ardo

NewsblogPerry: Quintana is Emerging as Second White Sox Ace
(8 - 2:27am, Apr 29)
Last: Ardo

Newsblog4-28-16 OMNICHATTER
(269 - 1:56am, Apr 29)
Last: madvillain

NewsblogPrimer Dugout (and link of the day) 4-28-2016
(28 - 7:02pm, Apr 28)
Last: Walt Davis

Page rendered in 0.2938 seconds
47 querie(s) executed