Baseball for the Thinking Fan

Login | Register | Feedback

btf_logo
You are here > Home > Baseball Newsstand > Baseball Primer Newsblog > Discussion
Baseball Primer Newsblog
— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Marlins Season Preview: Ozzie Incites War, Zambrano Finds Zen, and Reyes Battles Dreads

If possible…picture an even unfunnier Carlos Mencia.

Odds that Ozzie Incites a War in South America:
After several months of restrained press conferences, new Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen will finally explode in a foul-mouthed Spanglish assault on Hugo Chávez. Calling the Venezuelan president una arepa de mierda, Guillen will unwittingly set off a 90-day skirmish between his home country and neighboring Colombia. The war will finally end when Chávez, Guillen, and Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos agree that all arepas simply taste kinda shitty.

Odds 6:1

The Pitcher Formerly Known as Leo Nuñez Gets Another Name Change:
Juan Carlos Oviedo aka Leo Nuñez will change his name to Meta World Pitcher in a last-ditch attempt at to leave the Dominican Republic and return to the Marlins. It won’t work.

Odds 3:2

Reyes Battles His Demonic Dreads:
Spiteful over having to move to third base, Hanley Ramirez will buy José Reyes’s dreadlocks off of eBay. The powerful charm will propel Ramirez to an All-Star first half of the season, until the hair abruptly abandons him to return to Reyes. The Dominican shortstop will wake up one morning with the dreads engulfing his head, and will have to tear them off to the music of T-Pain on Mansion’s dance floor.

Odds 4:1

Repoz Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:29 AM | 5 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: fantasy baseball, miami

Reader Comments and Retorts

Go to end of page

Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. Jack Keefe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:35 AM (#4065983)
Do they not never mention Keefe. Who do you have to make a compilation tape for to get some ink in this burg Al.
   2. The Long Arm of Rudy Law Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:54 AM (#4066000)
I'd say it's equally unfunny as Mencia. It's less annoying, because it doesn't involve yelling to indicate where a punchline should be.
   3. Chicago Joe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 10:24 AM (#4066030)
Meta World-Castro thread reference?
   4. Lassus Posted: February 22, 2012 at 11:31 AM (#4066103)
Honestly, I found it absolutely amusing, if not otherworldly funny. People are a weird audience.
   5. Bob Evans Posted: February 22, 2012 at 12:04 PM (#4066158)
How about World B. Nunez?

You must be Registered and Logged In to post comments.

 

 

<< Back to main

News

All News | Prime News

Old-School Newsstand


BBTF Partner

Support BBTF

donate

Thanks to
Chicago Joe
for his generous support.

Bookmarks

You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.

Hot Topics

NewsblogSouthern hospitality: Braves unveil new SunTrust Park food | FOX Sports
(21 - 9:31am, Mar 25)
Last: Spahn Insane, stimulus-funded BurlyMan™

NewsblogDetroit Tigers' J.D. Martinez will be out 3-4 more weeks
(4 - 9:26am, Mar 25)
Last: The Duke

NewsblogOT - March 2017 NBA thread
(820 - 9:07am, Mar 25)
Last: JC in DC

NewsblogHeyman: Nationals leaning toward Koda Glover for closer role
(1 - 9:06am, Mar 25)
Last: Bote Man

NewsblogFortune magazine crowns Theo Epstein 'world's greatest leader'
(37 - 8:59am, Mar 25)
Last: bookbook

NewsblogOTP 20 March 2017: This fighter for civil rights has baseball in her DNA
(1914 - 8:36am, Mar 25)
Last: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (((JE)))

NewsblogPirates' Jung Ho Kang reportedly denied visa to enter U.S. after DUI conviction
(28 - 8:05am, Mar 25)
Last: Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad)

NewsblogReport: Former Bulls GM Jerry Krause dies at 77
(66 - 8:04am, Mar 25)
Last: McCoy

NewsblogSources: Indians finalizing four-year extension with Jose Ramirez
(2 - 6:13am, Mar 25)
Last: Russ

NewsblogHeyman: 30 Potential Breakout Players For 2017
(19 - 3:21am, Mar 25)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogWhy DFA is the WTF of baseball and how one player fought back
(23 - 3:12am, Mar 25)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogAnderson wins spot in Cubs rotation
(1 - 2:58am, Mar 25)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogRays to sign catcher Derek Norris
(4 - 2:29am, Mar 25)
Last: Los Angeles El Hombre de Anaheim

NewsblogOT: NCAA March Madness 2017
(253 - 1:12am, Mar 25)
Last: CFBF Was Killed By The Mad Queen

NewsblogOT: March-April 2017 Soccer Thread
(170 - 1:00am, Mar 25)
Last: cmd600

Page rendered in 0.2446 seconds
47 querie(s) executed