Baseball for the Thinking Fan

Login | Register | Feedback

btf_logo
You are here > Home > Baseball Newsstand > Baseball Primer Newsblog > Discussion
Baseball Primer Newsblog
— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Marlins Season Preview: Ozzie Incites War, Zambrano Finds Zen, and Reyes Battles Dreads

If possible…picture an even unfunnier Carlos Mencia.

Odds that Ozzie Incites a War in South America:
After several months of restrained press conferences, new Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen will finally explode in a foul-mouthed Spanglish assault on Hugo Chávez. Calling the Venezuelan president una arepa de mierda, Guillen will unwittingly set off a 90-day skirmish between his home country and neighboring Colombia. The war will finally end when Chávez, Guillen, and Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos agree that all arepas simply taste kinda shitty.

Odds 6:1

The Pitcher Formerly Known as Leo Nuñez Gets Another Name Change:
Juan Carlos Oviedo aka Leo Nuñez will change his name to Meta World Pitcher in a last-ditch attempt at to leave the Dominican Republic and return to the Marlins. It won’t work.

Odds 3:2

Reyes Battles His Demonic Dreads:
Spiteful over having to move to third base, Hanley Ramirez will buy José Reyes’s dreadlocks off of eBay. The powerful charm will propel Ramirez to an All-Star first half of the season, until the hair abruptly abandons him to return to Reyes. The Dominican shortstop will wake up one morning with the dreads engulfing his head, and will have to tear them off to the music of T-Pain on Mansion’s dance floor.

Odds 4:1

Repoz Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:29 AM | 5 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: fantasy baseball, miami

Reader Comments and Retorts

Go to end of page

Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. Jack Keefe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:35 AM (#4065983)
Do they not never mention Keefe. Who do you have to make a compilation tape for to get some ink in this burg Al.
   2. The Long Arm of Rudy Law Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:54 AM (#4066000)
I'd say it's equally unfunny as Mencia. It's less annoying, because it doesn't involve yelling to indicate where a punchline should be.
   3. Chicago Joe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 10:24 AM (#4066030)
Meta World-Castro thread reference?
   4. Lassus Posted: February 22, 2012 at 11:31 AM (#4066103)
Honestly, I found it absolutely amusing, if not otherworldly funny. People are a weird audience.
   5. Bob Evans Posted: February 22, 2012 at 12:04 PM (#4066158)
How about World B. Nunez?

You must be Registered and Logged In to post comments.

 

 

<< Back to main

News

All News | Prime News

Old-School Newsstand


BBTF Partner

Support BBTF

donate

Thanks to
Traderdave
for his generous support.

Bookmarks

You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.

Hot Topics

NewsblogOT - November* 2017 College Football thread
(158 - 3:06am, Nov 18)
Last: cmd600

NewsblogOTP 13 November 2017: Politics, race now touching every sport
(1944 - 1:41am, Nov 18)
Last: The Yankee Clapper

NewsblogBraves will lose prospects, and possibly a lot more, for violating international market rules
(48 - 1:30am, Nov 18)
Last: Armored Trooper VOTTO

NewsblogJim Palmer on Mark Belanger and Omar Vizquel: The Hardball Times
(86 - 11:40pm, Nov 17)
Last: QLE

Hall of Merit2018 Hall of Merit Ballot Discussion
(239 - 11:33pm, Nov 17)
Last: Rob_Wood

NewsblogOT - NBA 2017-2018 Tip-off Thread
(1391 - 10:34pm, Nov 17)
Last: SPICEY WITH A SIDE OF BEER ON A BABYYYYYYY

NewsblogJudge, Bellinger named BBWAA Rookies of Year | MLB.com
(86 - 9:25pm, Nov 17)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogThe Eric Hosmer Dilemma | FanGraphs Baseball
(19 - 9:02pm, Nov 17)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogStanton, Altuve capture first MVP Awards | MVP
(44 - 8:57pm, Nov 17)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogFangraphs: Let's Make One Thing Absolutely Clear About Aaron Judge
(15 - 8:47pm, Nov 17)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogDerek Jeter addresses Giancarlo Stanton rumors | MLB.com
(24 - 7:38pm, Nov 17)
Last: Khrushin it bro

NewsblogYu Darvish is out to silence his doubters after World Series flop | SI.com
(9 - 7:15pm, Nov 17)
Last: Misirlou doesn't live in the restaurant

Hall of MeritMock 2018 Modern Baseball Committee Hall of Fame Ballot
(72 - 6:47pm, Nov 17)
Last: Jarrod HypnerotomachiaPoliphili (TeddyF.Ballgame)

NewsblogYankees Aiming Lower on the Payroll, but Higher on the Field - The New York Times
(17 - 4:35pm, Nov 17)
Last: Infinite Yost (Voxter)

NewsblogRosenthal on latest with Ohtani | MLB.com
(1 - 2:01pm, Nov 17)
Last: ERROR---Jolly Old St. Nick

Page rendered in 0.1396 seconds
47 querie(s) executed