Baseball for the Thinking Fan

Login | Register | Feedback

btf_logo
You are here > Home > Baseball Newsstand > Baseball Primer Newsblog > Discussion
Baseball Primer Newsblog
— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Marlins Season Preview: Ozzie Incites War, Zambrano Finds Zen, and Reyes Battles Dreads

If possible…picture an even unfunnier Carlos Mencia.

Odds that Ozzie Incites a War in South America:
After several months of restrained press conferences, new Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen will finally explode in a foul-mouthed Spanglish assault on Hugo Chávez. Calling the Venezuelan president una arepa de mierda, Guillen will unwittingly set off a 90-day skirmish between his home country and neighboring Colombia. The war will finally end when Chávez, Guillen, and Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos agree that all arepas simply taste kinda shitty.

Odds 6:1

The Pitcher Formerly Known as Leo Nuñez Gets Another Name Change:
Juan Carlos Oviedo aka Leo Nuñez will change his name to Meta World Pitcher in a last-ditch attempt at to leave the Dominican Republic and return to the Marlins. It won’t work.

Odds 3:2

Reyes Battles His Demonic Dreads:
Spiteful over having to move to third base, Hanley Ramirez will buy José Reyes’s dreadlocks off of eBay. The powerful charm will propel Ramirez to an All-Star first half of the season, until the hair abruptly abandons him to return to Reyes. The Dominican shortstop will wake up one morning with the dreads engulfing his head, and will have to tear them off to the music of T-Pain on Mansion’s dance floor.

Odds 4:1

Repoz Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:29 AM | 5 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: fantasy baseball, miami

Reader Comments and Retorts

Go to end of page

Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. Jack Keefe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:35 AM (#4065983)
Do they not never mention Keefe. Who do you have to make a compilation tape for to get some ink in this burg Al.
   2. The Long Arm of Rudy Law Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:54 AM (#4066000)
I'd say it's equally unfunny as Mencia. It's less annoying, because it doesn't involve yelling to indicate where a punchline should be.
   3. Chicago Joe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 10:24 AM (#4066030)
Meta World-Castro thread reference?
   4. Lassus Posted: February 22, 2012 at 11:31 AM (#4066103)
Honestly, I found it absolutely amusing, if not otherworldly funny. People are a weird audience.
   5. Bob Evans Posted: February 22, 2012 at 12:04 PM (#4066158)
How about World B. Nunez?

You must be Registered and Logged In to post comments.

 

 

<< Back to main

News

All News | Prime News

Old-School Newsstand


BBTF Partner

Support BBTF

donate

Thanks to
Andere Richtingen
for his generous support.

Bookmarks

You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.

Hot Topics

NewsblogJack Morris, Alan Trammell elected to Hall | MLB.com
(187 - 4:10am, Dec 13)
Last: Rob_Wood

NewsblogDerek Jeter's defense of Giancarlo Stanton trade was weak | SI.com
(47 - 3:57am, Dec 13)
Last: stevegamer

NewsblogOT - NBA 2017-2018 Tip-off Thread
(1941 - 3:49am, Dec 13)
Last: stevegamer

NewsblogRyan Thibs has his HOF Ballot Tracker Up and Running!
(376 - 3:29am, Dec 13)
Last: Srul Itza At Home

NewsblogOTP 11 December, 2017 - GOP strategist: Moore would have 'date with a baseball bat' if he tried dating teens where I grew up
(946 - 3:25am, Dec 13)
Last: Srul Itza At Home

NewsblogMORRISSEY: Cubs can’t let sentimentality decide Schwarber’s future – Chicago Sun-Times
(8 - 11:41pm, Dec 12)
Last: Tom Nawrocki

Hall of Merit2018 Hall of Merit Ballot Discussion
(351 - 11:14pm, Dec 12)
Last: Rob_Wood

NewsblogShohei Ohtani’s Value Has No Precedent | FiveThirtyEight
(41 - 11:07pm, Dec 12)
Last: reech

NewsblogOT: Winter Soccer Thread
(341 - 11:01pm, Dec 12)
Last: SPICEY WITH A SIDE OF BEER ON A BABYYYYYYY

NewsblogTampa Bay Rays make another small deal, acquiring INF Ryan Schimpf
(7 - 10:38pm, Dec 12)
Last: Howie Menckel

Gonfalon CubsLooking to next year
(326 - 10:02pm, Dec 12)
Last: Moses Taylor, aka Hambone Fakenameington

NewsblogYankees trade Chase Headley, Bryan Mitchell | MLB.com
(36 - 9:55pm, Dec 12)
Last: snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster)

Hall of Merit2018 Hall of Merit Ballot
(22 - 7:46pm, Dec 12)
Last: Howie Menckel

NewsblogOT - 2017 NFL thread
(391 - 6:21pm, Dec 12)
Last: Nasty Nate

NewsblogPeter Gammons: Splashes and notes from the Orlando Winter Meetings - GammonsDaily.com
(23 - 4:40pm, Dec 12)
Last: Barry`s_Lazy_Boy

Page rendered in 0.2391 seconds
47 querie(s) executed