Baseball for the Thinking Fan

Login | Register | Feedback

btf_logo
You are here > Home > Baseball Newsstand > Baseball Primer Newsblog > Discussion
Baseball Primer Newsblog
— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Marlins Season Preview: Ozzie Incites War, Zambrano Finds Zen, and Reyes Battles Dreads

If possible…picture an even unfunnier Carlos Mencia.

Odds that Ozzie Incites a War in South America:
After several months of restrained press conferences, new Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen will finally explode in a foul-mouthed Spanglish assault on Hugo Chávez. Calling the Venezuelan president una arepa de mierda, Guillen will unwittingly set off a 90-day skirmish between his home country and neighboring Colombia. The war will finally end when Chávez, Guillen, and Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos agree that all arepas simply taste kinda shitty.

Odds 6:1

The Pitcher Formerly Known as Leo Nuñez Gets Another Name Change:
Juan Carlos Oviedo aka Leo Nuñez will change his name to Meta World Pitcher in a last-ditch attempt at to leave the Dominican Republic and return to the Marlins. It won’t work.

Odds 3:2

Reyes Battles His Demonic Dreads:
Spiteful over having to move to third base, Hanley Ramirez will buy José Reyes’s dreadlocks off of eBay. The powerful charm will propel Ramirez to an All-Star first half of the season, until the hair abruptly abandons him to return to Reyes. The Dominican shortstop will wake up one morning with the dreads engulfing his head, and will have to tear them off to the music of T-Pain on Mansion’s dance floor.

Odds 4:1

Repoz Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:29 AM | 5 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: fantasy baseball, miami

Reader Comments and Retorts

Go to end of page

Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. Jack Keefe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:35 AM (#4065983)
Do they not never mention Keefe. Who do you have to make a compilation tape for to get some ink in this burg Al.
   2. The Long Arm of Rudy Law Posted: February 22, 2012 at 09:54 AM (#4066000)
I'd say it's equally unfunny as Mencia. It's less annoying, because it doesn't involve yelling to indicate where a punchline should be.
   3. Chicago Joe Posted: February 22, 2012 at 10:24 AM (#4066030)
Meta World-Castro thread reference?
   4. Lassus Posted: February 22, 2012 at 11:31 AM (#4066103)
Honestly, I found it absolutely amusing, if not otherworldly funny. People are a weird audience.
   5. Bob Evans Posted: February 22, 2012 at 12:04 PM (#4066158)
How about World B. Nunez?

You must be Registered and Logged In to post comments.

 

 

<< Back to main

BBTF Partner

Support BBTF

donate

Thanks to
The Id of SugarBear Blanks
for his generous support.

Bookmarks

You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.

Hot Topics

NewsblogOTP - May 2015: Jeb Bush would like to watch baseball with Teddy Roosevelt and Pitbull
(4310 - 4:50am, May 28)
Last: David Nieporent (now, with children)

NewsblogMarlins should explore possibility of A-Rod being their next manager
(42 - 4:05am, May 28)
Last: bjhanke

NewsblogABC-TV ONCE SUGGESTED THAT MLB REDUCE THEIR REGULAR SEASON SCHEDULE TO 60 GAMES!
(10 - 3:51am, May 28)
Last: Obo

NewsblogOT: Monthly NBA Thread - May 2015
(2752 - 2:51am, May 28)
Last: sardonic

NewsblogVideo: Statcast: Bryant's 477-foot shot | MLB.com
(69 - 2:50am, May 28)
Last: PreservedFish

NewsblogBrewers honor past, celebrate future with Selig exhibit
(18 - 2:41am, May 28)
Last: Moses Taylor world tour 2015: Singapore

Hall of Merit2016 Hall of Merit Ballot Discussion
(86 - 1:59am, May 28)
Last: Ardo

NewsblogOMNICHATTER 5-27-15
(158 - 1:47am, May 28)
Last: boteman asks Where's My Ring?

NewsblogThe first batch of All-Star vote tallies are out and the Royals are dominating
(36 - 1:34am, May 28)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogOT: 2015 NHL Playoff thread
(561 - 1:31am, May 28)
Last: PASTE Thinks This Trout Kid Might Be OK (Zeth)

NewsblogBraves, Dodgers To Swap Callaspo, Uribe In Six-Player Deal - MLB Trade Rumors
(9 - 1:16am, May 28)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogCharter Communications to offer Dodgers TV channel - LA Times
(1 - 12:58am, May 28)
Last: Joyful Calculus Instructor

NewsblogReflections on baseball moving on from RBIs. | SportsonEarth.com : Will Leitch Article
(30 - 12:53am, May 28)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogESPN: Crasnick: Harper Taking Baseball By Storm
(27 - 11:23pm, May 27)
Last: The Yankee Clapper

NewsblogRays Cash on umpiring: "It's terrible ... It's embarrassing" | Tampa Bay Times
(16 - 11:09pm, May 27)
Last: Rob_Wood

Page rendered in 0.1805 seconds
48 querie(s) executed