"You see, the arbitrators took my arbitration complaint, and then they arbitrated it. In that process, known as arbitration, they came to the conlusion that I was due an award. And then, as arbitrators are required to make a ruling following the proceedings -- again, known as arbitration -- they made that ruling, in the amount of $100,000. So I will be receiving $100,000 in the form of an arbitration award."

Thanks Tim. And while we were discussing that, Bobby Grich came out of reitrement, turned an unassisted triple play, and then left the stadium on the back of a winged stallion of some kind. We'll try to get a reply for you right after these messages.

"In my view, as good as the Yankees were in the first half of this game, that's how as bad they've been now."

Nice effort Craig. However the classic to my mind is James Weisberg's McCarver perl module.

Quoting from an old RSB post:

I wrote the script with tweaking in mind. If one feels McCarver has actually mastered the art of silence, he/she can set a non-zero timeout parameter. Note, however, that Perl's alarm() function is simply a pass-thru to the library facilities. That is, the granularity is measured in seconds. The author remains unconvinced that McCarver can regularly stay silent for whole numbered seconds. However, he will make plans to modify the code to use the select() system call if there is sufficient interest in finer time slices.

#!/usr/bin/perl

use JoeMorgan;

until ( defined &havewestartedyet;)
&banteraboutnothing;

}

sub sig_alrm {
$SIG{ALRM} = \&sig;_alrm;
&shutup;
}

$SIG{ALRM} = \&sig;_alrm;

$BSTIMEOUT=300; # Do not BS on any one thing longer than 5 minutes.
$SILENCE=2; # At most two seconds of silence.
$REPEAT=3; # Number of times to repeat same useless garbage.

for ( $now = time; ; ) {
next if ( (time - $now) < $SILENCE );
alarm(0); alarm($BSTIMEOUT);
if ( defined (($date, $names, $event, $stats) = &meaningless;_tidbit) ) {
&########;($date, $names, $event, $stats);
} else {
$analysis = &situation;($menonbase, $score, $play, $teamA, $teamB);
if ( not defined $analysis ) {
&makeupshit;();
} else {
for ( $retries = 0; $retries < $REPEAT; $retries++ ) {
&repeat;($analysis);
}
}
}

last if ( defined &arewedoneyet;);
$now = time;

}

The analysis module still needs to be written along with some error checking (well, actually, you can probably forget about that in Joe's case). Note that the Morgan module is only slightly more complex than the McCarver module, which only calls the makeupshit() function repeatedly with a different $BSTIMEOUT parameter and a $SILENCE = 0.