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Sunday, May 06, 2012

McGrath: Jesus Montero? More like molasses on the base paths

Had no idea McGrath was adding half-crocked material to “WHAT A CROC! - The Crocodile Comedy Show”

“Running” is one way to describe Montero’s earnest ambition to generate movement from Point A to Point C, while seemingly visiting the oasis at Point B for free coffee and a 45-minute snooze.

Montero runs like a deer, albeit a deer paralyzed in the headlights. How slow is Jesus Montero? Let’s put it this way: When he opened an account with Sprint, he got hooked up with Saunter.

...Behind the plate, it’s pretty obvious the kid doesn’t have a Gold Glove-caliber arm. And yet he’s proving himself to be, well, a throwback, latest in a tradition of such slow-footed catchers as Smoky Burgess, Gus Triandos, Russ Nixon, Johnny Estrada, the Molina Brothers and Chris Snyder.

...Still, some perspective is in order. Montero is slow only in the context of his peers, the best baseball players on the planet. Remove Montero from the diamond and put him in a match race against a department-store Santa, he’d finish among the top two, easily.

...I’ve already seen occasional references to Montero as “Monty.” What a waste. We’re talking about a baseball player who runs as if he’s climbing a downward escalator, and the only moniker that’s pinned on him is a casual shortening of his last name?

Jesus Montero should be known as “The Tortoise” or “The Snail.” Or “Leadfoot.” Or “Rain Delay.” Or “Gridlock.”

Repoz Posted: May 06, 2012 at 06:53 AM | 38 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: mariners

Reader Comments and Retorts

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   1. Avoid running at all times.-S. Paige Posted: May 06, 2012 at 08:53 AM (#4124544)
What percentage of primates could beat Bengie Molina in a foot race to first? I'm thinking 17%.
   2. JE (Jason) Posted: May 06, 2012 at 09:13 AM (#4124549)
Well, that depends. Would there be a water station halfway down the line?
   3. Dale Sams Posted: May 06, 2012 at 09:45 AM (#4124556)
What percentage of primates could beat Bengie Molina in a foot race to first? I'm thinking 17%.


I could. But I'd pull a hammy.

Montero runs like a deer, albeit a deer paralyzed in the headlights. How slow is Jesus Montero? Let’s put it this way: When he opened an account with Sprint, he got hooked up with Saunter.


enh, How bout "Jesus spent 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness...Montero took 40 days and 40 nights just to get there."
   4. RB in NYC (Now Semi-Retired from BBTF) Posted: May 06, 2012 at 09:52 AM (#4124559)
What percentage of primates could beat Bengie Molina in a foot race to first? I'm thinking 17%.
Are we talking raw speed or are we adjusting for age, gender, etc.?
   5. You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR) Posted: May 06, 2012 at 09:56 AM (#4124561)
Is Bengie considered the slowest Molina? Over 100 yards I like my chances.
   6. TerpNats Posted: May 06, 2012 at 10:12 AM (#4124569)
If he hits like Ernie Lombardi, who cares if he runs like him, too?
   7. DKDC Posted: May 06, 2012 at 10:14 AM (#4124570)
I think I could probably beat 25% of major leaguers in a footrace, especially over a longer distance. It's not my only skill that's major league quality, though.

I like to think of myself as Daniel Cabrera at the plate, with the range of Edgar Martinez in the field, with a Juan Pierre cannon. That might be a little generous though.
   8. DKDC Posted: May 06, 2012 at 10:14 AM (#4124571)
Jesus is slow, but I think his father, Matt Wieters, might be even slower.
   9. GotowarMissAgnes Posted: May 06, 2012 at 10:19 AM (#4124572)
Somebody has to put in a word for Billy Butler. Get rid of the HR Derby at the All-Star Game and let's see a skills competition with a 100 yard dash between these guys.
   10. eddieot Posted: May 06, 2012 at 10:30 AM (#4124575)
His home run trot seems just fast enough.
   11. Jarrod HypnerotomachiaPoliphili(Teddy F. Ballgame) Posted: May 06, 2012 at 10:32 AM (#4124576)
Somebody has to put in a word for Billy Butler. Get rid of the HR Derby at the All-Star Game and let's see a skills competition with a 100 yard dash between these guys.


And promote Billy Hamilton, quick.
   12. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: May 06, 2012 at 10:36 AM (#4124577)
What percentage of primates could beat Bengie Molina in a foot race to first? I'm thinking 17%.


I think I could probably beat 25% of major leaguers in a footrace, especially over a longer distance.

Hell, I could crush any Major League ballplayer in a race to nine. It wouldn't even be a contest.
   13. PreservedFish Posted: May 06, 2012 at 10:45 AM (#4124581)
Oh, this is my idea for a website. Use a stopwatch to time every baseball player's speed, time my own speed, and then mock every player that I am faster than. You guys are free to steal this idea, I will never go through with it. But I do feel that I could beat the slowest guys.

The arm thing has always interested me though - I have no idea how fast Damon or Pierre throws the ball compared to a normal human being. I suspect they still might be pretty good, able to beat, say, 95% of primates. But I don't know.
   14. Avoid running at all times.-S. Paige Posted: May 06, 2012 at 11:01 AM (#4124587)
The arm thing has always interested me though - I have no idea how fast Damon or Pierre throws the ball compared to a normal human being. I suspect they still might be pretty good, able to beat, say, 95% of primates. But I don't know.


Isn't one of the issues that most people do not throw correctly? These players might have extremely weak arms but they are generally getting the most out of them because they are practicing over and over on their form. Anecdotal evidence: I went to a baseball camp one summer when I was 13. There were very good coaches there, who really helped us think about our mechanics in every aspect of the game. Before I went to the camp, the fastest pitch I threw was around 58 mph. One month later, I was clocked regularly at 65 mph.
   15. PreservedFish Posted: May 06, 2012 at 11:07 AM (#4124593)
Isn't one of the issues that most people do not throw correctly?


But Damon's form is atrocious!
   16. Gotham Dave Posted: May 06, 2012 at 11:52 AM (#4124613)
If it's really bugging the Mariners that much, I wouldn't complain if they wanted to do another Pineda-Montero swap.
   17. Karl from NY Posted: May 06, 2012 at 12:16 PM (#4124621)
I like to think of myself as Daniel Cabrera at the plate, with the range of Edgar Martinez in the field, with a Juan Pierre cannon. That might be a little generous though.

I'm pretty sure I closely resemble Al Leiter at the plate, combined with the outfield instincts of Todd Hundley, and wrapped up in one scintillating package with Mo Vaughn's speed.
Hell, I could crush any Major League ballplayer in a race to nine. It wouldn't even be a contest.

Isn't that racked wrong? I thought the 1, 2, 3, and 4 were supposed to be at the corners.
   18. Pat Rapper's Delight Posted: May 06, 2012 at 12:39 PM (#4124638)
Montero might be slow, but he rounds the bases quicker than Pineda's fastball these days.
   19. Monty Posted: May 06, 2012 at 12:50 PM (#4124641)
This headline pun does not work. Is the author under the impression that "Jesus" rhymes with "molasses"?
   20. AROM Posted: May 06, 2012 at 01:08 PM (#4124649)
When I was in high school I was clocked home to first under 4 seconds, as a righthanded batter. That was a long time ago. At 41 I could still probably beat a Molina in a footrace, but not many others.

Running speed is the easiest skill to compare yourself to MLBers. Anybody with a stopwatch can time them home to first, and do the same for themselves. Throwing would be the next easiest, if you brought a radar gun to the game and recorded throwing speed for fielders.

Whether any of us could make better contact against real pitching than the worst hitting MLB pitchers, guys like Aaron Harang, is completely untestable.
   21. Dale Sams Posted: May 06, 2012 at 01:29 PM (#4124652)
I have no idea how fast Damon or Pierre throws the ball compared to a normal human being. I suspect they still might be pretty good, able to beat, say, 95% of primates. But I don't know.


I can throw about as far as Carl Crawford. I mean...Carl Crawford right now, this very second.
   22. NJ in DC (Now with Wife!) Posted: May 06, 2012 at 01:32 PM (#4124654)
How has Montero looked behind the plate thus far?
   23. rlc Posted: May 06, 2012 at 01:40 PM (#4124658)
This headline pun does not work. Is the author under the impression that "Jesus" rhymes with "molasses"?


Jiminy Cricket, someone has no consonance!
   24. boteman Posted: May 06, 2012 at 01:43 PM (#4124659)
How has Montero looked behind the plate thus far?

The one game that I watched the other night he was like Swiss cheese behind the plate. You could have hung a net behind home plate with 1 foot holes in it and caught more balls. He didn't look much better batting.

I wound up thinking, "THIS is what all the excitement was about???"
   25. rlc Posted: May 06, 2012 at 01:43 PM (#4124660)
What a waste. We’re talking about a baseball player who runs as if he’s climbing a downward escalator, and the only moniker that’s pinned on him is a casual shortening of his last name?


Glacier Pique?
   26. TerpNats Posted: May 06, 2012 at 02:19 PM (#4124676)
Pineda for Montero: The blockbuster trade that hurt both teams.
   27. Walt Davis Posted: May 06, 2012 at 02:53 PM (#4124698)
When he opened an account with Sprint, he got hooked up with Saunter.

Worst play on words ever?

Before I went to the camp, the fastest pitch I threw was around 58 mph. One month later, I was clocked regularly at 65 mph.

I didn't know Jamie Moyer posted here. Cool.




   28. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: May 06, 2012 at 02:55 PM (#4124701)
The good news is, he can move at the same speed on water.
   29. The Keith Law Blog Blah Blah (battlekow) Posted: May 06, 2012 at 03:20 PM (#4124715)
Montero runs like a deer, albeit a deer paralyzed in the headlights.

As a kid I remember going through my dad's old Bill James books and delighting in some of the jokes, even though I didn't fully understand them until later. Jim Deshaies' position, for instance, was listed as "Hit Defan" in one of them.

Anyway, I think it was about Steve Balboni that he wrote something along the lines of "Hits like a Deer, runs like a file cabinet".
   30. Zach Posted: May 06, 2012 at 03:28 PM (#4124722)
Anyway, I think it was about Steve Balboni that he wrote something along the lines of "Hits like a Deer, runs like a file cabinet".

It would be funnier if it were "Hits like a deer, runs like a ton of bricks."
   31. McCoy Posted: May 06, 2012 at 03:47 PM (#4124729)
When I was in high school I was clocked home to first under 4 seconds, as a righthanded batter. That was a long time ago. At 41 I could still probably beat a Molina in a footrace, but not many others.

Swinging, bunting, or just running?
   32. DKDC Posted: May 06, 2012 at 04:27 PM (#4124746)
"Hits like a Deer, runs like a wrecking ball."
   33.     Hey Gurl Posted: May 06, 2012 at 05:23 PM (#4124764)
Hits like a Deer, runs like a Deere.
   34. the Hugh Jorgan returns Posted: May 06, 2012 at 09:55 PM (#4125071)
Montero runs like a deer, albeit a deer paralyzed in the headlights.

Yet a dear paralyzed in headlights isn't actually moving at all, so this makes no sense. Albeit like a deer that's been wounded by gunshot...now that would make sense. A deer with a lacerated kidney, a deer with a thorn in it's hoof, a deer with a broken leg... all these make sense. A paralyzed deer is not running at all. I know for sure Montero is actually moving when he is running...so there!
   35. Cooper Nielson Posted: May 07, 2012 at 12:02 AM (#4125141)
How has Montero looked behind the plate thus far?

I haven't seen him play this year, but as he's on my Yahoo fantasy team I have been watching very closely to see how many times he was in the lineup as "C" (waiting for him to qualify at catcher). And I noticed that he hits better as a catcher than a DH.

For his brief MLB career (AVG/OBP/SLG):

As C (51 PA): .413/.451/.696
As DH (118 PA): .261/.297/.423

For 2012:

As C (38 PA): .444/.447/.778
As DH (63 PA): .197/.206/.246

Small-sample caveats abound, but there's a pretty clear distinction.

I wonder if sitting around on the bench makes him overly anxious? He doesn't seem like a very patient hitter in the best of times, but as a DH his walk rate and K/BB ratio are particularly dreadful.
   36. Rants Mulliniks Posted: May 07, 2012 at 08:54 AM (#4125202)
I would be shocked if I couldn't beat half of MLB players around the bases. Molina isn't just slow for a baseball player, he's slow for a sub-300 lb human.
   37. zack Posted: May 07, 2012 at 10:42 AM (#4125260)
Isn't one of the issues that most people do not throw correctly? These players might have extremely weak arms but they are generally getting the most out of them because they are practicing over and over on their form. Anecdotal evidence: I went to a baseball camp one summer when I was 13. There were very good coaches there, who really helped us think about our mechanics in every aspect of the game. Before I went to the camp, the fastest pitch I threw was around 58 mph. One month later, I was clocked regularly at 65 mph.


Despite never having played any ball at all, I could always throw harder than my friends just because I had heard Tom Seaver yammer on about pitching and knew how to hold a four-seamer.
   38. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: May 07, 2012 at 11:16 AM (#4125299)
I noticed that he hits better as a catcher than a DH.


The DH ruins everything.

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