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Thursday, January 24, 2013

Nationals to Unveil New Racing President on Saturday

The Nats respond to the Braves getting Justin Upton!

“Well, welcome to reality. The Nats set the stage on Wednesday by announcing on Twitter “a major Presidential announcement” at NatsFest this Saturday. And in case there were any doubt about what the news would be, the team made it official on Thursday with this Tweet: “The rumors are true – there will be a #5thPresident racing in 2013! But who will it be? Find out at #NatsFest!”

Bourbon Samurai in Asia Posted: January 24, 2013 at 12:50 PM | 130 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: nationals

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   1. Bourbon Samurai in Asia Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:42 PM (#4354195)
I should point out that there was a dude in a JFK racing president outfit wandering around the fairgrounds before Game 3 of the NLDS last year. Weird guy with his own JFK bobblehead outfit? or test subject?
   2. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:48 PM (#4354204)
I should point out that there was a dude in a JFK racing president outfit wandering around the fairgrounds before Game 3 of the NLDS last year. Weird guy with his own JFK bobblehead outfit? or test subject?

They could have JFK, Reagan, Garfield and Lincoln and have a BB Gun giveaway night!
   3. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:48 PM (#4354205)
TIPPECANOE AND TYLER TOO!
   4. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:49 PM (#4354209)
They need a new guy who never wins now that Teddy has a victory under his belt.
   5. What Zupcic? Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:49 PM (#4354210)
I saw JFK at that game as well but I think they were just recycling him from a race earlier in the year. If I remember right, JFK tried to help Teddy?
   6. esseff Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:50 PM (#4354211)
Well, we know it won't be FDR. Sorry, that was wrong.
   7. flournoy Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:52 PM (#4354213)
I normally don't like the between-innings sideshows, but I'd really enjoy seeing FDR in a racing wheelchair.
   8. asinwreck Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:54 PM (#4354215)
Taft. Please, Taft.
   9. McCoy Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:55 PM (#4354217)
It should be a Racing Taft where instead of a giant head on top of a normal body the racer should don some sort of converted sumo wrestling costume and have a normal Taft head.
   10. Publius Publicola Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:57 PM (#4354222)
They could have JFK, Reagan, Garfield and Lincoln and have a BB Gun giveaway night!


And McKinley. Don't forget McKinley.
   11. You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:58 PM (#4354223)
I'm hoping for Dubya, to be played by Dubya himself.
   12. Publius Publicola Posted: January 24, 2013 at 02:59 PM (#4354226)
Wouldn't it be cool if it turned out to be someone totally obscure like Franklin Pierce. And everyone's like "Who the #### is that?".
   13. Juilin Sandar to Conkling Speedwell (Arjun) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:00 PM (#4354228)
Millard Fillmore. And he should win every single race.
   14. Esmailyn Gonzalez Sr. Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:02 PM (#4354234)
Dewey wins!
   15. bobm Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:03 PM (#4354239)
Bill Clinton, with his pants down around his ankles.
   16. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:04 PM (#4354240)
You sexists, the answer is obviously Hillary. Or make it William Henry Harrison, and have him collapse at the start of every race. Or Sy Sperling-- they never say it has to be a United States President.
   17. Randy Jones Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:07 PM (#4354242)
Grover Cleveland, but he doesn't run on consecutive days.
   18. SteveM. Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:13 PM (#4354248)
It will be Taft. Along with a team of paramedics to administer oxygen.
   19. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:14 PM (#4354250)
Warren Harding, with his pants around his ankles.
   20. Rennie's Tenet Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:18 PM (#4354254)
Jefferson Davis. They won't have to worry about people campaigning for him to win.
   21. boteman is not here 'til October Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:18 PM (#4354255)
#12 - We Polked them in '44, We shall Pierce them in '52!

#16 - Hows abouts Margaret Thatcher, then?

I'm hoping for Adlai Stevenson.
   22. Textbook Editor Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:31 PM (#4354264)
Or make it William Henry Harrison, and have him collapse at the start of every race.


Brilliant!
   23. Rennie's Tenet Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:35 PM (#4354267)
Lester Young.
   24. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:39 PM (#4354272)
Or Sy Sperling-- they never say it has to be a United States President.


Silvio Berlosconi, with his pants around his ankles.
   25. GregD Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:39 PM (#4354274)
Sam Tilden and Al Gore race for the chance to be part of the race
   26. The Kentucky Gentleman, Mark Edward Posted: January 24, 2013 at 03:45 PM (#4354279)
James K. Polk! In four short years he met his every goal!
   27. Austin Kearns: The Spy Who Shagged Flies Posted: January 24, 2013 at 04:22 PM (#4354309)
Dennis Martinez, of course.
   28. winnipegwhip Posted: January 24, 2013 at 04:24 PM (#4354312)
King George III

Sincerely,

Winnipegwhip, UEL
   29. Moloka'i Three-Finger Brown (Declino DeShields) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 04:43 PM (#4354331)
Franklin Pierce. Handsome, drunk, and detached.
   30. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: January 24, 2013 at 05:12 PM (#4354351)
They could have JFK, Reagan, Garfield and Lincoln and have a BB Gun giveaway night!

Shooty coolly cocks the trigger and fires his way to victory!
   31. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 05:39 PM (#4354371)
Or Sy Sperling-- they never say it has to be a United States President.


El Presidente himself, Dennis Martinez.

Edit: Aw, ####. Coke to Austin.
   32. NattyBoh Posted: January 24, 2013 at 06:11 PM (#4354400)
Franklin "Wheels" Delano Roosevelt?

On a related note why not do a special lineup for Fathers Day featuring a handoff; the Bushes, the Adames, the Harrisons (grandfather and grandson), and VP Aaron Burr and his illegitimate son, Martin Van Buren.
   33. zonk Posted: January 24, 2013 at 06:16 PM (#4354405)
Andy Jackson - and then have him win by consistently beating the crap out of the other bobbleheads.
   34. philphan Posted: January 24, 2013 at 06:18 PM (#4354407)
Barack Obama, of course! To the victor go the spoils.
   35. phredbird Posted: January 24, 2013 at 06:29 PM (#4354417)
VP Aaron Burr and his illegitimate son, Martin Van Buren.


wait, what?
   36. zonk Posted: January 24, 2013 at 06:35 PM (#4354422)
VP Aaron Burr and his illegitimate son, Martin Van Buren.



wait, what?


Long rumored... I think someone's papers or diary (John Adams?) even mentioned it (in the context of Burr, not Van Buren). Burr frequented the tavern the elder Van Buren's owned, was supposedly 'close' with the family, and Van Buren in his youth worked for Burr or was a supporter of Burr or somesuch.

   37. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 07:07 PM (#4354438)
Long rumored... I think someone's papers or diary (John Adams?) even mentioned it (in the context of Burr, not Van Buren). Burr frequented the tavern the elder Van Buren's owned, was supposedly 'close' with the family, and Van Buren in his youth worked for Burr or was a supporter of Burr or somesuch.

In Gore Vidal's historical novel, "Burr", the narrator (who works as Burr's assistant and unofficial biographer or something like that) is offered money by Van Buren's opponents to confirm a rumor that Van Buren is Burr's illegitimate son. I did some cursory searching on the internet after reading the book and did not see this rumor attributed to anything but Vidal's fiction.
   38. Cris E Posted: January 24, 2013 at 07:15 PM (#4354447)
Assassinations, wheelchairs, fat jokes: You people are awful.

It's why I love this place. <3
   39. The Yankee Clapper Posted: January 24, 2013 at 07:21 PM (#4354455)
The Nationals should have a legitimate Presidential Olympics - letting the mascots go all out to win various track & field events. Sure, most would end up in the hospital, but the fans would enjoy it.
   40. Fernigal McGunnigle has become a merry hat Posted: January 24, 2013 at 07:35 PM (#4354465)
I did some cursory searching on the internet after reading the book and did not see this rumor attributed to anything but Vidal's fiction.


I did a little digging, and it appears in Famous Affinities of History: the Romance of Devotion by Lyndon Orr, which was first published by Harper in 1912. The relevant passage is sort of fun and scandalous, and comes right after a story about Dolly Madison being Burr's ex-lover. At the end of the first paragraph the author says the story is "utterly improbable", then goes on to make it seem a lot less improbable:

There is another curious story which makes Martin Van Buren, eighth President of the United States, to have been the illegitimate son of Aaron Burr. There is no earthly reason for believing this, except that Burr sometimes stopped overnight at the tavern in Kinderhook which was kept by Van Buren's putative father, and that Van Buren in later life showed an astuteness equal to that of Aaron Burr himself, so that he was called by his opponents "the fox of Kinderhook." But, as Van Buren was born in December of the same year (1782) in which Burr was married to Theodosia Prevost, the story is utterly improbable when we remember, as we must, the ardent affection which Burr showed his wife, not only before their marriage, but afterward until her death.

Putting aside these purely spurious instances, as well as others cited by Mr. Parton, the fact remains that Aaron Burr, like Daniel Webster, found a great attraction in the society of women; that he could please them and fascinate them to an extraordinary degree; and that during his later life he must be held quite culpable in this respect. His love-making was ardent and rapid, as we shall afterward see in the case of his second marriage.

Many other stories are told of him. For instance, it is said that he once took a stage-coach from Jersey City to Philadelphia. The only other occupant was a woman of high standing and one whose family deeply hated Aaron Burr. Nevertheless, so the story goes, before they had reached Newark she was absolutely swayed by his charm of manner; and when the coach made its last stop before Philadelphia she voluntarily became his mistress.

It must also be said that, unlike those of Webster and Hamilton, his intrigues were never carried on with women of the lower sort. This may be held by some to deepen the charge against him; but more truly does it exonerate him, since it really means that in many cases these women of the world threw themselves at him and sought him as a lover, when otherwise he might never have thought of them.
   41. Slivers of Maranville descends into chaos (SdeB) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 07:47 PM (#4354470)
Samuel Huntington. The first President.
   42. Willie Mayspedester Posted: January 24, 2013 at 07:49 PM (#4354471)
What about Nixon with two huge peace sign giving hands? He gets out to an early lead and is then trampled by the other presidents before the finish line.
   43. zonk Posted: January 24, 2013 at 07:53 PM (#4354473)
@#!@#@! Aaron Burr truthers ;-)

Straight Dope (the boards, not 'official') has some discussion on Van Buren/Burr - pronouncing it unsubstantiated and mainly a latter day product of Vidal's book, but not the beginning of the rumor. There's some unsourced references to John Quincy Adams writing about Van Buren possibly being Burr's child... but then, MVB was Andrew Jackson's protege and JQA, obviously, was an enemy of both.
   44. Gamingboy Posted: January 24, 2013 at 07:59 PM (#4354479)
Back when Teddy hadn't yet won I suggested they add in Jefferson Davis as a villain.
   45. The Yankee Clapper Posted: January 24, 2013 at 08:12 PM (#4354484)
FWIW, the Lerners political contributions are mostly, but not exclusively, to Democrats, with a lot of Kennedy & Shriver donations, which might point to JFK as the next entrant in the Prez Race. Any Prez that is recognizable to most of today's fans would also work, but once the Nationals move beyond the Rushmore Four, there will be no end to pleadings on behalf of those left out.
   46. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: January 24, 2013 at 08:17 PM (#4354486)

The only presidents who will be recognizable to most fans are guys on Rushmore, guys on the money (Grant wouold be a good choice) and then more recent presidents.
   47. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: January 24, 2013 at 08:26 PM (#4354491)
I was once accompanying a class of second graders on a school trip to an 18th-century historical site, and they were asked if they could guess who had been President when such-and-such happened. Their first two guesses: Benjamin Franklin and Martin Luther King. (In the meantime, one of them sneakily used a cell phone to get the correct answer.)
   48. bunyon Posted: January 24, 2013 at 08:34 PM (#4354496)
Bubble, I was at Mt. Rushmore a few years ago and heard a mom tell her kids that Teddy was, in fact, JFK. Wonderful.
   49. Rennie's Tenet Posted: January 24, 2013 at 09:19 PM (#4354509)
Barack Obama, of course! To the victor go the spoils.


If the ears were in proportion you could never insure the guy with the Obama head.

In recognition of the Expo legacy, Charles De Gaulle.
   50. boteman is not here 'til October Posted: January 24, 2013 at 09:19 PM (#4354510)
#47, 48 - If anyone feared that the common man in the street was a complete dunce about seemingly obvious and useful pieces of knowledge, Jay Leno's "Street Walking" segments would put those fears to rest. :-)

In light of that, the Nats might consider taking a page from that obnoxious DirecTV ad in which the guy's friends all become engravings of Ben Franklin's head once he converts them to the dark side. These days who would really notice that he was never a president? All 5 of them could run as Franklin for that matter, so he could never lose.

Or they could drop the façade altogether and admit the true source of power in the Districk: just run Money Races. Dress up each of them as one of the bills of currency in circulation, that should attract some interest from the fans.
   51. flournoy Posted: January 24, 2013 at 09:34 PM (#4354521)
They should definitely start doing presidents races with Ben Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, Aaron Burr, and Thomas Edison.
   52. GregD Posted: January 24, 2013 at 09:44 PM (#4354531)
They should definitely start doing presidents races with Ben Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, Aaron Burr, and Thomas Edison.
and Martin Sheen

Grant would be an awesome Civil War anniversary pick.
   53. NattyBoh Posted: January 24, 2013 at 09:45 PM (#4354533)
To recognize our LGBT citizens they could choose James Buchanan.
To honor philanderers, Grover Cleveland.
To mourn the murdered, Warren Harding.
To give truth to the phrase behind every successful man stands a woman, Woodrow Wilson.

I'm waiting with baited breath.
   54. Pat Rapper's Delight Posted: January 24, 2013 at 09:57 PM (#4354544)
This whole thread is awesome. Thanks to all of you for playing!
   55. Bourbon Samurai in Asia Posted: January 24, 2013 at 09:59 PM (#4354545)
BTW is anyone going to Natsfest on saturday? I have never been to such a thing and am considering it.

and Martin Sheen


and Bill Pullman.
   56. asinwreck Posted: January 24, 2013 at 10:01 PM (#4354549)
Probably won't be Wilson post-stroke.
   57. GregD Posted: January 24, 2013 at 10:05 PM (#4354552)
Probably won't be Wilson post-stroke.
A very special episode of the racing presidents would be awesome...Wilson in a bed wheeled by wife, FDR in the chair, Eisenhower with his cane and Nixon chasing behind him, Reagan on his operating room bed, Coolidge with a microphone
   58. jdennis Posted: January 24, 2013 at 10:09 PM (#4354556)
need to think in terms of marketing:

who is the most well known?
who is the most funny looking?
who has a connection to baseball and/or the city/team itself?
what are the marketing tie-ins?

my guesses are taft or fdr
   59. jobu Posted: January 24, 2013 at 10:12 PM (#4354560)
They'll never pick Nixon, but he would offer the most entertainment value. Clinton would be awesome as well.

How about Jefferson Davis? Or David Rice Atchison.

   60. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: January 24, 2013 at 10:12 PM (#4354561)
I foresee a giant Al Gore head poised on the starting line, when a giant Antonin Scalia head says "Just where do you think YOU'RE going?"
   61. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: January 24, 2013 at 10:16 PM (#4354566)
A very special episode of the racing presidents would be awesome...Wilson in a bed wheeled by wife, FDR in the chair, Eisenhower with his cane and Nixon chasing behind him, Reagan on his operating room bed, Coolidge with a microphone

And for Ladies' Night they could stage a giant jello wrestling event featuring Sally Hemmings, Kay Summersby, Nan Britton, Lucy Mercer, Marilyn Monroe, Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky.
   62. Random Transaction Generator Posted: January 24, 2013 at 10:16 PM (#4354567)
Maybe a giant Alexander Haig tries to join everyone at the starting line?
   63. GregD Posted: January 24, 2013 at 10:18 PM (#4354569)
Andrew Jackson gets a gun? Sponsored by the NRA and by the Coalition against Gun Violence in a joint production?
   64. Steve Sparks Flying Everywhere Posted: January 24, 2013 at 10:32 PM (#4354577)
I vote for Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
   65. jobu Posted: January 24, 2013 at 10:39 PM (#4354582)
President David Palmer, in a Cleveland Indians uniform.
   66. Walt Davis Posted: January 25, 2013 at 03:21 AM (#4354690)
Madison -- with "Madison Blues" as his walk-up music
   67. Toby Posted: January 25, 2013 at 06:45 AM (#4354701)
great ideas - but in all seriousness, my guess would be Eisenhower, I think the marketing potential there could be pretty huge -- assuming the Nats or MLB are able to safely sell buttons and shirts with "I Like Ike" without violating anyone else's intellectual property rights. Every Nats fan would want one. The promotional campaign writes itself, and is almost guaranteed to rake in money. It also allows you a built-in excuse for the Nats to put out an alternative military-camouflage jersey and other military-style products.
   68. Bitter Mouse Posted: January 25, 2013 at 09:58 AM (#4354743)
Maybe an all military presidents race? Washington, Ike, Grant, and Jackson (Maybe Taylor also and I am sure others I am forgetting).
   69. ThisElevatorIsDrivingMeUpTheWall Posted: January 25, 2013 at 10:00 AM (#4354745)
FDR could work if they picked a fan every game to push him in the race.
   70. McCoy Posted: January 25, 2013 at 10:05 AM (#4354748)
Maybe an all military presidents race? Washington, Ike, Grant, and Jackson (Maybe Taylor also and I am sure others I am forgetting).


Yep, like almost all of them.
   71. Tom Nawrocki Posted: January 25, 2013 at 10:14 AM (#4354752)
A very special episode of the racing presidents would be awesome...Wilson in a bed wheeled by wife, FDR in the chair, Eisenhower with his cane and Nixon chasing behind him, Reagan on his operating room bed, Coolidge with a microphone


They could have a Zachary Taylor who was forced to spend the entire top of the seventh eating cherries with warm milk.
   72. Yeaarrgghhhh Posted: January 25, 2013 at 10:21 AM (#4354756)
I absolutely love the idea of a fake presidents race: Martin Sheen, Bill Pullman, Morgan Freeman, Michael Douglas, and Harrison Ford.
   73. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: January 25, 2013 at 10:21 AM (#4354757)
I thought eating cherries and warm milk was more Bill Clinton's thing.
   74. jobu Posted: January 25, 2013 at 10:25 AM (#4354760)
I absolutely love the idea of a fake presidents race: Martin Sheen, Bill Pullman, Morgan Freeman, Michael Douglas, and Harrison Ford.

Dennis Haysbert clearly must be included.
   75. Yeaarrgghhhh Posted: January 25, 2013 at 10:43 AM (#4354770)
I knew there was some obvious guy I was missing.
   76. Bitter Mouse Posted: January 25, 2013 at 10:55 AM (#4354776)
Yep, like almost all of them.


Hey I was restricting myself to Generals and those that made their name and ignoring the Carters and JFKs (yes he was famous for PT-109, but it wasn't his main claim to fame). SOrry for not being clear.
   77. Tom T Posted: January 25, 2013 at 11:29 AM (#4354800)
Hey I was restricting myself to Generals and those that made their name and ignoring the Carters and JFKs (yes he was famous for PT-109, but it wasn't his main claim to fame). SOrry for not being clear.


Don't forget both Harrisons, then, even if they only achieved the rank of General in the militia/Volunteers.
   78. zonk Posted: January 25, 2013 at 11:32 AM (#4354804)

Hey I was restricting myself to Generals and those that made their name and ignoring the Carters and JFKs (yes he was famous for PT-109, but it wasn't his main claim to fame). SOrry for not being clear.


Well, up until the 20th century -- most of them were... Setting aside a couple of the nerdier founders (TJ, Adams, and Madison) - I think every President until the 20th century except Lincoln had been at least a colonel... maybe Polk, my recollection is he just served in the militia too.
   79. TomH Posted: January 25, 2013 at 11:39 AM (#4354810)
What we need here is Vegas-style odds board. There are only about 35 options, which ain't far off from MLB/NFL/NBA/NHL league.

I say Harrison is 200-1.

   80. Commissioner Bud Black Beltre Hillman Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:03 PM (#4354838)
In recognition of the Expo legacy, Charles De Gaulle.
probably not recognizable enough. How about Napoleon?
   81. jobu Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:14 PM (#4354847)
probably not recognizable enough. How about Napoleon?

Pierre Trudeau. Guy Caballero.

My prediction: JFK, followed by some very unfortunate assassination miming from beer-addled fans (let's face it, there would be some fans who couldn't resist pretending to nail him coming around a turn), creating a PR disaster and causing a quick retirement of the costume. I consider this scenario in its entirety highly likely--something like 5:1 odds.
   82. Bitter Mouse Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:28 PM (#4354869)
I think JFK is fairly likely. I would not be surprised by Ike or Reagan. I think FDR is a dark (iron) horse. I csan't think of anyone else likely (Nixon would be funny, but no).
   83. Rennie's Tenet Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:36 PM (#4354883)
My prediction: JFK, followed by some very unfortunate assassination miming from beer-addled fans (let's face it, there would be some fans who couldn't resist pretending to nail him coming around a turn), creating a PR disaster and causing a quick retirement of the costume.


Lyndon Johnson, on the other hand, would grow and grow. Great face, and a genuinely man.
   84. jobu Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:40 PM (#4354887)
Lyndon Johnson, on the other hand, would grow and grow. Great face, and a genuinely man.

You'd have to have LBJ in a porta-potty (with 2 aides pushing him) vs. FDR in a wheelchair.
   85. jack the seal clubber (on the sidelines of life) Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:42 PM (#4354889)
I think it'll be Truman.
   86. bunyon Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:45 PM (#4354893)
Carter. And introduce a rabbit to chase him.
   87. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:45 PM (#4354895)
Wheelchair? Come on, you guys. It's going to be FDR in a BULLPEN CAR. And instead of the roof being a giant replica baseball cap, it'll be a giant version of this.
   88. You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR) Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:51 PM (#4354904)
#86 is gold.

I'd vote for Reagan myself, just to see someone a bit more contemporary in the race. They could bring Oliver North in to start the first race.
   89. jack the seal clubber (on the sidelines of life) Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:52 PM (#4354906)
Can't see it being JFK because of all the assassination jokes, but if they did they could have the mystery gunman to knock him off right before the finish line, and fans could guess at the winner....it's Oswald! No, it's J. Edgar Hoover! It's Giancana! No, it's Castro! Sinatra! LBJ! John Foster Dulles! Prizes to the lucky winners.
   90. Rennie's Tenet Posted: January 25, 2013 at 12:57 PM (#4354913)
Edit's not working for me: I meant to say that Johnson was a genuinely funny man at 83.
   91. esseff Posted: January 25, 2013 at 01:04 PM (#4354923)
Can't see it being JFK because of all the assassination jokes, but if they did they could have the mystery gunman to knock him off right before the finish line, and fans could guess at the winner....it's Oswald! No, it's J. Edgar Hoover! It's Giancana! No, it's Castro! Sinatra! LBJ! John Foster Dulles! Prizes to the lucky winners.


And just to give pause to the guessers, they could roll turf over the pitcher's mound to make it a grassy knoll.
   92. Random Transaction Generator Posted: January 25, 2013 at 01:26 PM (#4354950)
If I were to put money on it, I'd pick Taft. An hilariously round body with the giant head would be funny to watch, and would appeal to the overweight fans.
   93. simon bedford Posted: January 25, 2013 at 01:40 PM (#4354955)
i vote for rutherford b hayes and his fantastic beard!
   94. Joey B.: posting for the kids of northeast Ohio Posted: January 25, 2013 at 03:12 PM (#4355005)
Gerald Ford, and he starts off each race by falling down the stairs onto the field.
   95. Slivers of Maranville descends into chaos (SdeB) Posted: January 25, 2013 at 03:16 PM (#4355006)

great ideas - but in all seriousness, my guess would be Eisenhower, I think the marketing potential there could be pretty huge -- assuming the Nats or MLB are able to safely sell buttons and shirts with "I Like Ike" without violating anyone else's intellectual property rights. Every Nats fan would want one. The promotional campaign writes itself, and is almost guaranteed to rake in money. It also allows you a built-in excuse for the Nats to put out an alternative military-camouflage jersey and other military-style products.


He tried to warn us about the memorabilia-industrial complex.
   96. Grunthos Posted: January 25, 2013 at 03:18 PM (#4355009)
What we need here is Vegas-style odds board.

I'm going to disqualify all the guys who are still alive (Carter, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama), even though it's not inconceivable that Obama would be selected. I have no doubt they've considered Obama, but in the end it's too complicated to use the sitting president.

JFK: no line ... The assassination issue is a huge PR risk.
FDR: 2-1 ... Extremely prominent, long-serving, wheelchair-racing angle adds cachet.
Eisenhower: 5-1 ... Everybody still likes Ike.
Jackson: 20-1 ... Distinctive, important, very prominently featured on currency, but can't be favored over more recent options.
Ben Franklin: 25-1 ... Yeah, sure, it's the racing presidents, but the nation's founding uncle is too popular to ignore.
Nixon: 25-1 ... Unparalleled opportunities for entertainment and comedy, would be a massive longshot (as others have suggested) except that he could take over Teddy's role of never winning on a permanent basis.
LBJ: 50-1 ... Recent enough to be widely known, very entertaining caricature, but association with Vietnam weighs him down.
Reagan: 50-1 ... Would still be seen as a partisan statement... give it 10-20 more years.
Grant: 50-1 ... Known more as a war hero than a president.
Taft: 75-1 ... Unfortunately, the comedy angle is the only thing he has going for him.
Truman: 100-1 ... No compelling reason to choose him over FDR, Ike, or LBJ.
J Adams: 100-1 ... Well known, but they're not going to want another powdered wig guy.
Madison: 125-1 ... Ditto, but less famous.
JQ Adams: 250-1 ... Even more so.
Wilson: 250-1 ... Too stiff, distant.
Ford: 500-1 ... Other recent options are much more compelling.
Hoover: 500-1 ... Well known for all the wrong reasons.
Field (Monroe, Van Buren, Harrison, Polk, Tyler, Taylor, Fillmore, Pierce, Buchanan, A Johnson, Hays, Garfield, Arthur, Cleveland, Harrison, McKinley, Harding, Coolidge): 1000-1
   97. JJ1986 Posted: January 25, 2013 at 03:20 PM (#4355011)
Taft: 75-1 ... Unfortunately, the comedy angle is the only thing he has going for him.


I would take those odds.
   98. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 25, 2013 at 03:29 PM (#4355017)

JFK: no line ... The assassination issue is a huge PR risk.


Yea, that would be unfortunate if the head fell off.
   99. Rennie's Tenet Posted: January 25, 2013 at 03:47 PM (#4355030)
If I were to put money on it, I'd pick Taft. An hilariously round body with the giant head would be funny to watch, and would appeal to the overweight fans.


Taft's hook would be a huge body with a tiny head.
   100. zonk Posted: January 25, 2013 at 03:53 PM (#4355036)
Let's move the line!

Gimme a sawbuck on Taft while I can still get it at 75-1!
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