New Yorker: The Red Sox As The U.S.S.R.

We are all Josh Beckett now.

the Red Sox of 2012 are, in fact, quite a bit like the U.S.S.R. in 1989. They tried to keep up financially, and intellectually, with their rival for many years. Glasnost has passed; the end is here.

Ben Cherington, the new general manager of the Red Sox, to stretch the analogy, is Gorbachev. He started in the job this year, and tried to clean up the mess. But he was stymied by the old guard—including owners who foisted the current, and awful, manager, Bobby Valentine—on him, and now he has to move drastically. [Carl] Crawford is like Kazakhstan, expensive but troubled; [Josh] Beckett is Georgia, valuable but liable to start a war; Nick Punto, the throw-in utility infielder is Moldova; [Adrian] Gonzalez, the valuable breadbasket, is the Ukraine. And John Lackey, the grumpy pitcher who stays behind, is now Chechnya.

Hat tip to Roberto.