Buckle your seatbelts; it's going to be a bumpy ride at second base for today's Birthday Team. The alternative to Tartabull playing second is to move him to right field, bench Freeman, scoot Marco to second, and slot Jason Bartlett into the lineup.

If Tartabull can play a tolerably bad second base, this is one hell of a lineup. If not, it's still really good.

C: Dave Valle
1B/Manager: Bill Terry
2B: Danny Tartabull
3B: Jim Ray Hart
SS: Marco Scutaro
LF: Joe Adcock
CF: Ed Delahanty
RF: Buck Freeman

SP: Jim Perry
SP: Mark Portugal
SP: Pete Conway
SP: Scott Garrelts
SP: Ian Snell
RP: Lee Tunnell

Negro Leagues Great: Leon Day
Fun Names: Kettle Wirts, Ham Iburg, Roe Skidmore
Most career pitching appearances without recording a decision: Erik Plantenberg

I object your honor!
You're out of order!
Danny Tartabull is out of order!

C'mon Dan, Bartlett's got 17 career WAR, nearly as many as Scutaro, nearly as many as Freeman, nearly as many as Tartabull. It goes against the laws of God, man, nature and (I thought) birthday teams to have Tartabull at 2B over Bartlett.

Also ... 4 Buck Freemans in the majors? That's nuts.

And a heck of a bench for birthday team. The loser between Tartabull and Freeman, Day (unless he starts, Desmond Jennings, Mike Jacobs, Luis Matos, Gerald Perry, Laynce Nix, Tom Poquette, there must be a backup C in there somewhere. This must be one of the deepest set of position players of any day.

Rotation isn't much but I'll give a shout out to Pete Fries as a fun name. And Harley Dillinger sounds like a guy you don't want to mess with.

Yeah, you're probably right, Walt. I got a bit carried away with the pile of bats I had at my disposal. I went bat-sh*t crazy, it seems.

Funny thing is Leon Day might actually be the best second baseman available, but I exercise caution, perhaps too much, with Negro Leaguers.

Buck Freeman: A Baseball Mogul Stud. Given his power and the time he played, I think he has to be in the lineup.

To be even more entertaining, swap Tartabull and Scutaro.

Tartabull's 50 today. I remember when he came up as a shortstop with Seattle. Now nobody thinks about either of those things when they think "Danny Tartabull." Actually, "Danny Tartabull" probably isn't thought much except when his Seinfeld is on.

I will always have a soft spot for Danny Tartabull, who was the topic of my first ever Hardball Times column

Tartabull was the starting second baseman in Clemens' first 20-K game and had one of the three hits.

Buck Freeman is a good answer to get on the incredibly long Sporcle quiz Every 20 HR Season. He gives you both a complete year (1899) and a complete franchise (the Washington NL franchise that folded after 1899), and both of those things are time bonuses.