An impressive Birthday Team today. They'll lead the league in intellectual bullpen discussions.

C: Jocko Milligan (20.57 WAR)
1B: Anthony Rizzo (27.4 WAR)
2B: Cupid Childs (44.26 WAR)
3B: Johnny Temple (17.19 WAR)
SS: Cecil Travis (29.54 WAR)
LF: Mike Ivie (7.32 WAR)
CF: Jose Cruz (54.41 WAR)
RF/Manager: Frank Howard (37.57 WAR)

SP: Ken Raffensberger (30.31 WAR)
SP: Toad Ramsey (19.93 WAR)
SP: Tot Pressnell (6.06 WAR)
SP: Ray Fontenot (4.47 WAR)
SP: Ken Holloway (4.07 WAR)
RP/Ivy Leaguer: Craig Breslow (6.33 WAR)
RP/Ivy Leaguer: Ross Ohlendorf (0.62 WAR)

General Manager: Doug Melvin
Backup C: Ron Karkovice (14.61 WAR)
Fun name: John Slappey
Matt's big brother: Jack Cassel

According to Karkovice's Wikipedia page:

He was called "Officer Ron Karkovice" by White Sox broadcaster Ken "Hawk" Harrelson due to Karkovice's physical resemblance to a stereotypical patrol officer, his hard nosed demeanor, and his skill in solving clubhouse crimes.

Today's box-score-line records are 3-for-4 days with a bunch of RBIs. Most times with a given ab/r/h/bi line, regular season since 1908, trivia in bold:

4 3 3 3 : Three players did this five times each. Two are Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig. The third is a post-WW2 NL RHB slugger that I guess I'd put in the HOVG; he was very good, anyway, despite a somewhat unpleasant surname

4 3 3 4: Only one hitter has done this five times. He's a star on a major-league roster right now, so he might still add to his 4334s some day; but oddly for a holder of such a record, he has fewer than 4,000 big-league PAs

4 3 3 5 : Two men have done this three times apiece, two RHB HOVG sluggers, relative free swingers (baseball-wise at least) whose prime years were in the 1990s

4 3 3 6 : Four have done this twice. Babe Ruth and Ted Williams, and then two others not in the HOF. Let's see: both RHB. Both played multiple infield and outfield positions. One played in all the years of the 1950s and the other in all the years of the 2000s. Both were at their best in the first round of the playoffs, one batting .500 and the other .388 in such games. Both played for the Cubs, Giants, and Braves

4 3 3 7 : 24 men have done this once, most recently Ryan Braun in 2016

4 3 3 8 : seven have done this once, most recently Jayson Werth in 2008

4 3 3 9 : Sammy Sosa is the only one with this line, in 2002

4 3 3 10 : achieved on two grand slams plus a 2-run homer in 1999 – anyone remember who?

He was called "Officer Ron Karkovice" by White Sox broadcaster Ken "Hawk" Harrelson due to Karkovice's physical resemblance to a stereotypical patrol officer, his hard nosed demeanor, and his skill in solving clubhouse crimes.

Too bad he never played with The Crime Dog, Fred McGriff. If that were a TV show, I'd watch it.

4 3 3 4: Only one hitter has done this five times. He's a star on a major-league roster right now, so he might still add to his 4334s some day; but oddly for a holder of such a record, he has fewer than 4,000 big-league PAs

Goldschmidt? Stanton? Although your wording makes me think the player is inactive for some reason.

Neither Goldschmidt nor Stanton, though you are right about the clue, Nate.

All of the answers are Alex Rodriguez today.

Alex Rodriguez is incorrect.

4 3 3 4

Cespedes?

Alex Rodriguez is incorrect.

Horseshit.

Not Cespedes for 4334, though the correct guy was once a teammate of Cespedes'.

Donaldson!

Yes, Josh Donaldson. Didn't seem right to call him active since he's missed 2+ months of play.

4 3 3 5 : Two men have done this three times apiece, two RHB HOVG sluggers, relative free swingers (baseball-wise at least) whose prime years were in the 1990s

Completely off the top of my head: Albert Belle and Juan Gonzalez.

The third is a post-WW2 NL RHB slugger that I guess I'd put in the HOVG; he was very good, anyway, despite a somewhat unpleasant surname

Hank Sauer.

Sauer is correct for 4333. Gonzalez is one of the 4335 guys, Belle is not the other.

Then I'll go back to my original first guess: Greg Vaughn?

No, not Greg Vaughn either.

Does the "baseball-wise at least" have any particular significance?

4 3 3 10 : achieved on two grand slams plus a 2-run homer in 1999 – anyone remember who?

If it's not Alex Rodriguez, is it Fernando Tatis? I've asked that so many times.

The two famous double slam days of 1999 were Tatis and Robin Ventura, but I don't think it's either one.

it has to be Fernando Tatis

That was my first thought too, of course, but no - he only had the 8 RBI in that game, but it was also in 1999. Quite a year for ridiculous games.

I forgot about that 1999 10-RBI game. Of course, I don't remember the one that happened last month either.

30 years ago today was 8-8-88, the first time the Cubs tried to play at night at Wrigley. Rizzo was born a year later.

[Tatis] only had the 8 RBI in that game

Oh sure, "only" 8 RBI for the game, but then he did pack all of that into one inning.

Oh sure, "only" 8 RBI for the game, but then he did pack all of that into one inning.

Weren't both of them off the same pitcher (Chan Ho Park, perhaps)?

I know that everyone is dying for their Devil Rays update. Last night starting pitcher Tyler Glasnow threw 4 innings. Three relievers then combined for the last 5 innings. While the Rays undoubtedly have the shortest starting stints in baseball, my guess is that they probably have the longest relieving stints. I suppose those go hand in hand but it's interesting to see anyway. Is shrinking your starter's workload down to 4/5 innings and expanding your reliever's workload to more than 1 inning a net gain or net loss? It's like they've decided to experiment for the entire league's benefit.

30 years ago today was 8-8-88, the first time the Cubs tried to play at night at Wrigley

Ah geez. My father got a ticket to that game and flew from Philly to Chicago to see it. I was in Dallas watching on TV. Of course it was a fiasco. How could it have been anything but. I was so sorry for him. He wasn't too happy, himself :)

Now I'm older than he was then. Ah geez.

Does the "baseball-wise at least" have any particular significance?

Nah, I just didn't want to reflect on either guy's extracurricular proclivities.

Hmmm...Ron Gant? Cecil Fielder?

clubhouse crimes

When in doubt, Jason Grimsley did it.

4 3 3 5: Sosa?

I guess you could make a reasonable case that his best seasons were in the aughts, but he did hit 129 home runs in 1998-99.

Joe Carter?

Jay Buhner? Tim Salmon? Andres Galarraga?

10-rbi game: Mark Whiten?

EDIT: although I may be thinking of his 4-homer game...

4 3 3 6 : Four have done this twice. Babe Ruth and Ted Williams, and then two others not in the HOF. Let's see: both RHB. Both played multiple infield and outfield positions. One played in all the years of the 1950s and the other in all the years of the 2000s. Both were at their best in the first round of the playoffs, one batting .500 and the other .388 in such games. Both played for the Cubs, Giants, and Braves

Mark DeRosa?

For some reason I think the 10-rbi guy was an Angel... Tim Salmon?

4 3 3 10 : achieved on two grand slams plus a 2-run homer in 1999 – anyone remember who?

Nomah

OK, let's see: Galarraga is one of the 4335 leaders, along with Gonzalez.

Mark DeRosa is one of the 4336 leaders.

Nomar Garciaparra had the 4 3 3 10 day: the three home runs plus a foul out and a walk. He drove in ten of the Red Sox' 12 runs (Seattle scored four). It seems like an inordinate number of these weird high-RBI games are by Red Sox.

Other guesses not correct. That just leaves the guy from the 1950s who had two 4336 games, played IF and OF, was a Cub, Brave, and Giant, and hit .500 in playoff games.

Bobby Thomson

Absolutely guessing

Thomson is correct!

Absolutely guessing

Looking it up so you know you are correct and then responding would be cheating.

Knowing a utility guy from the 50s is some pretty deep baseball knowledge.

Had no idea that Thomson was a utility guy.

Looking it up so you know you are correct and then responding would be cheating.

Sometimes I do that, but I also still post my guess even if I'm wrong.

Had no idea that Thomson was a utility guy

I don't know that he was a "utility" player as much as just a versatile regular. Thomson came up as a third baseman, but was adaptable enough to be a regular at CF and LF too.

The Giants' lineups in 1951-52 are very interesting. Thomson started nearly every day in '51 and truly every day in '52, and always had a set position, but the set position kept changing (unlike a utility man who might fill in on a daily basis, like DeRosa). Thomson began '51 in CF, then to LF so that Willie Mays could play CF, then 3B so that Monte Irvin could play LF, then back to CF in '52 when Mays went into the service.

Yeah, Thomson wasn't a utility man, as BDC says, just versatile and willing to move around. He was also a good player, and far more famous than many comparable players of the era. Playing in NYC and hitting one of the most famous homers ever will do that for you.

ETA: all to say I disclaim any particularly deep baseball knowledge

Forty years ago tonight I went to my first MLB game. Not too shabby a boxscore...

30 years ago today was 8-8-88, the first time the Cubs tried to play at night at Wrigley

The second most famous rain delay in Cubs history!