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Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Sam Hutcheson’s Top 11 Sabrenerd Baseball Dork’s* Basements

7. Tom Tango blogs from a sphere of pure, crystalline mathematics, the complexity and perfection of which you could never hope understand.

 

2. Dan Szymborski inhabits a warren of catacombs that lead directly into the Baltimore sewer system, and thus eventually to the Mountains of Madness. Upon entering the upper levels, the visitor is inundated by cacophonous sensual overload. The tinkling of classical piano distracts the ear, while the eye struggles to find purchase upon the constantly shifting, shimmering reflective glaze of 12,000 old hubcaps stolen from passing motorists. The olfactory senses are overwhelmed by the intermingled scents of votive candles, burning frankincense and myrrh, and the stench of the Elder Gods that Lie Beneath. There is also an undertone of the piles and piles of chicken bones thrown across the floor. Contrary to popular belief, Dan does not use these in his voodoo-like ZIPS divinations. Rather, they’re just leftovers from the WingStreet deliveries last week.

Dan Szymborski Posted: February 09, 2010 at 09:30 PM | 33 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: baseball geeks

Reader Comments and Retorts

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Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: February 09, 2010 at 09:57 PM (#3457177)
Hey! No self (-aggrandizing) posts!
   2. Mike Emeigh Posted: February 09, 2010 at 09:59 PM (#3457184)
Chris Dial lives in a comfortable, split level ranch in Cary, North Carolina. His daughter, quite thankfully, takes after her mother.


Not entirely.

-- MWE
   3. Los Angeles El Hombre of Anaheim Posted: February 09, 2010 at 10:02 PM (#3457190)
I'd hate to see what a replacement-level basement looks like.
   4. Misirlou's got a busy day, he's wearing a vest Posted: February 09, 2010 at 10:06 PM (#3457198)
Chrystal math?
   5. Van Lingle Mungo Jerry Posted: February 09, 2010 at 10:16 PM (#3457206)
Is this really a newsblog post of a blog post inspired by a comment to a newsblog post of a blog post? We're through the looking glass here, people.
   6. villageidiom Posted: February 09, 2010 at 10:20 PM (#3457213)
Is this really a newsblog post of a blog post inspired by a comment to a newsblog post of a blog post? We're through the looking glass here, people.
You should write a blog post about it.

In the meantime, has Tom Jackson yet praised Peyton Manning for being unafraid to throw an interception?
   7. The cushions are crowded for Edmundo Posted: February 09, 2010 at 10:20 PM (#3457215)
No doubt, once again the statistics are over my head, but the "Top 11" list consists of 10 items.

And the #7 item seems to fit MGL better.
   8. Sam Hutcheson is the Rickey Henderson of... Posted: February 09, 2010 at 10:24 PM (#3457221)
Edmundo, you're missing the penumbras.
   9. J. Michael Neal Posted: February 09, 2010 at 10:37 PM (#3457240)
And the #7 item seems to fit MGL better.


No, no. To fit MGL, it would need to be:

7. Michael Lichtman blogs from a sphere of pure, crystalline mathematics, the complexity and perfection of which you could never hope understand, you dumb jerk.
   10. Sam Hutcheson is the Rickey Henderson of... Posted: February 09, 2010 at 10:41 PM (#3457246)
MGL can not be bothered to give you a tour of his basement, asshat.
   11. GotowarMissAgnes Posted: February 09, 2010 at 10:48 PM (#3457256)
No doubt, once again the statistics are over my head, but the "Top 11" list consists of 10 items.

Clearly, the author is a graduate of a B1g10 school.
   12. cercopithecus aethiops Posted: February 09, 2010 at 11:22 PM (#3457291)
MGL slummed over at RLYW for a few days at SG's request a couple of years back. He was very polite, patient and gracious in answering all of our questions about UZR.

you could never hope understand

Sam Hutcheson can't be bothered with prepositions, asshat.
   13. Gamingboy Posted: February 09, 2010 at 11:27 PM (#3457298)
Dan, give my regards to Cthulhu next time you see him.
   14. DL from MN Posted: February 09, 2010 at 11:29 PM (#3457299)
That's funnier than what I would have written. Kudos.
   15. Alex_Lewis Posted: February 09, 2010 at 11:32 PM (#3457300)
Few men are more talented at the insult than Sam Hutcheson.
   16. Sam M. Posted: February 09, 2010 at 11:38 PM (#3457308)
His coworkers often talk bad about him behind his back, as they believe the constant smell of urine and human feces indicates that he is a "dirty f*cking hippie" and needs a bath. In fact, that's just the lingering smell of Shea, which never washes out.

Now, is that a nice thing to say about Chipper's kid? I'm surprised at you, Sam . . . .
   17. VK_Ratliff Posted: February 09, 2010 at 11:45 PM (#3457315)
Now, is that a nice thing to say about Chipper's kid? I'm surprised at you, Sam . . . .



And David Wright still can't name his firstborn "Turner."
   18. Sam Hutcheson is the Rickey Henderson of... Posted: February 09, 2010 at 11:56 PM (#3457328)
It just occurred to me that Neyer's ice sculpture should have been carved out of Rany's tears.
   19. A triple short of the cycle Posted: February 10, 2010 at 04:30 AM (#3457504)
Neyer will never live down that flannel shirt.

Great post Sam H.

What's the over/under on the number of people on Sam's list that post in this thread?
   20. base ball chick Posted: February 10, 2010 at 04:43 AM (#3457509)
i wonder about sam H's basement my own self -

betcha it is where he has to hang out after mrs H gets all Up Set about all the neck stabbing going on in her living room, messing up her nice new carpet and couch...
   21. J. Michael Neal Posted: February 10, 2010 at 06:19 AM (#3457576)
I'm figuring that Sam H. gets sent to bed with out supper a lot.
   22. Walt Davis Posted: February 10, 2010 at 07:42 AM (#3457593)
While it might be stretching the definition of sabernerd (nerd is certain, sabre is debatable) ...

How ...

I ask how ...

How in the world could you not take this opportunity to take a shot at the nerdiest nerd who ever nerded -- Repoz?
   23. God Posted: February 10, 2010 at 12:46 PM (#3457622)
Is a sabrenerd somebody who knows everything about swords?
   24. Jose Canusee Posted: February 10, 2010 at 05:05 PM (#3457783)
"Is a sabrenerd somebody who knows everything about swords?"

Sam was in the basement viewing the other basements when the the threat of copyright over "sabermetrics" was dropped. SABERNERDS rejoice!
   25. Sam Hutcheson is the Rickey Henderson of... Posted: February 10, 2010 at 05:20 PM (#3457795)
My basement is like the Tardis. It is 1) much larger inside than out, 2) connects to all other basements throughout space and time via quantum mechanics that only Tom Tango could explain to you, if he spoke to dirty plebian 'tards like yourself, and 3) is home to a Time Lord.

Repoz' basement is actually quite pedestrian. There's a stack of old 'zines and warped vinyl in one corner, behind a rusting out water heater that needs replacing. His mountain bike hangs, unloved and unused, on a hook attached to a floor joist, and in the HVAC closet he's stuffed the corpse of Joey Ramone, which will never, ever decompose. Both due to the heroin, and the fact that Joey Ramone was also a Time Lord.

(I take requests.)
   26. Sam Hutcheson is the Rickey Henderson of... Posted: February 10, 2010 at 05:27 PM (#3457800)
"Is a sabrenerd somebody who knows everything about swords?"


I live about 6 blocks from Georgia Tech. Last week, a "former post doc student", which when you translate it means "a guy that studied something obscure and difficult for 6+ years, but then flunked out before getting crowned a 'doctor of the awesome sauce'", attacked another doctoral student on campus. With a sword. My friend who works in the library posted it to Facebook, and my honest, public response, while everyone else were still in the "OMG, that's AWFUL" phase, was: "That. Is. Awesome." It got better. That night on the local news, they were interviewing one of the witnesses who saw the guy mid-fracas as campus/ATL police tried to take him in. Dude said, and this is a near direct quote, "I was just walking along and then their's this dude going at the cops with a kitana!"

My favorite part is that he could identify the sword as a kitana. I love Tech.
   27. Mike Emeigh Posted: February 10, 2010 at 05:28 PM (#3457801)
Good thing I don't have a basement. It would probably be a lot like my office - books piled everywhere as far as the eye can see, with a narrow pathway from the door to the computer.

-- MWE
   28. Dan Evensen Posted: February 10, 2010 at 05:36 PM (#3457811)
Over half are Facebook friends with me.
   29. Designated Sitter (GGC) Posted: February 10, 2010 at 05:38 PM (#3457813)
My designated seat is in the basement. It's unfurnished and there's a hot water heater, washer, and dryer. Also, a desktop, four bookcases and boxes of books that I never unpacked from the move. Lately, a dehumidifier, some exercise equipment and various other things.
   30. Randy Jones Posted: February 10, 2010 at 05:41 PM (#3457822)
My favorite part is that he could identify the sword as a kitana. I love Tech.


Kitana/Katana
   31. Sam Hutcheson is the Rickey Henderson of... Posted: February 10, 2010 at 05:50 PM (#3457825)
I don't your facts, Randy.
   32. chemdoc Posted: February 10, 2010 at 06:14 PM (#3457848)
I live about 6 blocks from Georgia Tech. Last week, a "former post doc student", which when you translate it means "a guy that studied something obscure and difficult for 6+ years, but then flunked out before getting crowned a 'doctor of the awesome sauce'", attacked another doctoral student on campus. With a sword. My friend who works in the library posted it to Facebook, and my honest, public response, while everyone else were still in the "OMG, that's AWFUL" phase, was: "That. Is. Awesome." It got better. That night on the local news, they were interviewing one of the witnesses who saw the guy mid-fracas as campus/ATL police tried to take him in. Dude said, and this is a near direct quote, "I was just walking along and then their's this dude going at the cops with a kitana!"

My favorite part is that he could identify the sword as a kitana. I love Tech.


Chuck Finley was once attacked by one of those.
   33. Jeff R., P***y Mainlander Posted: February 10, 2010 at 06:24 PM (#3457866)
huck Finley was once attacked by one of those.


Niice.

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