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Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Sammy Sosa compares himself to Jesus Christ, denies PED use

Former Chicago Cubs outfielder Sammy Sosa emerged this week for an interview with former Cubs media relations employee Chuck Wasserstrom, who now writes a personal blog. In the interview, Sosa revealed one of the most head-scratching comparisons in the history of metaphors, equating himself to Jesus Christ.

“It’s like Jesus Christ when he came to Jerusalem,” he told chuckbloggerstrom.com. “Everybody thought Jesus Christ was a witch (laughing) — and he was our savior. So if they talk (bleep) about Jesus Christ, what about me? Are you kidding me?”

Sosa apparently agreed to an interview with Wasserstrom because he “trusts” the author. At least that’s what was written in the blog post. Sosa denied ever taking PEDs and claimed he didn’t care about being omitted for the Hall of Fame.

“First of all, I’m clean,” he said. “They don’t have a case on me. I never failed a drug test. Never in my life. But you know what – this is not my field anymore. I’d rather not be in the Hall of Fame and have a lot of money in my pocket than to be in the Hall of Fame and try to find money to pay my bills.”

RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: February 21, 2017 at 02:32 PM | 45 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: peds, sammy sosa

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   1. JimMusComp likes Billy Eppler.... Posted: February 21, 2017 at 02:41 PM (#5405974)
“It’s like Jesus Christ when he came to Jerusalem,” he told chuckbloggerstrom.com. “Everybody thought Jesus Christ was a witch (laughing) — and he was our savior. So if they talk (bleep) about Jesus Christ, what about me? Are you kidding me?”


What. The. Actual. ####.

That's a tough sentence to unpack.
   2. JJ1986 Posted: February 21, 2017 at 02:47 PM (#5405987)
Sosa is the White Jesus.
   3. SoSH U at work Posted: February 21, 2017 at 02:53 PM (#5405995)
I guess that would make the BBWAA better than Peter. They've denied him five times, and counting.
   4. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: February 21, 2017 at 02:55 PM (#5405999)
I always suspected the Resurrection wasn't accomplished through good genetics alone.

Obvious 'roid rage.

   5. Barry`s_Lazy_Boy Posted: February 21, 2017 at 03:04 PM (#5406011)
An actual working link to the original interview: http://www.chuckblogerstrom.com/

This is great:

But look, I have my pride, and I know I had a tremendous career in Chicago. When nobody knew who Chicago was, I put Chicago on the map.
   6. baerga1 Posted: February 21, 2017 at 03:15 PM (#5406021)
Loaves and fishes for the first 5,000 fans..
   7. Scott Lange Posted: February 21, 2017 at 03:20 PM (#5406026)
Sosa's head size is bigger than Jesus Alou's.
   8. Ron J Posted: February 21, 2017 at 03:31 PM (#5406042)
Nice to see he's still competing with Mark ( "I'm like in awe of myself right now." ) McGwire.
   9. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: February 21, 2017 at 03:33 PM (#5406047)
As a basic principle, if you ever find yourself about to compare yourself to Jesus Christ, just don't.
   10. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: February 21, 2017 at 03:38 PM (#5406057)
Sammy Sosa certainly fielded as if he had holes in the middle of both hands.
   11. Dog on the sidewalk Posted: February 21, 2017 at 03:41 PM (#5406066)
But he could hit a curveball pretty well.
   12. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: February 21, 2017 at 03:43 PM (#5406070)

Jesus Christ could have walked off the island.
   13. Barry`s_Lazy_Boy Posted: February 21, 2017 at 04:33 PM (#5406127)
Sammy Sooser was good in the beginning, but he went too far.
   14. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: February 21, 2017 at 04:51 PM (#5406145)
But he could hit a curveball pretty well.

Are you trying to tell me Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball!?!?
   15. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: February 21, 2017 at 05:08 PM (#5406167)
Depends on the pitcher. Christ couldn't have hit Noah's curveball. That guy had a huge arc.
   16. Jose is an Absurd Doubles Machine Posted: February 21, 2017 at 05:19 PM (#5406182)
Gonfalon - I tip my cap to you.
   17. Jefferson Manship (Dan Lee) Posted: February 21, 2017 at 05:21 PM (#5406186)
   18. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: February 21, 2017 at 05:22 PM (#5406187)
Depends on the pitcher. Christ couldn't have hit Noah's curveball. That guy had a huge arc.

C'mon, you gotta timeline. There were like 12 people in the whole league back then, and half were women.
   19. Lance Reddick! Lance him! Posted: February 21, 2017 at 05:42 PM (#5406204)
That's a tough sentence to unpack.

Not really. If people talked #### about Jesus, nobody else should expect not to have to deal with that.
   20. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: February 21, 2017 at 07:27 PM (#5406253)
I’d rather not be in the Hall of Fame and have a lot of money in my pocket than to be in the Hall of Fame and try to find money to pay my bills.


This kind of honesty is rather refreshing.
   21. Tin Angel Posted: February 21, 2017 at 08:30 PM (#5406307)
This kind of honesty is rather refreshing.


A millionaire saying money is the most important thing to him is refreshing?
   22. Fancy Crazy Town Banana Pants Handle Posted: February 21, 2017 at 09:07 PM (#5406324)
A millionaire saying money is the most important thing to him is refreshing?

It is when most of them will try and claim it is literally anything else BUT money. It's really about the school district!
   23. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: February 21, 2017 at 09:11 PM (#5406327)
"I’d rather not be in the Hall of Fame and have a lot of money in my pocket than to be in the Hall of Fame and try to find money to pay my bills."

I believe it was none other than Christ the Lord who said, "Gimme those dead Belshazzars, 'cause J-Dawg gots to get paid."
   24. BDC Posted: February 21, 2017 at 09:16 PM (#5406330)
Cristo si è fermato a Addison.
   25. Cabbage Posted: February 22, 2017 at 12:22 AM (#5406393)
Golfclap on 12.
   26. Cargo Cultist Posted: February 22, 2017 at 02:52 AM (#5406408)
But look, I have my pride, and I know I had a tremendous career in Chicago. When nobody knew who Chicago was, I put Chicago on the map.


Sammy's been hanging out with Reggie Jackson again.
   27. Zonk, Genius of the Stables Posted: February 22, 2017 at 08:47 AM (#5406440)
PEDs be damned, I have warms memories of late 90s Sosa... but yeesh, he makes them colder every time he opens his mouth.
   28. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: February 22, 2017 at 09:04 AM (#5406444)
As a basic principle, if you ever find yourself about to compare yourself to Jesus Christ, just don't.


To be fair, I don't think Jesus ever tested positive for PEDs, either.
   29. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: February 22, 2017 at 09:04 AM (#5406445)
3 is excellent.
   30. TomH Posted: February 22, 2017 at 09:47 AM (#5406483)
hilaripus thread. Good job, everyone. Even as a committed Jesus follower, I am not even offended at anything.

Ways I am like Jesus of Nazareth:
- I am the firstborn son of my mother
- we both had arms and legs, etc.
- neither of us have been recorded to have visited Australia or France
- I don't care much for hypocrites
Never mind the 10^10 ways I am *not* like....
   31. TomH Posted: February 22, 2017 at 10:16 AM (#5406513)
28, Jesus even refused the alcohol-based painkiller at the end. But that sneaky sounding wording about "I have bread you don't know about" confused his inner 12, and maybe the PED rumors started even then. I suspect Judas as the leak.
   32. Nasty Nate Posted: February 22, 2017 at 10:30 AM (#5406532)
I know I shouldn't ask, but what's the canonical excuse for why Jesus didn't mention Australia or the Americas?
   33. BDC Posted: February 22, 2017 at 10:37 AM (#5406540)
Ways I am like Jesus of Nazareth

You know the proof that Jesus was an Irishman.

* Lived at home till he was 30
* Finally got a job in his father's line of work
* Was convinced his mother was a virgin
* His mother was convinced he was God
   34. bookbook Posted: February 22, 2017 at 11:27 AM (#5406612)
Who the #### does Sosa think he is? Donald Trump?
   35. bookbook Posted: February 22, 2017 at 11:30 AM (#5406617)
Seriously, it's hard to get worked up about anything stupid that athletes say in a world where Trump, Spicer, Conway, Milo etc all are being lionized by half the country for saying absolute batshit crazy stuff every day.
   36. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: February 22, 2017 at 02:37 PM (#5406786)
I know that this is trivial to begin with, but the reporter is illiterate. Sammy Sosa, at least as quoted, did not compare himself to Jesus.
   37. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: February 22, 2017 at 02:55 PM (#5406810)
I know I shouldn't ask, but what's the canonical excuse for why Jesus didn't mention Australia or the Americas?

He didn't mention differential calculus either. Why would he? What relevance would that have to his message?
   38. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: February 22, 2017 at 02:58 PM (#5406815)
Obviously, Jesus doesn't want people to know He stole His best gimmick from the boomerang.
   39. Nasty Nate Posted: February 22, 2017 at 03:02 PM (#5406823)
Why would he?
Because people lived there.
   40. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: February 22, 2017 at 03:06 PM (#5406827)
Because people lived there.

He didn't mention Britain or Germany, even though they were known to his audience. He didn't go to Rome. The mission of spreading the Gospel to all nations was left to his disciples. He taught in a decidedly local context.
   41. dirk Posted: February 22, 2017 at 03:09 PM (#5406830)
i must be the only person that reads his statement as humble. like, "who am i to be upset about how i'm perceived, if Jesus couldn't get a fair shake, what should i expect as a baseball player".
   42. Nasty Nate Posted: February 22, 2017 at 03:13 PM (#5406838)
He didn't mention Britain or Germany, even though they were known to his audience.
That's why I ask, because Australia and the Americas were not known to his audience. That was the jist of my question.
   43. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: February 22, 2017 at 03:26 PM (#5406855)
The mission of spreading the Gospel to all nations was left to his disciples. He taught in a decidedly local context.

So, kinda like the Mary Kay cosmetics system?
   44. TomH Posted: February 22, 2017 at 03:29 PM (#5406859)
Nate's Q apparently bugged Joseph Smith enough to create a Christian offshoot religion.

Jesus' statement about his message to be taken to "the end of the earth" is an unspecific reference.
   45. Cargo Cultist Posted: February 22, 2017 at 09:55 PM (#5407126)
Seriously, it's hard to get worked up about anything stupid that athletes say in a world where Trump, Spicer, Conway, Milo etc all are being lionized by half the country for saying absolute batshit crazy stuff every day.


And for the right half the country, it's equally hard to get worked up over this after years of listening to those lying hypocrital moronic asshats Obama, Clinton, Sanders, Kerry, Reid, Pelosi et al. Remember, the other half of country knows that YOUR political heroes are all batshit crazy.

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