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Tuesday, December 25, 2012

SB Nation: Andruw Jones Arrested on Xmas Day for Battery

Andruw Jones was arrested early Christmas morning for battery outside of Atlanta, as reported by Capitol Avenue Club.

Jones, a 17-year MLB veteran outfielder with 10 Gold Gloves and five All-Star appearances to his name, was arrested by the Gwinnett County Sheriff’s Department at around 3:50 a.m. The circumstances surrounding his arrest are unclear.

Many had been clamoring for Andruw to make more contact, but not THIS kind of contact…

Don Malcolm Posted: December 25, 2012 at 12:53 PM | 34 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: braves, justice

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1. Tripon Posted: December 25, 2012 at 01:10 PM (#4332236)

He was battering a Turkey.

2. NattyBoh Posted: December 25, 2012 at 01:12 PM (#4332237)

When I first saw the headline I thought it was truncated and that he was stealing batteries for toys on Christmas day. Coming soon to an Atlantic League team near you.

3. KT's Pot Arb Posted: December 25, 2012 at 01:28 PM (#4332241)

Looks like he found the thread that said he didn't hit enough for the HOF. Unfortunately, he's still a free swinger.

Thanks for allowing me to warm you up. Your next comic is very well known nationally, having appeared in theses threads many times, please give a big round of applause for....

4. The District Attorney Posted: December 25, 2012 at 01:39 PM (#4332242)

Coming soon to an Atlantic League team near you.

Nope, Japan.

5. Fancy Pants Handle doesn't need no water Posted: December 25, 2012 at 01:40 PM (#4332244)

All his gifts must have come with a sticker saying "batteries not included".

6. akrasian Posted: December 25, 2012 at 01:41 PM (#4332245)

On a more serious note - will this affect his contract in Japan? I'd suspect there was some sort of clause in it, not to mention his ability to get a work visa while possibly awaiting trial.

7. NattyBoh Posted: December 25, 2012 at 02:25 PM (#4332254)

On a more serious note - will this affect his contract in Japan? I'd suspect there was some sort of clause in it, not to mention his ability to get a work visa while possibly awaiting trial.

That's what I was thinking. If he's playing for Somerset (or Bridgeport or Long Island) maybe he can move back into his old apartment from his pinstripe days. Or he could attract the Newark Bear's 601st and 602nd fans.

8. DA Baracus is a "bloodthirsty fan of Atlanta." Posted: December 25, 2012 at 02:25 PM (#4332255)

Nothing good happens in Gwinnett County after... well, any time really.

9. Los Angeles El Hombre of Anaheim

Posted: December 25, 2012 at 02:48 PM (#4332257)

How does this affect his HoF chances?

10. Magnum RA Posted: December 25, 2012 at 02:51 PM (#4332258)

And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day

11. Jim (jimmuscomp) Posted: December 25, 2012 at 02:55 PM (#4332259)

He was battering a Turkey.

No. Buttering a turkey.

12. Jim Wisinski

Posted: December 25, 2012 at 02:57 PM (#4332262)

If he had played for the Phillies I would have assumed he was just throwing batteries at Santa

13. beer on a stick Posted: December 25, 2012 at 03:13 PM (#4332267)

It wasn't battery. He was trying to dip her in batter. Big misunderstanding, that's all.

14. Bhaakon Posted: December 25, 2012 at 04:04 PM (#4332284)

Wait, his middle name is "Rodolf B"?

15. Karl from NY Posted: December 25, 2012 at 06:29 PM (#4332316)

If he's playing for Somerset (or Bridgeport or Long Island) maybe he can move back into his old apartment from his pinstripe days. Or he could attract the Newark Bear's 601st and 602nd fans.

The Newark Bears left the Atlantic League a few years back. They're now in the Canadian American Association, along with the Nashua and Atlantic City teams who made the same move from the Atlantic League.

16. bond1 Posted: December 25, 2012 at 09:34 PM (#4332343)

I'm guessing she didn't want to go to Japan.

17. J.R. Wolf Posted: December 25, 2012 at 10:05 PM (#4332351)

Well, at least he hit SOMETHING for once.

18. RMc is not going to get into too many specifics Posted: December 26, 2012 at 05:31 AM (#4332378)

Charged with battery and put in a dry cell? I'm shocked.

19. Ray (RDP)

Posted: December 26, 2012 at 11:31 AM (#4332443)

People are joking about spousal battery? Odd.

20. The Id of SugarBear Blanks

Posted: December 26, 2012 at 01:41 PM (#4332501)

People are joking about spousal battery? Odd.

As noted in threads devoted to topics like tasering people for running on the field, athletes are an orders of magnitude bigger threat to civilians than civilians are to athletes. You're seeing a subset of that abject fanboyism in action here.

21. Bitter Mouse was boarding a Death Dog Posted: December 26, 2012 at 02:27 PM (#4332519)

Guys, gallows humor and such is as old as humanity. It does not mean people condone the behavior or take it lightly. Humor is (at least partly) for terrible situations. It is OK to laugh at things and make fun, and it has nothign to do with fanboyism or anything else. Sheesh.

22. The Id of SugarBear Blanks

Posted: December 26, 2012 at 02:45 PM (#4332529)

Gallows humor pertains more to situations where the humorous himself faces danger. It doesn't encompass making fun of the endangered and violated, particularly from a distance.

Nor is it the right term to apply to the pose of put upon faux-weariness at the world.

23. Howie Menckel Posted: December 26, 2012 at 02:46 PM (#4332530)

[tough crowd]

24. ecwcat Posted: December 26, 2012 at 03:16 PM (#4332550)

Hey Harvey's Wallbangers, is Andruw still going to the Hall of Fame now?

25. Athletic Supporter can feel the slow rot Posted: December 26, 2012 at 04:41 PM (#4332628)

The details on this simultaneously don't sound good and are hilarious.

26. RMc is not going to get into too many specifics Posted: December 27, 2012 at 05:47 AM (#4332815)

People are joking about spousal battery? Odd.

You're right. I should've wrote, "Sparks flew, and Andruw gets zapped, charged with battery and put in a dry cell. I'm shocked."

I got nuthin'.

Is Andruw still going to the Hall of Fame?

Certainly not. A true Hall of Famer waits until after he's inducted to pull stuff like this...

27. Bitter Mouse was boarding a Death Dog Posted: December 27, 2012 at 09:01 AM (#4332842)

Well I hope the guardians of proper humor let us all know when and what it is OK to make fun of.

28. RMc is not going to get into too many specifics Posted: December 27, 2012 at 11:00 AM (#4332934)

In my career as a wisenheimer, people invariably ask me: "Is everything a joke to you?"

My reply is always the same: "Only the things you care about the most."

29. Olaf Posted: December 27, 2012 at 11:04 AM (#4332942)

Sugar Bear needs a little more sugar in his diet. And, Ray, well, everyone knows he needs a continuous glucose drip. These responses are all pretty tame stuff, actually. The details confirm what some people have been saying about Andruw for years--that something inside him caused him to fall short of what so many predicted for him. We should all hope that he gets some help to ensure that the next headline we read regarding this story isn't a good bit more tragic in nature.

30. JJ1986 Posted: December 27, 2012 at 11:08 AM (#4332946)

the next headline we read regarding this story isn't a good bit more tragic in nature.

Like "Andruw Jones signs with the Marlins"?

31. Jose Can Still Seabiscuit Posted: December 27, 2012 at 11:35 AM (#4332991)

Like "Andruw Jones signs with the Marlins"?

Now you're just crossing the line.

32. The District Attorney Posted: December 29, 2012 at 12:20 PM (#4334165)

The Japanese team says they'll still take him.

33. Gonfalon B. Posted: December 29, 2012 at 12:59 PM (#4334183)

Andruw has lost face. Now if he can only lose some ass.

34. The District Attorney Posted: January 02, 2013 at 03:59 PM (#4337180)

His wife is filing for divorce.

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Tuesday, December 25, 2012

SB Nation: Andruw Jones Arrested on Xmas Day for Battery

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