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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Schoenfield: The 10 worst mascots ever

1. Crazy Crab (Giants)
2. Chief Noc-a-Homa (Braves)
3. Original Pirate Parrot (Pirates)
4. Twinkie the Loon (Twins)
5. Charlie-O (A’s)
6. Ribbie and Roobarb (White Sox)
7. Bernie Brewer (Brewers)
8. Dandy (Yankees)
9. Junction Jack (Astros)
10. Rootin’ Tootin’ Ranger (Rangers)

The District Attorney Posted: January 14, 2014 at 03:56 PM | 48 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: astros, athletics, braves, brewers, david schoenfield, giants, mascots, pirates, rangers, twins, white sox, yankees

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   1. Pat Rapper's Delight Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:15 PM (#4638877)
Who are you to doubt El Dandy?
   2. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:19 PM (#4638879)
Charlie O was awesome. It was a real mule. Real animals are awesome.

Bernie Brewer is also awesome.

I had no idea about Dandy.

That Twins Loon is going to give me nightmares.
   3. DL from MN Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:20 PM (#4638881)
WTF is wrong with Bernie Brewer?
   4. Spahn Insane Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:24 PM (#4638886)
WTF is wrong with Bernie Brewer?

No kidding. What more do you want from a mascot than sliding into a beer tub?
   5. Tom Nawrocki Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:30 PM (#4638893)
Crazy Crab was awesome. The whole idea was that the fans were supposed to hate him.
   6. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:40 PM (#4638901)
Crazy Crab was awesome. The whole idea was that the fans were supposed to hate him.


And hate him they did. And here come the pretzels!
   7. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:43 PM (#4638903)
What was that stupid pink thing the Indians had? Slider? Is he still around?

I don't know what this thing is supposed to be, but I guess he used to show up at Reds games. Seems like he should be on the list.

And what the hell was Raymond? A Ray? Preparation H Raymond?
   8. Canker Soriano Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:43 PM (#4638904)
Who are you to doubt El Dandy?

I could see La Parka as the mascot for some Mexican League team.
   9. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:44 PM (#4638906)
6. Ribbie and Roobarb (White Sox)


Things haven't gotten better.
   10. Joey B. has reignited his October #Natitude Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:44 PM (#4638907)
How in the world is Mr. Met not even in the top ten when it probably should be #1? It's a baseball with a face.
   11. crict Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:44 PM (#4638908)
No Souki?
   12. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:44 PM (#4638909)
Best mascot theater I ever saw was when the Brewers were in Baltimore for a season ending 4 game series that was going to decide the 1982 ALE. The motif of the weekend was a "Sweep" (since the O's had to win all 4 games to take the division), and about an hour before the first game the Orioles mascot started "sweeping" the butts of the Brewers coaches with a big old broom, while the crowd shouted "Sweep! Sweep!".

Cute enough, but then the mascot came back with an enormous canister that had an attached hose, and with a maniacal look he started "gassing" every Brewer in sight. The crowd went absolutely wild, even though the "gas" was probably nothing but water mist.
   13. GregD Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:45 PM (#4638910)
The Netflix series on mascots is pretty decent, one NBA guy (Bucks), one UNLV guy, one unbelievably sincere high school kid
   14. TerpNats Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:46 PM (#4638911)
Anyone remember Mettle, the live mule who briefly was a Mets' mascot during the team's worst year, 1979? (The expansion Mets don't count because the deck was stacked against them.)
   15. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:48 PM (#4638913)
I used to make it a point to attend "San Diego Chicken" day at Royals Stadium. Does he still ever appear at MLB games? That guy was awesome, the rest are pretenders.
   16. TJ Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:53 PM (#4638918)
1. Crazy Crab (Giants)- Pretty scary crustacean, but having two claws which look like first baseman mitts is a plus. Not the worst, but surely top ten.
2. Chief Noc-a-Homa (Braves- ): Dude looks less Native American and more Haight-Ashbury. Plus that's a silly name. He's right up there with the worst.
3. Original Pirate Parrot (Pirates): That's one bright green nightmare. Stick him on this list.
4. Twinkie the Loon (Twins): Great googly moogly! That's the freakiest looking bird I've ever seen. No amount of therapy will soon clear this image from my head...move Twinkie into the top two or three spots.
5. Charlie-O (A’s): I'm with RR- real animals are awesome, and mules are funny, too. No way does Charlie-O belong on this list.
6. Ribbie and Roobarb (White Sox): The only thing worse than these two would be to stick them in some really dorky early 80's unis. Oh, the White Sox did. They're top ten.
7. Bernie Brewer (Brewers): Are you kidding? I have friends who dream of sliding down into a giant vat of beer. To them, Bernie Brewer isn't a mascot, he's a god. No way does Bernie belong here.
8. Dandy (Yankees): AAARRRGGGHHHHH! What the hell is that thing? I think Yankee fans would rather have A Rod than this abomination.
9. Junction Jack (Astros): OK, Jack listen up- fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life. Lose the beer gut, stay away from the weed and Taco Bell, and clean up your act. Until then, this is where he belongs.
10. Rootin’ Tootin’ Ranger (Rangers)
I dunno, he looks a little like a crazy badass, which is why that little kid in the lower right hand corner is keeping an eye on him. There are worse mascots out there.
   17. The District Attorney Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:54 PM (#4638919)
Who are you to doubt El Dandy?
I love you
   18. sunnyd100 Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:56 PM (#4638923)

I used to make it a point to attend "San Diego Chicken" day at Royals Stadium. Does he still ever appear at MLB games? That guy was awesome, the rest are pretenders.


I saw him at a Padres game maybe two seasons ago.
   19. Hang down your head, Tom Foley Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:59 PM (#4638928)
One time I got a Ribbie autograph and a Rich Gedman autograph on a baseball card package wrapper.

Yep, life was good for eight-year-old me.
   20. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:02 PM (#4638931)
Cute enough, but then the mascot came back with an enormous canister that had an attached hose, and with a maniacal look he started "gassing" every Brewer in sight.

You were drinking before the game, weren't you?

The Oriole Bird, cheerful expression
The Oriole Bird, maniacal look
   21. Rickey! trades in sheep and threats Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:16 PM (#4638942)
I fail to see the problem with Chief Noc-a-homer. I particularly like when he had to walk the "Trail of Tears" after a loss.
   22. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:16 PM (#4638943)
[quote6. Ribbie and Roobarb (White Sox)]

Guess the two mascots in that picture.
   23. Monty Predicts a Padres-Mariners WS in 2016 Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:25 PM (#4638951)
How quickly people forget Bluepper. I wish I could.
   24. Howie Menckel Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:27 PM (#4638952)

Topps last year gave the mascots their own baseball cards

many of them are pretty disturbing imo

http://www.comc.com/Cards/Baseball/2013/Topps_Opening_Day_Mascots

   25. Dan The Mediocre Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:31 PM (#4638954)
Crazy Crab looks like someone modified a Hamburger costume.
   26. Spahn Insane Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:32 PM (#4638955)
Anyone remember Mettle, the live mule who briefly was a Mets' mascot during the team's worst year, 1979?

1979 the Mets' worst year? It probably doesn't make their top 10.
   27. GregD Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:33 PM (#4638957)
I fail to see the problem with Chief Noc-a-homer. I particularly like when he had to walk the "Trail of Tears" after a loss.
Is this literally true? I imagine it's a well-done joke but am also holding open a vision of Atlanta vile enough for it to be true.
   28. asinwreck Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:33 PM (#4638958)
If I recall correctly, Crazy Crab was intended as an intentionally terrible parody of baseball mascots. That it coincided with an unintentionally terrible Giants club made it less funny.

The best thing about Ribbie and Roobarb was Jimmy Piersall threatening to rip Ribbie's nose off. Still, they were better than Harrelson.
   29. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:57 PM (#4638980)
Cute enough, but then the mascot came back with an enormous canister that had an attached hose, and with a maniacal look he started "gassing" every Brewer in sight.

You were drinking before the game, weren't you?


I never drink in crowds unless there are other people around.

The Oriole Bird, cheerful expression
The Oriole Bird, maniacal look


I don't see no canister. Must be a different bird.
   30. tfbg9 Posted: January 14, 2014 at 06:11 PM (#4638990)
8. Dandy (Yankees): AAARRRGGGHHHHH! What the hell is that thing? I think Yankee fans would rather have A Rod than this abomination.


Eager to add a mascot, Yankees management contracted Wayde Harrison and Bonnie Erickson of Acme Mascots, who created the Phillie Phanatic in 1978, to develop a mascot for their franchise. After a meeting with Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, in which Steinbrenner and Erickson argued over the shade of blue to use, the Yankees leased Dandy for three years and $30,000.

On July 10, 1979, The San Diego Chicken, then working for the Seattle Mariners, put a hex on Yankees pitcher Ron Guidry during a game at the Seattle Kingdome. Yankees outfielder Lou Piniella responded by chasing the mascot and throwing his glove at him. In response, Steinbrenner said that mascots had no place in baseball, despite the imminent release of Dandy.


   31. Bourbon Samurai Posted: January 14, 2014 at 06:17 PM (#4638995)
Bernie the Brewer is clearly the greatest mascot. And Charlie-O is pretty great.
   32. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: January 14, 2014 at 06:19 PM (#4638996)
On July 10, 1979, The San Diego Chicken, then working for the Seattle Mariners, put a hex on Yankees pitcher Ron Guidry during a game at the Seattle Kingdome.

Guidry gave up 5 runs in that game, 5 in the next, and 4 in the next. Don't F with the Chicken.
   33. jdennis Posted: January 14, 2014 at 06:31 PM (#4639006)
The Rabbit is super solid to me. Also, there's nothing you can really hate about the Brewer. The only ones that offend me are obviously the Braves, and the Sox, for a pathetic lack of effort.
   34. esseff Posted: January 14, 2014 at 06:32 PM (#4639008)
The worst mascot of all-time has to be Clarence Duval. The idea of keeping an underage African American as chattel for racial taunting is one of the game's ugliest chapters.
   35. Srul Itza Posted: January 14, 2014 at 06:33 PM (#4639009)
Didn't Finley also have Charlie O deliver the baseballs to the umpire (either before or after the pop-up rabbit)?

And you have to admire a man who has no problem naming a jackass after himself.
   36. dr. scott Posted: January 14, 2014 at 07:07 PM (#4639036)
The A's should bring back the mule... we should start a petition.
   37. Baseballs Most Beloved Figure Posted: January 14, 2014 at 07:15 PM (#4639042)
The greatest mascot of all-time was Ray Kelly.
http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/new-york-yankees-batboy-ray-kelly-left-poses-with-babe-ruth-news-photo/73333897
   38. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 07:36 PM (#4639054)
I posted this in the other mascot thread, but the Cubs' mascot from 1908 is simply horrifying.
   39. TerpNats Posted: January 14, 2014 at 08:19 PM (#4639096)
#36: The Athletics generally try to downplay the more outlandish aspects of the Finley regime, probably why they changed the Kelly green on the uniforms to a more muted forest green and brought back the traditional A's elephant. (Of course, with both a mule and elephant, you could placate both political parties, and perhaps make Thomas Nast the mascot.)

#38: Is that a bear suit, or a beaver? Whatever, it's bad...maybe that explains the curse of the West-to-the-North Side.
   40. The Yankee Clapper Posted: January 14, 2014 at 09:16 PM (#4639117)
The Parrot came into existence in 1979, during the heyday of the San Diego Chicken, and the Pirates immediately won the World Series! Good move, right? Well, it turned out that Kevin Koch, the man under the costume, was dealing cocaine to players from Three Rivers Stadium.

Thought that was the clubhouse attendant's job.
   41. TJ Posted: January 14, 2014 at 09:29 PM (#4639121)
Eager to add a mascot, Yankees management contracted Wayde Harrison and Bonnie Erickson of Acme Mascots, who created the Phillie Phanatic in 1978, to develop a mascot for their franchise. After a meeting with Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, in which Steinbrenner and Erickson argued over the shade of blue to use, the Yankees leased Dandy for three years and $30,000.

On July 10, 1979, The San Diego Chicken, then working for the Seattle Mariners, put a hex on Yankees pitcher Ron Guidry during a game at the Seattle Kingdome. Yankees outfielder Lou Piniella responded by chasing the mascot and throwing his glove at him. In response, Steinbrenner said that mascots had no place in baseball, despite the imminent release of Dandy.


This is one of the best anecdotes ever poster here...thanks!
   42. starksy Posted: January 14, 2014 at 09:34 PM (#4639124)
Your link is terrifying my facebook friends, Vlad
   43. TJ Posted: January 14, 2014 at 10:45 PM (#4639157)

#38: Is that a bear suit, or a beaver? Whatever, it's bad...maybe that explains the curse of the West-to-the-North Side.


TerpNats, how can you not love that mascot! I would bring it back to chase Clark the Cub around the bases during the 7th inning stretch...
   44. Zach Posted: January 15, 2014 at 01:26 AM (#4639225)
The greatest mascot of all-time was Ray Kelly.

Has to be Charles "Victory" Faust.
   45. odds are meatwad is drunk Posted: January 15, 2014 at 02:35 AM (#4639242)
anyone else notice that for the picture linked above for the astros mascot is labeled as the minnesota twins in the url?
   46. God Posted: January 15, 2014 at 03:50 AM (#4639251)
The greatest thing about the link in #38 is that it appears they were trying to be anatomically correct.

Speaking of which, my college newspaper had a regular cartoon strip called "Beaver the Walking Vagina." That's the first thing that came to mind after seeing a picture of Crazy Crab.
   47. Austin Kearns: The Spy Who Shagged Flies Posted: January 15, 2014 at 11:20 AM (#4639378)
Twinkie the Loon looks like he walked in from the set of HR Pufnstuf or one of those other old Sid and Marty Krofft shows.

Rootin' Tootin' Ranger just looks like the Grinch after raiding Yosemite Sam's closet.
   48. Swoboda is freedom Posted: January 15, 2014 at 11:41 AM (#4639395)
Anyone remember Mettle, the live mule who briefly was a Mets' mascot during the team's worst year, 1979?

They had a vote to name the donkey. I think we voted for M. Donald Donkey.

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