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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Shea Hillenbrand’s Son Attacked by Lemur

They don’t look all that dangerous, but a few weeks ago a pet lemur went on the attack sending the son of a former major leaguer to the hospital. Former Diamondbacks player Shea Hillenbrand’s son was attacked and we are now hearing the 911 call from that attack. FOX 10’s Troy Hayden reports.

Crashburn Alley Posted: April 16, 2008 at 03:52 PM | 44 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: arizona

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1. Fly, the most judgment-free human being on Earth Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:07 PM (#2746709)

Wow. Awesome. That's an amazing headline.

2. S. Ransom Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:09 PM (#2746713)

Well, that's no ordinary lemur! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! Look, that lemur's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer! He'll do you up a treat, mate.

3. Miguel Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:10 PM (#2746718)

What I really want out of this story is an answer to my question: What the hell is Shea Hillenbrand doing with pet lemurs?

4. A triple short of the cycle

Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:11 PM (#2746721)

There is no such thing as a "pet" lemur, or there shouldn't be. They're not domesticated animals. SET THE LEMURS FREE.

5. Fly, the most judgment-free human being on Earth Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:12 PM (#2746722)

What I really want out of this story is an answer to my question: What the hell is Shea Hillenbrand doing with pet lemurs?

He was going to open a petting zoo. I'm so glad that I'm not kidding.

6. Fly, the most judgment-free human being on Earth Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:13 PM (#2746726)

Hillenbrand took his son out for a walk and a good samaritan phoned it in.

Shea Hillenbrand has never walked in his life, and you know it.

7. Bob Dernier Cri

Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:27 PM (#2746749)

Oh, for the love of mike, as if I didn't have enough to be neurotic about every time I leave my house: marauding lemurs.

8. Shredder Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:28 PM (#2746750)

He was going to open a petting zoo.

Note to self: Lemurs apparently don't like to be petted. When opening a petting zoo, leave Lemurs out.

9. SoSH U at work Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:33 PM (#2746758)

Note to self: Lemurs apparently don't like to be petted. When opening a petting zoo, leave Lemurs out.

On the flip side, if you call your venture Shredder's Petting Zoo, I'd have to think that your patrons would almost be expecting that kind of treatment.

10. Dr Love Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:34 PM (#2746767)

He shouldn't have called the lemur a faggot.

EDIT: Kevin beat me to it. Faggot.

11. Shooty: Applying to be Fearless Leader

Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:37 PM (#2746772)

This thread is such crap. If the lemur had had the good sense to attack Shea, this could have been the greatest thread in Primer history. It's not quite as much fun to make fun of his kid being hospitalized.

12. Guapo Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:42 PM (#2746781)

This after Shea was challenged to a fight by John GIBBONS.

I knew that all primates hate Hillenbrand, but this is getting ridiculous.

13. Barry`s_Lazy_Boy Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:02 PM (#2746805)

It's unfortunate that Shea being a supreme idiot in addition to an ####### results in his child being attacked, and not himself.

14. Barry`s_Lazy_Boy Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:03 PM (#2746806)

Guado, shouldn't Primates be capitalized? You were thisclose to nailing it.

15. Crispix Attacks Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:04 PM (#2746809)

How will this affect his Hall of Fame chances?

16. jwb Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:08 PM (#2746819)

Doesn't Hillenbrand have a ranch with dozens of exotic animals? He should know better than to bring one into his home.

Shea Hillenbrand should have

a) his children
b) his lemurs
c) all of his primates

taken away.

17. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:08 PM (#2746820)

I feel bad for the kid. As if it weren't bad enough to be the son of Shea Hillenbrand, now he gets mauled by wild animals, too?

18. Los Angeles El Hombre of Anaheim

Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:15 PM (#2746825)

Are lemur attacks even legal?

19. Dr Love Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:16 PM (#2746827)

How will this affect his Hall of Fame chances?

It might help them. Randy Johnson killed a bird.. I'm not sure how much weight HOF voters give to equaling the man vs animal struggle, but this helped even things out a little in baseball.

20. Tom Nawrocki Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:20 PM (#2746831)

Guado, shouldn't Primates be capitalized? You were thisclose to nailing it.

It's a judgment call, but I think it's funnier lowercased.

21. Toby Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:22 PM (#2746836)

"[I'm] wondering always. Because this is the elite level, because this is for all the peanut butter in the world."
--Shea Hillenbrand, Red Sox infielder, after his debut, about the lemurs in his future.

22. Halofan Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:40 PM (#2746852)

Steve Finley's kin better seer clear of the platypus den...

23. Rowland Office Supplies Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:54 PM (#2746875)

How will this affect his Hall of Fame chances?

The voters are very forgiving. After all, Zoboomafoo still got in even after killing the Kraft brothers.

24. Robert S. Posted: April 16, 2008 at 11:00 PM (#2746937)

I feel bad for the kid. As if it weren't bad enough to be the son of Shea Hillenbrand, now he gets mauled by wild animals, too?

And thanks to his slow-ass Hillenbrand genes, he has no hope against the animals.

25. Tim Stauffer, Trot Nixon's Coming (Dan Lee) Posted: April 16, 2008 at 11:22 PM (#2746960)

Yes, it's the splendiforous Lemur! Friend to all mankind!

26. Dewey, Steven Wright Wannabe and Soupuss Posted: April 16, 2008 at 11:27 PM (#2746972)

Ah, a MST3K reference. Good times.

27. Misirlou's got a busy day, he's wearing a vest Posted: April 16, 2008 at 11:33 PM (#2746989)

It might help them. Randy Johnson killed a bird..

So did Dave Winfield.

28. IronChef Chris Wok Posted: April 17, 2008 at 12:08 AM (#2747070)

I've had a rough week baseball/internet wise. This is the greatest thing ever.

29. IronChef Chris Wok Posted: April 17, 2008 at 12:17 AM (#2747090)

Seriously, I wonder if the Angel's Rally Monkey was the mastermind behind this hideous yet hilarious attack.

30. The NeverEnding Torii (oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh) Posted: April 17, 2008 at 12:58 AM (#2747228)

Is it wrong to hope that someone out there puts this clip on YouTube with Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey" playing over it?

The Shea Hillenbrand Petting Zoo sounds like a good day out though, seriously.

31. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: April 17, 2008 at 01:11 AM (#2747293)

How will this affect his Hall of Fame chances?

The lemur's? It quintuples his chances, easily.

32. Gromit Posted: April 17, 2008 at 01:58 PM (#2747827)

Let me guess. The kid watched Zooboomafu(sp?), saw the cute lemur puppet, and cries "I want one!" so Dad goes and gets him one.

33. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: April 17, 2008 at 04:32 PM (#2748008)

I nominate the lemur to replace the gorilla on the BTF logo.

34. Worrierking Posted: April 17, 2008 at 08:01 PM (#2748266)

Lemur Time!

35. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: April 17, 2008 at 08:23 PM (#2748296)

"I nominate the lemur to replace the gorilla on the BTF logo."

I thought it was a chimp?

36. Charter Member of the Jesus Melendez Fanclub Posted: April 17, 2008 at 08:29 PM (#2748311)

I thought it was a mound of dogshit. I guess if you squint you can see its simian features. Huh.

37. Guapo Posted: April 17, 2008 at 08:51 PM (#2748350)

Paging Dr. Rorschach. Dr. Rorschach, please report to the Hillenbrand-Attacked-By-Lemur Thread.

38. Bob Dernier Cri

Posted: April 17, 2008 at 09:13 PM (#2748369)

And I think I speak for us all when I say God protect Todd Hollandsworth's children against attack by pygmy marmosets.

39. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: April 17, 2008 at 09:20 PM (#2748373)

Not for me, you don't.

40. shoewizard Posted: April 17, 2008 at 09:22 PM (#2748375)

I just want to say that I resent any thread about Shea Hillenbrand being in the Arizona section, even if he does live in this state. Also, I heard from the EMT that the Lemur was just getting revenge on Shea for being called a Faggot.

41. Swoboda is freedom Posted: April 17, 2008 at 09:27 PM (#2748380)

This ship is sinking.

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Shea Hillenbrand’s Son Attacked by Lemur

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