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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Sherman: Garrison Keillor figures out Cubs problem: It’s a Lutheran thing

Or: The Junior Lake Wobegon Effect (106 OPS+ last year - 88 OPS+ this year).

Keillor, 71, still has his fastball. He played to the Chicago audience by giving his version of why the Cubs haven’t won the World Series since 1908. It makes about as much sense as anything else.

If you want to listen to the audio, the Cubs segment occurs at the 1:11 mark of the show.

Keillor said:

It’s the 100th anniversary of Wrigley Field in Chicago, which was built in 1914 on the site of the old Chicago Lutheran Theological Seminary. And right there is the key to the story of the Chicago Cubs. This team is the living embodiment of Lutheran theology, which if I need remind you is not about winning. It’s not about being No. 1. It is about taking the back seat and being of service to others.

The Cubs have been of service to so many other teams. They have pulled other teams out of losing streaks. Batters who were in painful slumps have recovered their confidence against the Cubs.

It’s a good Lutheran team you’ve got there on the North Side of Chicago.

...Keillor then honored the Cubs with a song.

We can accept dropped flyballs, wild pitches and flubs,

Within these sacred ivy walls, we commune with the Chicago Cubs.

The race is not always to the swift, so blessed are the meek.

We thank the Lord for any gift, and always turn the other cheek.

Trying to discern the way, theologians got invites.

For years, we only played by day, and then reluctantly put on the lights.

We do not ask to come in first; We never will be gifted.

We accept that we are cursed, and prayer has failed to lift it.

We live by faith and we give thanks, and know someday in heaven,

We’ll play the Series with the Yanks, and win the best of seven.

AAAA-Men.

Repoz Posted: June 24, 2014 at 09:23 AM | 25 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: cubs

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   1. Joey B. is counting the days to Trea Turner Posted: June 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM (#4734271)
HA-HAAAAAAAA, lololololololololololololol.

Got to give it to old Garrison, that's some of the funniest stuff I've heard since Carlin was still walking the stage.
   2. ERROR---Jolly Old St. Nick Posted: June 24, 2014 at 10:49 AM (#4734277)
We live by faith and we give thanks, and know someday in heaven,

We’ll play the Series with the Yanks, and win the best of seven.


And that's the funniest line of them all.
   3. Joey B. is counting the days to Trea Turner Posted: June 24, 2014 at 11:29 AM (#4734305)
I almost pulled a stomach muscle in hysteria at the "AAAA-Men" part. Get it? He put four "A"s in there, and the Cubs play like a quadruple A team!! Oh man.
   4. Barnaby Jones Posted: June 24, 2014 at 11:29 AM (#4734306)
Yeah, no one on the Yankees goes to heaven. Let's be serious.
   5. paulierice Posted: June 24, 2014 at 11:33 AM (#4734311)
Stupid TV! Be more funny!
   6. . . . . . . . . . . Posted: June 24, 2014 at 11:38 AM (#4734315)
I cannot imagine how satisfying it would be to punch Garrison Keilor in the ####### face.
   7. GregD Posted: June 24, 2014 at 11:48 AM (#4734319)
Aside from the lameness of his shtick, it's also weird in that Lutherans are actually on the whole pretty successful. They don't attract a lot of converts, but they on the aggregate do quite well. And of course there are plenty of famously successful Lutherans--the Earnhardts never had a problem with trying to be #1! Or Troy Aikman or Tom Landry. Or Tom Brady. Bruce Willis doesn't seem troubled by a fear of success, nor did Steve Jobs or the Bachs. To be fair, they have a lot to answer for with David Hasselhoff and Leni Riefenstahl and Ed Meese and William Rehnquist.
   8. gef, more dangerous than a monkey w/ a razor blade Posted: June 24, 2014 at 11:51 AM (#4734322)
I cannot imagine how satisfying it would be to punch Garrison Keilor in the ####### face.


I'm sure he's a wonderful human being, but I've never been able to listen to more than a couple of minutes of Prairie Home Companion, tops. His voice, manner of speaking, etc. translate into instant, crushing boredom for me.
   9. Nasty Nate Posted: June 24, 2014 at 11:55 AM (#4734325)
And of course there are plenty of famously successful Lutherans--the Earnhardts never had a problem with trying to be #1! Or Troy Aikman or Tom Landry. Or Tom Brady.


Tom Brady is Catholic.
   10. ERROR---Jolly Old St. Nick Posted: June 24, 2014 at 11:57 AM (#4734327)
He once bought a couple of posters from me, but he wouldn't give my website a plug, so #### him. (smile)

And anyway, his show is mainly good for insomnia, but it comes on at the wrong time of day to help with that.
   11. Rennie's Tenet Posted: June 24, 2014 at 03:31 PM (#4734675)
We live by faith and we give thanks, and know someday in heaven,

We’ll play the Series with the Yanks, and win the best of seven.


Without umpires?
   12. Barry`s_Lazy_Boy Posted: June 24, 2014 at 03:36 PM (#4734681)
   13. GregD Posted: June 24, 2014 at 03:42 PM (#4734689)
Whoops! I don't know why I thought he was Lutheran
   14. Bitter Mouse, Space Tyrant Posted: June 24, 2014 at 03:48 PM (#4734695)
I have never understood the popularity of PHC and GK. Here in MN he is like a demi-god. Blech. When I got here (many years ago) I did not even know who he was, I looked into and he bored me away very quickly.

The movie (whatever it was called) was moderately amusing I guess (though my memory of it is mostly picking out where it was filmed).
   15. PreservedFish Posted: June 24, 2014 at 04:39 PM (#4734743)
   16. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: June 24, 2014 at 05:07 PM (#4734773)
I like the line about "Lake Wobegon, where all the children are above-average".

That's about it.
   17. ERROR---Jolly Old St. Nick Posted: June 24, 2014 at 05:22 PM (#4734783)
We live by faith and we give thanks, and know someday in heaven,

We’ll play the Series with the Yanks, and win the best of seven.


Without umpires?

More likely with this guy as the only ump.
   18. gef, more dangerous than a monkey w/ a razor blade Posted: June 24, 2014 at 05:36 PM (#4734793)
Enjoyable takedown of Keillor by the poet August Kleinzahler


I'm entertaining myself by imagining Keillor being forced to front the four bands on No New York.
   19. GGIAS (aka Poster Nutbag) Posted: June 24, 2014 at 06:41 PM (#4734843)
Count me in the minority, I suppose. I always like the Guy Noir bits. I find some of his stuff humorous.
   20. Cabbage Posted: June 24, 2014 at 06:46 PM (#4734846)
</b>

</b>

The straight comedic bits are usually decent. The radio acting-thing is fun, and an underused art form.

The "News from Lake Wobegon", and other bits of Keillor pseudo-folk wisdom, are insufferable.
   21. bobm Posted: June 24, 2014 at 07:06 PM (#4734857)
Great October moments in Cubs history:

1517 (Oct 31) - Protestant Reformation: Martin Luther posts his 95 theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg.
   22. McCoy Posted: June 24, 2014 at 07:42 PM (#4734882)
I have never understood the popularity of PHC and GK. Here in MN he is like a demi-god. Blech. When I got here (many years ago) I did not even know who he was, I looked into and he bored me away very quickly.

The movie (whatever it was called) was moderately amusing I guess (though my memory of it is mostly picking out where it was filmed).


I had no idea who he was until about 5 years ago when my roommate's GF got tickets to PHC and he was all excited about it. So for no other reason than to fudge with him I said that GK, who I had no idea who he was, was a convicted pedophile. His face kind of fell when I said that and then I threw down the gauntlet and told him to Google it if he didn't believe me. He did and funny enough there was a bunch of hits containing those two subjects. He almost refused to go until he looked closer at the links and discovered that GK apparently wrote an article or talked about it on his show once.
   23. gef, more dangerous than a monkey w/ a razor blade Posted: June 24, 2014 at 10:30 PM (#4734966)
Sorry about the bold thing, y'all.

As penance, I will listen to the next Prairie Home Companion, if it's still on. (I thought his boring old ass was retiring a couple of years ago. That may've lasted as long as the 5 minutes or so for which he moved to Sweden some years back, if vague memory serves.)

Wait ... listen to Prairie Home Companion?

Nah.
   24. PreservedFish Posted: June 24, 2014 at 10:52 PM (#4734978)
That's right, I thought that the show was over. It seems to be on perpetually though. Are they doing classic episodes?
   25. GGIAS (aka Poster Nutbag) Posted: June 24, 2014 at 11:23 PM (#4734997)
It's still on and live. GK had a stroke a few years back, but came back and is still going on live.

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