10. Spirit in the Sky - Norman Greenbaum: Not only does Greenbaum’s classic start with a recognizable, fuzzy guitar riff that would indistinguishably herald the coming of whichever reliever was shrewd enough to pick it, but its overtly religious lyrics would harness the Derrick Brooks factor.
Think about it: Bullpen doors open, guitar riff starts, fans get riled up. But by the time the pitcher is midway through his warm-up tosses, Greenbaum’s singing, “Gotta have a friend in Jesus!” And if that weren’t enough to mesmerize opposing batters, maybe the Jumbotron could note that Greenbaum is, to this day, a practicing Jew.
7. Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.: Say what you will about the merits of R.E.M.‘s catalog, but this is unquestionably the wimpiest song of all time. I’ll resist the urge to make a joke about how the song would fit the Mets’ 2008 bullpen.
The “everybody” hurting in this case wouldn’t be the pitcher or the fans, but the batters due up. The song is inextricably linked to getting kicked out of the house on Real World, not to mention just about every sad moment portrayed on MTV since it was recorded in 1992. Now you hurt, Jimmy Rollins, because you’re about to leave Citi Field with your tail between your legs. You shouldn’t have spiked that guy’s Kool-Aid or whatever. (Honorable mention for this spot goes to Miles Davis’ “Flamenco Sketches,” which might top “Everybody Hurts” in terms of pure sadness but loses by a wide margin due to its utter lack of hilarity.)
Posted: January 06, 2009 at 12:09 AM | 102 comment(s)
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