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Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Sommer: REMARKABLE INFORMATION! Baseball is Back, Staples an’ all!

Tim Sommer: Noted record/haiku producer…on baseball.

What matters is this:  Baseball is back.

Baseball, which kept us company as a lonely child, and thrilled us when our middle school world was full of taunts and the snail-gray of boredom; baseball, which taught us math, patience, frustration, and loyalty to team and town; baseball, whose elegant pace reminded us of the need to breathe amidst the now-continuous distractions of the day, and whose green fields are full of space yet demand attention; baseball, whose radio and television announcers comforted us through long summer nights and shorter autumn days with tube-warmed voices as familiar as our mothers; baseball, which never changes yet is always in motion, and which continually promises us a spot under lights or sun in which to simultaneously richly relax and deeply focus; baseball, which allows us to have the heroes of every stage of our long lives immediately recalled simply by seeing the number on a uniform; baseball, which belongs to the sepia city and the sluicing subways and the green fields and the crystal blue country skies, all at the same time; baseball, which declines to grow old, even as we do; baseball, which refuses to be rushed in an era where now has already come and gone; baseball, my dear friends, which like the beautiful cream-colored bird glimpsed from the Brooklyn Bridge and silhouetted against the skyline, mysteriously vanishes with the chill and returns with the first rumor of spring; baseball is back.And to honor the return of baseball, and inspired by the accidental poetry to be found in the headline about the fastballer felled by fickle flicks of ashen bat, I am going to present you with some baseball haikus, to remind us of the grace, simplicity, and poetry inherent in our greatest game.

...Aroldis Chapman/Has a Head Full of Staples/A courageous Red.

Moe Berg, Atomic Spy/Heisenberg’s sworn enemy/Batted .243.

Third Base Coach Ed Yost/Relays signals in my dreams/Of Miracle Days.

All Hail Pumpsie Green/Who sought solace in Holy Lands/With pal Gene Conley.

They called him The Bird/He flew, he skipped, then flamed out/What a character.

Alex Rodriguez/Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame./Shame, shame, what a shame.

I have seen few sights/As disturbing and odd as/Davey Johnson’s neck.

Repoz Posted: April 09, 2014 at 09:22 PM | 4 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: music

Reader Comments and Retorts

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   1. Pat Rapper's Delight (as quoted on MLB Network) Posted: April 09, 2014 at 10:01 PM (#4683518)
Ground ball to shortstop
Another single to left
Past Derek Jeter
   2. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: April 09, 2014 at 10:10 PM (#4683523)
Ground ball to shortstop
Another single to left
Past Derek Jeter

a Diving Saint
   3. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: April 09, 2014 at 10:50 PM (#4683542)
It is difficult
To write a haiku about
Jarrod Saltama
   4. Fernigal McGunnigle Posted: April 10, 2014 at 08:04 AM (#4683628)
The interactive haiku generator takes on "Billy Hamilton scores on infield pop up" (with some minor tweaking):

In the Hamilton scores
these scores Billy
An up infield

From pop to scores
The on pop pop
To the scores. Pop.

No one Billy
Along this Hamilton but I,
This Hamilton scores.

In the up scores
No up can on
How soon it must on.

An infield on infield...
A Billy Hamilton into the Billy,
Billy! scores again.

up from the Billy
Billy up infield
In the on.

The scores
scores his infield
scores.

infield's scores
Billy of the scores!
the pop's Hamilton through

Don't pop, Hamilton
Hamilton, infield,
Must Hamilton.

scores up
As scores who pop infield
And infield.

Billy Hamilton,
How much pop of it up?
The Billy is pop.

I infield a Billy
and Hamilton my Hamilton Hamilton
have been Hamilton.

on the infield
Hamilton, up up in Billy
with no on to infield.

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