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Thursday, August 23, 2007

Stamford Times: Andy Rooney — A no-hit game for me

I’m gonna pour myself a Racumin smoothie, zap on the latest from Home Blitz, dream-ooze about Ziva Rodann…and not get all worked up. lalalalalalalalalalala…

My disinterest in baseball as a kid has lasted all my life. I’m still not interested in the game. I don’t watch it on television or follow it in the newspaper. I know all about Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, but today’s baseball stars are all guys named Rodriguez to me. They’re apparently very good but they haven’t caught my interest. I also think baseball needs some rules changes, too. For example, the player who starts the game as pitcher should have to play all nine innings without a substitution. A pitcher hardly ever plays more than a few innings and then the manager replaces him with someone who isn’t as good. I think baseball managers dominate the games more than the players do and more than coaches do in other sports.

...The figures they keep giving us on broadcasts of baseball games are batting statistics, the amount being paid the players, the number of fans in the stands. There are other statistics I’d like to hear more often. When a player comes up to bat, they can tell me what his batting average is but I’d also like to know how many times he’s struck out. Tell me how many different teams he’s played with. Which player on either team has made the most errors? What’s the average IQ of a baseball team compared with the IQ of a professional football team?

Repoz Posted: August 23, 2007 at 02:14 AM | 102 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
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   1. Los Angeles El Hombre de Anaheim Posted: August 23, 2007 at 02:48 AM (#2496130)
Andy Rooney's still alive?

--reads article--

Nope.
   2. Guts Posted: August 23, 2007 at 02:54 AM (#2496135)
I hope he wrote this article out longhand. With a quill.
   3. Barry`s_Lazy_Boy Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:01 AM (#2496141)
i hate the spics too.
   4. Shibal Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:06 AM (#2496142)
If a guy isn't interested in baseball, why does he believe we care about his opinion on the game?

It's kind of like a gay man talking about the waitress's nice ass...
   5. Garth found his way to daylight Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:15 AM (#2496153)
The figures they keep giving us on broadcasts of baseball games are batting statistics, the amount being paid the players, the number of fans in the stands. There are other statistics I’d like to hear more often. When a player comes up to bat, they can tell me what his batting average is but <u>I’d also like to know how many times he’s struck out. Tell me how many different teams he’s played with. Which player on either team has made the most errors? What’s the average IQ of a baseball team compared with the IQ of a professional football team?</u>

General observations/questions:
#1 -- The bolded parts.
#2 -- How long do you think it took him to come up with the underlined part? I'll say 20 minutes while thumbing through a 1962 The Sporting News Encyclopedia for inspiration. Also, on that last question, I think most people would be surprised at the answer.
#3 -- Xenophobia.
   6. Dr. Vaux Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:16 AM (#2496155)
I saw some really nice asses today at the zoo.

There, that was more worth reading than this column.
   7. JJ1986 Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:17 AM (#2496157)
This article is more like a gay man talking about the waitress's nice ass when the waitress is really an out of shape 75 year old, and an orangutan. The man knows absolutely nothing about baseball.
   8. Human Papelbon Virus Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:20 AM (#2496160)
He's like a gay man saying that he doesn't like JLo's (or pick your favorite woman with a nice ass) ass because he doesn't like her shorts.
   9. Dr. Vaux Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:21 AM (#2496164)
Don't most sports fans realize that football players are smarter than baseball players? It makes sense, too; football is a more complicated game of which to be part than baseball, really. There are more moving parts, more to keep track of, more to memorize, that sort of thing. It's not that being smart doesn't help in baseball, but it's more necessary in football.
   10. TerpNats Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:21 AM (#2496166)
I occasionally read Rooney's syndicated column, and every now and then he comes up with some good points. This obviously isn't one of them. Hey, I'm glad he's around as a link to "the greatest generation," but I'm sorry if he has no interest in baseball. The loss is his.
   11. SouthSideRyan Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:26 AM (#2496170)
Yeah, but I'd guarantee baseball fans are smarter than football fans.

People who live and die with football are idiots.
   12. Rich Rifkin I Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:39 AM (#2496183)
This is the greatest column I've ever read!
   13. Lassus Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:48 AM (#2496189)
I know all about Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, but today’s baseball stars are all guys named Rodriguez to me.


Are you F U C K I N G kidding me?

Where's my bat?
   14. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:54 AM (#2496195)
Andy Rooney's eyebrows walk into bar ...
   15. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:56 AM (#2496197)
Don't most sports fans realize that football players are smarter than baseball players?


Repeated concussions as a cognition enhancement.

Discuss.
   16. Repoz Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:03 AM (#2496208)
my father took me to a Yankee game when I was about 10 years old and Joe DiMaggio struck out three times.

Andy Rooney was born in 1919...Joe Dimaggio came up in 1936.

So...daddy took widdle Andrew to the big bad stadium when he was 17.
   17. Lassus Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:06 AM (#2496220)
Is someone going to try and find out all the 3-K games for Dimaggio to see if this "game" ever existed? I hate getting on people for telling inaccurate stories from 70 years ago, but Andy Rooney deserves to be mocked and ridiculed to the fullest extent.
   18. No Maas Cashman Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:19 AM (#2496248)
Did you ever notice that Andy Rooney can be a jerk?
   19. Devin has a deep burning passion for fuzzy socks Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:33 AM (#2496268)
It was so long ago I forget whether this was Carson or Leno:

"Did you ever notice, when you don't pay your taxes, you go to jail?"
   20. Garth found his way to daylight Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:41 AM (#2496281)
I tried searching on B-Ref's PI, and it took me about three broken queries before I realized DiMaggio was pre-1957. I'm so bright.

On the topic of strikeouts at Yankee Stadium, Melky Cabrera struck out five times this year (tied with four other guys for the highest mark in Yankee Stadium since 1957), the first time it's happened in 17 years. He's also the only 5-strikeout guy in pinstripes. The other four were on the visiting team, and weren't half bad -- Cecil Fielder, Bo Jackson, George Scott... and Kevin Bell.

Four guys have had 4-K Yankee Stadium days this year.

Buy PI right now.
   21.     Hey Gurl Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:58 AM (#2496314)
Wow

Now that's what I call stream of consciousness.
   22. simmy886 Posted: August 23, 2007 at 05:21 AM (#2496326)
Joe Dimaggio struck out 369 times in 1,736 career games. I'd be surprised if he didn't have the best k rate of anybody who played 1500 games and had a .950 OPS. Watching him strike out 3 times would be as likely as watching him hit 3 homers in a game, he had 361 of those. Being that br's pi finders don't go back that far, can someone confirm if he did k 3 times in a home game or not in '36, and if not, then in '37, etc? Because each year would make "10 year old" Andy Rooney look more and more ridiculous.
   23. Dag Nabbit is a cornucopia of errors Posted: August 23, 2007 at 05:32 AM (#2496329)
Now that's what I call stream of consciousness.

Ya call that conscious?
   24. Mom makes botox doctors furious Posted: August 23, 2007 at 05:35 AM (#2496330)
Nope, no audience for Andy Rooney here.
   25. Los Angeles El Hombre de Anaheim Posted: August 23, 2007 at 06:26 AM (#2496341)
I used to enjoy some of Rooney's end-of-60-Minutes rants. Time has past, I've aged into adulthood, and he into senility. I still want to like him, but he never gives me any reason to anymore.
   26. jscape2000 Posted: August 23, 2007 at 06:38 AM (#2496345)
I did a quick search for DiMaggio three strikeouts in the NYTimes archives and came up with nothing. If I'm feeling inspired, maybe I'll go through the '36 box scores tomorrow.
I'm betting that he's misremembering/making it up.
   27. JKGator11 Posted: August 23, 2007 at 06:58 AM (#2496352)
That was the most bizarre ending to a column I've read in a long time. He goes from talking about swimming laps in a pool, to how wins and losses shouldn't mean anything, to how a tie was a crushing blow to Young Andy. Truly a weird column. And the Rodriguez line was just so unnecessary.
   28. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: August 23, 2007 at 07:16 AM (#2496354)
Why does anyone ever listen to/read Andy Rooney? When is the last time he said anything interesting?

I was watching 60 Minutes a year or two ago, and his segment came on. What was it about? Weather. He just talked about different kinds of weather. "There is rain. And sometimes there are hurricanes," he helpfully informed the audience (I am paraphrasing, I didn't memorize the segment). "There are also earthquakes, but that's not really weather." Um, thanks, Andy. Way to earn that paycheck.
   29. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: August 23, 2007 at 09:23 AM (#2496361)
I used to enjoy some of Rooney's end-of-60-Minutes rants. Time has past, I've aged into adulthood, and he into senility. I still want to like him, but he never gives me any reason to anymore.


Some of his older books were pretty funny too.

His deadpan delivery was among the better ones I've witnessed over the years.

Best Regards

John
   30. BeanoCook Posted: August 23, 2007 at 12:07 PM (#2496374)
This guy needs new health insurance.
   31. Der Komminsk-sar Posted: August 23, 2007 at 12:24 PM (#2496379)
I'll echo #29 but it's been awhile since he's done anything I found worthwhile...
   32. IronChef Chris Wok Posted: August 23, 2007 at 12:39 PM (#2496385)
I don’t watch it on television or follow it in the newspaper. I know all about Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, but today’s baseball stars are all guys named Rodriguez to me.

LOL Xenophobia lol
   33. kthejoker Posted: August 23, 2007 at 01:04 PM (#2496398)
Not to mention, don't most people his age (his target audience, such as they are) really like baseball? They were all about 10-20 years old when Babe Ruth was in his prime, and 25-30 at the end of the post-war baseball was on the rise? It'd be like him coming out and saying, "My disinterest in the talking pictures and respect for your elders has lasted all my life."
   34. rapp.jason Posted: August 23, 2007 at 01:09 PM (#2496404)
ummmm, i thought baseball was very popular throughout latin america, the caribbean and east asia (japan, korea, taiwan). i guess not.
   35. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: August 23, 2007 at 01:12 PM (#2496408)
In fairness to Rooney, there are a lot of Rodriguezes in MLB. Ten within the last couple of years, by my count.
   36. The Nose Posted: August 23, 2007 at 01:58 PM (#2496434)
There are 30 major league baseball teams, but sometimes it seems as though the New York Yankees are the only team that ever wins the World Series.


Perhaps, if you haven't watched a game since 2000....

Five teams have never won a World Series.


Devil Rays.
Mariners.
Rangers.
Nationals.
Brewers.
Astros.
Padres.
Rockies.

That's 8. Thanks for playing. But I don't want to help Andy make his point, so here are some teams that have never won the Super Bowl.

Falcons.
Bills.
Lions.
Vikings.
Eagles.
Chargers.
Saints.
Bengals.
Browns.
Texans.
Seahawks.
Cardinals.
Panthers.
Jaguars.
Titans.

15 teams.
   37. Super Creepy Derek Lowe (GGC) Posted: August 23, 2007 at 02:05 PM (#2496444)
Andy Rooney was born in 1919...Joe Dimaggio came up in 1936.

So...daddy took widdle Andrew to the big bad stadium when he was 17.


This gotcha game is getting old, man. Guys thirty years younger than Rooney can't remember the details of their major league debut. Walt Davis was right. It's a good thing there's not retrosheet for our lives.
   38. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: August 23, 2007 at 02:11 PM (#2496446)
I had to Google three different things to even begin to comprehend Repoz's intro. That's a record number of Googles (for me).
   39. IronChef Chris Wok Posted: August 23, 2007 at 02:15 PM (#2496449)
My Canucks will never win the Stanley cup. Sigh.
   40. Kirby Kyle Posted: August 23, 2007 at 02:53 PM (#2496473)
This gotcha game is getting old, man. Guys thirty years younger than Rooney can't remember the details of their major league debut. Walt Davis was right. It's a good thing there's not retrosheet for our lives.

But most of us have not made a career of publishing allegedly accurate statements. If Rooney and his minions can't be troubled to fact-check such an obviously distorted memory, why should anyone bother reading?
   41. Guapo Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:05 PM (#2496489)
It's a good thing there's not retrosheet for our lives.

Saturday, April 17, 1991 (N) at [REDACTED]

11 PM: GUAPO ENTERED PARTY AT 138 COLLEGE AVENUE; Guapo approached Julie McCracken; Guapo struck out looking; Guapo approached Leigh Allen; Guapo struck out; Guapo spilled drink all over Allen in the process; Guapo approached Kristina Paige; Guapo struck out; Guapo ejected from Party by Paige's boyfriend; 0 H, 3 E. Guapo 0, World infinity.

12 AM: GUAPO ENTERED DORM; Guapo approached by Francine McDermott; McDermott was visibly intoxicated; Guapo reached on an error by McDermott; Guapo threw a wild pitch; Guapo ejected by McDermott; 1 H, 2 E. Guapo 1, World infinity.
   42. Spahn Insane Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:08 PM (#2496492)
Andy Rooney's written this same damn column at least once before. And since that was only when I was paying attention, I'd imagine he's written it at least a dozen times.
   43. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:12 PM (#2496497)
Andy Rooney's written this same damn column at least once before. And since that was only when I was paying attention, I'd imagine he's written it at least a dozen times.

Given the makeup of Rooney's Grandpa Simpsonlike fan base, he probably would have to write it about a dozen times for them to remember it....
   44. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:15 PM (#2496503)
Guapo, I'd marry you if I weren't already married and we both weren't apparently heterosexual.
   45. Spahn Insane Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:35 PM (#2496534)
Guapo, I'd marry you if I weren't already married and we both weren't apparently heterosexual.

After post 44, I'm not sure how apparent that is.

I keed, of course, and I hardly have room to talk, given my recently developed non-sexual mancrush on Carlos Marmol. Yes, I've got a thing for dudes who wear the Cub uniform and are named Carlos.
   46. Spahn Insane Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:36 PM (#2496538)
And since the point of Post 44 was not lost on me, while I'd stop well short of marrying Guapo regardless of circumstances, let me echo the sentiment that Post 41 was brilliant.
   47. Spahn Insane Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:41 PM (#2496542)
Back to the thread--seriously, this column is trivial even by Rooney's lofty standards. Is there any topic in the world less interesting than whether or not a whiny 90-year-old curmudgeon likes baseball (especially when he's already made his opinion on the subject clear multiple times)? I have no idea why this nitwit even gets a forum.
   48. I Can Bench-Press Jesus Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:41 PM (#2496544)
Thank you all for your kind comments.

I went to another base ball game recently. Did you know that they sell ethnic foods at the red-hot booths? For $5.25, twice what an average worker takes home in a week, a smiling girl gave me this bowl of pale-yellow triangles with this darker yellow viscous concoction on top. I believe they were called nachóes, but this may be a regional San Diego treat. Who is Petco anyway?

The triangles were very spicy. To think that many of the boys I covered at the battle of Chapultepec died so that persons named Gomez could burn the throats of hard-working Americans with their devilish American treats would send Silent Cal reeling if I told him!

I asked the girl behind the ethnic food booth if I could have some crackers. She told me they did not have crackers. At an American base ball game! This is a game after all, in which everybody joins together to sing a song with the line "Buy me some peanuts and crackers, Jack!" The off-duty policeman nearby was also very unhelpful and did not tell me where I could get crackers or a bromo-seltzer to soothe my stomach.

It's for the better as they do not make crackers the way they used to. I went to the grocer the other day to buy some "Saltines" and when opening them in the aisle, I found that they had tiny holes! That's right, the cracker conglomerate is robbing you of cracker. I opened each variety of cracker that the grocer sold and they all had similar, cracker meal robbing orifices. Mr. Graham would rolling in his grave to find out that people were using his crackers to rob money from hard-working Americans.
   49. Super Creepy Derek Lowe (GGC) Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:41 PM (#2496545)
Agreed, rs.
   50. RB in NYC (Now Semi-Retired from BBTF) Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:48 PM (#2496555)
This thread has some gems. #41 is fantastic, and #48 is pretty good as well.
   51. Spahn Insane Posted: August 23, 2007 at 03:53 PM (#2496567)
Regarding #41--are those real names? If so, those women could be in for quite a surprise if they ever Google themselves!
   52. Fred C. Dobbs Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:07 PM (#2496597)
I guess he's more of an NBA kind of guy.
   53. guelphdad Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:08 PM (#2496603)
Read this as Andy Rooney or Abe Simpson it still makes as much sense:

"We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don’t go anywhere—like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you’d say.
"Now where were we? Oh yeah—the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."
   54. Guapo Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:09 PM (#2496606)
Thanks for the kind words. In response to some of your questions, I am straight and married, but I'm happy to flirt with any of you boys. Also, those names were all changed to protect the innocent, except mine, which was changed so I don't get fired.

Also, #48 was awesome.
   55. McCoy Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:27 PM (#2496638)
I doubt Rooney went to a game in 1936 and saw Dimaggio strike out. Hard to believe he would remember that. Joe Dimaggio wasn't JOE DIMAGGIO in 1936. He was just another rookie then hard to believe that some rookie striking out three times would stay in someones memory.
   56. Shibal Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:45 PM (#2496669)
I always thought a young Luis Gonzalez looked like Joe Dimaggio...maybe Rooney saw him strike out three times and got confused.
   57. Fred Garvin is dead to Mug Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:47 PM (#2496672)
Guapo's Post #41 is easily the best I've seen all year and possibly in the top 10 of all I've seen on BTF over the last 5 years.
   58. Fred Garvin is dead to Mug Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:48 PM (#2496676)
I keed, of course, and I hardly have room to talk, given my recently developed non-sexual mancrush on Carlos Marmol.

Finally, we have agreement.
   59. Spahn Insane Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:52 PM (#2496684)
Finally, we have agreement.

Well, now that that bum Barrett's stinking it up in SD (and Z's been extended), I'm a happy camper! ;)
   60. Fred Garvin is dead to Mug Posted: August 23, 2007 at 04:54 PM (#2496689)
It's not that I liked Barrett; it's just that (a) I didn't hate him as much as you and, more importantly, (b) I don't share your mancrush on Zambrano.
   61. Chris Dial Posted: August 23, 2007 at 05:10 PM (#2496713)
Guapo,
thanks. That's the funniest thing I have ever read on this site, and possibly ever. PJ O'Rourke inclusive.
   62. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: August 23, 2007 at 05:15 PM (#2496720)
Andy, Andy,
Quite contrary,
How do your eyebrows grow?

"From all the crap
That leaves my yap.
A couple of inches below."

Rooney, Rooney,
Two-thirds loony,
Why are you still on that show?

"My grumpy act
Remains intact.
(And I've photos of Don doing blow.)"
   63. JJ1986 Posted: August 23, 2007 at 05:18 PM (#2496721)
Maybe he saw Lou Gehrig strike out three times, but to him all the stars from then were some guy named DiMaggio.
   64. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: August 23, 2007 at 05:57 PM (#2496766)
Great work by Guapo, and also great work by the Andy Rooney impersonator.

A friend of mine was recently telling me that he came across a William F. Buckley column where Buckley describes going to see a movie, and expressing with amazement the fact that the theater was showing more than one movie and that he had to indicate to the ticket-seller which one he wanted to see.

This reminds me of that.
   65. Lassus Posted: August 23, 2007 at 06:06 PM (#2496782)
In fairness to Rooney, there are a lot of Rodriguezes in MLB. Ten within the last couple of years, by my count.


I'm now sorry I put the bat away.
   66. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: August 23, 2007 at 06:16 PM (#2496805)
Guapo, thanks. That's the funniest thing I have ever read on this site, and possibly ever. PJ O'Rourke inclusive.

Anytime you can get me to agree with Dial you know you're either a genius or insane. Though I still want to see you top Keefe for career value.

And props to Aitken and Gonfalon, too. Definite contenders.
   67. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: August 23, 2007 at 06:34 PM (#2496833)
Guapo's Post #41 is easily the best I've seen all year and possibly in the top 10 of all I've seen on BTF over the last 5 years.

It's only the second-best thing he's written in the past year. Find his Jeter-Kafka thing. Many subsequent posts tried to top it, and none could even holler and be heard.
   68. TaySan Posted: August 23, 2007 at 08:02 PM (#2496981)
I lived in Stamford until a year and a half ago. 'The Stamford Times' is one of those free papers that they drop off in a pile in the mail room of apartment buildings and counters of delis etc...
   69. Guapo Posted: August 23, 2007 at 08:12 PM (#2497001)
Wow, thanks for all the props!

Dr. M, you are referring to the Death of Derek Jeter thread, and while I again appreciate the compliment, my contribution was but a drop in the bucket. That is probably my favorite BTF thread of all time.
   70. rr Posted: August 23, 2007 at 08:21 PM (#2497014)
When The Furtado Commission investigates this thread in 2015, I predict they will find that Guapo was on PEDs (Post-Enhancing Drugs) during #41, so Dial will still think it's funny, but Andy won't, and will lobby hard to restrict Guapo only to the POM, while keeping him out of the POF. Andy will say that Guapo is "still top 10" as an overall poster, but not "top 3."
   71. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: August 23, 2007 at 08:31 PM (#2497029)
When The Furtado Commission investigates this thread in 2015, I predict they will find that Guapo was on PEDs (Post-Enhancing Drugs) during #41, so Dial will still think it's funny, but Andy won't, and will lobby hard to restrict Guapo only to the POM, while keeping him out of the POF. Andy will say that Guapo is "still top 10" as an overall poster, but not "top 3."

But if it turns out to be only amps he'll still make my POF. And those posts of his are far more suggestive of alcohol or speed than steroids, which puts him in the Ruth or Mantle category rather than in there with Bonds or McGwire. It's only common sense....
   72. CrosbyBird Posted: August 23, 2007 at 08:35 PM (#2497038)
Dr. M, you are referring to the Death of Derek Jeter thread, and while I again appreciate the compliment, my contribution was but a drop in the bucket. That is probably my favorite BTF thread of all time.

A piece of me died when that thread faded into obscurity.
   73. Der Komminsk-sar Posted: August 23, 2007 at 08:54 PM (#2497075)
Guapo, that was very impressive - kudos.
   74. The Buddy Biancalana Hit Counter Posted: August 23, 2007 at 09:05 PM (#2497092)
A friend of mine was recently telling me that he came across a William F. Buckley column where Buckley describes going to see a movie, and expressing with amazement the fact that the theater was showing more than one movie and that he had to indicate to the ticket-seller which one he wanted to see.

This reminds me of that.


See also: Stanley Fish goes to Starbucks.
   75. Spahn Insane Posted: August 23, 2007 at 09:06 PM (#2497093)
If a guy isn't interested in baseball, why does he believe we care about his opinion on the game?

It's kind of like a gay man talking about the waitress's nice ass...


Interesting parallel. Rooney's harping on his dislike of baseball makes him sound insecure about not liking it, like his inner self believes he's suffering from some sort of "defect" for not liking it. Kind of like the closeted gay man who's in denial about his orientation.
   76. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: August 23, 2007 at 09:26 PM (#2497128)
'The Stamford Times' is one of those free papers that they drop off in a pile in the mail room of apartment buildings and counters of delis etc...

I'm pretty sure Andy Rooney's column is syndicated, not just found in the Stamford Times.

It seems like he prides himself on being out of touch. He does commentary on what the experience of being out of touch is like. Check out these strange musings.
   77. RobertMachemer Posted: August 23, 2007 at 09:57 PM (#2497157)
I'm surprised no one linked to this. So does Ali G's grating style excuse Rooney's reaction or not? Alternately: do you think any of Rooney's fifty books on the English language explain why "The media has changed" is just as wrong as "Does you think?"
   78. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: August 23, 2007 at 11:03 PM (#2497234)
That Ali G interview is unbelievable.

How could Rooney not have known about Ali G? Doesn't he at least have handlers who could have told him? Or at least googled him beforehand?

Even if he hadn't, how could he not have figured Ali G's schtick out after about 30 seconds? Is he really that dense?

And couldn't he have figured out that the only way to play him back would be with doubletalk? You gotta get him off of his home field.

Or was this all pre-scripted, and Rooney given $50 G's for a job well done? That's the only charitable explanation I can think of.
   79. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: August 23, 2007 at 11:07 PM (#2497236)
Andy, have you seen a lot of Ali G interviews? Almost all of them are with someone who doesn't know what Ali G's schtick is going to be. And usually they end right around the point where the interviewee stops being serious and realizes how ridiculous the whole thing is.

It doesn't work when the interviewee knows the schtick beforehand.

That's why Ali G basically no longer exists anymore - he got too famous to fool people. Borat too.
   80. Dewey, Soupuss Not Doomed to Succeed Posted: August 23, 2007 at 11:09 PM (#2497238)
I believe that not finding Ali G or Borat to be funny in the least was what earned me the title of "emotionless robot" or something similar.

I did enjoy Sasha Baron Cohen's role in Talladega Nights, however.
   81. alon91 Posted: August 24, 2007 at 12:22 AM (#2497390)
Dr. M, you are referring to the Death of Derek Jeter thread, and while I again appreciate the compliment, my contribution was but a drop in the bucket. That is probably my favorite BTF thread of all time.


For those who might be interested, you can find that thread here.

I missed the thread last year, and am too tired to read that tedious-looking Esquire article, so Guapo's comment is lost on me. I'm sure it's funny, though.
   82. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: August 24, 2007 at 01:21 AM (#2497512)
Andy, have you seen a lot of Ali G interviews? Almost all of them are with someone who doesn't know what Ali G's schtick is going to be. And usually they end right around the point where the interviewee stops being serious and realizes how ridiculous the whole thing is.

It doesn't work when the interviewee knows the schtick beforehand.

That's why Ali G basically no longer exists anymore - he got too famous to fool people. Borat too.


I've only seen a few of them, but (a) both "Ali G" and his show were in the news for several years before Borat, including at least one or two feature articles in the New York Times, and it's hard--no, make that nearly impossible--to believe that Rooney's handlers wouldn't have known about the nature of that show beforehand; and (b) beyond that, you have to be deaf and dumb not to figure "Ali G" out within about 30 seconds or less. It's like watching a talented standup routine, but there's no way you'd believe it was real (as in real) if it were being produced on television and presented as an "interview." At least if you didn't have the intelligence of a gnat.

Of course Rooney proved me wrong on both counts, unless my final (pre-staged) hypothesis was the true one. Which again, is the only charitable explanation for that video. But then stuffed shirts like Rooney are usually the ones who fall for the most obvious put-ons, aren't they?
   83. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: August 24, 2007 at 01:36 AM (#2497558)
The original article was moved to here, btw.
   84. Snowman Posted: August 24, 2007 at 03:46 AM (#2497883)
I don't really know why anyone would be surprised by the Rodriguez comment. This is the same guy who was suspended about 15 years ago for saying women are lousy golfers because their tits get in the way of their swings.
   85. McCoy Posted: August 24, 2007 at 04:17 AM (#2497898)
He should have waited until Jessica Simpson attempted to play golf, then he wouldn't have been suspended for saying that.
   86. CiC Posted: August 24, 2007 at 04:42 AM (#2497918)
Rooney should write an article about loving war, famine and disease so that we can all get behind seeing to it that he's wrong there, also.
   87. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: August 24, 2007 at 03:41 PM (#2498181)
Guapo, if I say much more someone's going to say "get a room", so I will conclude by saying if you don't write for a living, you could. And I'm a tough crowd.
   88. geegee Posted: August 24, 2007 at 05:45 PM (#2498300)
Crotchety Andy Rooney, a.k.a. "GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU PUNKS!", is even wrong with his Rodriquez alarmism.

According to Active Player search at http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/players/index.jsp --

Players with Johnson last name: 25
Players with Smith last name: 20
Players with Rodriquez last name: 19
   89. RB in NYC (Now Semi-Retired from BBTF) Posted: August 24, 2007 at 06:01 PM (#2498314)
Players with Johnson last name: 25
Players with Smith last name: 20
Players with Rodriquez last name: 19
On the other hand...

2007 All-Star Game Roster:
Players with Johnson last name: 0
Players with Smith last name: 0
Players with Rodriguez: 3 (2 starters)

Maybe Andy is on to something!
   90. CFiJ Posted: August 24, 2007 at 06:03 PM (#2498321)
Guapo, if I say much more someone's going to say "get a room", so I will conclude by saying if you don't write for a living, you could. And I'm a tough crowd.


Good grief. Get a room, already.
   91. geegee Posted: August 24, 2007 at 06:19 PM (#2498342)
2007 All-Star Game Roster:
Players with Johnson last name: 0
Players with Smith last name: 0
Players with Rodriguez: 3 (2 starters)

Maybe Andy is on to something!


Good point. He did say the only "stars" he sees are named Rodriguez.

By the way, I'm so glad he never mentioned the non-Rodriguez star Barry Bonds. As soon as I saw that Rooney wrote a column about baseball, I thought it'd be all about "these kids and their steroids". I bet he'd keep call him Bobby Bonds.
   92. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: August 24, 2007 at 06:31 PM (#2498370)
I believe that not finding Ali G or Borat to be funny in the least was what earned me the title of "emotionless robot" or something similar.


I didn't like Borat or Bruno, but I found Ali G to be hilarious.

"Well, what if you went in the winter, when the sun is cold?"
   93. GeoffreyVS Posted: August 24, 2007 at 08:54 PM (#2498593)
I found this site last night by way of firejoemorgan.com, which had posted Andy Rooney's very senile article. As someone said earlier, it's basically his foray into stream of consciousness as it's like he wrote three different things and then kind of threw them together in his head, completely disjointed.

Also, I looked up that Death of Derek Jeter thread and I read it for like an hour. Absolutely the greatest thread on any message board I have ever seen, bar none (and I've seen a few great ones). Plus, Guapo, you're brilliant.
   94. RobertMachemer Posted: August 25, 2007 at 06:03 AM (#2499202)
I wish I'd read that Death of Derek Jeter thread before. It inspired me to try my hand...

-----

from Shelley's Derekjeter:

A traveller in an antique bar was found
To say: "Two runners score. The spheroid lurks
Quite close to left of center field. Aground,
Half-sunk, the shattered Captain lies, whose smirks
And pumping fist and Gloves of Gold demand
We 'llow McCarver well his passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on all Yankee things
That statheads mocked but A's and Twins did dread.
And lo! I heard these words from Michael Kay:
'His name is Derekjeter, count the Ringzzz:
Look on his works, ye mighty, and despair.'
But will ARod remain midst disarray?
The pitching's wrecked, the playoff schedule bare,
And Torre's glory years seem far away."

-----

from Shakespeare's Alex the Third (Baseman):

Now is the summer of their discontent
Made glorious fall by New York's favorite son;
And all the clouds that lower'd on our clubhouse
In the deep bosom of the Hudson buried.
Now are their digits bound with champions' rings;
Their bruised arms hung up for monuments;
Their stern alarums changed to merry meetings
Their dreadful marches to delightful measures.
Grim-visaged Joe hath smoothed his wrinkled front;
And now, instead of mounting painted whores
To fright the souls of fearful journalists
As I am known to do from time to time,
They nimbly scamper inside starlets' rooms,
To the lascivious pleasing of a lute.
But I, -- that am well shaped for sportive games,
And made to court an amorous looking-glass;
I, that am comely stamped yet lack love's majesty
To strut before a wanton ambling nymph;
I, that am curtailed of recognition,
Cheated of feature by dissembling Post,
Blue-lipped, unpraised, a man before my time
A hitting god in any universe,
Have fans boo at me as I halt by them;
So I, in this weak, piping time of peace,
Have no delight to pass away the time.
And therefore, -- since I can't a Yankee prove,
To entertain these fair, well-spoken fans, --
I am determined to prove a villain,
And hate the idle pleasure of these days.
Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous,
By drunken prophecies, libels, and dreams,
To lead my rival Derek and the rest
Out of the playoffs quickly as I can.

-----

from Tolkien's The Jeter

In an infield position in the Bronx there lived a Jeter. Not a nasty, dirty infield position, filled by dirty, tobacco-chewing third basemen, nor yet a dry, bare infield position with nothing to do in it but make short second basemen's throws to first without jumping: it was Jeter's position, and that means shortstop.

-----

Ok, that's enough for now.
   95. SoSHially Unacceptable Posted: August 25, 2007 at 06:34 AM (#2499208)
I don't really know why anyone would be surprised by the Rodriguez comment. This is the same guy who was suspended about 15 years ago for saying women are lousy golfers because their tits get in the way of their swings.


No, that was Ben Wright. He said that, plus the more controversial remarks that lesbianism in women's golf was hurting the sport's marketability. He was fired, though it wasn't for the remarks, but for denying on air he made them when it was later proved that he did.

Rooney was criticized for ######## about female sideline reporters not knowing anything about football.
   96. Dr. Vaux Posted: August 25, 2007 at 07:12 AM (#2499218)
Some of them didn't. Some of the male announcers don't either, though.
   97. ozeagle Posted: August 29, 2007 at 04:52 AM (#2503235)
This is pretty interesting...I see black entertainers on television calling whites "crackers" and all other kinds of racist epithets...and Andy mentions a common Hispanic name...so he's racist? What kind of b.s. is this? He admits he's not a baseball fan. As a kid one of my favorite players was Bobby Clemente', a very proud Hispanic American. Somehow I don't think he'd be offended by this. White may not always be right, but also ain't automatically a crime!
   98. McLovin Posted: August 29, 2007 at 05:19 AM (#2503246)
ozeagle....brilliant!
   99. Eraser-X is emphatically dominating teh site!!! Posted: August 29, 2007 at 05:21 AM (#2503247)
I love this thread. I wasn't around for the Jeter one--it was during a particularly busy teaching period.

But I have to say, while Guapo started it, is hilarious and deserves all of the credit in the world, I was most uplifted by the Wesley Willis Jeter number. I'm still shaking over that one.
   100. GregD Posted: August 29, 2007 at 10:36 AM (#2503263)
It was a lot easier for Ali G to fool people than it seems.

This Slate piece points out how they set up interviews.
http://slate.com/id/2106886


You got a letter with BBC letterhead, or maybe some wholly unexceptional production company. It said a BBC news program would like to interview you. You showed up and dealt with the production crew who were wholly unsurprising. Same guys and gals who did lights and makeup. The whole time you never see the person doing the interviewing (which isn't surprising, since the "star" is never around for the crap.) As the producer comes out to go over the questions, he starts apologizing. The show has taken a different tack. BBC fired the old star. They're trying to reach a new audience. So they hired a "rap star" to ask questions to reach kids. Right as the person says something like, "Rap star?" Ali G comes running out of nowhere, the cameras rolling, and asks the first question.

For the first couple of years, you'd have to be pretty on top of things to immediately put all this together right away. You're thinking isn't the BBC a real organization? Where's David Frost?

Even after the first season, Ali G was popular and famous among a certain, small crowd, but not overwhelmingly so. How many people watched the Ali G show? A million? That's nothing. Could you name the news reader on the news breaks for the CBS morning show? That person is watched by many, many more people. Factor in Ali G skews young, and interviews old people.

Factor in also that many of these people don't actually have real handlers. I'd guess Andy Rooney has a secretary at CBS, maybe one he shares with others. Possibly an assistant who keeps his calendar and picks up his dry cleaning. But he doesn't have Roger Ailes consulting on his wardrobe. Even people with handlers aren't helped because 1) they see BBC and assume it's for real, and 2) they have no advance warning it's Ali G.

If somebody recognizes Ali G, then that's a wrap, forget that interview, and on to the next one.
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