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Really? What do Nate Silver's readers think about taking a dump in a men's room at the mall?
There are an alarming # of people who don't wash their hands after taking a dump. I can forgive a person for no wash after the urinal, or just a quick rinse, but come on, your hand is right next to feces, and you think you're good to go?
Exactly how often do you find yourself sawing one off at your friend's girlfriend's apartment?
1. Guys who insist on taking a leak in the stall--standing up--instead of using the urninals even if no one else is at the urninals. There is NO WAY these guys aren't peeing on the seats. This has become a particular nuisance in my office since the company was bought by the French.
2. Guys who spit their gum out into the urinals.
3. Guys who drop paper towels into the urinals.
4. Guys who pick their nose and then wipe the booger off on the wall right at eye level. May they be killed, every one of them.
5. Guys who have to pull their pants down to use the urinal.
6. Guys who spit into the urinal while taking a leak. WTF is that?
7. Guys who hum or sing or groan theatrically while taking a leak. Take your leak and shut the #### up.
8. Guys who babble on their cell phones while taking a leak.
9. Obviously, guys who eat Doritos while taking a leak.
10. Guys who throw their newspapers on the floor of the stalls.
11. Guys who don't flush the goddam toilet.
12. Guys who leave their short and curlies all over the seat.
13. Guys who don't wash their hands but RUN THEIR FINGERS THROUGH THEIR HAIR before exiting the bathroom.
There are more, but I'm too depressed again to go on.
Jeez, no wonder you have clog problems. You could still be treating your ass to Charmin if you went a little easier on the amount of paper.
I also am aggressive in flushing, a plugged toilet is nearly 100% avoidable.
What? This happens? You work in a ###### up office.
It's fine, as long as there aren't any Republican Congressmen around.
They are animals here. They really are.
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/brooke-hundley/16/34b/890
My least favorite is the guy who poses - one hand resting against the side wall, and the other bent at the elbow and resting on his waist, and neither doing any approaching aiming. It's basically pissing while standing in the "I'm a little teapot" pose, and a guarantee that the jackass is going to piss all over the floor.
I'm sorry.
feels good man
I am not sure the problem with this one -- is the saliva contaminating the urine? Or is this a technique thing that leads to potential nastiness?
And on the other topic of the thread- A buddy of mine on his first day at a new job was using a urinal in the Men's room and the man next to him introduced himself as the president and then extended his hand for a handshake.
That one just baffles me rather than irritates me.
No one believes you. You're probably printing this out to give to your friends.
From the sounds of it, some strange form of bathroom maintenance.
Wall Street! I work at a brokerage firm.
My recommendation would be "at the boss."
So make sure to halt the flow for just a second when you spit.
In the context of this thread, I'm not taking any queries about spitting. You guys work it out amongst yourselves.
What baffles you -- that they spit in the urinal, or they spit when they are pissing?
BTW, just how much time do you spend in the john at work to notice all this behavior?
Spitting and pissing simultaneously baffles me. I don't get it.
I've been in this office 10 years. Believe me, I wish I hadn't witnessed any of this stuff.
That's what the ShootyCam is for.
I also am aggressive in flushing, a plugged toilet is nearly 100% avoidable.
It's not about the money...(obviously, since I wastefully use 87 plys at a time). There are other high end TPs that are nearly as soft that don't clog. I don't need to wipe with silk...just something that goes down the drain reliably. It's not worth triple the clogs for negligible added comfort during wiping.
I've forgotten. How did bathroom behavior come up in a thread about Steve Phillips' taste for extramarital affairs with unattractive women?
We all think that both he and his taste in women are ####.
#### where you eat > Doritos on the toilet > Shooty hates his life
"Don't #### where you eat."
Apparently, he is so modest/uptight that the thought of someone glimpsing a random flash of his body---which would be hard to do even if they were trying, unless a person literally put their eye right up to the gap---compels him to fasten this ridiculous curtain to the stall. It gets ripped down all the time, either by cleaning personnel or else, I imagine, people that just think it's stupid, but it always goes right back up.
Our office is on multiple floors, with personnel being moved up or down from time to time, yet it only occurs in the bathroom on my floor. So that helps me to narrow down the suspects---it's someone on my floor who's always been on my floor.
My suspicion rests on this one guy who (a) always goes into the stall to take a piss and (b) who someone told me they saw on the street openly and for an extended duration ("really creepy" is how it was phrased) leering at this woman while he thought no one was looking at him. Something about him just seems a little off; seemingly overly prudish, but then up to creepy stuff when he's alone....
I heard that Steve Phillips likes to have Todd Hundley crap on his head and then wash it off with a steady streamm of urine. It's just what I heard but it's obviously 100% true.
edit: Yeah, it's basically my fault this whole thread. I expect a banning, but it was worth it.
I hate when some stranger who has his #### in his hand thinks that it is appropriate to start a conversation with other men who have their cocks in their hands. This usually starts with some lame bathroom joke -- look, even if the joke was hysterical, it is going to get a subdued response because having one #### in his hand usually does not promote laughter.
That and the 10 questions.
We're not selling genes here?
You can tell what a man values by when he washes his hands: the English wash after urinating, the French before.
BTW, I just went to the bathroom and I thought about the 10 questions the entire time. It took a lot not to laugh while on the toilet.
A: "Nice penis."
Shooty's mom told a different story.
Don't blame me if my mom laughs at your ####.
She just found my birthmark peculiar.
The birthmark that spells out THIS MAN HAS A HILARIOUSLY SMALL #### in sanskrit? You were quite the topic of conversation last Thanksgiving!
Based on this list, I'd guess it's I. M. Pei.
Yup. Only acceptable communication between men in a bathroom is if one farts and everyone laughs.
To expound on what a few people have said here, I have a theory I've proposed before. I look because it's the fruit of my labor, but more than that. A sad commentary (perhaps) on specialization's effect on society, but quite simply, that right there is the one thing I can look at and say "I did that." Not "My team did that", or "I did that with some help", or "I did that and I knew how thanks to the education provided by society." Me, I did that. If my business got out of the toilet and went on to cure cancer, I can claim 100% credit. The only thing I can think of that would be equally the case is if a woman were able to somehow fertilize her own egg in some bizarre scenario.
I'll have you know that was me -- and so traumatized was I that I haven't urinated since.
Also, bidets are the shiznit. Wanting one is the sole reason I am pursuing home ownership.
I smell a sitcom.
That and poop.
Did an exchange to Russia in HS. Everywhere you went, tour guides/hosts/whoever explained how the Russian version of X was better than the American one. Best was at the aerospace museum; the guide pointed to the cosmotoilet, which (like most russkie shitters) has a flat ledge in the bowl, and explained how Russians were healthier and more sophisticated because they could examine their #### sitting on the ledge before flushing it.
Yeah, me and my billions of intestinal microflora of hundreds of different species of bacteria that help me digest things. I didn't even carefully choose them, they just ended up in me somehow!
Mr. BarrettsHiddenBall, or should I say Comrade BarrettsHiddenBall, you'll need to come with us. Your days of double agentry are over.
Crispix, I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish, but I just got to say I have some of the best bacterial colonies of all time!
(I detest that meme, but it was too perfect here.)
Judging by the pictures of Ms. Hundley, the two options may be one in the same.
Or dropping the kids off at the pool.
(1) Do you look in the toilet to see what you've done?
Everytime - particularly if some effort was expended in the "birthing" process
(2) When you wipe, do you (a) sit (b) crouch slightly above toilet (c) full stand?
Sit - wouldn't want #### to drizzle down the inside of my leg.
(3) How do you prepare the toilet paper in your hand? Crumple? Fold? Roll around hand? Other?
Crumple seems to maximize surface area, scrub-ability and absorb-ability.
(4) How do you wipe? Around the back or through the wickets?
Back - my 4 year old daughter goes from the front. I always assumed it was a girl thing to go in from the front.
(5) How many wipes is typical?
Depends on the circumstances.
(6) How do you know you're clean? Are you checking the paper after each wipe? Going off of feel till the last wipe? Do you never look?
I check the paper after the first wipe and then later on. I know I'm clean for sure when there's blood on the paper.
(7) Honestly, do you ever sniff to appreciate your work?
Never.
(8) Do you ever eat on the shitter?
Never. But I've drunk beer on it before while shitfaced.
(9) How long do you spend on the toilet, on average?
8 minutes 32 seconds
(10) [The catch-all] Do you have any special techniques that you think others may not use?
Perhaps, but without compensation - I won't share.
OK, I didn't expect that, but it was classic. I love that movie.
Reminds me of Melvin Costa.
Maybe he's switching sports. Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl.
Steve Phillips...Whaaaat a (poo)hole!
The one that always really bothered me was the intern three years ago who used to masturbate in the third-floor toilet.
I don't know what he was thinking about, and I don't want to know.
Never. But I've drunk beer on it before while shitfaced.
Done a bonghit while perched on the throne.
Smartass.
Given the activity he was engaged in, I'm pretty sure that you could guess what he was thinking about.
You could have checked with Human Resources - it may have been against company policy. As an intern perhaps all he needed was better mentoring.
That allegedly happened with Lee Corso, only it was with a terribly prolonged #### in the stall.
As far as this particular article, was I the only one to notice Phil Mushnick was credited with additional REPORTING on this story? Steve Phillips must be a juicy subject for him to abandon his media column for actual work.
That reminds me - has anyone checked to see whether the school Isiah signed on with has declared bankruptcy yet?
"Squeal piggy" I think would be worse.
Yeah, your accomplishment means s**t to me.
The Yale man replies, "At Yale they teach us not to piss on our hands."
Can't we all agree that Harvard AND Yale are just awful?
I didn't respond.
I suspect someone in my department is doing this, typically in the late afternoons here. I've been in the stall next to him, and he just sits in there very quietly for about 5 minutes. Then, he starts pulling at the toilet paper roll, and it goes around and around and around - it sounds like he's getting ~100 sheets or so. Then he flushes and leaves.
We've got a guy who knocks on the stall doors as well. If it's locked and you can't get in, don't knock. That's just stupid.
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