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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Steve Phillips Had an Affair with an ESPN Production Assistant Who Went Fatal Attraction on Him

Bunny brief boiler!

ESPN analyst Steve Phillips had a fling with a 22-year-old production assistant, who, after being dumped, taunted his wife with “Fatal Attraction”-like phone calls and a letter that bragged about her sexcapades with Phillips while taking pot shots at their “loveless marriage,” The Post has learned.

The former Met general manager, whose tenure with the team was rocked by admissions of infidelity, confessed to his wife and local cops that he had slept with ESPN assistant Brooke Hundley several times this past summer before dumping her.

In retaliation, the jilted young woman repeatedly phoned Phillips’ wife, Marni, saying, “We both can’t have him!” an explosive police report claims.

“I have extreme concerns about the health and safety of my kids and myself,” Steve Phillips said in a police statement, adding that the woman became “obsessive and delusional” after he dumped her.

Repoz Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:39 AM | 465 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: announcers, television

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   101. JE (Jason) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:39 PM (#3360832)
I'm having a similar discussion on a different board

Really? What do Nate Silver's readers think about taking a dump in a men's room at the mall?
   102. BringBackTimTeufel Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:40 PM (#3360835)
IIRC, didn't Phillips have an affair with a flight attendant while with the Mets, or am I thinking of some other philandering twit?
   103. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:41 PM (#3360836)
And I know it was awhile ago, but I 100% agree with Shooty on community food at work. Don't touch it ever.

There are an alarming # of people who don't wash their hands after taking a dump. I can forgive a person for no wash after the urinal, or just a quick rinse, but come on, your hand is right next to feces, and you think you're good to go?
   104. The Good Face Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:42 PM (#3360838)
My friend's girlfriend has a bidet in her apartment and is completely disgusted by it. It's really tempting every time I take a dump there to try it out, but I don't really understand how everything flows down the drain. I don't want to be the guy that leaves the bathroom with #### stains in the bidet.


Exactly how often do you find yourself sawing one off at your friend's girlfriend's apartment?
   105. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:44 PM (#3360841)
While we're on the subjects of bathrooms and such, the following are office bathroom behaviors that either confuse me or irritate me or fill me with rage:

1. Guys who insist on taking a leak in the stall--standing up--instead of using the urninals even if no one else is at the urninals. There is NO WAY these guys aren't peeing on the seats. This has become a particular nuisance in my office since the company was bought by the French.

2. Guys who spit their gum out into the urinals.

3. Guys who drop paper towels into the urinals.

4. Guys who pick their nose and then wipe the booger off on the wall right at eye level. May they be killed, every one of them.

5. Guys who have to pull their pants down to use the urinal.

6. Guys who spit into the urinal while taking a leak. WTF is that?

7. Guys who hum or sing or groan theatrically while taking a leak. Take your leak and shut the #### up.

8. Guys who babble on their cell phones while taking a leak.

9. Obviously, guys who eat Doritos while taking a leak.

10. Guys who throw their newspapers on the floor of the stalls.

11. Guys who don't flush the goddam toilet.

12. Guys who leave their short and curlies all over the seat.

13. Guys who don't wash their hands but RUN THEIR FINGERS THROUGH THEIR HAIR before exiting the bathroom.

There are more, but I'm too depressed again to go on.
   106. bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:44 PM (#3360842)
Charmin is the worst TP, as far as creating clogs. My wife (then fiancee) told me that, and I have since grown to agree. We are now a Charmin-free household. I also want to add that I've read that you need 10 plys (eg. 5 layers of 2-ply) of toilet paper to keep your hand clear from the nasties


Jeez, no wonder you have clog problems. You could still be treating your ass to Charmin if you went a little easier on the amount of paper.
   107. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:45 PM (#3360843)
I don't care about the 5ply causing clogs w/ Charmin (though not a problem for me), it is all about the softness. I am stunned at what people accept in terms of saying, 'yes, I want to wipe my rear with this parchment paper, it is worth saving 41 cents to have a chaffed rear end.'

I also am aggressive in flushing, a plugged toilet is nearly 100% avoidable.
   108. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:46 PM (#3360849)
5. Guys who have to pull their pants down to use the urinal.


What? This happens? You work in a ###### up office.
   109. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:47 PM (#3360851)
Really? What do Nate Silver's readers think about taking a dump in a men's room at the mall?


It's fine, as long as there aren't any Republican Congressmen around.
   110. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:47 PM (#3360852)
What? This happens? You work in a ###### up office.

They are animals here. They really are.
   111. Freeballin' (Tales of Met Power) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:51 PM (#3360855)
Doesn't look like much:

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/brooke-hundley/16/34b/890
   112. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:52 PM (#3360857)
What? This happens? You work in a ###### up office.

They are animals here. They really are.


My least favorite is the guy who poses - one hand resting against the side wall, and the other bent at the elbow and resting on his waist, and neither doing any approaching aiming. It's basically pissing while standing in the "I'm a little teapot" pose, and a guarantee that the jackass is going to piss all over the floor.
   113. Curse of the Andino Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:52 PM (#3360858)
I just can't follow this thread anymore.

I'm sorry.
   114. Alex meets the threshold for granular review Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:53 PM (#3360859)
5. Guys who have to pull their pants down to use the urinal.


feels good man
   115. bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:53 PM (#3360860)
6. Guys who spit into the urinal while taking a leak. WTF is that?


I am not sure the problem with this one -- is the saliva contaminating the urine? Or is this a technique thing that leads to potential nastiness?
   116. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:55 PM (#3360861)
We made fun of the kid in 2nd grade who pulled down his pants at the urinal. I can't imagine a grown man doing this.
   117. GregQ Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:55 PM (#3360862)
I think that Phillips should be congratulated for using a Moneyball approach in selecting his mistress. The very attractive ones are always overpriced.

And on the other topic of the thread- A buddy of mine on his first day at a new job was using a urinal in the Men's room and the man next to him introduced himself as the president and then extended his hand for a handshake.
   118. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:55 PM (#3360864)
I am not sure the problem with this one -- is the saliva contaminating the urine? Or is this a technique thing that leads to potential nastiness?

That one just baffles me rather than irritates me.
   119. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:56 PM (#3360865)
El Hombre, there is no way that I'm checking that link.
   120. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:57 PM (#3360866)
I just can't follow this thread anymore.

No one believes you. You're probably printing this out to give to your friends.
   121. JE (Jason) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:57 PM (#3360867)
I am not sure if the WEEI link was already posted, but here we go anyway. Meet Ms. Hundley.
   122. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:58 PM (#3360868)
I'm tempted to watch Dane Cook's next comedy special. I'll bet half the "jokes" will come from this thread.
   123. Tom Cervo, backup catcher Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:58 PM (#3360869)
What the hell kind of work are you in, Shooty?
   124. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:59 PM (#3360871)
What the hell kind of work are you in, Shooty?


From the sounds of it, some strange form of bathroom maintenance.
   125. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 03:59 PM (#3360872)
What the hell kind of work are you in, Shooty?

Wall Street! I work at a brokerage firm.
   126. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:00 PM (#3360873)
The urinal is by far the best place to spit at the workplace. What, he should do it in the sink? Out the window?
   127. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:01 PM (#3360874)
The urinal is by far the best place to spit at the workplace. What, he should do it in the sink? Out the window?


My recommendation would be "at the boss."
   128. flournoy Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:02 PM (#3360876)
#115: The only thing wrong with it is the potential for splashing. I spit while taking a piss once and literally got a drop to splash in my eye. I'm a tall guy, too. It was disgusting.

So make sure to halt the flow for just a second when you spit.
   129. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:03 PM (#3360877)
The urinal is by far the best place to spit at the workplace. What, he should do it in the sink? Out the window?

In the context of this thread, I'm not taking any queries about spitting. You guys work it out amongst yourselves.
   130. bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:03 PM (#3360878)
That one just baffles me rather than irritates me.


What baffles you -- that they spit in the urinal, or they spit when they are pissing?

BTW, just how much time do you spend in the john at work to notice all this behavior?
   131. Rafael Bellylard: Built like a Panda. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:03 PM (#3360879)
I've had ESPN on for the last hour and never heard the words "Steve Phillips" uttered once. If this were about a personality from another network, I'm sure it would have been the 2nd or 3rd story and alluded to every 15 minutes or so.
   132. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:05 PM (#3360882)
What baffles you -- that they spit in the urinal, or they spit when they are pissing?

Spitting and pissing simultaneously baffles me. I don't get it.

I've been in this office 10 years. Believe me, I wish I hadn't witnessed any of this stuff.
   133. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:07 PM (#3360883)
I hate the bastards that walk into the bathroom and you are in a stall and they make an attempt to open your door. You lazy #### did you not hear my audible throat clearing to give you a clue that it's taken? Could you sneak a glance under the stall?
   134. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:07 PM (#3360884)
There shouldn't be backsplash if you pee low and spit high. Alternatively pee in the left crevice and spit in the right.
   135. SoSH U at work Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:08 PM (#3360886)
BTW, just how much time do you spend in the john at work to notice all this behavior?


That's what the ShootyCam is for.
   136. Craig in MN Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:08 PM (#3360887)
I don't care about the 5ply causing clogs w/ Charmin (though not a problem for me), it is all about the softness. I am stunned at what people accept in terms of saying, 'yes, I want to wipe my rear with this parchment paper, it is worth saving 41 cents to have a chaffed rear end.'

I also am aggressive in flushing, a plugged toilet is nearly 100% avoidable.


It's not about the money...(obviously, since I wastefully use 87 plys at a time). There are other high end TPs that are nearly as soft that don't clog. I don't need to wipe with silk...just something that goes down the drain reliably. It's not worth triple the clogs for negligible added comfort during wiping.
   137. Gazizza, my Dilznoofuses! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:08 PM (#3360888)
I've seen men unbutton and unzip their pants in a public restroom. It's not quite pulling it down all the way, but still disturbing.

I've forgotten. How did bathroom behavior come up in a thread about Steve Phillips' taste for extramarital affairs with unattractive women?
   138. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:11 PM (#3360890)
I've forgotten. How did bathroom behavior come up in a thread about Steve Phillips' taste for extramarital affairs with unattractive women?


We all think that both he and his taste in women are ####.
   139. The Original SJ Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:12 PM (#3360891)
ESPN better not fire Phillips, or they are going to lose analysis like this....

Steve Phillips: You know, we're talking about the run support for a pitcher, and I believe that pitchers often earn their run support, and here is why. I was in the front office for 13 years, at every home game, for many of the road games, and you start to feel the pattern of the game for each of the starting pitchers. Over the course of time it seemed to me there the same guys started to get runs, there was a pattern and rhythm to their game and the same guys didn't get runs because of the pattern and rhythm to their game.

Orel Hershiser: Would you say Santana has a bad pattern or rhythm for offense?

Steve Phillips: I think it is the feel of his game, whether its his teammates.... I don't think its a conscious thing, and players always go, 'nah, there is no way, there is no way' but I see it, I feel it every time you watch games. They don't hit for Santana. I think part of it is because he is the ace on the mound. they think its a low scoring game, he is not going to give up runs. Its just this rhythm of the game that he has. Steve Traschel, used to pitch for the Mets, the slowest worker ever. He never got run support. and I think he earned it.

Dan Shulman: I agree with the premise, but what is Santana doing wrong?

Orel Hershiser: Yeah, thats what I don't understand.

Steve Phillips: I think a lot of times, what happens. Is when there is someone great, in the game, on the mound, you look at the WBC, team usa. they didn't hit. because they were all looking at each other, waiting for chipper to be chipper. ARod to be ARod and the guys were standing around watching each other, instead of being who they are as players.

Commercial Break.
   140. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:12 PM (#3360892)
I've forgotten. How did bathroom behavior come up in a thread about Steve Phillips' taste for extramarital affairs with unattractive women?


#### where you eat > Doritos on the toilet > Shooty hates his life
   141. Alex meets the threshold for granular review Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:12 PM (#3360895)
I've forgotten. How did bathroom behavior come up in a thread about Steve Phillips' taste for extramarital affairs with unattractive women?


"Don't #### where you eat."
   142. salvomania Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:13 PM (#3360896)
There's a mystery guy in my office who, for the last couple years, has been tying a "curtain" of toilet paper from the the top to the bottom of a 2-inch-wide gap in the stall partition, where the main panel is connected to the "door pillar" by a couple of brackets at the top and bottom.

Apparently, he is so modest/uptight that the thought of someone glimpsing a random flash of his body---which would be hard to do even if they were trying, unless a person literally put their eye right up to the gap---compels him to fasten this ridiculous curtain to the stall. It gets ripped down all the time, either by cleaning personnel or else, I imagine, people that just think it's stupid, but it always goes right back up.

Our office is on multiple floors, with personnel being moved up or down from time to time, yet it only occurs in the bathroom on my floor. So that helps me to narrow down the suspects---it's someone on my floor who's always been on my floor.

My suspicion rests on this one guy who (a) always goes into the stall to take a piss and (b) who someone told me they saw on the street openly and for an extended duration ("really creepy" is how it was phrased) leering at this woman while he thought no one was looking at him. Something about him just seems a little off; seemingly overly prudish, but then up to creepy stuff when he's alone....
   143. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:13 PM (#3360898)
I've forgotten. How did bathroom behavior come up in a thread about Steve Phillips' taste for extramarital affairs with unattractive women?

I heard that Steve Phillips likes to have Todd Hundley crap on his head and then wash it off with a steady streamm of urine. It's just what I heard but it's obviously 100% true.

edit: Yeah, it's basically my fault this whole thread. I expect a banning, but it was worth it.
   144. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:16 PM (#3360902)
salvo, that open up a whole range of possibilities that hadn't even occurred to me. Damn you!
   145. bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:16 PM (#3360905)
I hate the bastards that walk into the bathroom and you are in a stall and they make an attempt to open your door.


I hate when some stranger who has his #### in his hand thinks that it is appropriate to start a conversation with other men who have their cocks in their hands. This usually starts with some lame bathroom joke -- look, even if the joke was hysterical, it is going to get a subdued response because having one #### in his hand usually does not promote laughter.
   146. ?Donde esta Dagoberto Campaneris? Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:17 PM (#3360906)
In an effort to boost her spirits through this troubling time, a local high school has put together a cheer in Ms. Hundley's honor. Very touching. And no dookie humor.
   147. JE (Jason) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:18 PM (#3360909)
I've forgotten. How did bathroom behavior come up in a thread about Steve Phillips' taste for extramarital affairs with unattractive women?

edit: Yeah, it's basically my fault this whole thread. I expect a banning, but it was worth it.

That and the 10 questions.
   148. The Essex Snead Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:24 PM (#3360917)
I think that Phillips should be congratulated for using a Moneyball approach in selecting his mistress. The very attractive ones are always overpriced.

We're not selling genes here?
   149. Ron Johnson Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:26 PM (#3360921)
While I really like the Marciano joke, do I really need to remind anybody of Hugh Grant's choice?
   150. cheng Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:28 PM (#3360922)
Shooty, your implication that the French don't wash their hands amuses me. There's an old saw that goes something like:

You can tell what a man values by when he washes his hands: the English wash after urinating, the French before.
   151. Win one for Agrippa (haplo53) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:29 PM (#3360923)
His wife probably drove him away by constantly talking about the strengths of Carlos Beltran's game.
   152. Steve Sparks Flying Everywhere Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:32 PM (#3360927)
I don't know what's worse: having sex with Steve Phillips, getting dumped by Steve Phillips, or having the entire world know that you had sex with Steve Phillips.

BTW, I just went to the bathroom and I thought about the 10 questions the entire time. It took a lot not to laugh while on the toilet.
   153. Van Lingle Mungo Jerry Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:33 PM (#3360929)
Q: What are the two words you least want to hear while using a public urinal?
A: "Nice penis."
   154. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:34 PM (#3360931)
because having one #### in his hand usually does not promote laughter.


Shooty's mom told a different story.
   155. 'zop sympathizes with the wrong ####### people Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:34 PM (#3360933)
I've worked in some hoity toity places, places where everyone on the floor has ivy league type degrees, and the mens room still looks like an atom bomb went off in it at the end of the day. I'd love to know which Harvard grad would occasionally leave bits of turd on the wall-side of the seat.
   156. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:35 PM (#3360934)
Shooty's mom told a different story.

Don't blame me if my mom laughs at your ####.
   157. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:37 PM (#3360935)
Don't blame me if my mom laughs at your ####.


She just found my birthmark peculiar.
   158. Gazizza, my Dilznoofuses! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:38 PM (#3360938)
   159. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:41 PM (#3360942)
She just found my birthmark peculiar.

The birthmark that spells out THIS MAN HAS A HILARIOUSLY SMALL #### in sanskrit? You were quite the topic of conversation last Thanksgiving!
   160. The Essex Snead Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:42 PM (#3360946)
I'd love to know which Harvard grad would occasionally leave bits of turd on the wall-side of the seat.

Based on this list, I'd guess it's I. M. Pei.
   161. BarrettsHiddenBall Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:42 PM (#3360947)
I hate when some stranger who has his #### in his hand thinks that it is appropriate to start a conversation with other men who have their cocks in their hands. This usually starts with some lame bathroom joke -- look, even if the joke was hysterical, it is going to get a subdued response because having one #### in his hand usually does not promote laughter.

Yup. Only acceptable communication between men in a bathroom is if one farts and everyone laughs.
   162. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:50 PM (#3360955)
(1) Do you look in the toilet to see what you've done?

To expound on what a few people have said here, I have a theory I've proposed before. I look because it's the fruit of my labor, but more than that. A sad commentary (perhaps) on specialization's effect on society, but quite simply, that right there is the one thing I can look at and say "I did that." Not "My team did that", or "I did that with some help", or "I did that and I knew how thanks to the education provided by society." Me, I did that. If my business got out of the toilet and went on to cure cancer, I can claim 100% credit. The only thing I can think of that would be equally the case is if a woman were able to somehow fertilize her own egg in some bizarre scenario.
   163. zonk Posted: October 21, 2009 at 04:58 PM (#3360965)
We made fun of the kid in 2nd grade who pulled down his pants at the urinal. I can't imagine a grown man doing this.


I'll have you know that was me -- and so traumatized was I that I haven't urinated since.

Also, bidets are the shiznit. Wanting one is the sole reason I am pursuing home ownership.
   164. Home Run Teal & Black Black Black Gone! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:01 PM (#3360969)
If my business got out of the toilet and went on to cure cancer, I can claim 100% credit.


I smell a sitcom.

That and poop.
   165. BarrettsHiddenBall Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:01 PM (#3360970)
(1) Do you look in the toilet to see what you've done?

Did an exchange to Russia in HS. Everywhere you went, tour guides/hosts/whoever explained how the Russian version of X was better than the American one. Best was at the aerospace museum; the guide pointed to the cosmotoilet, which (like most russkie shitters) has a flat ledge in the bowl, and explained how Russians were healthier and more sophisticated because they could examine their #### sitting on the ledge before flushing it.
   166. flournoy Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:09 PM (#3360981)
Jeff K, I suggest you try out some individual sports. They are very rewarding, and your results will be more suitable for display.
   167. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:10 PM (#3360982)
Me, I did that. If my business got out of the toilet and went on to cure cancer, I can claim 100% credit.


Yeah, me and my billions of intestinal microflora of hundreds of different species of bacteria that help me digest things. I didn't even carefully choose them, they just ended up in me somehow!
   168. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:11 PM (#3360983)
Wow, I get to use this line twice in one day:

Mr. BarrettsHiddenBall, or should I say Comrade BarrettsHiddenBall, you'll need to come with us. Your days of double agentry are over.
   169. Lassus Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:13 PM (#3360987)
Yeah, this thread is pretty much the part of being a boy where I bow out.
   170. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:14 PM (#3360990)
Yeah, me and my billions of intestinal microflora of hundreds of different species of bacteria that help me digest things. I didn't even carefully choose them, they just ended up in me somehow!

Crispix, I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish, but I just got to say I have some of the best bacterial colonies of all time!

(I detest that meme, but it was too perfect here.)
   171. The Yankee Clapper Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:15 PM (#3360992)
Phillips is apparently skipping his scheduled 1:00PM ESPN.com chat. Must have met a woman or needs to see a man about a horse.
   172. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:17 PM (#3360995)
Must have met a women or needs to see a man about a horse.


Judging by the pictures of Ms. Hundley, the two options may be one in the same.
   173. Paxton Crawford Ranch Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:31 PM (#3361014)
Phillips is Roger Sterling, if he'd slept with Peggy-in-a-fat-suit from season one instead of Christina Hendricks.
   174. The elusive Robert Denby Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:35 PM (#3361023)
Must have met a women or needs to see a man about a horse.

Or dropping the kids off at the pool.
   175. Mr. J. Penny Smoltzuzaka Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:36 PM (#3361024)
I regret the urge but can't resist to share these secrets on the internet that only my wife may be aware of:

(1) Do you look in the toilet to see what you've done?
Everytime - particularly if some effort was expended in the "birthing" process

(2) When you wipe, do you (a) sit (b) crouch slightly above toilet (c) full stand?
Sit - wouldn't want #### to drizzle down the inside of my leg.

(3) How do you prepare the toilet paper in your hand? Crumple? Fold? Roll around hand? Other?
Crumple seems to maximize surface area, scrub-ability and absorb-ability.

(4) How do you wipe? Around the back or through the wickets?
Back - my 4 year old daughter goes from the front. I always assumed it was a girl thing to go in from the front.

(5) How many wipes is typical?
Depends on the circumstances.

(6) How do you know you're clean? Are you checking the paper after each wipe? Going off of feel till the last wipe? Do you never look?
I check the paper after the first wipe and then later on. I know I'm clean for sure when there's blood on the paper.

(7) Honestly, do you ever sniff to appreciate your work?
Never.

(8) Do you ever eat on the shitter?
Never. But I've drunk beer on it before while shitfaced.

(9) How long do you spend on the toilet, on average?
8 minutes 32 seconds

(10) [The catch-all] Do you have any special techniques that you think others may not use?
Perhaps, but without compensation - I won't share.
   176. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:43 PM (#3361035)
"...a stunning, green-eyed blond," she is.

Indeed!


OK, I didn't expect that, but it was classic. I love that movie.
   177. Infinite Joost (Voxter) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:50 PM (#3361042)
Are we still talking about poop in here?
   178. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:52 PM (#3361045)
"The birthmark that spells out THIS MAN HAS A HILARIOUSLY SMALL #### in sanskrit? You were quite the topic of conversation last Thanksgiving!"

Reminds me of Melvin Costa.
   179. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:56 PM (#3361048)
Or dropping the kids off at the pool.

Maybe he's switching sports. Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl.
   180. There are no words... (Met Fan Charlie) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:57 PM (#3361049)
To tie it all together:

Steve Phillips...Whaaaat a (poo)hole!
   181. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:58 PM (#3361053)
"There are more, but I'm too depressed again to go on."

The one that always really bothered me was the intern three years ago who used to masturbate in the third-floor toilet.

I don't know what he was thinking about, and I don't want to know.
   182. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:59 PM (#3361056)
(8) Do you ever eat on the shitter?
Never. But I've drunk beer on it before while shitfaced.


Done a bonghit while perched on the throne.
   183. JE (Jason) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 05:59 PM (#3361057)
Are we still talking about poop in here?

Smartass.
   184. robinred Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:04 PM (#3361063)
Too many guys with diarrhea of the keyboard in this thread.
   185. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:09 PM (#3361070)
I don't know what he was thinking about, and I don't want to know.


Given the activity he was engaged in, I'm pretty sure that you could guess what he was thinking about.
   186. Cecil Fielder's Gut Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:12 PM (#3361074)
Oh Broooooooooook...you've got a new Facebook friend!
   187. Mr. J. Penny Smoltzuzaka Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:15 PM (#3361076)
The one that always really bothered me was the intern three years ago who used to masturbate in the third-floor toilet.


You could have checked with Human Resources - it may have been against company policy. As an intern perhaps all he needed was better mentoring.
   188. Greg Franklin Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:15 PM (#3361077)
Yup. Only acceptable communication between men in a bathroom is if one farts and everyone laughs.

That allegedly happened with Lee Corso, only it was with a terribly prolonged #### in the stall.

As far as this particular article, was I the only one to notice Phil Mushnick was credited with additional REPORTING on this story? Steve Phillips must be a juicy subject for him to abandon his media column for actual work.
   189. villageidiom Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:21 PM (#3361082)
The only thing Steve Phillips has going for him at this point is that he's not Isiah Thomas.
   190. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:24 PM (#3361085)
The only thing Steve Phillips has going for him at this point is that he's not Isiah Thomas.


That reminds me - has anyone checked to see whether the school Isiah signed on with has declared bankruptcy yet?
   191. Srul Itza Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:29 PM (#3361088)
Well, your hands should be clean when you touch your tallywacker, but it still does not explain not going to the sink afterward.

A Harvard man and a Yale man are at the urinal. They finish and zip up. The Harvard man proceeds to the sink to wash his hands, while the Yale man immediately makes for the exit.

The Harvard man says, "At Harvard they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate."

The Yale man replies, "At Yale they teach us not to piss on our hands."
   192. Spivey Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:34 PM (#3361092)
Q: What are the two words you least want to hear while using a public urinal?
A: "Nice penis."


"Squeal piggy" I think would be worse.
   193. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:38 PM (#3361099)
How about "Freeze! Police!"?
   194. Styles P. Deadball Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:43 PM (#3361104)
that right there is the one thing I can look at and say "I did that."


Yeah, your accomplishment means s**t to me.
   195. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:44 PM (#3361105)
The Harvard man says, "At Harvard they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate."

The Yale man replies, "At Yale they teach us not to piss on our hands."


Can't we all agree that Harvard AND Yale are just awful?
   196. 'zop sympathizes with the wrong ####### people Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:46 PM (#3361109)
This thread has everything. Sex, poop, Steve Phillips and fat girls. We're all winners here.
   197. Infinite Joost (Voxter) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:47 PM (#3361110)
I was once asked if I wanted to buy a bicycle while on the toilet in a public library.

I didn't respond.
   198. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:49 PM (#3361112)
All this talk and a belly full of coffee...guys, I'll be right back.
   199. UCCF Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:50 PM (#3361114)
The one that always really bothered me was the intern three years ago who used to masturbate in the third-floor toilet.

I suspect someone in my department is doing this, typically in the late afternoons here. I've been in the stall next to him, and he just sits in there very quietly for about 5 minutes. Then, he starts pulling at the toilet paper roll, and it goes around and around and around - it sounds like he's getting ~100 sheets or so. Then he flushes and leaves.

We've got a guy who knocks on the stall doors as well. If it's locked and you can't get in, don't knock. That's just stupid.
   200. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 06:57 PM (#3361122)
OK, I'm back. About 3 minutes. 5 wipes. Long and straight enough to be a javelin.
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