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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Steve Phillips Had an Affair with an ESPN Production Assistant Who Went Fatal Attraction on Him

Bunny brief boiler!

ESPN analyst Steve Phillips had a fling with a 22-year-old production assistant, who, after being dumped, taunted his wife with “Fatal Attraction”-like phone calls and a letter that bragged about her sexcapades with Phillips while taking pot shots at their “loveless marriage,” The Post has learned.

The former Met general manager, whose tenure with the team was rocked by admissions of infidelity, confessed to his wife and local cops that he had slept with ESPN assistant Brooke Hundley several times this past summer before dumping her.

In retaliation, the jilted young woman repeatedly phoned Phillips’ wife, Marni, saying, “We both can’t have him!” an explosive police report claims.

“I have extreme concerns about the health and safety of my kids and myself,” Steve Phillips said in a police statement, adding that the woman became “obsessive and delusional” after he dumped her.

Repoz Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:39 AM | 465 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: announcers, television

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   201. Sheer Tim Foli Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:00 PM (#3361129)
We've got a guy who knocks on the stall doors as well. If it's locked and you can't get in, don't knock. That's just stupid.

Next time he knocks invite him in. That might do it.
   202. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:01 PM (#3361130)
Next time he knocks invite him in. That might do it.

Or it might be Larry Craig and you will be paying for therapy until you're dead.
   203. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:03 PM (#3361133)
Always always always check your poo. You do not want a floater nor do you want a round mass or flaky poo. Runny either. You want a nice spiral loaf, not too tacky but not too pebbly. Turn to a turn and a half depending on toilet geometry. If you are still getting brownage after 3 wipes you need more fiber in your diet. Also baby wipes are outstanding. I recommend the Huggies brand non-scented. Twice a day BMs are fine, you should be pooping out what you ate 2 meals ago. I usually use a marker such as nuts or corn to keep track of how the digestive system is working.
   204. Mark S. is bored Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:06 PM (#3361141)
ESPN puts up their take on the story: Phillips takes leave of absence

ESPN released the following statement: "We were aware of this and took appropriate disciplinary action at the time. We have granted Steve's request for an extended leave of absence to allow him to address it. We have no further comment."
   205. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:08 PM (#3361147)
Also, always spread your ass cheeks apart after you sit down. And keeping the ####### region trimmed of hair helps too.
   206. Infinite Joost (Voxter) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:09 PM (#3361148)
Okay, I'm leaving this thread for good after [203].
   207. Gaelan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:10 PM (#3361150)
My habits aren't particularly interesting other than their regularity and the amount of time I spend in the bathroom. My wife says its 45 minutes a day though I dispute this. In any event it is true that I like to read.

More interesting is this anecdote. My wife is a kindergarten teacher. One of her students one year would take all his clothes off before sitting on the toilet. If zop is right I wonder if he will do this his whole life.?
   208. Posada Posse Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:10 PM (#3361152)
The one that always really bothered me was the intern three years ago who used to masturbate in the third-floor toilet.


Someone once told me a good one about an employee at McDonald's who had to go to the bathroom "as an emergency" just before lunch time. Lunch time came and the staff was undermanned so they went to the bathroom to get the guy since he'd been there for a while and they caught him ... well, you know. The guy immediately got out of the stall and went back to serving burgers. :)
   209. 'zop sympathizes with the wrong ####### people Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:13 PM (#3361158)
One of her students one year would take all his clothes off before sitting on the toilet. If zop is right I wonder if he will do this his whole life.?

One time when I played "the game" at a party when there was drinking, a girl admitted she did this, much to the amazement of everyone in attendance.

And to answer an obvious follow-up questions:
(1)yes, I have played this "game" at parties with members of the opposite sex
(2) yes, it does kill any chance of hooking up
(3) yes, its still worth it sometimes, if there are no worthy prospects
   210. scotto Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:14 PM (#3361160)
The tone of this thread needs improvement.
   211. pv nasby Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:16 PM (#3361165)
Enough poopy, did you see the latest shots somebody found of Phillips and his girl, leaves no doubt what they were up to. Here.


mdaa
   212. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:17 PM (#3361168)
anyone ever leave an upper decker before?

in some ways that is worse than dumping on somebody's doorstep.
   213. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:17 PM (#3361169)
Anyone who clicks on a link in this thread is a damned fool or a pervert.
   214. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:18 PM (#3361172)
anyone ever leave an upper decker before?

You mean a Mississippi upperdecker? No, I haven't, but I know of the legends...
   215. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:18 PM (#3361174)
I could tell poop stories all day. The day after thanksgiving a few years ago my wife wanted to go to Home Depot. It was snowing. We were going down the highway in a rural area and there was a wreck about a mile ahead. Traffic was in a dead stop with no hope to turn around. I had to take a dump. Like right ####### now I had to take a dump. We had passed a weigh station about half a mile back. So I hopped out of the car, walked through a snowstorm and asked to use the restroom. I was denied because the lady there said only state employees could use the bathroom. I briefly considered using the garbage can in the parking lot but didn't want to get arrested. So I walked back to my car. After about 5 minutes of sitting there I hopped out of the car, climbed up the embankment,through a field and onto the road. Luckily about 1/4 mile away I saw a car arriving at a house. I walked to the house, knocked on the door, explained my situation and luckily the people were nice enough to let me use their toilet. I killed that bathroom. As I was leaving they introduced me around (they were having a family get together).

So then I hoofed down the road, through the field, back down the embankment (keep in mind there way a couple of feet of snow on the ground and it was still snowing like a ############).

When I got back to the highway traffic was moving. My wife was gone with the car. So I did what anyone would do, started hitching towards the next exit hoping my wife would be there. A dude in a pickup saw me, picked me up and drove me to the next exit, where my wife was waiting.

I also threatened to #### on the floor of a pizza place in Ruff's Dale PA if they didn't let me use the employee bathroom.


I could go on.
   216. BringBackTimTeufel Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:19 PM (#3361175)
I am no longer surprised that you are all so infatuated with Albert Poo Holes.
   217. HCO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:23 PM (#3361182)
I have nothing to add to this thread, but I wanted to be a part of it.
   218. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:23 PM (#3361184)
Bernal, this is why you need to avoid road games. That kind of a road game is brutal, there's no way to win. Trust me you didn't win.
   219. BringBackTimTeufel Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:24 PM (#3361192)
Yes, 215, but how many wipes did it take? Solubility? Meal remnants? You can't tell a story like that and not go all the way...
   220. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:25 PM (#3361193)
I always win. I had a bad gall bladder for a long time. I have, and will poop anywhere. I prefer Kohl's Department store bathrooms. Lowe's are decent too. I used to carry a large gallon ziplock freezer bag and a roll of toilet paper in the car after the incident though.
   221. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:28 PM (#3361197)
I also threatened to #### on the floor of a pizza place in Ruff's Dale PA if they didn't let me use the employee bathroom.

A former friend of mine once did this on the doorstep of the entrance to a franchise of a well-known pizza chain, for the exact same reason.
   222. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:28 PM (#3361199)
Yes, 215, but how many wipes did it take? Solubility? Meal remnants? You can't tell a story like that and not go all the way...


This story occured before I had my gall bladder out. Post-op I refined and perfected my defecation routine.

I have thought about investing in a shear press gauge and putting together a spreadsheet.
   223. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:30 PM (#3361200)
Oddly enough poo examination is not too much unlike checking in a load of potatoes. You look at shape,color, odor, specific gravity, density, water content and yield.
   224. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:31 PM (#3361203)
A former friend of mine once did this on the doorstep of the entrance to a franchise of a well-known pizza chain

What, are you afraid of a lawsuit? Was it Dominos?
   225. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:32 PM (#3361208)
It was not Dominos.
   226. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:33 PM (#3361209)
Papa Murphy's
   227. scotto Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:34 PM (#3361210)
Too bad LaBaWho specified pizza chain, because if it hadn't been qualified I'd have been tempted to make an In and Out joke. Which reminds me of this week's Savage Love...which may be NSFW.
   228. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:35 PM (#3361211)
It was not Papa Murphy's, I said it was a well-known chain.
   229. Paul D(uda) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:35 PM (#3361212)
LAW, I hope it wasn't the Olive Garden.
   230. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:35 PM (#3361214)
Also another thing I have learned that when trying to get that stubborn turd out, leaning back, not leaning forward is the correct posture. Try that out next time the turtle doesn't want to come out of the shell.
   231. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:36 PM (#3361215)
California Pizza Kitchen.
   232. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:36 PM (#3361217)
It was not Papa Murphy's, I said it was a well-known chain.

Shakey's?
Strawhat?
Round Table?
Papa Johns's?
Pizza Hut? (that's not real pizza!)
Little Caesar's?
   233. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:38 PM (#3361218)
If it was Dominos, they would have put it in a box and sold it.

Dominos is terrible pizza.
   234. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:38 PM (#3361219)
Also another thing I have learned that when trying to get that stubborn turd out, leaning back, not leaning forward is the correct posture. Try that out next time the turtle doesn't want to come out of the shell.

I just relax and imagine there's a little bulldozer inside me slowly pushing the poo towards the poo hole. BRRRRRUMMMM BRRR BRRR BRRRRUMMMMMM Does the trick every time.
   235. Dock Ellis on Acid Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:38 PM (#3361220)
When I first moved to New York and was wandering the city, I suddenly had to ####. Starbucks have very accessible non-customer public restrooms but I didn't know this at the time. I don't know what compelled me to go inside the Trump Tower but there was a small mall/shopping area (either on the ground floor or downstairs) and the bathroom was heavenly, complete with an elderly attendant. It was the complete opposite of Ewan McGregor's quest in Trainspotting and after the most glorious #### of my life, the elderly attendant was waiting with a warm towel and ready to squirt soap in my hand. I gave him $5. Well worth it.
   236. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:38 PM (#3361222)
Sarah Bernhardt's Pizza and Ribs?
   237. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:39 PM (#3361223)
It was not Olive Garden, which is not a pizza chain. Nor was it California Pizza Kitchen. Nor was it Shakey's, or Strawhat (what?), Round Table, Papa John's, or Pizza Hut.
   238. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:39 PM (#3361225)
The best public restroom in Akron Ohio is in Yellowtail Restaurant in Montrose. Impeccable.
   239. Paul D(uda) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:40 PM (#3361226)
It was not Olive Garden, which is not a pizza chain.

Come on, you know what I was going for.
   240. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:40 PM (#3361227)
Pizzaria of London?
   241. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:40 PM (#3361228)
Sarah Bernhardt was not involved.

I should also state that I did not know the person at the time of the incident, he breathlessly reported his exploits at a later date.
   242. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:41 PM (#3361231)
Also why don't all portalets have a separate urinal and commode? Seriously people.
   243. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:41 PM (#3361234)
- It was not Olive Garden, which is not a pizza chain.

Come on, you know what I was going for.


I do now, upon re-reading it, but I didn't at first, as I was confused by your post making sense.
   244. scotto Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:41 PM (#3361235)
It was not Olive Garden, which is not a pizza chain. Nor was it California Pizza Kitchen. Nor was it Shakey's, or Strawhat (what?), Round Table, Papa John's, or Pizza Hut.

For the purposes of this thread, it's got to be Pizzeria Due.
   245. Sheer Tim Foli Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:41 PM (#3361236)
Bernal, my friend has Crohns. No matter where we are in the downtown core he either knows where the nearest acceptable bathroom is or he keeps an eye out for it.

His tip to me in tough situation - look for a church. Evidently it has worked for him a few times.
   246. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:42 PM (#3361237)
Shakey's?
Strawhat?
Round Table?
Papa Johns's?
Pizza Hut? (that's not real pizza!)
Little Caesar's?


I only know of the last three in this list, and I've never actually seen a Papa Johns.

And, to drive things back to the major topic, if I ever really need to completly clean out the system, I eat Pizza Hut. There's something in their pizza that has the same effect on me as drinking an entire bottle of ExLax has on most people.

The end result is that I can eat an entire pizza, and end the day weighing 10 lbs less than I did that morning.
   247. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:42 PM (#3361239)
I'm posting this comment from the can on my iPod touch!
   248. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:45 PM (#3361245)
I'm posting this comment from the can on my iPod touch!

So's your mom.
   249. Gazizza, my Dilznoofuses! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:45 PM (#3361246)
Anyone who clicks on a link in this thread is a damned fool or a pervert


Let's be fair. I'm sure many of us are both.
   250. Best Regards, President of Comfort, Esq. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:46 PM (#3361248)
I could tell poop stories all day. The day after thanksgiving a few years ago my wife wanted to go to Home Depot. <snip>


I remember you posting about this in the Lounge. Someone asked if you made a courtesy flush, and you replied that no, you had left a floater.
   251. The Original SJ Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:47 PM (#3361250)
I am here to report for the lounge takeover. How can I help you?
   252. pv nasby Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:50 PM (#3361253)
I am here to report for the lounge takeover. How can I help you.


Why, I don't know, maybe a discussion of the weight of a good stool? Anything else you can think of that would be interesting to weigh?
   253. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:51 PM (#3361255)
It was not Olive Garden, which is not a pizza chain. Nor was it California Pizza Kitchen. Nor was it Shakey's, or Strawhat (what?), Round Table, Papa John's, or Pizza Hut.


So it was Little Ceasars.
   254. BringBackTimTeufel Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:51 PM (#3361256)
247- Post this retard.
   255. esseff Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:52 PM (#3361257)
Anyone who clicks on a link <strike> in </strike> to this thread is a damned fool or a pervert.


fixt
   256. Schilling's Sprained Ankiel Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:56 PM (#3361266)
I wonder if Bruce Springsteen and Elvis Costello have similar size and shape bm's? I'll bet their flatulence doesn't sound the same.
   257. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:56 PM (#3361267)
I am here to report for the lounge takeover. How can I help you?

YADGA.
   258. The Original SJ Posted: October 21, 2009 at 07:58 PM (#3361270)
Jon Landis reports that Springsteen routinely scores 4s and 5s on the Bristol Stool Scale.
   259. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:05 PM (#3361277)
I must say in all seriousness, that the bowels of County Stadium on the 1st and 3rd base line benath the main concourse had a cadillac men's room, as it was rarely used, it was formerly a concourse abandoned between the time the Braves left and Brewers arrived. Each was about fifteen stalls long, with a fresh roll at each stall. I think 100% of the dumps were by vendors, ushers, or relief pitchers who couldn't make it from the bullpen back to the clubhouse.
   260. bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:05 PM (#3361278)
His tip to me in tough situation - look for a church.


Sure, if you don't mind risking eternal damnation.
   261. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:08 PM (#3361284)
Back when I was still in undergrad (many moons ago), one of the guys in the room next to me was complaining about constipation. His roommate, being a helpful individual, suggested to him that he may want to consider trying prunes. What his roommate forgot to mention, however, was the number of prunes that were required to get the process going.

As a result, the poor guy ate the best part of a bag. When I got back to residence about an hour after his "feast," all you could hear was the sound of him, sitting in the washroom, screaming at his roomate at the top of his lungs, and his roommate laughing so hard he could barely breathe.

Also, as a side note, if you're ever on any university campus, the cleanest Men's washroom is always on the same floor as the Womens' Studies department.
   262. Sheer Tim Foli Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:09 PM (#3361285)
Sure, if you don't mind risking eternal damnation.

Life is a series of tough choices.
   263. The Yankee Clapper Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:10 PM (#3361288)
The Library of Congress & Supreme Court have pretty good restrooms - lots of marble. So does most of Congress, although there may be a lot of tourists in spring/summer. White House is nice but you can't just knock on the door and ask to use the facilities.
   264. chemdoc Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:12 PM (#3361291)
I am here to report for the lounge takeover. How can I help you?


A poup d'etat?
   265. Best Regards, President of Comfort, Esq. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:14 PM (#3361300)
His tip to me in tough situation - look for a church.
I'm sorry, our restrooms are only for Catholics.
   266. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:14 PM (#3361301)
The Library of Congress & Supreme Court have pretty good restrooms - lots of marble. So does most of Congress, although there may be a lot of tourists in spring/summer. White House is nice but you can't just knock on the door and ask to use the facilities.


Because of your post, and your handle, I'm now going to be stuck thinking of you as "The Yankee Crapper."
   267. esseff Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:17 PM (#3361305)
This site may be helpful.
   268. Rafael Bellylard: Built like a Panda. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:19 PM (#3361308)
Since we're telling stories....

I had one of those "gotta go now" moments while driving through Sacramento and stopped at a Frye's Electronics and hustled to the bathroom as quickly as I could considering how clenched I was at the time. Made it into the stall and let loose rather wetly and loudly.

Apparently the guy in the stall next to mine was on his cell phone. Not only did he hear me, but so did whoever he was talking to. I made it out of my stall before he made it out of his, so I have no idea if there were survivors.
   269. Rafael Bellylard: Built like a Panda. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:20 PM (#3361309)
The Library of Congress & Supreme Court have pretty good restrooms - lots of marble. So does most of Congress, although there may be a lot of tourists in spring/summer. White House is nice but you can't just knock on the door and ask to use the facilities.


I'd bet the echo effect is way cool too.
   270. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:20 PM (#3361310)
"You could have checked with Human Resources - it may have been against company policy. As an intern perhaps all he needed was better mentoring."

I'm trying to imagine which of those conversations would be more awkward.
   271. SoSH U at work Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:22 PM (#3361314)
Apparently the guy in the stall next to mine was on his cell phone. Not only did he hear me, but so did whoever he was talking to. I made it out of my stall before he made it out of his, so I have no idea if there were survivors.


You should be proud. If your heroic act kept him (and likely, the person on the other end) from ever talking on his cell phone in a public restroom again, you've accomplished more than most of us.
   272. Sheer Tim Foli Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:23 PM (#3361315)
I'm trying to imagine which of those conversations would be more awkward.

"Son you are doing it all wrong. Let me show you."
   273. Dock Ellis on Acid Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:24 PM (#3361318)
How many people are readers? When I was young, I used to get so involved with what I was reading on the toilet my mother would accuse me of masterbating.
   274. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:25 PM (#3361321)
"Son you are doing it all wrong. Let me show you."


You bastard. I was about to make the same joke.

I'd be extremely alarmed if Vlad worked at the sort of place that had a mentor for that sort of thing.
   275. Best Regards, President of Comfort, Esq. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:27 PM (#3361323)
How many people are readers? When I was young, I used to get so involved with what I was reading on the toilet my mother would accuse me of masterbating.
Which is how you started masturbating while taking a ####.
   276. Rafael Bellylard: Built like a Panda. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:27 PM (#3361324)
You should be proud. If your heroic act kept him (and likely, the person on the other end) from ever talking on his cell phone in a public restroom again, you've accomplished more than most of us.


Main Entry: 1he·ro·ic
Pronunciation: \hi-?r?-ik also her-??- or h?-?r?-\
Variant(s): also he·ro·ical \-i-k?l\
Function: adjective
Date: 1549
1 : of, relating to, resembling, or suggesting heroes especially of antiquity
2 a : exhibiting or marked by courage and daring b : supremely noble or self-sacrificing
3 a : of impressive size, power, extent, or effect <a > b (1) : of great intensity : extreme <heroic effort> (2) : of a kind that is likely only to be undertaken to save a life <heroic surgery>
4 : of, relating to, or constituting drama written during the Restoration in heroic couplets and concerned with a conflict between love and honor

OK, heroic fits.
   277. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:27 PM (#3361325)
How many people are readers? When I was young, I used to get so involved with what I was reading on the toilet my mother would accuse me of masterbating.

I'll read, but when my legs go to sleep, it's time to get up.
   278. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:29 PM (#3361327)
When I was young, I used to get so involved with what I was reading on the toilet my mother would accuse me of masterbating.


She wouldn't have accused you if you didn't keep bringing Playboy in there with you.
   279. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:30 PM (#3361329)
A few more pizza guesses:

Uno?
Fox's Pizza Den?
Vocelli (formerly known as Pizza Outlet)?
Cici's?
   280. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:31 PM (#3361330)
She wouldn't have accused you if you didn't keep bringing Playboy in there with you.

Pardner, you are slow on the draw today. Better stay out of the saloon as I don't think you can afford all those bottles of sasparilla.
   281. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:32 PM (#3361331)
I read in the bathroom. A lot more than I used to, now that I have an iPhone.
   282. Rafael Bellylard: Built like a Panda. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:32 PM (#3361332)
How many people are readers? When I was young, I used to get so involved with what I was reading on the toilet my mother would accuse me of masterbating.


There's a reason this particular room of my house is called "the library".
   283. beefshower Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:34 PM (#3361335)
Wow, I never thought I would find a place to ask this question without somebody thinking I was crazy, but thank god for BTF and the anonymity of the internet I can finally, hopefully get an answer to this question that's been bugging me for a few months. I work with this guy T.J. that is a big, fat loud-mouthed kind of guy. He also consumes a copious amount of fast food for lunch every day. I've witnessed him eat 5 roast beef sandwiches, or four 1/2 pound Taco Bell burritos, and on one occasion a whole 50 piece McNugget w/ 8 BBQ sauces. I was certain he was going to die in front of me as he finished, his eyes were bloodshot and he was sweating but much to my disappointment he survived. Natch, all this fast food leads to him taking epic 1/2 hour long dumps at work and since he's a loud-mouth he doesnt mind sharing his bathroom adventures when he's done or leaving a particularly noteworthy specimen behind for someone else to find. Long story short one day he comes out and claims to have crapped so much the toilet flushed itself b/c the water level had risen so high the toilet flushed as a safety measure. I don't believe thats humanly possible and am calling b.s. What do you guys think?
   284. Steve Sparks Flying Everywhere Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:35 PM (#3361338)
How many people are readers? When I was young, I used to get so involved with what I was reading on the toilet my mother would accuse me of masterbating.


I've got 6 month old copies of Baseball America in the bathroom for my reading pleasure. I'm kind of getting tired reading about the upcoming 2009 draft though.
   285. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:37 PM (#3361341)
I don't believe thats humanly possible and am calling b.s. What do you guys think?


I'm pretty sure that's not possible, unless you either have really screwed up toilets at your office, or unless his poop managed to form a perfect seal and actually drove a slug of water back up into the tank.

Either way, I'm pretty glad I don't work at your office.
   286. Best Regards, President of Comfort, Esq. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:37 PM (#3361343)
Wow, I never thought I would find a place to ask this question without somebody thinking I was crazy, but thank god for BTF and the anonymity of the internet I can finally, hopefully get an answer to this question that's been bugging me for a few months. I work with this guy T.J. that is a big, fat loud-mouthed kind of guy. He also consumes a copious amount of fast food for lunch every day. I've witnessed him eat 5 roast beef sandwiches, or four 1/2 pound Taco Bell burritos, and on one occasion a whole 50 piece McNugget w/ 8 BBQ sauces. I was certain he was going to die in front of me as he finished, his eyes were bloodshot and he was sweating but much to my disappointment he survived. Natch, all this fast food leads to him taking epic 1/2 hour long dumps at work and since he's a loud-mouth he doesnt mind sharing his bathroom adventures when he's done or leaving a particularly noteworthy specimen behind for someone else to find. Long story short one day he comes out and claims to have crapped so much the toilet flushed itself b/c the water level had risen so high the toilet flushed as a safety measure. I don't believe thats humanly possible and am calling b.s. What do you guys think?
It's probably an automatic toilet and he leaned forward a bit while shitting, thus setting off the autoflush.
   287. Dingbat_Charlie Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:37 PM (#3361344)
   288. Sexy Lizard Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:38 PM (#3361345)
Also why don't all portalets have a separate urinal and commode? Seriously people.

I love the separate urinal. You start pissing, then a half second later you hear the familiar sound of a urine stream hitting the fluid-filled basin, and to your right rather than in front of you. Port-a-johns warp the entire space-time continuum!
   289. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:38 PM (#3361346)
beefshower! <giggles uncontrollably>
   290. flournoy Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:39 PM (#3361347)
Is that a George Brett link? (No, I am not clicking on any links in this thread, at least not while at work.)
   291. The Good Face Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:42 PM (#3361352)
This thread delivered.

It's probably an automatic toilet and he leaned forward a bit while shitting, thus setting off the autoflush.


This.
   292. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:44 PM (#3361354)
Well, it's been fun. It has been a refreshing change to talk crap literally with you guys instead of the usual figuratively.
   293. Dingbat_Charlie Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:44 PM (#3361355)
Is that a George Brett link?

yes, the autotune version. I've probably watched it 100 times.
   294. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:44 PM (#3361357)
My coworkers want to know why I'm laughing. I very very very very very much can't tell them.
   295. ASmitty Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:45 PM (#3361358)
I don't believe thats humanly possible and am calling b.s. What do you guys think?


If the toilet automatically flushed when it got too full, pretty much every clog would turn into a perpetual motion, #### pouring device.
   296. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:45 PM (#3361360)
Well, it's been fun.

And occasionally traumatic. Bernal's intense knowledge of the art of crappery is a little bit on the frightening side.
   297. Spahn Insane Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:47 PM (#3361361)
More cushion for the pushin', I guess.

The extra cushion's not even the problem. She looks like an elephant seal.
   298. Mr. J. Penny Smoltzuzaka Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:51 PM (#3361368)
I have nothing to add to this thread, but I wanted to be a part of it.


Threads such as this one has evolved to become never fail to renew and restore my faith in the nobility and grace of humanity. Just when I fear that intelligent discourse is the only accepted form of discussion to be found at this site, I delight to discover that methods of examination of stool quality are hotly debated and expounded upon.

Bravo, Gentlemen, bravo.
   299. Best Dressed Chicken in Town Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:51 PM (#3361369)
I guess this goes to prove that no one understands how other people ####: How do you wipe while still sitting down? I can't even comprehend how that would work. How does your hand get to the bottom of your ass when it's plopped on the toilet? Do you have enormous toilet bowls, 5 feet wide? Have you carved a hole in the side of the bowl through which you push your arm up, through the water? I'm obviously missing something here.
   300. JE (Jason) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:52 PM (#3361373)
What is the longest anyone has gone without sitting on the can? In my early 20s, the bathroom at the Israeli youth hostel where I was staying was so disgusting that my bowels shut down for eight days in response. (Hmmm, sounds vaguely like the story of Hanukkah.) When I finally went at a nearby hotel, it looked like I was laying cable....
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