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I walked in the end of the hallway, and it just reeked of ####, and I yelled, "I would know that stench anywhere!" as I tromped down the hall. I got to the bathroom and kicked the door open, and there's my brother on the can with an OMNI magazine, a cigarette in his mouth and giving me the finger.
Ah, good times.
Dropped off on Sunday and picked up a week later. Reportedly, he did not #### the entire time. And when Dad picked him up, lil bro told Dad to hurry home, he needed to take a dump. Dad says he spent an hour or more in the back bathroom, and it started with the white end...
I'll take this one - You ARE allowed to lean forward far enough off the seat to reach your hand and paper back to your ass crack to wipe.
That is the exit speed is so high that #### will go out of the side of the toilet. That's right - between the seat and the rim.
Don't get the Pepper Chicken at Main Garden. That is all.
Hey, we intelligent-as-#### discussed ####. This proves that Primates can rationally and methodically deconstruct and analyze (heh) anything, no matter how gross or silly.
I hesitate to mention it as always, but this is no surprise to me, as my friends and I have had two knock-down drag out yelling matches, evenly divided and featuring more people the second time, on whether Fuddrucker's is fast food or not. The first one was in Vegas, in one of the clubs in Paris. 18 months later, the same 6 people plus 6 more, beach house, Atlantic City, someone says 'Hey, remember that ridiculous argument?' and next thing, the other 6 start arguing and it all blows up again. It's also caused two Lounge debates.
True story.
I had a friend that was thrown out of Mass (and most certainly into Hell) for putting Cleveland Stadium Mustard on the Holy Eucharist. I'm a recovering Catholic, but I'd return to the Church if the allowed condiments on Communion.
One day after Main Garden, he was in a meeting, and lost it. He left work early that day with a Code Brown.
It's fast food. It's good fast food, but it's still only fast food.
Isn't your ass firmly on the seat -- or does your feces exit so quickly that you haven't sat down?
In college, I lived with a sick bastard that was into Dry Docking -- trying to get his feces to stick on the porcelain above the water. He once took a dump in a display toilet at Sears and said it was the ultimate dry docking.
(2) When you wipe, do you (a) sit (b) crouch slightly above toilet (c) full stand?
(3) How do you prepare the toilet paper in your hand? Crumple? Fold? Roll around hand? Other?
(4) How do you wipe? Around the back or through the wickets?
(5) How many wipes is typical?
(6) How do you know you're clean? Are you checking the paper after each wipe? Going off of feel till the last wipe? Do you never look?
(7) Honestly, do you ever sniff to appreciate your work?
(8) Do you ever eat on the shitter?
(9) How long do you spend on the toilet, on average?
(10) [The catch-all] Do you have any special techniques that you think others may not use?
when i begin to feel the urge, i withdraw from the sight of man, and unbend to my full dimensions, astride the earth. with my celestial robes gathered around my loins, i begin stomping my feet, causing the earth to move. i then release great peals of thunder that shatter the composure of any who hear it, and they cower in fear. then i rain down upon all and sundry from a great height. when the storm has passed, and the odor of brimstone on the blasted earth has dissipated, i repair to the elysian fields, and admire that which arises from the munificence of the sky father.
i do not partake of nourishment during this act, as it is an abomination.
Um, so I am told.
He did know he could make this even more potent, by turning off the valve, flushing, and now with a totally empty porcelain bowl, let 'er rip.
An upper decker is still much worse.
Ah, he got the meat sweats. I've been there.
It was a bit of a surprise hearing Meredith mention the term when speaking of her son's toilet habits on a recent episode of "The Office."
I'm confused - there are people who think that it isn't?
So what you're saying is that you have a few special techniques? I'm going to try the stomping of feet too - that sounds like fun. But probably not in a public restroom though.
1) No drive-through
2) They don't ask "for here or to go?"
3) Plastic cups and real forks and knives, not disposable
4) You leave your stuff and they clean it up, as the standard (they'll clean it at McDonald's, but you're supposed to throw your own #### away); in other words, busboys.
All of my answers to the rest of the questions seem to be pretty ordinary, but to this one I have to honestly answer yes. I don't know if I do it to appreciate my work, or if its just entirely unavoidable. Not to get to graphic here, but I've noticed mine always has the aroma of the inside of a pumpkin and reminds me of carving jack-o-lanterns. This time of year it always puts me in the mood for going on a hayride. I've tried to explain this to the ladies at Yankee Candle Co. but they don't seem interested in making it into a scent.
With that I believe I have officially overstayed my welcome on this thread.
Bye, everybody.
You’re qualified to talk about this topic. Sure, you can say whatever you want, but you’re qualified. Please stop pretending you don't have any idea what you’re talking about. You’re ####### expert on this topic.
I apologize for being so uninformed, but I hardly ever leave my small town in the northeast anymore. I'm not at all familiar with Fuddrucker's. Do you go up to a counter and order your food or does a waitperson come take your order and deliver your food? Do you have to leave a tip for anyone? To me this is the distinction between fast food and not.
Edit:
I believe they already make this one - it's called "Pumpkin Spice"
"Do not be too hasty entering that room; I had Taco Bell for lunch!"
(audio)
If you wanted to make this a closer call, you'd substitute Keanu Reeves for Tom Cruise.
I really don't have a choice --- I get lambasted.
Is season 2 and 3 just as good as Season 1? I've just got through the first season on DVD and it was really good.
The place was empty when I entered, but shortly after assuming the position, both of the other stalls filled up with fellow dumpers. Luckily, I had taken the handicapped stall, so still had plenty of room to spread out without one of my feet intruding on my neighbor or something.
And I had enough of a head start on them both that I finished, washed, and left before either of them came out. So I maintained anonymity.
Low Level Employee Jones: flushes, collects pants, zips up, exits stall
(Bathroom Door Opens)
Superior: (Enters Men's Room): A-ha!!!! Jones! I knew you were an after lunch #######. Go wait in my office!
Growing up in Jersey we used to go down the shore every summer (Seaside Heights). When at the beach if you had to #### you just swam out, dropped your trunks and let go. It was Jersey in the 70s and 80s, my turds were about the cleanest thing in that water.
And Larry, I very may well have left a floater. I think I posted that story about an hour after it happened.
College was the best. I knew every abandoned bathroom on campus - the ones in the buildings set aside for the least popular majors. I remember sitting in one bathroom for close to 2 hours, and not one person came in the whole time I was there.
Now, one bathroom for about 30 male employees in the building. I have to save my best work for home.
Is it weird that I've changed my wiping methods during my life? I used to stand up as a kid; then moved to around the side front to back; then thru the wickets front to back; and now thru the wickets back to front.
Through the wickets is easily the best, I don't notice much difference on what direction I go in.
Of course. That's just a matter of Stool Sample Size.
What the hell were you doing?
Knitting.
Is that why they call you South Side?
Wait, so am I just supposed to have a garbage can full of #### rags in my bathroom?
Reading the Sunday Times.
I learned a valuable lesson from a mentor a very long time ago --- a dump on the company dime is something to be appreciated. Plenty of stiffs aren't afforded that luxury.
At least 50% of the bathrooms in the world have a can of shits rags.
No. Mini trash can Walmart plastic bags and a wife who changes it for you.
Good to go.
You know what sucks though? Is when you fart in your car right before you run into a store or pump gas or something and when you get back in it still smells but now it doesn't even smell like your fart. I hate that.
and i'd like to add that i am in awe of this place right now. a huge thumbs up to everyone who participated in this thread with a special nod in the direction of chris dial.
if you ever have a nasty stomach virus, and it's coming out both ends, stay planted on the toilet, and grab a trash can for the vomit. DO NOT TRY TO SWITCH POSITIONS. YOU WILL NOT MAKE IT.
BTF
everything u wanted to know about males.
and LESS
-----
and i would bet that almost any (straight) guy here who is not in a monogamous relationship would have hit that. all yall just luuuuvvv to pretend you wouldn't touch nothin as hot as megan fox
dick jokes >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> poop talk/jokes
which reminds me
bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 12:16 PM (#3360905)
I hate when some stranger who has his #### in his hand thinks that it is appropriate to start a conversation with other men who have their cocks in their hands. This usually starts with some lame bathroom joke -- look, even if the joke was hysterical, it is going to get a subdued response because having one #### in his hand usually does not promote laughter.
- there is absolutely nothing mre hilarious than a line of males with youknowwhats in hand
On this topic, I was once in a bar in Vancouver and written on the stall wall was: "I just took a dump on my puke."
It remains the best piece of graffiti I've ever encountered.
"I saw a bird in the snow
It broke its wing, it could not go
I neared it with a crust of bread
ANd then I smashed its ####### head."
I was pretty drunk, but that piece of graffiti stuck with me.
He's already contributed.
(but you'll have to guess which poster he is)
(unfortunately, it's not beefshower, who made me cry today (in a good way))
In Samson Street Oyster House, the upstairs was a Sam Adams Brewpub. In the batrhroom there, I first encountered:
Jesus Saves Souls
(and redeems them for valuable prizes)
and i would bet that almost any (straight) guy here who is not in a monogamous relationship would have hit that. all yall just luuuuvvv to pretend you wouldn't touch nothin as hot as megan fox
Depends on how drunk, but I'm saying no to her much more often than not. I'm not looking for a dime (that's top of the line), but at least one of cute face, slim waist, or a big behind.
The lounge is like this pretty much everyday. Except Saturdays when we watch college football.
At a club I was at a couple weekends ago, written over the urinal was, "YOU'RE DOING GREAT!!!"
Probably the most positive piece of graffiti I've ever encountered.
"I was raised Catholic too and while I know our faith dissuades divorce, it also respects it with regards to infidelity because people should have the opportunity to be with the whomever makes them happy and can give them what they need"
Can someone tell me the Catholic doctrine that covers this?
If you're asking seriously, she's making that #### up. You can't get divorced if he's beating the #### out of you, you sure as hell can't because "I'm not fully actualized."
Sorry if that's been noted already. I haven't read the whole thing.
don't go there, bbc.
Oh my God yes. And better. It's really turned into something unlike anything else out there. The art, the character development, the story arcs, homages & references, humor, satire, score, and the flagrant disregard of anything approaching sanity & good taste. But it all comes together perfectly.
I envy you there, with your DVD sets, not having to wait two years between seasons. Season 4 just kicked off last Sunday.
Interesting. One of the things I hate most about Christmas is our cats eating tinsel off the tree and later having to pull it out of their asses. They never learn.
In Samson Street Oyster House, the upstairs was a Sam Adams Brewpub. In the batrhroom there, I first encountered:
Jesus Saves Souls
(and redeems them for valuable prizes)
On the wall at the radio station I worked at:
Jesus Saves
(but Moses puts back the rebound)
I hate calling girls ugly. I feel guilty when I do it. For a female it's pretty much the worst thing you can be and, for the most part, they can't help it.
Given the opportunity, I think I'd pass on Megan Fox. Nothing wrong with her, and I've certainly had happy evenings with worse... I dunno. She just doesn't do it for me.
Based upon evidence - blowjobs. She knew of his crotch birthmarks and her Monica Lewinskey level of hotness suggests oral sex. Phillips would've been smarter beating off in the third floor bathroom.
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