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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Steve Phillips Had an Affair with an ESPN Production Assistant Who Went Fatal Attraction on Him

Bunny brief boiler!

ESPN analyst Steve Phillips had a fling with a 22-year-old production assistant, who, after being dumped, taunted his wife with “Fatal Attraction”-like phone calls and a letter that bragged about her sexcapades with Phillips while taking pot shots at their “loveless marriage,” The Post has learned.

The former Met general manager, whose tenure with the team was rocked by admissions of infidelity, confessed to his wife and local cops that he had slept with ESPN assistant Brooke Hundley several times this past summer before dumping her.

In retaliation, the jilted young woman repeatedly phoned Phillips’ wife, Marni, saying, “We both can’t have him!” an explosive police report claims.

“I have extreme concerns about the health and safety of my kids and myself,” Steve Phillips said in a police statement, adding that the woman became “obsessive and delusional” after he dumped her.

Repoz Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:39 AM | 465 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: announcers, television

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   301. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:53 PM (#3361374)
When I was in college, I roomed with my older brother. These were OLD SCHOOL dorms, where the stalls didn't even have doors on them. Just tiled partitions between toilets. And the bathrooms were in teh center of the floor.

I walked in the end of the hallway, and it just reeked of ####, and I yelled, "I would know that stench anywhere!" as I tromped down the hall. I got to the bathroom and kicked the door open, and there's my brother on the can with an OMNI magazine, a cigarette in his mouth and giving me the finger.

Ah, good times.
   302. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:56 PM (#3361379)
What is the longest anyone has gone without sitting on the can?
Other brother went to Governors School or some other summer intellectual nonsense between high school years.

Dropped off on Sunday and picked up a week later. Reportedly, he did not #### the entire time. And when Dad picked him up, lil bro told Dad to hurry home, he needed to take a dump. Dad says he spent an hour or more in the back bathroom, and it started with the white end...
   303. Spahn Insane Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:57 PM (#3361380)
I have to express my severe disappointment at the direction this thread's taken. I'd have thought a lascivious story involving Steve Phillips and a Kevin Gregg-ugly intern could rack up a couple hundred posts in a few hours on its own merits, without getting all scat on me.
   304. Mr. J. Penny Smoltzuzaka Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:58 PM (#3361381)
guess this goes to prove that no one understands how other people ####: How do you wipe while still sitting down? I can't even comprehend how that would work. How does your hand get to the bottom of your ass when it's plopped on the toilet? Do you have enormous toilet bowls, 5 feet wide? Have you carved a hole in the side of the bowl through which you push your arm up, through the water? I'm obviously missing something here.


I'll take this one - You ARE allowed to lean forward far enough off the seat to reach your hand and paper back to your ass crack to wipe.
   305. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:58 PM (#3361382)
I am surprised no one mentioned (and of course, this is hearsay from me - I wouldn't know firsthand), the phenomenon of shitting up.

That is the exit speed is so high that #### will go out of the side of the toilet. That's right - between the seat and the rim.

Don't get the Pepper Chicken at Main Garden. That is all.
   306. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 08:59 PM (#3361385)
I'll take this one - You ARE allowed to lean forward far enough off the seat to reach your hand and paper back to your ass crack to wipe.
Or to the side opposite your wiping hand.
   307. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:00 PM (#3361389)
Just when I fear that intelligent discourse is the only accepted form of discussion to be found at this site, I delight to discover that methods of examination of stool quality are hotly debated and expounded upon.

Hey, we intelligent-as-#### discussed ####. This proves that Primates can rationally and methodically deconstruct and analyze (heh) anything, no matter how gross or silly.

I hesitate to mention it as always, but this is no surprise to me, as my friends and I have had two knock-down drag out yelling matches, evenly divided and featuring more people the second time, on whether Fuddrucker's is fast food or not. The first one was in Vegas, in one of the clubs in Paris. 18 months later, the same 6 people plus 6 more, beach house, Atlantic City, someone says 'Hey, remember that ridiculous argument?' and next thing, the other 6 start arguing and it all blows up again. It's also caused two Lounge debates.
   308. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:00 PM (#3361390)
True Story - A guy I know - we'll call him the Turkey hustled home one day from work after we'd had lunch at Main Garden. He shat plenty violently, and thought he was done. He wipes, gets up, bends over to pull up his pants, sneezes, and blasts #### all over the toilet/wall.

True story.
   309. bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:02 PM (#3361392)
I'm sorry, our restrooms are only for Catholics.


I had a friend that was thrown out of Mass (and most certainly into Hell) for putting Cleveland Stadium Mustard on the Holy Eucharist. I'm a recovering Catholic, but I'd return to the Church if the allowed condiments on Communion.
   310. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:04 PM (#3361397)
Chris, could you please stop sharing? I'm laughing so hard, I have tears in my eyes, and the other people in the office are starting to stare (and back away).
   311. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:04 PM (#3361398)
Coworker Rainman has terrible acid reflux. He went through all the OTC drugs and had just started extra strength prescription stuff. Which results in loose stools.

One day after Main Garden, he was in a meeting, and lost it. He left work early that day with a Code Brown.
   312. RJ in TO Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:05 PM (#3361400)
on whether Fuddrucker's is fast food or not.


It's fast food. It's good fast food, but it's still only fast food.
   313. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:06 PM (#3361402)
For the record, I hate dumping at O'Hare, most of their toilets are fitted with the automatic plastic disposable seat cover, and it forces the rear half of your ass off the actual seat, or forces you to sit on the edges of the front which is about as comfortable as sitting on a sink. They're really asking for a blowout all over the tank with that design.
   314. bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:06 PM (#3361403)
That is the exit speed is so high that #### will go out of the side of the toilet. That's right - between the seat and the rim.


Isn't your ass firmly on the seat -- or does your feces exit so quickly that you haven't sat down?

In college, I lived with a sick bastard that was into Dry Docking -- trying to get his feces to stick on the porcelain above the water. He once took a dump in a display toilet at Sears and said it was the ultimate dry docking.
   315. phredbird Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:07 PM (#3361405)
(1) Do you look in the toilet to see what you've done?
(2) When you wipe, do you (a) sit (b) crouch slightly above toilet (c) full stand?
(3) How do you prepare the toilet paper in your hand? Crumple? Fold? Roll around hand? Other?
(4) How do you wipe? Around the back or through the wickets?
(5) How many wipes is typical?
(6) How do you know you're clean? Are you checking the paper after each wipe? Going off of feel till the last wipe? Do you never look?
(7) Honestly, do you ever sniff to appreciate your work?
(8) Do you ever eat on the shitter?
(9) How long do you spend on the toilet, on average?
(10) [The catch-all] Do you have any special techniques that you think others may not use?


when i begin to feel the urge, i withdraw from the sight of man, and unbend to my full dimensions, astride the earth. with my celestial robes gathered around my loins, i begin stomping my feet, causing the earth to move. i then release great peals of thunder that shatter the composure of any who hear it, and they cower in fear. then i rain down upon all and sundry from a great height. when the storm has passed, and the odor of brimstone on the blasted earth has dissipated, i repair to the elysian fields, and admire that which arises from the munificence of the sky father.

i do not partake of nourishment during this act, as it is an abomination.
   316. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:07 PM (#3361406)
Isn't your ass firmly on the seat -- or does your feces exit so quickly that you haven't sat down?
No, it is exit speed.

Um, so I am told.
   317. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:09 PM (#3361412)
In college, I lived with a sick bastard that was into Dry Docking -- trying to get his feces to stick on the porcelain above the water. He once took a dump in a display toilet at Sears and said it was the ultimate dry docking.


He did know he could make this even more potent, by turning off the valve, flushing, and now with a totally empty porcelain bowl, let 'er rip.

An upper decker is still much worse.
   318. Schilling's Sprained Ankiel Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:11 PM (#3361413)
C'mon Dial, you of all people should know there is no such thing as a rising shitball. Its just an optical illusion.
   319. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:11 PM (#3361415)
I was certain he was going to die in front of me as he finished, his eyes were bloodshot and he was sweating but much to my disappointment he survived.


Ah, he got the meat sweats. I've been there.
   320. JE (Jason) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:13 PM (#3361418)
An upper decker is still much worse.

It was a bit of a surprise hearing Meredith mention the term when speaking of her son's toilet habits on a recent episode of "The Office."
   321. beefshower Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:13 PM (#3361419)
Thanks for the responses to my question about the toilet flushing itself. A quick story about how long one could go between using the bathroom. When I was in undergrad my dorm had the suite style set-up where two rooms were connected by one bathroom. My roommate Mike was pretty terrified about being walked in on and refused to use any public bathrooms b/c he thought they were unsanitary. However, without fail, every time he went to use the bathroom in our suite the guys in the room next door would burst in on him and startle him so bad he clenched up to the point of being unable to go. No matter what he did while in the bathroom, (clearing his throat, tapping his foot, singing, running a faucet) to let the guys next door know he was in there, they would just come flying in w/o knocking. He became completely terrified of using the bathroom and for the remainder of the year he would go the whole week w/o crapping until he could return to the comfort of his own home on the weekend. By Friday afternoon he would be pale, bloated, sweating, irritable and have shallow breathing. I think he was constantly on the verge of septic shock. Somehow he lived through the year but it made for a pretty harrowing experience
   322. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:15 PM (#3361421)
"...on whether Fuddrucker's is fast food or not."

I'm confused - there are people who think that it isn't?
   323. Schilling's Sprained Ankiel Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:15 PM (#3361423)
5 days, on Outward Bound. I couldn't bring myself to hang my butt over the gunwhale of the boat with everybody else watching. Finally just HAD to make the brown snappers during the morning swim. Liberating!
   324. Mr. J. Penny Smoltzuzaka Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:20 PM (#3361425)
when i begin to feel the urge, i withdraw from the sight of man, and unbend to my full dimensions, astride the earth. with my celestial robes gathered around my loins, i begin stomping my feet, causing the earth to move. i then release great peals of thunder that shatter the composure of any who hear it, and they cower in fear. then i rain down upon all and sundry from a great height. when the storm has passed, and the odor of brimstone on the blasted earth has dissipated, i repair to the elysian fields, and admire that which arises from the munificence of the sky father.

i do not partake of nourishment during this act, as it is an abomination.


So what you're saying is that you have a few special techniques? I'm going to try the stomping of feet too - that sounds like fun. But probably not in a public restroom though.
   325. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:22 PM (#3361428)
Fuddrucker's is not fast food. I really don't mean to get into this every time, but then the "of course it is" brigade show up, and I can't help it because you're just wrong. A quick breakdown of what I remember our side's main points being:

1) No drive-through
2) They don't ask "for here or to go?"
3) Plastic cups and real forks and knives, not disposable
4) You leave your stuff and they clean it up, as the standard (they'll clean it at McDonald's, but you're supposed to throw your own #### away); in other words, busboys.
   326. beefshower Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:23 PM (#3361429)
(7) Honestly, do you ever sniff to appreciate your work?

All of my answers to the rest of the questions seem to be pretty ordinary, but to this one I have to honestly answer yes. I don't know if I do it to appreciate my work, or if its just entirely unavoidable. Not to get to graphic here, but I've noticed mine always has the aroma of the inside of a pumpkin and reminds me of carving jack-o-lanterns. This time of year it always puts me in the mood for going on a hayride. I've tried to explain this to the ladies at Yankee Candle Co. but they don't seem interested in making it into a scent.

With that I believe I have officially overstayed my welcome on this thread.

Bye, everybody.
   327. Andere Richtingen Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:26 PM (#3361431)
No, it is exit speed.

Um, so I am told.


You’re qualified to talk about this topic. Sure, you can say whatever you want, but you’re qualified. Please stop pretending you don't have any idea what you’re talking about. You’re ####### expert on this topic.
   328. Gold Star - just Gold Star Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:27 PM (#3361433)
I hesitate to mention it as always, but this is no surprise to me, as my friends and I have had two knock-down drag out yelling matches, evenly divided and featuring more people the second time, on whether Fuddrucker's is fast food or not.
This sounds much like Joe Poz's way of starting a fight/loud discussion with a bunch of strangers, as to break the ice and find common ground. The topic: Worse actor - Kevin Costner or Tom Cruise?
   329. Mr. J. Penny Smoltzuzaka Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:28 PM (#3361434)
Fuddrucker's is not fast food. I really don't mean to get into this every time, but then the "of course it is" brigade show up, and I can't help it because you're just wrong. A quick breakdown of what I remember our side's main points being:


I apologize for being so uninformed, but I hardly ever leave my small town in the northeast anymore. I'm not at all familiar with Fuddrucker's. Do you go up to a counter and order your food or does a waitperson come take your order and deliver your food? Do you have to leave a tip for anyone? To me this is the distinction between fast food and not.

Edit:
I've tried to explain this to the ladies at Yankee Candle Co. but they don't seem interested in making it into a scent.


I believe they already make this one - it's called "Pumpkin Spice"
   330. Gold Star - just Gold Star Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:30 PM (#3361436)
when i begin to feel the urge, i withdraw from the sight of man, and unbend to my full dimensions, astride the earth. with my celestial robes gathered around my loins, i begin stomping my feet, causing the earth to move. i then release great peals of thunder that shatter the composure of any who hear it, and they cower in fear. then i rain down upon all and sundry from a great height. when the storm has passed, and the odor of brimstone on the blasted earth has dissipated, i repair to the elysian fields, and admire that which arises from the munificence of the sky father.
When reading this, did anyone else hear the voice of Doctor Orpheus?
"Do not be too hasty entering that room; I had Taco Bell for lunch!"
(audio)
   331. Joe Bivens, Minor Genius Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:34 PM (#3361437)
This is all so very...
   332. Van Lingle Mungo Jerry Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:35 PM (#3361439)
Worse actor - Kevin Costner or Tom Cruise?


If you wanted to make this a closer call, you'd substitute Keanu Reeves for Tom Cruise.
   333. bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:37 PM (#3361440)
(7) Honestly, do you ever sniff to appreciate your work?


I really don't have a choice --- I get lambasted.
   334. Gold Star - just Gold Star Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:37 PM (#3361442)
   335. Autobahn Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:47 PM (#3361445)
When reading this, did anyone else hear the voice of Doctor Orpheus?
"Do not be too hasty entering that room; I had Taco Bell for lunch!"


Is season 2 and 3 just as good as Season 1? I've just got through the first season on DVD and it was really good.
   336. Justin T is going to crush some tacos Thursday Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:47 PM (#3361446)
Ahh, what a good day for this thread. Today I took my first dump at my new place of work. Coincidentally, on the one month anniversary of my employment there commencing.

The place was empty when I entered, but shortly after assuming the position, both of the other stalls filled up with fellow dumpers. Luckily, I had taken the handicapped stall, so still had plenty of room to spread out without one of my feet intruding on my neighbor or something.

And I had enough of a head start on them both that I finished, washed, and left before either of them came out. So I maintained anonymity.
   337. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:52 PM (#3361450)
That is an interesting phenomenon (tiptoeing out before anyone catches you taking a dump) As if there'd be a dialogue like this.

Low Level Employee Jones: flushes, collects pants, zips up, exits stall
(Bathroom Door Opens)
Superior: (Enters Men's Room): A-ha!!!! Jones! I knew you were an after lunch #######. Go wait in my office!
   338. ASmitty Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:54 PM (#3361451)
I don't care if anyone knows I #### at work. I care if people know that I take such apocalyptic shits at work.
   339. Sexy Lizard Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:54 PM (#3361452)
Slight hijack from #2 to #1: I knew a guy who had a problem with kidney stones. One time he passed one while sitting on the can at work. The pain was so bad that he leaned forward and threw up, right into his underwear.
   340. Dock Ellis on Acid Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:56 PM (#3361453)
Though I don't think I ever took a #### at school, I have no qualms about shitting at work. I'm on an hourly rate. As far as I'm concerned, I'm literally getting paid to ####.
   341. ASmitty Posted: October 21, 2009 at 09:57 PM (#3361454)
Apparently according to BTF's cyber-nanny, one #### is a profanity, multiple shits is a statistic.
   342. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:00 PM (#3361457)
5 days, on Outward Bound. I couldn't bring myself to hang my butt over the gunwhale of the boat with everybody else watching. Finally just HAD to make the brown snappers during the morning swim. Liberating!


Growing up in Jersey we used to go down the shore every summer (Seaside Heights). When at the beach if you had to #### you just swam out, dropped your trunks and let go. It was Jersey in the 70s and 80s, my turds were about the cleanest thing in that water.


And Larry, I very may well have left a floater. I think I posted that story about an hour after it happened.
   343. Willie Mayspedester Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:02 PM (#3361458)
I've been told I'm weird because I wipe towards my balls. Am I a crazy idiot who poops his pants???
   344. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:04 PM (#3361459)
Front to back. Jesus Mary and Joseph, were you raised in a ####### cave?
   345. Willie Mayspedester Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:05 PM (#3361462)
I surf and we call taking a #### in the ocean an aquaduke. When you take them in Indonesia there are poo fish and swim up and eat it. We throw those guys back if we are fishing and catch those sick #####.
   346. UCCF Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:12 PM (#3361465)
Though I don't think I ever took a #### at school, I have no qualms about shitting at work. I'm on an hourly rate. As far as I'm concerned, I'm literally getting paid to ####.

College was the best. I knew every abandoned bathroom on campus - the ones in the buildings set aside for the least popular majors. I remember sitting in one bathroom for close to 2 hours, and not one person came in the whole time I was there.

Now, one bathroom for about 30 male employees in the building. I have to save my best work for home.
   347. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:14 PM (#3361469)
You're not alone on that AKT.

Is it weird that I've changed my wiping methods during my life? I used to stand up as a kid; then moved to around the side front to back; then thru the wickets front to back; and now thru the wickets back to front.

Through the wickets is easily the best, I don't notice much difference on what direction I go in.
   348. SoSHially Unacceptable Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:15 PM (#3361471)
Apparently according to BTF's cyber-nanny, one #### is a profanity, multiple shits is a statistic.


Of course. That's just a matter of Stool Sample Size.
   349. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:15 PM (#3361472)
I remember sitting in one bathroom for close to 2 hours


What the hell were you doing?
   350. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:16 PM (#3361474)
Fellas, baby wipes are the way to go. Tell you what, do a little experiment. Pick up a travel pack of baby wipes. Next time you take a good dump wipe like you would normally wipe until you think you are good and clean. Then wipe with a baby wipe. Take a look. You will be amazed at how much poo you are leaving in your crack and winker.
   351. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:17 PM (#3361476)

What the hell were you doing?


Knitting.
   352. Willie Mayspedester Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:17 PM (#3361477)
Through the wickets is easily the best


Is that why they call you South Side?
   353. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:19 PM (#3361479)
One thing, if you have a septic system DO NOT FLUSH THE BABY WIPES. It will cause a backup into your basement. Ask me how I know.
   354. Justin T is going to crush some tacos Thursday Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:20 PM (#3361481)
And of course the Seinfeld episode where George is trying to dispose of the book he took into the bathroom is on TBS right now.
   355. SouthSideRyan Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:22 PM (#3361482)
One thing, if you have a septic system DO NOT FLUSH THE BABY WIPES. It will cause a backup into your basement. Ask me how I know.


Wait, so am I just supposed to have a garbage can full of #### rags in my bathroom?
   356. UCCF Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:24 PM (#3361483)
What the hell were you doing?

Reading the Sunday Times.
   357. bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:25 PM (#3361485)
Today I took my first dump at my new place of work.


I learned a valuable lesson from a mentor a very long time ago --- a dump on the company dime is something to be appreciated. Plenty of stiffs aren't afforded that luxury.
   358. Willie Mayspedester Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:25 PM (#3361486)
Wait, so am I just supposed to have a garbage can full of #### rags in my bathroom?


At least 50% of the bathrooms in the world have a can of shits rags.
   359. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:26 PM (#3361487)
Wait, so am I just supposed to have a garbage can full of #### rags in my bathroom?


No. Mini trash can Walmart plastic bags and a wife who changes it for you.

Good to go.
   360. Justin T is going to crush some tacos Thursday Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:27 PM (#3361488)
It's not like I was enduring pain trying avoid a dump at work the first month. I just get it taken care of before I leave in the morning. Today, for whatever reason, I had no inclination that one was on the horizon before I left. But like 90 minutes into my day, things quickly escalated almost into medical emergency territory.
   361. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:29 PM (#3361490)
Shitting at work is one of life's simple little pleasures.

You know what sucks though? Is when you fart in your car right before you run into a store or pump gas or something and when you get back in it still smells but now it doesn't even smell like your fart. I hate that.
   362. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:30 PM (#3361491)
Although I love crop dusting people at the store, almost as much as I love putting random stuff in other people's carts. My wife hates when I do that.
   363. The NeverEnding Torii (oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:31 PM (#3361493)
People who stink up a bathroom and then don't have the courage to be honest and give people a "You know what, don't go in there for a while" heads-up are worse than Hitler.
   364. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:32 PM (#3361495)
Oddly enough one of my dogs had a poo stuck today that I had to help her with.
   365. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:32 PM (#3361496)
And I had enough of a head start on them both that I finished, washed, and left before either of them came out. So I maintained anonymity.
No you didn't. Those shoes are distinct.
   366. Joe Bivens, Minor Genius Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:46 PM (#3361503)
Occasionally, my Lab eats grass and the will have trouble passing it later. It just hangs out of his anus as he strains to push the rest of it out, so I'll put my hand in a plastic shopping bag and pull it out for him. He growls while I do it, but otherwise, we'd be standing there all day waiting for him to eliminate, so I help. The longest piece of grass I ever extracted was about 10 inches long.
   367. steagles Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:49 PM (#3361505)
upper decker. who knew.


and i'd like to add that i am in awe of this place right now. a huge thumbs up to everyone who participated in this thread with a special nod in the direction of chris dial.
   368. esseff Posted: October 21, 2009 at 10:54 PM (#3361507)
Yep, Primates know their sh!t. (Did someone already use that a couple of pages ago?)
   369. Joe Bivens, Minor Genius Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:01 PM (#3361509)
   370. steagles Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:04 PM (#3361510)
my contribution to this thread:

if you ever have a nasty stomach virus, and it's coming out both ends, stay planted on the toilet, and grab a trash can for the vomit. DO NOT TRY TO SWITCH POSITIONS. YOU WILL NOT MAKE IT.
   371. base ball chick Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:10 PM (#3361511)
sigh

BTF

everything u wanted to know about males.

and LESS

-----
and i would bet that almost any (straight) guy here who is not in a monogamous relationship would have hit that. all yall just luuuuvvv to pretend you wouldn't touch nothin as hot as megan fox

dick jokes >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> poop talk/jokes

which reminds me

bads85 Posted: October 21, 2009 at 12:16 PM (#3360905)


I hate when some stranger who has his #### in his hand thinks that it is appropriate to start a conversation with other men who have their cocks in their hands. This usually starts with some lame bathroom joke -- look, even if the joke was hysterical, it is going to get a subdued response because having one #### in his hand usually does not promote laughter.



- there is absolutely nothing mre hilarious than a line of males with youknowwhats in hand
   372. Forsch 10 From Navarone (Dayn) Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:15 PM (#3361516)
if you ever have a nasty stomach virus, and it's coming out both ends, stay planted on the toilet, and grab a trash can for the vomit. DO NOT TRY TO SWITCH POSITIONS. YOU WILL NOT MAKE IT.

On this topic, I was once in a bar in Vancouver and written on the stall wall was: "I just took a dump on my puke."

It remains the best piece of graffiti I've ever encountered.
   373. Adam M Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:21 PM (#3361518)
I really really hope Steve Phillips reads this thread.
   374. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:25 PM (#3361520)
It remains the best piece of graffiti I've ever encountered.
In Henderson St. Bar in Chapel Hill, in about 1983, I was waiting to take a piss, and I read
"I saw a bird in the snow
It broke its wing, it could not go
I neared it with a crust of bread
ANd then I smashed its ####### head."

I was pretty drunk, but that piece of graffiti stuck with me.
   375. Best Dressed Chicken in Town Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:25 PM (#3361521)
I really really hope Steve Phillips reads this thread.

He's already contributed.

(but you'll have to guess which poster he is)

(unfortunately, it's not beefshower, who made me cry today (in a good way))
   376. Joe Bivens, Minor Genius Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:25 PM (#3361523)
Oh, Fuddruckers is food. Fast food. And then, it becomes poop!
   377. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:26 PM (#3361524)
Second one:
In Samson Street Oyster House, the upstairs was a Sam Adams Brewpub. In the batrhroom there, I first encountered:
Jesus Saves Souls
(and redeems them for valuable prizes)
   378. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:28 PM (#3361526)
I hoped the same thing about Dykstra, but I pose the same question for each: What in his past history is an indicator that he can read?

and i would bet that almost any (straight) guy here who is not in a monogamous relationship would have hit that. all yall just luuuuvvv to pretend you wouldn't touch nothin as hot as megan fox

Depends on how drunk, but I'm saying no to her much more often than not. I'm not looking for a dime (that's top of the line), but at least one of cute face, slim waist, or a big behind.
   379. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:29 PM (#3361527)
I still like the "I had sex with your mother!" followed by, in different handwriting and color, "Go home dad, you're drunk."
   380. Willie Mayspedester Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:30 PM (#3361528)
In Coolangatta Australia there was somebody going around all of the public stalls writing big c ock everywhere. I was scared that one day he'd walk in and I'd be ######.
   381. Bernal Diaz has an angel on his shoulder Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:31 PM (#3361529)
and i'd like to add that i am in awe of this place right now. a huge thumbs up to everyone who participated in this thread with a special nod in the direction of chris dial.



The lounge is like this pretty much everyday. Except Saturdays when we watch college football.
   382. Chris Dial Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:35 PM (#3361531)
The lounge is like this pretty much everyday. Except Saturdays when we watch college football.
Shhh!
   383. My guest will be Jermaine Allensworth Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:40 PM (#3361536)
It remains the best piece of graffiti I've ever encountered.

At a club I was at a couple weekends ago, written over the urinal was, "YOU'RE DOING GREAT!!!"

Probably the most positive piece of graffiti I've ever encountered.
   384. Dock Ellis on Acid Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:44 PM (#3361540)
When I was in second or third grade, there was a graffiti in the boy's room about how so-and-so still sleeps with a night light. Everyone in school knew about it, and the poor kid couldn't live that down all year.
   385. GregQ Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:48 PM (#3361542)
I was in the stall at a bar in Occidental, Ca. and the graffiti on the door said "Beware of gay limbo dancers" I must have laughed for 5 minutes.
   386. GotowarMissAgnes Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:50 PM (#3361544)
I was raised Catholic, too, but I need a little help with the theology in this part of Brooke's letter:

"I was raised Catholic too and while I know our faith dissuades divorce, it also respects it with regards to infidelity because people should have the opportunity to be with the whomever makes them happy and can give them what they need"

Can someone tell me the Catholic doctrine that covers this?
   387. Jeff K. Posted: October 21, 2009 at 11:58 PM (#3361546)
The Book of \"#### It, Do What You Want"


If you're asking seriously, she's making that #### up. You can't get divorced if he's beating the #### out of you, you sure as hell can't because "I'm not fully actualized."
   388. GotowarMissAgnes Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:11 AM (#3361553)
Not asking seriously, but just amazed that anyone could be raised Catholic and not only not know teaching on divorce, but believe that Catholicism "respects [divorce] with regards to infidelity." In reading her letter I'm not sure whether I should be more offended by her lack of understanding of Catholic teaching, her lack of thinking and writing skills, or her lack of ethics and morals.
   389. Justin T is going to crush some tacos Thursday Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:12 AM (#3361554)
You know, this chick shares a few physical traits with Mo Vaughn.

Sorry if that's been noted already. I haven't read the whole thing.
   390. phredbird Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:15 AM (#3361561)
there is absolutely nothing mre hilarious than a line of males with youknowwhats in hand


don't go there, bbc.
   391. Hector Moreda & The Generalissimo Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:17 AM (#3361564)
Is season 2 and 3 just as good as Season 1? I've just got through the first season on DVD and it was really good.


Oh my God yes. And better. It's really turned into something unlike anything else out there. The art, the character development, the story arcs, homages & references, humor, satire, score, and the flagrant disregard of anything approaching sanity & good taste. But it all comes together perfectly.

I envy you there, with your DVD sets, not having to wait two years between seasons. Season 4 just kicked off last Sunday.
   392. Mr. J. Penny Smoltzuzaka Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:29 AM (#3361571)
Occasionally, my Lab eats grass and the will have trouble passing it later. It just hangs out of his anus as he strains to push the rest of it out, so I'll put my hand in a plastic shopping bag and pull it out for him. He growls while I do it, but otherwise, we'd be standing there all day waiting for him to eliminate, so I help. The longest piece of grass I ever extracted was about 10 inches long.


Interesting. One of the things I hate most about Christmas is our cats eating tinsel off the tree and later having to pull it out of their asses. They never learn.
   393. HCO Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:29 AM (#3361572)
Moises Alou would have definitely have joined this thread on Primer Classic.
   394. UCCF Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:32 AM (#3361580)
Second one:
In Samson Street Oyster House, the upstairs was a Sam Adams Brewpub. In the batrhroom there, I first encountered:
Jesus Saves Souls
(and redeems them for valuable prizes)


On the wall at the radio station I worked at:

Jesus Saves
(but Moses puts back the rebound)
   395. Home Run Teal & Black Black Black Gone! Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:39 AM (#3361587)
Epic thread boys, epic.

I hate calling girls ugly. I feel guilty when I do it. For a female it's pretty much the worst thing you can be and, for the most part, they can't help it.
   396. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:41 AM (#3361590)
and i would bet that almost any (straight) guy here who is not in a monogamous relationship would have hit that. all yall just luuuuvvv to pretend you wouldn't touch nothin as hot as megan fox

Given the opportunity, I think I'd pass on Megan Fox. Nothing wrong with her, and I've certainly had happy evenings with worse... I dunno. She just doesn't do it for me.
   397. Mr. J. Penny Smoltzuzaka Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:41 AM (#3361593)
"Over a three-week span, I had a total of three sexual encounters with her," Phillips said in his police filing. "Those were the only times I spent any time alone with her."


Based upon evidence - blowjobs. She knew of his crotch birthmarks and her Monica Lewinskey level of hotness suggests oral sex. Phillips would've been smarter beating off in the third floor bathroom.
   398. Jeff K. Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:47 AM (#3361602)
The world would be smarter (on average) if Phillips' father had beaten off in a bathroom.
   399. Dock Ellis on Acid Posted: October 22, 2009 at 12:53 AM (#3361610)
Or if his mother...ah, I don't want to go there.
   400. Home Run Teal & Black Black Black Gone! Posted: October 22, 2009 at 01:02 AM (#3361617)
Turn the page, ############.
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