Is season 2 and 3 just as good as Season 1? I've just got through the first season on DVD and it was really good.

Season 2 is probably my favorite so far.

Season 3 is my least favorite so far.

They're all worth watching.

Can't wait until I can get Season 4.

In Coolangatta Australia there was somebody going around all of the public stalls writing big c ock everywhere. I was scared that one day he'd walk in and I'd be ######.

Good to see Jonah made it out of Summer Heights okay.

Best graffiti I've seen...over a trough in a rather seedy bar:

"Don't throw toothpicks in the urinal. The crabs have learned to pole vault."

Anyone else have photographic evidence of their nastiest shits? I still have the link and remember the warm and lonely Friday night it happened, not long after I moved to Tucson. It looked like someone dumped low quality ground beef into a toilet.

Interesting. One of the things I hate most about Christmas is our cats eating tinsel off the tree and later having to pull it out of their asses. They never learn.

Who's not learning?

At a club I was at a couple weekends ago, written over the urinal was, "YOU'RE DOING GREAT!!!"

Probably the most positive piece of graffiti I've ever encountered.

A snarkier piece -- dorm bathroom, on the ceiling right above the pisstaker's head: "You're peeing on your shoe!" I felt slightly busted every time I read it.

I feel so bad I didn't get a chance to check this thread today at work.

On the other hand, it gave me something to do tonight as NHL Gamecenter has decided to stop showing me the Predators' game halfway through the 3rd period.

So, here's my addition to the thread: Never eat in the bathroom, especially while doing that. You absolutely have to look, both when you're done and during the wipe process. I can't imagine crumpling toilet paper, and have to go around the back. I wrap/fold, and always stand. For quite a long period of my life, I'd say right up till 2-3 years ago, I would only go once or twice a week. I'm now on a very regular schedule, usually right before I head to bed. Anywhere from 5-25 minutes, as I almost always have a book with me.

I can totally believe that dude at beafshower's work kicked in some kind of safety measure. I have incredible difficulty using any bowl than my own. (And since I'm moving into a new house in the next week, I'll have to develop some kind of new comfort zone.) And um... That's all I've got.

Interesting. One of the things I hate most about Christmas is our cats eating tinsel off the tree and later having to pull it out of their asses. They never learn.

Who's not learning?

You're right. Every year my wife tells me not to put tinsel on the tree because the cats will eat it. But I always think if I put it higher up on the tree they won't reach it. And yet each year there's always 5 inches of silvery string dragging a hard turd ball hanging out of their furry asses by 12/22.

What is the longest anyone has gone without sitting on the can?

Those who master the ninja art of holding can go months or even years.

Pulling a string out of your pet's ass is a good way to shred its intestines and kill it.

As for odd bathroom habits, even though it's not shit-related, I always roll the lint out of my belly button with my other hand as I'm pissing. I'll cop to sometimes smelling it, too.

I still have the link and remember the warm and lonely Friday night it happened, not long after I moved to Tucson.

I'd guess this is the closest we'll get to Proust on this thread. Ah, "l’édifice immense du souvenir."

You're right. Every year my wife tells me not to put tinsel on the tree because the cats will eat it. But I always think if I put it higher up on the tree they won't reach it. And yet each year there's always 5 inches of silvery string dragging a hard turd ball hanging out of their furry asses by 12/22.

We have two cats. No tinsel and we put the crappy ornaments on the bottom so the cats can have their fun. You can't put a giant cat toy like a X-mas tree in front of the monsters and then tell them they have to ignore it. They're eating that tinsel on purpose. Next time you're pulling tinsel out of their ass, check out their faces. George W. wishes he could smirk like that.

My favourite piece of vandalism: on a bridge for the train into town is spraypainted "Nazi Punks #### Off". I feel like I'm one of the few people on the train to get the reference.

Second favourite is a piece of paper pasted on a newspaper bin in downtown Toronto, advertising "The Courtney Love Gun Club" which includes some text that says something like "remember riotgrrrls, you owe her!" Whenever I walk past it, I'm tempted to gawk at it until someone claims responsibility for having posted it.

Let's tie some of these topics together.

Picture the label being blue and orange.

Unless I've missed it, no one has commented on the apt abbreviation of the headline in the URL yet.

Oh they have.

Oops, apologies to Posada Posse.

It'd be hilarious if Steve Phillips found this thread, thought "Wow, people really care about me, look at all these posts!", then opened it up and started reading.

I imagine his face going from excited to crestfallen to disgusted.

Riotgrrls owe Courtney Love a severe beating with blunt objects, that's about it.

Pulling a string out of your pet's ass is a good way to shred its intestines and kill it.

What's a bad way?

We have two cats. No tinsel and we put the crappy ornaments on the bottom so the cats can have their fun. You can't put a giant cat toy like a X-mas tree in front of the monsters and then tell them they have to ignore it. They're eating that tinsel on purpose. Next time you're pulling tinsel out of their ass, check out their faces. George W. wishes he could smirk like that.

You have anthropomorphized those cats to an impressive ####### degree.

My favourite piece of vandalism: on a bridge for the train into town is spraypainted "Nazi Punks #### Off". I feel like I'm one of the few people on the train to get the reference.

When I was driving once, I saw this painted on a bridge: "I Don't Want the World, I Just Want Your Half"

It'd be hilarious if Steve Phillips found this thread, thought "Wow, people really care about me, look at all these posts!", then opened it up and started reading.

Even Steve Phillips isn't dumb enough to think that.

You have anthropomorphized those cats to an impressive ####### degree.

Naw, they're just wily and evil. They anthropomorphize us!

The Phillies look good. The Dodgers...they look like crap!

Since I started the poop thread, I figure I'll tell my best poop story....


I was 14 years old, and it was the mid 90's. I grew up on the upper east side of Manhattan and went to one of the hoity-toity private schools that people from that area go to.

A buddy of mine at school was having his birthday party. His parents were some sort of artists, so they lived in Tribeca and the party was at a sports bar down there. It was during the NCAA tourney, so we hung out there all afternoon and evening eating greasy nasty bar food and watching games.

Since the party was way downtown and all of us lived on the upper east side, one of our dad's volunteered to go down and pick us up in his car and drive us back uptown. There were 5 of us and he got a chance to show off his new SUV which had jump seats in the back and could seat 7. It was brand new, superfucking expensive, and totally cool back in that day...I think it was a Lexus LX, but it might have been a Range Rover...anyways, he comes to pick us up in this brand new luxury SUV and we all pile in. It's about a 25 minute ride uptown.

About 2 minutes in, I feel the bad sort of gurgle-nausea wave-cramp thing that lets you know you've got trouble. I ask my friend's dad if we can stop somewhere. "No" he replies, "We're only 20 minutes away. You can hold it. I want to get on the FDR."

Now, my friend's dad wasn't any ordinary fellow. He was (and is), I #### you not, one of the most famous gastroenterologists in the country. He's been written up in New York magazine, has lots of celebrity and powerful patients..he's this big deal gastroenterologist, and he's telling me I can hold it. So I listen.

We get on the FDR...and then the second wave hits. Worse than the first. Real bad. I beg,
"Please, Dr. X. I need to go to the bathroom. Please, can you pull off."

He refuses. "You can't be sick from dinner yet. You can hold it. It's late. We need to get home."

I ask my buddy sitting in the jump seat to switch with me. I climb over the rear seat and lay on the floor of his trunk.

We're up in the 70's on the FDR. The waves of nausea and pressure are growing worse and worse.
"Dr. X, please. Just pull over. I'll go in the median. I don't think I can hold it. Please, you don't need to get off the highway."

"It's only 5 minutes more. You can hold it and go when you get home. I'll drop you off first."

The car is now getting tense...it's clear I'm in real distress, and while my friends had been giving me #### earlier, now they're being supportive. "Hang in there, buddy. You can make it."

And then, we hit a big ol' pothole. You get those on the FDR.
And it lets loose. Not runny ####. But a massive load of pudding-like ####, stinking, hot, pudding ####.

Instantly, the car fills with absolutely brutal #### stink. No one speaks. The famous Doctor doesn't even say a word, with my ####-filled ass in the back of the car. I'm convinced no one in my high school will ever speak to me again.

We get back to my apartment building. I move to open the back door and realize that if I shift positions, poop is going to pour down the legs of my jeans. So I bend down and push my arms against the back of my pants legs to hold the #### in. I run into the lobby of my building- which mind you, is this fancyschmancy park avenue co-op, waddling through this lobby with my arm holding the #### in, little bits leaking out and getting on my shoe, praying i'll have the elevator to myself.

I get home and finally grab a bowel and proceed to #### my brains out for hours. My parents are furious at this brilliant doctor. I'm convinced I'm a social pariah in my high school. I was so sick, I missed the next day of school.

I go to school Tuesday, absolutely convinced I'm going to suffer like you can only suffer in 9th grade when you #### your pants in front of five buddies. But my friends come up to me at lunch and say,
"That was ######## and Dr. X's fault. We got together and agreed not to tell anyone. You're cool."

And sonofabitch if they didn't keep their word, through 4 years of high school. No wonder I'm still friends with those guys.

And the other postscript: this brilliant doctor guy, he had a ton of famous/powerful patients. And they'd give him perks as thanks for his services. And for the rest of high school, every time he got something cool and they had an extra spot, his kid would be calling me and inviting me to go along with him and his dad. Nothing was ever said, but I got to go to a whole bunch of ballgames and shows, got a tour of a improved-LA-class submarine from its commanding officer, and all sorts of other cool ####, all because his pop was trying to make it up to me for making me #### my pants in front of everyone.

And I never found out how he got the #### out of his brand new car.

Those are true bros, Pat. I'm lucky enough to have bros like that, as we should all be.

Riotgrrls owe Courtney Love a severe beating with blunt objects, that's about it.

She'd bruise violet, that's fersure.

Pat, if This American Life ever decides to do a segment on terrible shitting experiences then I suggest they tell your story.

Read the first 20 posts last night before I went to bed - i come back and am speechless!!!

Don't know where to start - so - I won't

Fellas, baby wipes are the way to go. Tell you what, do a little experiment. Pick up a travel pack of baby wipes. Next time you take a good dump wipe like you would normally wipe until you think you are good and clean. Then wipe with a baby wipe. Take a look. You will be amazed at how much poo you are leaving in your crack and winker.

Bernal is 110% right here

Pat, if This American Life ever decides to do a segment on terrible shitting experiences...

This must happen.

We have two cats

First of all...CATS SUCK. But that's for another argument/thread.

Second, all of you are reading whilst taking a dump, I hope no one else is actually then touching that book because I never read any literature that's been left in a stall by anyone. Who the f*ck wants someone else's poop wiping hands on their mag or book? That's just nasty. There's always transfer. You shouldn't be doing anything in the sh*tter, but sh*tting.

Second, all of you are reading whilst taking a dump, I hope no one else is actually then touching that book because I never read any literature that's been left in a stall by anyone. Who the f*ck wants someone else's poop wiping hands on their mag or book? That's just nasty. There's always transfer. You shouldn't be doing anything in the sh*tter, but sh*tting.

This is a common misunderstanding. If the book is left in the defecatorium, you never handle the book with poopy hands. You drop trou and plant yourself and read. You put the book down to wipe, and you don't pick it back up until either: 1. you come back to teh head, if it is a resident book, or until you wash your hands and dry them to leave. No one handles the book with poopy hands.

I just started reading this and I think it might be the most informative thread ever. Just one point that probably has been covered.

It's sort of outrageous that america, the empire, does not have a bidet option. Ideally we should have both the bidet and paper combo to ensure max cleanliness. Think of it like this: if you were to clean a plate with the remnants of a chocolate cake, would you be satisfied with only wiping it with a paper towel? In fact, water would do a much better job. We need the bidet!

My poo story contribution:

I was in Egypt with two friends for a month in the mid-90s. Myself and another guy had gotten the runs from the bacteria in the water or whatever it is. The third guy was lording over us how alpha male he was for not getting the runs. Anyway, about two weeks into the trip, we decide to take a bus from Luxor to Hurghada, which involves about a 12 hour (IIRC) bus ride through the desert (getting from the Nile to the Red Sea). About an hour into the bus ride (on something that wouldn't pass inspection as a school bus) the runs finally hit my friend. After another hour he's in agony - the road is bumpy and it's sweltering. He has only one choice. He walks up to the front of the bus and somehow indicates to the driver that unless he stops the bus my friends gonna crap on it. So, the driver stops the bus. My friend walks about 30 feet out into the desert, drops his pants, and despite a whole bus load of amused Egyptians looking at him probably has one of the most relieving experiences of his life. He's lucky he had some handy wipes.

No one handles the book with poopy hands

You are assuming the dude before you is as conscientious as you are and doing all the right things? I don't fancy your chances of this happening...I'm not touching the reading material.

We need the bidet

Yes, the bidet rules. Best system is just to do your business first thing, clean yourself up best you can, then have your morning shower. Nice, clean way to start the day.

1. I have a friend that puts liquid soap/antibacterial on the TP before he wipes.

2. What is everyone's policy on cleaning in the shower? Do most people really get in there with their washcloths?

Taking an underwater crap is the best. Rivers, oceans, whatever. It just glides right out. If I was a woman, I'd go for the underwater birth, too.

Pat, if This American Life ever decides to do a segment on terrible shitting experiences then I suggest they tell your story.

OK, that made me laugh out loud.

Wow. 24 hours later and I don't even recognize this thread anymore. IOW, an excellent tribute to the man!

the woman became “obsessive and delusional” after he dumped on her.

Weird, wild stuff.

"I was raised Catholic too and while I know our faith dissuades divorce, it also respects it with regards to infidelity because people should have the opportunity to be with the whomever makes them happy and can give them what they need"

Can someone tell me the Catholic doctrine that covers this?

I missed that in parochial school myself.

6. Guys who spit into the urinal while taking a leak. WTF is that?

Once you start, you can't stop.

and i would bet that almost any (straight) guy here who is not in a monogamous relationship would have hit that. all yall just luuuuvvv to pretend you wouldn't touch nothin as hot as megan fox

Well, it seems you've caught us with our pants down, so to speak.

And sonofabitch if they didn't keep their word, through 4 years of high school. No wonder I'm still friends with those guys.

Wow. Not one of them spilled the beans? Nice. Maybe when they toast you at your wedding.

I am interested in the shower question. I get in there maybe once a month for deep cleaning purposes. I feel like maybe that's too rare.

I am interested in the shower question. I get in there maybe once a month for deep cleaning purposes. I feel like maybe that's too rare.

Everyday. I actually got the idea from a throwaway line in a Kerouac novel.

And by the way, cats are awesome. I never had a cat until I moved in with my girlfriend, but I can't imagine not having one now. I love those guys. Love 'em!

I am interested in the shower question. I get in there maybe once a month for deep cleaning purposes. I feel like maybe that's too rare.

WTF man? It takes like, 15 extra seconds to thoroughly sanitize your crevasse. Just do it every day.

And yes, cats are awesome. Even if they do have a propensity to eat stupid #### and run around with dingleberries that they'll fight tooth and nail to prevent you from removing.

I don't want that washcloth hanging out in my shower. Perhaps I'm being a dandy about it.

This thread has made me realize how much I miss Roseanne Roseannadanna.

There's no reason to ignore any external body parts during a shower, unless you have no use of your arms.

A question related to the topic I've wondered about often. How many times a year, would you say, do you shart? I'd have to say 3 or 4. Not a lot of substance, but certainly not all air. Maybe once every two years enough to warrant a changing of the undergarment.

A question related to the topic I've wondered about often. How many times a year, would you say, do you shart? I'd have to say 3 or 4. Not a lot of substance, but certainly not all air. Maybe once every two years enough to warrant a changing of the undergarment.

Maybe I'm the weird one, but I don't shart. I mean I shart when I have a very bad stomach bug but that doesn't happen more than once a year at the most. And most stomach bugs, I don't even shart.

[wanders into thread]

What in the name of ####...

[backs away slowly]

Best system is just to do your business first thing, clean yourself up best you can, then have your morning shower. Nice, clean way to start the day.

Concur.

Where is the line of demarcation between a shart and a flutterblast?

(1) - Definitely look, but with the perspective of informational medical detachment - take note of any odd colors or excessive runniness that may portend a future problem.

(4) - Around the back 90% of the time, but will go through the wickets if something may have hit the jewel sack.

(8) - Never eat, but sometimes at home I brush my teeth while sitting. Multitasking FTW.

I confess to being a urinal spitter, though try to limit it to when not being observed. As someone said, where else at work are you going to spit?

Activity that bothers me - Guys who stand like a foot away and lean back, so if there's no partitions, basically everybody at the wall has a clear line of sight right to the #### flapping around. Cover the damn thing with your hands at least.

HOTHOTHOT

Urinal digression -- besides the "ice in the trough" innovation (which is great), there's this: awhile back I went to a show at a gay bar in SF -- a "bear" bar, where the big hairy dudes generally go. They had a mirror over the trough, so you could check out your neighbor's equipment (if you chose) without even having to turn & look.

God Bless America, I thought that was great.

I don't remember seeing this mentioned in the thread at all, but...do people hold their junk while taking a ####? I don't, but my girlfriend and I were discussing the issue today and she feels that I am some sort of freak for not doing so. If this is SOP, I will change my ways.

I don't remember seeing this mentioned in the thread at all, but...do people hold their junk while taking a ####? I don't, but my girlfriend and I were discussing the issue today and she feels that I am some sort of freak for not doing so. If this is SOP, I will change my ways.

How do you aim without holding it? This seems like it could lead to catastrohpe. I bet your girl brings this up because she's tired of cleaning piss off her bathroom wall.

besides the "ice in the trough" innovation (which is great),

Why do they put ice in urinals?

To make it taste better...

How do you aim without holding it?

If it is big enough, it has enough heft to hang accurately with handling. Trust me.

Is piss nannied? If it is, that would depend on what the #### in your post is. If you're talking about whizzing, no. I just aim with one hand, and do nothing with the other hand. If #### is referring to your uncontrollable defecations, then rarely. Occasionally I'll sit on a bowl with an unusually high water level, and I'll have to hold the wang to keep it out of the water. Other than that, no.

Edit: Obviously, it isn't. My advice is to #### how you want. As long you're not leaving messes and you leave the bathroom with clean hands and a clean ass, you're doing fine. You don't need your girlfriend to instruct you how to take a dump.

The censored words refers to number 2, not number 1.

The censored words refers to number 2, not number 1.

Oh whoa. Boy did I misunderstand. No, and that would be ####### weird.

Then no, although we have had discussions that Athletic fan alludes to: why do hotels have such a short distance between seat and water? And in a large enough dump, the water level can easily be raised to dampen the scrotum.

As someone said, where else at work are you going to spit?

Your boss's coffee, when he's not looking?

i see i missed some VERY interesting info these past 3 pages i didn't get around to reading before

well this here interesting info will be helpful raising my baby men...

I once once at a Sox game in the bathroom, at the long urinal, and a guy sidles up next to me holding a beer in a plastic cup. He puts the beer down... in the ice in the urinal, proceeds to take his piss, and then, after zipping up, grabs the beer again and resumes drinking. I was left standing there trying to comprehend what I had just seen.