But before you go searching for job openings in unaffiliated independent leagues, I urge you to consider this offer:
Come play baseball with me and my friends. We play every week in New York City, a mere subway ride from where you grew up. We can’t pay you much. It depends on what we’ve got leftover from the collection we took at the beginning of the season, and how many bats we break between now and whenever you show up. But there’s maybe $40-$50 in it for you, a fine supplement to the $200 million you earned playing in the Majors.
If the monetary component of my offer isn’t enough to entice you, consider this: You’ll get to play baseball, and baseball is really fun. And unlike at Class AAA, you will be by far the best of anyone involved. Anything you want to do on a baseball field, you can. Wanna pitch? Play shortstop? Bat left-handed? I can practically guarantee you’re better than all of us at everything. You won’t even be the oldest guy out there. Plus, everyone will compliment your hair.
We don’t have umpires, so you don’t need to worry about fighting with them. And no one will bother you if you want to pass time between innings inside the outfield wall. One issue might be that there is no outfield wall.
It may sound like I’m kidding, but I’m totally not kidding. Come hang out and play baseball with some dudes you’ve never met before. I promise you will have fun, and we could really use a hitter like you to chase the Ultimate Frisbee players out of left field. Have your people contact my people and I’ll get you all the details.
Posted: August 14, 2013 at 10:32 AM | 13 comment(s)
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